Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Air Sex World Championships

I was going to write about a very serious topic today - midlife crisis - but once I learned about the Air Sex World Championships, I knew I had to write about that instead. Besides, your midlife crisis will still be there tomorrow, right?

You've played air guitar, haven't you?  You pretend there's a guitar in your hands and you rock out, usually making a fool of yourself.

Air Sex is very similar, except that you pretend you have a partner and are having sex.

Take this gal for example.  I'm sure you can tell what she's doing.

This guy just scares me.  Well, part of me.  Another part of me wants put that tongue of his to good use.

Of course, you can't really appreciate the art form until you see a champion on video.  I give you....Cuntastrophe

Here's another champion, Mr. TyTy Sparklepants.

After watching these champions, all I can say is that I know I could do better. The only problem is that I don't quite see the point of air sex when I can have real sex instead.  Am I missing something?

If you want to see more, they have a whole YouTube channel.  Go ahead.  Knock your socks off.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

10 Tips for the Post-Discovery Talk

It's difficult to even think about this, but what happens in the post-discovery talk can make the difference between your marriage surviving the affair or crashing and burning in an ugly divorce.

So, you've been caught. She wants to talk.  What now?

I've addressed most of my tips to men, but most also apply to women and I'll share some examples from a woman's perspective.

1. There are two sentences that have only one answer - NO. No matter who you are, whether you want to salvage your marriage or run away with your sweetie, it doesn't matter.  The answer is still NO. The first question is "Do you love her?"  To a woman, her husband having sex with someone is bad, but loving another woman is devastating. If you admit that you loved your lover and you manage to stay with your wife, it will haunt her forever.  For her, it will always live in the present tense. "He loves someone else." This will make it nearly impossible for her to move beyond it and it could come back to bite you at any time over the next 30 years. Any why would you want to hurt her anymore anyway?

When I got caught, Hubby asked me if I loved JJ, and I quickly said "No." The sarcastic bitch in me wanted to say something like, "Gee, I've been seeing him for two years and we've met for sex over 50 times.  Don't you think it might be more than a casual relationship?" Of course I didn't say that, thank goodness. I didn't want to hurt him and it was clear he was looking for ways to forgive me.  He wanted to hear that there was no love in the picture.  That's what you wife wants to hear, too.

The other question is, "Did you ever have sex with her in our bed?" I don't care if you screwed an entire sorority in the bed you share with your wife.  The answer must be "No." After I caught Hubby, I was ok with most of what I learned, but the fact that he brought several 20 year old bimbos into OUR bed made me crazy.  Our bed. The bed where we conceived our youngest son, where we talked and laughed and sometimes cried.  The bed where we had sex. Here we are a couple years after that post-discovery talk and the only thing that bothers me about his cheating was that he brought them home to our bed. It's pissing me off as I write about it now, so I'd better stop.

But first let me say that I had several opportunities to bring someone home, but I wouldn't do it. That's a line I couldn't cross. If you tell your wife that you had sex with your mistresses in your marriage bed, it will probably be a long, long time before you have any sex in that bed again.  Understand?

2. Answer the questions and only the questions. She's going to start asking you questions. Imagine that you are giving testimony in a legal deposition or lawsuit. Answer the questions briefly and directly without adding anything.  For example,  Hubby asked me where JJ and I "did it."  My answer - "Hotels."  Notice I didn't say, "Hotels around town and the next town over. Once we went to the Bay Area.  Remember that cute little place that you I went to for our getaway last Valentine's Day?  We went there, too." There's no way to win by giving too much information. If I had named specific places, he'd be reminded every time he drove by one of those places. Leave out the exotic or unusual places completely.  A brothel, a hot tub, a restaurant bathroom, his car, my car, late at night on County Road 97. It can only end badly for you if you go there.

3. Don't take your lover down with you. Your wife will probably want to know who it is, but what she doesn't know is that she'll probably be sorry that she knows if you tell her.  Give a first name only. Hubby asked me for JJ's full name, where he lived, where he worked, etc. I simply said, "No." I wasn't going to take JJ down with me. Period.  Why bring the storm down on his family, too?  And Hubby didn't really need to know.  He was operating on the assumption that the more he knew, the better he'd feel. The truth, though, is that nothing I said on that day would make him feel better.  Only time and love could do that. Oh yeah, and a lot of blow jobs.

The other reason not to take your lover down with you is that it can come back to bite you. Do you really want your spouse and your lover's spouse talking to each other?

4. If she'll let you touch her, do so. If she won't, don't push it, but if you can make a physical connection while you're talking it will help her to feel that you love her and care about her when her brain is sending her messages that you don't.

5. Be prepared for the toughest question - Why? The answer I gave to Hubby was simple, "Because I wanted to." It worked at first because he's used to very brief, simple and direct answers from me, but a few days later he asked again  and again and again. I didn't answer it until I was ready and had a reasonable answer that was somewhat honest but that wouldn't devastate him. I went with this: "We both know that the fire in our sex life fizzled several years ago and I was craving passion, variety, adventure." You know why that worked?  Because he could relate.  He craved passion, variety, and adventure, too.  Here's another tip.  Do not make it your spouse's fault. "Well, you never want sex." "You henpeck me all the time." "You won't try anything new with me in bed."  No, no, and no. Those things may be true, but you need to give her a little space before she can hear them.  Besides, you know it's not her fault.

6. Postpone the discussion if she's really angry or crying hysterically.  She may tell you she wants to talk about it, particularly if she's angry, but she won't really hear anything you say when she's in that state.  As for her being angry, if she's angry at the beginning, she'll be angrier as your talk continues, and that's dangerous.

7. Do not talk about it in front of the kids - ever. This may seem like a no brainer to you, but if it's the two of you at home with the kids you might be tempted to send them to the other room assuming they can't hear. They don't need to hear the details of your marital dysfunction. It will scare them. They won't understand what's going on.  They may assume you're getting divorced.  Don't say anything to the kids unless both you and your wife agree on a message.

But what if your spouse can't help him/herself and brings it up in front of the kids? Two or three days after our post-discovery talk (the one about me), we were driving through town and ended up stopped briefly in traffic in front of a hotel, a Comfort Inn, to be specific. Hubby turned his head toward our son in the back seat and said, "Look, Little TommyKat.  That's probably one of the hotels where your mommy plays with her friend." I cannot describe how angry I was at that moment. It just so happened that I had never used that hotel, but that was beside the point. He involved our son. Before I could say anything he gasped and said, "Oh my god, Kat, I'm so sorry.  I don't know why I said that." He went on to apologize profusely and promise me that he would never do it again and he never did. Why did he do it?  He was hurt and angry and it just came out at the wrong moment. A really wrong moment.  It was easy to clean it up with our son who didn't understand what he was talking about anyway. Maybe the point here is that your spouse is human, and feelings of anger and insecurity don't just disappear because you talked things over. It takes time.

8. If you want to stay married, say so directly. Your wife will automatically think, "He's cheating.  He wants to leave me." Look her in the eyes and tell her you love her and you want to stay together (assuming that is true). Do it several times during the conversation.  Once won't be enough.  She probably won't hear it.  Once she can hear it, she needs to internalize it, and that takes repetition.

Remember, there are at least two conversations going on at once - the one that the two of you are having and the one that's going on in her head. The one going on in her head is a whirling mass of fear, insecurity, confusion, and anger. You need to make sure that the most important things you have to say cut through her internal dialog. You do that through repetition, sincerity, and physical contact.

9. Don't leave your bed or your home. I guess this is a post talk tip. If you want to stay married, stay. If she asks you to sleep on the couch or in the guest room, refuse. Sleeping side by side after the discovery and the talk may seem difficult and uncomfortable, but guess what? It's going to be difficult and feel uncomfortable no matter where you sleep. If she leaves to sleep in the other room, fine.  That's her call, but you stay put because you can't hold her if you're in the other room.  Even touching toes in bed is progress because physical contact is bonding. Now what if you want to sleep in the guest room because it's really stressful with her and you need to sleep?  Don't do it.  That confirms what her head has already been telling her that you don't want her.

Just as you should stay in your bed, stay in your house. I know a guy whose wife asked him during the post-discovery talk to please stay somewhere else for a few days so she could calm down and process everything. Being a basically nice guy, he agreed.  That was 18 months ago.  He's living in a dingy rented room, paying the mortgage and all of her expenses while she enjoys having the whole house to herself. He even goes over to the house every weekend to do the yard work.  And he's still waiting for her to "process everything" and let him come home. Guess what?  That marriage is toast, but it might have been saved if he had just stayed home.

Generally speaking, for a couple to stay together, they need to be together.  Simple, no?  That doesn't mean that they shouldn't have time to themselves, but keep in mind that working out your problems is unlikely if you're staying at the Comfort Inn (alone, or not) while your wife listens to her girlfriends vilify you for days. I'm just sayin'....

10.  Beware the flurry of dangerous questions. I already warned you about the two questions that must be answered with a NO and the big WHY? question. But those aren't the only questions you'll be faced with. It will start with the post-discovery talk, but they will continue to appear for days after the talk, maybe even a few weeks. Some of them will make you cringe.

Is she prettier than me?  Is she better in bed than me?  Are her boobs bigger than mine? What sorts of things did you do in bed? How many times did you fuck her?  Did you give her any gifts?  Does she love you? Is she married? Were you thinking about her when you and I were doing it? Are you going to keep seeing her?  Do you want to?

If you're a woman, expect questions that come from the other side.  Did he buy you gifts?  Did he give you money? Do you think about him when we fuck?  Does he have a bigger dick?


Here are some guidelines to help you.  If it's a comparison question, don't answer it because it's a lose-lose.  For example, if she asks if your lover is prettier than her and you say yes, she's hurt and her insecurities just heard you say that she's not pretty enough.  No, that's not what you said, but that's what she'll hear. If you say no, she'll want to know why you were with her if she wasn't as pretty.  Do you really want to get into a conversation about how sexually uninhibited your lover is and how much she makes you laugh and how you really "get" each other? I didn't think so. So, politely and lovingly disengage with comparison questions if you can.

Hubby and I have a deal that we won't ask any question that we don't want the answer to. I reminded him of that when he started the interrogation. Then I answered every question he asked.  Some of them came after a moment of silence and I could tell that he as weighing if he really wanted the answers.

On the other side, when I was interrogating him about his decade of floozies, I intentionally asked him a string of very personal questions because I knew they would make him very uncomfortable.  Someone asked me recently if I'm passive aggressive. Uh, yes, apparently so. I asked him questions like,"Is Suzi shaved? What did her pussy feel like?" "Tell me what you did with her in our bed. Did you change the sheets every time or did you make me sleep in the same sheets that were messed with her cum?" I was ruthless. It didn't take long for me to see that he'd been punished enough and I stopped.

I guess the point is (besides the fact that you don't want to piss me off - Haha!) that there's a lot of talking that you have to go through that really has nothing to do with repairing your marriage.  For some reason, though, getting through the dangerous questions phase is necessary for getting to an initial level of closure.

After all is said and done, though, you need to assess the situation yourself. Every woman is different and responds differently to difficult situations. The important thing is that you be prepared.  Think about how you might handle it in advance. You may think you'll never be caught, but no one does. You'll fare the best if you're prepared.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Do That to Me One More Time

Today marks two weeks since I met T in person on our date. We've seen each other five times since then for playtime.  That's three times in the first week and two in the second.

I think it's safe to say that it's going well. Very well.

Here's why:

1) Really nice man whose company I genuinely enjoy.
2) Intelligent, funny, creative guy.
3) Fan-fucking-tastic sex.
4) Let me repeat that sentiment.  The sex is oh my god great!
5) Local, with a place to play and a flexible schedule

I just can't get enough of him.  It has been a l-o-n-g time since I felt that. That desire for him, the craving his touch - those have taken me a bit by surprise. I was hoping for a decent guy and a moderate level of sexual compatibility. I guess I was keeping my expectations in check because I know what's out there.  I know the odds of finding a JJ are very slim. Hoping for that is just a recipe for disappointment. Right? So I was prepared to settle for ok, good enough. I just wasn't prepared for T.

I wasn't prepared for the way he kisses me. I wasn't prepared for his passion.  I wasn't prepared for how quickly he learned just what I like and need. I wasn't prepared for the experience of his advanced oral skills.

I didn't expect to like him so much.

But I do and I'm very comfortable with that. I think he is, too.

I asked him why he was shopping for a married woman on AM. He's single, after all.  His answer was that he figured a married woman would have a life and responsibilities of her own and wouldn't want so much of his time. That makes sense.  I want more of his time (because he has made me an oral sex addict), but I know that I have a full life and so does he. Coming together for a little shelter from life's storms once or twice a week is perfect.

In the fine tradition of Ryan Beaumont, I thought I'd share a cheesy song that expresses my feelings about T at this point. Yesterday I heard the news that Captain and Tennille are divorcing after 39 years of marriage. I hate to admit this, but I didn't even know they were still alive.  Apparently, they are, and they are going their separate ways. As an aside, I'd really like someone to explain to me sometime what can be so bad that you can't work it out after 39 years of marriage. Anyway, in recognition of their long marriage I thought I'd share one of their songs, and it really does remind me about my feelings for T.

By the way, what were you doing in 1979? I was a freshman in high school. I was slutty then, too.  I just didn't want anyone to know it.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

It's Just Not That Simple

This morning Ryan Beaumont sent me a link to a blog post he thought might interest me:

Here's How to Cheat Proof Your Relationship - Stay Attractive, written by Amy Glass.

Essentially, she blames the non-cheating partner in the marriage for not being more attractive and desirable.

There are several things in the piece that I can agree with. Have more sex, keep yourself physically and mentally attractive, be nice, prioritize the romantic side of your relationship.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  These are good tips; however, they fall way short of actually helping someone.

My biggest beef with Amy's post is that it oversimplifies the whole issue. This is likely because she doesn't fully understand the issue. It's pretty clear that she's either unmarried or very newly married and what she knows about infidelity and its causes she has learned from the older men she knows. She doesn't seem to understand the biological issues that work against fidelity. She doesn't understand the nuances of the issues that impact people involved in long term marriages.

Here's the line that proves it.  "Cheating is a sign that you picked the wrong person and stopped caring."

Whoa there, cowgirl!

In most cases, if the cheating spouse had really stopped caring, he/she would have left. As for picking the wrong person, that's just crazy.  Most folks who cheat don't want to leave the spouse because they genuinely love him/her.

No matter how much you may want to make infidelity a simple issue, it's not. The challenges that couples deal with over decades are staggering, if you really think about them. There are money issues, children (with new challenges at each stage of development), mid-life crises (for both men and women), and the hormonal roller coaster that women experience at all stages of life that puzzles both genders. There's the loss of friends and sickness and the death of parents, and more and more often there is the long term care of an aging or disabled parent. There are new jobs and job losses and natural disasters and, god forbid, the death of children. There are broken down cars and teenage drivers. There are religious differences,  mental health challenges, and legal issues. Sometimes there are drug and alcohol problems in the family, with the couple or their children or both. And the bills! There's daycare and insurance, and the mortgage, and car payments, and taxes, and college, and weddings and.......the list goes on and on and on. And then there's the big X factor - the fact that people change and you and your spouse may or may not change and grow in the same direction.

If your marriage makes it over 20 years, surviving all of that, cheating or not, I don't know how it could be said that you picked the wrong person.  I love my husband of 26 years.  We have dealt with just about all of the issues I just mentioned.  I am 100% certain that I picked the right person. I'm also certain that neither of us stopped caring.

And we both have cheated.  I'm currently cheating.

And we're still together with no plans to separate.

Keeping a marriage together is about much more than going to the gym, putting on makeup, and reading books so you have something to talk about.  Yes, it is also about much more than blow jobs and hot sex (although who doesn't love those?!).

If you want to think about how to prevent your spouse from cheating, I have written 10 Tips for Wives to Keep Your Husband from Cheating which is much more nuanced and realistic than Amy's suggestions. Still, no matter what you do, you cannot stop a spouse who wants to cheat because it may be much more about them (the cheater) than you.

Human beings are complex.  When we enter into lifelong commitments with others, the complexity multiplies. Preventing or recovering from infidelity is not simple, but being serious about "'til death do us part" is.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Generosity and Selfishness

For a very long time, I didn't know what generosity in bed really looked like.  I knew it was about putting your lover's pleasure before your own, but for the most part, with a few notable exceptions, I was the one who always put his pleasure first. Most of the time, that was just fine with me.  I didn't feel cheated at all.  I loved the feeling of giving a man pleasure. I loved it more if I got some, too, but that wasn't a really big deal.

I never really noticed how much effort a man put in unless he was particularly selfish and made no attempt to help me come.  Otherwise, it was usually all about him.

I've had a new experience recently that is giving me some perspective and leading me to rethink some of my past trysts. I've experienced real sexual generosity, to the degree that I now know that what I thought was very generous before was just.... normal.

T is a very generous lover.  In fact, he's the most generous lover I've ever known. It's not just about his amazing oral gifts - although those are awesome! - but it's about how he stays completely engaged with me during the whole process and how he's committed to giving pleasure. Oh, he gets his, too, but he also gives and gives and gives and gives and gives and gives and gives.

As I was experiencing T's amazing style of lovemaking today, I started to feel guilty - selfish. I wondered, Am I taking too much?  Am I not giving enough? To be fair, it's very hard to do anything when someone keeps you on the edge of ecstasy, pushes you over, then draws you back to the edge again...over and over. Still, my mind wandered to the consideration of my selfishness.

It occurred to me that none of the truly selfish male lovers I've been with ever seemed to ask the question - Am I selfish lover? They just assumed it was all about them and if they did something - anything - for the woman, that was good enough.

So why was it bothering me?  Because it was completely new. I've never experienced it before. I made the assumption that if I'm not the one going out of my way to be generous, then I must be selfish. In the deeply ingrained paradigm in my head, you were either generous or selfish; you couldn't be both, and you definitely couldn't be somewhere in between.

In my defense, I had a plan when I went to see T today.  I was going to give much more. But then I got there and he started kissing me and clothes started coming off and pretty soon it was clear he had taken charge (which I l-o-v-e....major turn on!) and then, within minutes, I was at that dizzying, shuddering, please-don't-ever-stop place, and he didn't let me leave that place for the better part of three hours. In short, my selfishness today was so NOT my fault.

As I continued to think about it, though, I realized that I need a new paradigm. If a friend came to me and told me this story, after I finished being totally jealous and trying to get his phone number from her, I'd tell her that enjoying yourself is not a sin. It's not selfish to let your lover shower you with pleasure.  No one is keeping score. As long as you both are happy, it's all good.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Stolen Hours

I was in the car getting ready to go, and I looked up at T who was standing next to the car looking down at me. The smile on his face melted my heart. Maybe it was the beautiful day with the sunlight filtering down on him through the tree. Maybe it was the last remnants of the oxytocin floating through my body, the result of coming more times than I could count. Whatever it was, it was making me feel connected to him and I didn't want to leave. But I had to, of course.  He had to leave, too. We both had to get back to work. The hours we had stolen to be together were over.

A little over two hours earlier, I was just arriving to his man cave out in the country. When I was there three days ago, I was nervous, but not today. Being there felt right.

I knocked on the door and no one answered, so I let myself in. Then I walked back to his bedroom and knocked.  No answer. I stood there for a couple of minutes, not quite sure what to do.  While I was thinking about it, he walked in. I smiled at him and we exchanged greetings as he walked over to me and kissed me.

We stepped into his room and he closed the door behind him. He had music playing and a lamp on an end table lit so the room was dim, but not dark. I dropped my purse and kicked off my shoes and turned to kiss him again. Deep, slow, passionate kisses. I reached down to untuck his shirt and he pulled it off, uncovering his strong, broad shoulders. I touched his chest with both hands and slowly ran my hands up to and over his shoulders.

What followed was something of a flurry of kissing, clothes coming off, him sucking my breast, me sucking his cock. It was that rushed and frenzied beginning when you want to do everything at once. Eventually, that settled down and we both got on the bed. I was laying on my back and he was laying over me, kissing me, sliding a hand over my breast, pinching my nipple, then sliding it down further. He fingered me for a minute or so and then he slid down between my legs.

Just as his tongue touched my clit, he slid a couple of fingers inside me. I put my head back and closed my eyes, focusing on the sensations. Soon I was rocking my hips, pressing against his hand and his mouth, and moaning loudly. I came hard, shaking and feeling my cunt tighten around his fingers. It was dizzying.

As you know, I'm not used to anyone going down on me.  Hubby has never done it. It had happened about five times in my life before I met T and I only came on two of those occasions. Now it's happened twice with T - once a couple days ago and once today.

I expected a little recovery time, but he didn't stop.  Now it was even more intense - that pain mixed with pleasure that comes when everything down there is so sensitive. I squirmed at first, whimpered a weak "no" that I didn't mean.  It just felt so foreign to me.  But he didn't stop. Within a couple of minutes I started shaking and I came again, this time a little harder.

I wanted to pull him up to me so I could kiss him, but he wouldn't stop. His fingers and his mouth worked their magic and the next orgasm didn't feel like it was bursting out of me.  It felt like it was being pulled from me involuntarily. I've heard about forced orgasms, but I hadn't experienced one myself, until today.

Three orgasms from oral - that exceeds the total number for the entire rest of my life.  Wow.

Finally, he moved back up to where I could kiss him. I tasted myself all over his mouth and wrapped my arms around him. He laid down next to me and we kissed some more. I traced my finger on his face, still trying to learn about him. Within a few minutes, he moved between my legs, I pulled up my knees and he slid his cock inside me. I was a little embarrassed because I was so wet; it was like a slip 'n' slide down there.  No friction. It seemed like a good time for him to relax and let me take over.

He laid back and I scooched down toward the end of the bed. I licked his cock first, and it jumped. Then I took it into my mouth and started suckling it. He grabbed my hair and pulled it tight - very tight - and guided me up and down. Again. Again.  Then he pushed my head down on him and held me down so all I could do was swallow over and over. After a little while, he released me to do as I pleased with him, but he held my hair tight with my head pulled up just a bit so I had to strain against the pressure to get to his cock and suck harder.  He pushed me down on him again when he was ready to come and he groaned long and loudly as he released into my mouth.

We rested together for awhile, talking, kissing, laughing. Without warning, he slid his hand between my legs and started fingering my clit. I moaned and started shuddering within about a minute and just like earlier, he didn't stop after I came; he just kept fingering me until I came again and again.

Finally, I stopped him.  I don't know how many times I came, but I knew I couldn't take one more try.

He asked me if I'd wrap my mouth around his cock again. I smiled. Of course!  This time he let me do him however I wanted and he came quickly. I swallowed, cleaned up, and we kissed some more, both of us knowing that our time was about up.

We got dressed and started to leave.  I forgot to kiss him goodbye in the house. We were outside near my car when I turned to kiss him.  We kissed briefly and then he reminded me that I forgot to kiss while we were in private, and not outside.  But you know what?  I didn't care.  I was happy and relaxed, it was a beautiful day, and here was an incredible man I didn't want to leave. Who cares if someone sees us?

Yes, I know that's stupid, but that's how I felt. I'd do it again in the same situation.

I got in my car and looked up, and there he was smiling at me. As I said, my heart melted.

Monday, January 13, 2014


I was chatting with C last week and he asked an interesting question.  He was joking at the time, but it got me thinking.  He asked, "Is it a sin to have sex in a classroom in a Mormon Church."


I answered that I'm pretty sure it's a sin if your partner is not your wife, but I don't know if it's a sin (from the LDS perspective) to have sex with your wife in a classroom in a Mormon Church. So, I asked my favorite Mormon friend (no, not Mitt Romney) and I'm hoping he'll chime in with an answer in the comments.

In the Catholic Church, we have the advantage of the Sacrament of Confession to help us clean up those pesky sins. Of course, one must be repentant to be forgiven, but when I was younger, I tended to mistake repentance for my actions for repentance for having a sin on the books. Sort of like, "I'm sorry I have a sin to confess, but I'm not sorry about fucking five guys at that frat party."

Here's how an actual confession session went with me and my Pastor, Father Joe, when I was about 18. By that time, face-to-face confession was as common as the use of the confessional, but I always used the confessional because it felt more private and confidential, even though Father Joe knew exactly who I was and often referred to me by name.

Kat: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It has been a week since my last confession.

Father Joe:  What do you have to confess?

Kat:  Well, I had sex with my boyfriend here a little while ago.

Father Joe: In the church?

Kat: Yes.  In the confessional, to be specific.

No response from the other side of the screen.

Kat: Twice.

Father Joe: You had sex twice in this confessional?

Kat: Yes.

Father Joe:  Today.

Kat: Yes.

Father Joe:  Why did you do that?

Kat: Because I was just too embarrassed to do it out in the open on one of the pews, even though Richard wanted me to.

(Muffled laughter)

Father Joe:  Ok, Kat. Do you have anything else to confess?

Kat: Yes. I've had sex 6 other times this week.  Maybe seven.  Does oral sex count as a separate event of sex? Is it really sex at all?

Father Joe: What do you think?

Kat:  Probably.  You don't give us much leeway when it comes to sex.  I have a question.

Father Joe:  Go ahead.

Kat: You know that Richard and I are planning to get married.  Once we get married, will all of our pre-marital sex be ok ? Will it be kind of retroactively considered as moral?

Father Joe: No, and you know that, Kat.  Do you have anything else to confess?

I proceeded to run through a few smaller sins, say the Act of Contrition, listen to his instructions for penance, the absolution, and his admonition to sin no more.

I walked out of the confessional and my boyfriend started walking in.  I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him over to me, and whispered in his ear, "Don't lie. I told him everything." He groaned and stepped in, closing the door behind him.

I always felt great when I came out of confession and I did that day, too.  I had a clean slate, a fresh start.

It lasted about 20 minutes, until Richard got out of confession and we did it in his car in the parking lot.  We were making out and he started pushing my head down toward his crotch, the universal male gesture for "Blow job, please." I protested for 5 seconds. "But we just went to confession...."  He replied, "Blow jobs don't count as sex." I knew better, but I responded simply, "Ok," just before taking his hard cock deeply into my mouth.

Friday, January 10, 2014

The Date with T

T's message was actually the first I responded to on AM since I reactivated my profile. He sent me a message months ago and I never responded, so I thought it was only right to make his the first reply.

I liked his profile because he seemed to be a "normal guy" and that's what I was looking for. A fun companion, great sex, no drama, and honesty. His emails confirmed what his profile said.  He is a normal guy. He is also very bright, well-spoken, funny. An all around nice guy.

Perfect, right?

Well, not exactly. He lives in my town (that's awfully close to home) and he's in the middle of a divorce, which means that for all practical purposes, he's single, not married. And you know my rule about single men, right?

I decided to overlook those concerns because I liked him. Plain and simple.

So we set up a date to meet today at a restaurant in a nearby town. Between the time of setting up the date a couple of days ago and showing up for the date, I had exchanged emails and phone calls with another AM suitor I really liked.

I almost cancelled the date, and I had a long list of reasons. I'm still quite wounded from the experience with SNS Guy.  If this guy didn't like me, that would be a little more rejection than I wanted to take in one week. Also, I really liked the other guy I was talking to.  Shouldn't I meet him first? And what about JJ?  I don't want a bunch of men in my life.  I want one. Finally, I hate first dates. And don't forget - I don't date! What if we didn't have anything to talk about? My head was going around and around and I almost called to cancel.

But I didn't. That was a good choice.

We met in the parking lot of the restaurant we agreed to.  It was closed. What now? He suggested we go to a Popeyes just a block away. That wasn't what I had in mind, but I could go with it.  When we got there we saw that it was actually at a gas station, attached to the mini-mart.  I had to laugh.  So far, it wasn't going well. Then he suggested a local Mexican restaurant and we went there and the date actually started.

I was comfortable immediately. He was funny and engaging and direct and all the things I like in a friend. There were a few times when I thought, Why are we wasting time here?  Let's get to a hotel. I know what I want to do with you. But I never said it because I was so engaged in the conversation and I was thoroughly enjoying talking with him.

Yes, it's true.  I chose talking over fucking. Go figure.

After a while we decided to drive back to the parking lot of the first restaurant because it was a bit secluded. I felt electricity when he kissed me, and he's an amazing kisser. We kissed a long time.  I stroked his hard cock through his pants.  He fondled my breast. I sucked his cock for awhile but the angle in his car just wasn't great for that.  We kissed some more. Every now and then we'd stop and talk a bit, but the kissing always won. At one point, he lifted my shirt and bra and sucked one of my nipples.  I felt my pussy going from damp to wet to drenched. It has been a long time since I wanted a man as much as I wanted T.

I was so aroused and so dazed with passion that I probably would have done anything he wanted, but.....

We ran out of time.  I had a phone meeting and he also had some place to be, so we had to end the date, but I didn't want to go. I was ready to blow off my meeting and spend the rest of the afternoon with him, but he couldn't so we went our separate ways.

When was the last time you sat in a car making out and petting for an hour? I don't even remember the last time I did. It was amazing.

As I drove away I thought about how glad I was that I hadn't canceled the date, and how much I couldn't wait to see him again. But the next time I see him, I want it to be in a private room where I can admire him without his clothes on and have my way with him.

I've never been a big believer in chemistry.

I am now.

FFF - 1/10/14 - The Glass Ball

Stacy and Joe meandered through they shops they found in a hidden alley on St. Martin.  Stacy wore her orange bikini with a matching choker around her neck and matching  sarong tied around her hips. While every man they passed turned to look at her, Joe seemed not to notice.  His eyes were glued to his iPhone and had been from the time they got off the ship. There was no cell service on their cruise ship, so he used every shore excursion to catch up on work, email, and whatever else he did. Stacy was never sure what he was doing on that thing.

Stacy was clearly frustrated at his lack of attention.  She stepped into a small glass shop and pulled him in with her. She moved toward the back of the shop, which was only six feet away, and she untied her bikini top and tucked it into her bag.  She reached out to the nearest shelf and picked up a beautiful glass ball, turned toward Joe and said, "Don't you think this is a particularly nice piece?"

Joe mumbled, "Yeah, get it," without even looking up. Stacy sighed.

Then a voice came from behind another shelf. "It's very nice, but not nearly as beautiful as the woman holding it."  She turned and saw an attractive man, probably in his 40's, admiring her. That got Joe's attention,, and he rushed to Stacy's side, took the glass ball from her hands and ordered her, to put her top back on. She did so very slowly. The attractive man came over and helped her tie the strings behind her neck.  Joe just stared.

Before she left the shop, she grabbed the glass ball and paid for it.  She smiled at the attractive man as she left the shop.

As they stepped into the alley, Joe put his phone in his pocket and his arm around his wife.


Check out the other FFF responses here.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

"Yep, you nailed it...I am that jerk!"

As I was perusing through the 40 messages that remained in my inbox, I saw one with a screen name that looked familiar. I noticed that he had revoked his private key and I asked why. This was his response:

"Hi there, Cute pics! I was on AM a few years ago and just recently got back on. I didn't realize I still had a few keys out there and thought I'd better revoke offense. Have you had much luck on this site? I have met a few great women and had a long term thing going until she moved out of state a few months back. Anyway, here are my pics. If you'd like you can use my email address (email deleted). Look forward to hearing from you, D"

I looked at his pictures and realized that I knew him.  I thought I did, anyway, but I wasn't 100% sure.  I was 90% sure.  So I replied with this:

"For some reason I think we have already met. That was my first thought when I saw your pics. If you are who I think you are, you fucked me at your office and didn't communicate again. Am I right? If I'm wrong, I just told you that someone else didn't like me enough for a second date. Hahaha. That's not exactly a good strategy, is it? If I'm right about knowing you, your name is D, I think. How did I do?"

Yeah, it's true. We had communicated online and by phone for awhile. Our first meeting was at his office. He got one of my trademark world class blow jobs and then he bent me over the desk and fucked me from behind. It wasn't great sex, but it was good.  As I left, there was no indication, except for how fast he peeled out of the parking lot, that he wasn't happy. I never heard from him again. While that was extremely rude, it didn't bother me too much because I didn't feel a real spark either.

I didn't expect to get a response from him, but to his credit, I did:

"Yep, you nailed it...I am that jerk! 

I totally remember that...I certainly owe you an apology for the lack of communication after. I remember us chatting for a bit after but never pursued anything further. I also remember your writing skills! 

Have you found that one?"

His question at the end was referring to my search for "the one" - a lover I could really connect with, someone I'd be with for a long time. Shortly after my encounter with him, I met JJ.

We passed a couple single sentence messages back and forth and ended the conversation by wishing each other luck.

I was impressed that he actually accepted some responsibility for being a jerk and he apologized.  I wasn't expecting that and didn't need it, but it was nice nonetheless.

Finally getting closure is always nice.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Novelty Cock

My new potential availability made me give some thought to what I want to do next.

The problem is that I'm not sure how available I am or how long I'll be available.  I know that sounds weird.  You would think I would know this, wouldn't you?

I've started shopping on AM and I've reconnected with JJ, but right now there is more uncertainty than certainty in my prowling life. I do know, however, that it will all shake out soon.

Anyway, several days ago, I decided to reactivate my AM profile. I didn't change it, didn't update it. I just let it go public again.  I did a little browsing to see if there was anyone among the new guys who might be interesting, mainly to wait for my inbox to fill up. After 30 minutes, I checked my inbox and there were about 80 messages.

I deleted all that were private key requests firsts. Not only is that just rude, but my profile specifically says not to do that, so those boys don't read or can't read and they are disqualified either way.

I continued by deleting anyone who wasn't local because again, my profile is very specific about that.  My standard for "local" is "lives in northern California."  That is a big place.

Then I went through all the actual messages quickly, so I could delete the "Wanna fuck?" boys. These are the men who write and lead with a lewd suggestion or just come out and quickly say, "Wanna fuck?"

I was left with about 40 legitimate messages and two private key attachments.  Those are not-for-public photos sent to me. That was intriguing. There was no accompanying message. The attached profile was sparse. I understand voyeurism, but what's the thrill in sending your dirty pic over cyberspace to a woman whose reaction you'll never see? I don't get it. For some reason I opened the first one, and -- BAM! -- there was a cock pic on my screen. No face. No friendly selfie.  Just a dick.

It occurred to me that he might have sent it because he's proud of it and he thought that I'd take one look at his dick and say, "I must have that man!" It didn't have the effect on me, but maybe it would for other women.

But then I noted that it was of average length, maybe a shade below average, and it was definitely of average girth. Why would it be any different that all the other erect cocks out there? What makes a cock special 99% of the time is the man to whom it is attached.

Then I looked closer and noted that the its veins were rather pronounced. They weren't just pronounced; they formed a rather unique pattern like I've never seen before (and I've seen quite a few cocks in my life).

I enlarged the photo so I could see better, and I'll admit, it was pretty cool. The pattern looked rather artistic.  Remembering the function that those veins serve in male anatomy, I tried figure out how they would work properly.  Some crisscrossed others, some were almost spiral. I enlarged the photo again, but it just got grainy and didn't enhance the detail at all.  I leaned closer to my screen, examining it like a science experiment.

Then I sat up abruptly. This was a novelty cock!

It's just like the weird little knick-knacks that you pick up on vacation that are meant to be admired on the shelf but never really used, or the hat with the clapping hands that you gave your dad for his last birthday, or the singing fish you gave to your brother-in-law.

What's the main purpose of novelties? They are meant to spark conversation. This cock was a conversation piece.

For a minute, I was glad I didn't delete the message as soon as I saw the pic, like I usually do, because I'd like to contact him and ask if that's real or Photoshopped. I wanted to touch it, look at it up close.

Fortunately, my sanity returned.  I realized that I was about to engage in a message conversation with a guy who did nothing but send a cock pic. No, that wasn't going to happen, but it made me think about how difficult it is for guys to get attention on AM and how they struggle just to get women to engage in a meaningful conversation. This guy's strategy was not bad. It almost hooked me.

In spite of this interesting example, I still don't recommend leading with a cock pic. I used to say it never works.  I can't say that anymore, but I know it's not a good idea.

I smiled as I deleted the pic. There's still a tiny part of me that wants the back story of that cock, but more interesting discoveries laid ahead in my inbox.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A New Year...and an Explanation

Howdy, Prowlers.  Can you believe that another year has passed?  I can't.  It really is true that time goes by faster as you age.

Anyway, you know I don't do resolutions, but I've had some time to reflect about what I like about my life and what I want to change and I've come to a few conclusions. These are things that won't just happen.  I have to make them happen.

I choose love. This has been a mantra for me for a long time, but I need to remind myself. If given a choice and I don't know what to do, choose love. What's the loving thing to do?

Choose happiness. I've been involved in some drama recently that hurt me deeply. The good thing that came from it, though, is that it reminded me that I don't want to let people and events drag me down. I can choose to focus on all the wonderful things in my life instead of the pain.  I can choose to be happy.

Be true to myself. I tend to give too much of myself away in relationships and I rarely get back from the other person what I put in. I'm going to be more discriminating in the coming year.  I'm also going to do what feels right for me rather than trying to make sure that everyone around me is ok.  For example, last month, I posted High Maintenance?, but I pulled it the next day because I was afraid that the person it was about would be offended by it. I know, that's crazy, huh? It's especially crazy because his behavior was hurtful. Worrying about his feelings at that point was denying my own.  I'm not going to do that anymore.  I'll still keep Choose Love in mind, but I'm also going to be true to my own story. If somebody else is upset, they can start their own blog and say whatever they want.

And now for the explanation.....

I've been terribly inconsistent with my posting this year. My excuse has been that work has been really busy, and that is definitely true.  But it hasn't been that busy, not busy enough to lead to missing an entire month and ending up with half the number of posts of each of the previous two years.

Here's what happened. I was in what I considered to be an exclusive relationship with SNS Guy. It's a long distance relationship, which are the hardest kind to maintain.  We got together for a glorious weekend in June, but we just haven't been able to make it work again.  We had plans for this January or April, but the bottom line is that it stayed long distance. I stayed "faithful." So from May through now, I've had no extracurricular excitement except for our weekend in June. If you're thinking, "Wow! That's a long time for Kat!  She must really have liked him," you'd be correct.

Every time I'd sit down to write a post, I felt like I had nothing to say. I'd try and I'd manage a few posts here or there, but I started PWK to share my experiences and I simply wasn't having any. It was frustrating for me - both the lack of sex and the creative dry spell that went with it. My friends would say, "Just write about your life," but my regular life seemed boring to me. At least I didn't think there was anything about it that you would want to know.

I struggled.

Well, I'm pretty sure that the romantic part of that exclusive relationship is over now. I should clarify that apparently it was only exclusive on my end. I would have been fine with that (heck, you know me; I would have been asking for details and photos!), if he had just told me about it.  Instead, he chose to lie to me for months. Not good.  Not right.

So, it seems that I'm available again.....maybe. Wanna know what that means?  Come back tomorrow.