tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post5170307257148615973..comments2023-11-03T04:19:29.065-07:00Comments on Prowling with Kat: 10 Simple Truths about Marriage and InfidelityKathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12391347384362000456noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-24638921082368066812012-03-12T18:42:15.123-07:002012-03-12T18:42:15.123-07:00Ted - If you have made your expectations clear pri...Ted - If you have made your expectations clear prior to the marriage and your wife agrees to those terms ("one and done"), that's fine. The two of you have every right to interpret the fidelity issue as you choose and as you agree.<br /><br />However, to say that "any women desiring sex outside of her marriage has already decided its over" is just wrong. It's not a marriage in *your* interpretation, but your interpretation is not the issue. You have put a higher value on "forsaking all others" than "Til death do us part." Ok, you have that right. Others, like my husband and I, put a much higher value on "til death do us part." That does not make our marriage NOT a marriage. It simply makes it a marriage that will probably last longer than yours.<br /><br />Anon - Much of what I wrote in reply to Ted applies to your comment as well.<br /><br />As for "Does forgiveness have to equal reconciliation?" No, not necessarily. And you don't have to reconcile if you don't want to. I never said you should, but why would you look down on those who choose to forgive and reconcile? Choosing to stay married is a good thing, not a bad thing. As for the rape analogy, it's not the same thing and pretty inappropriate. I won't be commenting on it further.<br /><br />As for polyamory not being a universal trait, I don't know. I think it has as much to do with the culture in which a person lives as it does with the individual, but it's not important to me. You know, I don't care if you don't ever want to be in a polyamorous relationship. That's entirely your choice and I respect it. But that doesn't mean that others can't love more than one person at once. IT doesn't mean that there aren't people who simply aren't programmed for monogamy.<br /><br />Ryan - You are hilarious! March is Divorce Month? Hahaha Who knew?Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12391347384362000456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-71858086483937275312012-03-12T09:36:30.482-07:002012-03-12T09:36:30.482-07:00Say what you will, but I clearly state prior to en...Say what you will, but I clearly state prior to engagement that ANY cheating will mean the end of the relationship, regardless of its status. Dating, engaged, married, makes no difference. Indeed it is in the vows we used, and it is there intentionally on my part. <br /><br />Since I clearly outline this as a "one and done" offense, I have no moral issue with walking out the day I find out cheating occurred. Although, to be honest, I wouldn't be walking anywhere. She would be looking for a new place to live. I am rather flexible in most things, but infidelity is simply not one of those. You can call it "hedging my bets" if you want, but I view it as the rules and regulations for our marriage. Outlined in full prior to agreement.<br /><br />And, as far as I'm concerned, any women desiring sex outside of her marriage has already decided its over. At that point, it is no longer a marriage IMO, it is at best two friends living together that may or may not occasionally have sex. It is mostly sexual exclusivity and legal BS (power of attorney, etc) that make a marriage at all. Other than that, there is very little difference between being married and being friends.Ted Dnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-58048328515862084592012-03-07T07:25:40.343-08:002012-03-07T07:25:40.343-08:00Nice job Kat.
As you know I read the same blog ye...Nice job Kat.<br /><br />As you know I read the same blog yesterday, your thoughts here are dead on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-91807838696563515692012-03-07T05:43:33.299-08:002012-03-07T05:43:33.299-08:00Excellent thoughts as always. I saw this article ...Excellent thoughts as always. I saw this article this morning. Not directly related but thought provoking as well.<br /><br />http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/03/06/148049574/upset-men-and-the-happy-women-who-love-them?sc=fb&cc=fp<br /><br />As I suspected men want tranquility women want to share emotions and thus don't shrink from conflict as much.<br /><br />Than again I saw another article, apparently March is Divorce Month.<br /><br />http://www.kplu.org/post/why-most-people-get-divorced-march?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=FB1186Ryan Beaumonthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00852223091640759071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-54606619392136183392012-03-06T22:00:49.654-08:002012-03-06T22:00:49.654-08:00Hey Kat.
The rationale of the second point is a l...Hey Kat.<br /><br />The rationale of the second point is a little infirm is it not? How does one conclude that a divorce following an affair is indicative of a desire to be rid of the marriage itself as opposed to the need to be rid of <i>that which ceases to be a marriage</i>? As I see it, the spouse initiating the divorce is not rejecting married life so much as he or she is rejecting the taint of infidelity. <br /><br />Also, with respect to the third point, the "two wrongs don't make a right" aphorism does not necessarily apply to the situation that you outlined. If the divorcing couple has firmly established what is tolerable in their marriage and what is not (effectively creating their own meaning behind whatever vows they adhere to), and one partner chooses to act against those limitations, then divorce is in no way "wrong". It is simply a consequence. <br /><br />Does forgiveness have to equal reconciliation? If my spouse confesses to me and asks for my forgiveness, I believe I would be inclined to grant it. That however doesn't mean that I want to remain in what has become of our marriage. I think of it as being somewhat analogous to a rape victim's perspective toward their assailant. The victim may certainly forgive his or her attacker (as forgiveness is largely an internal process), but that doesn't mean he or she wants to strike up a friendship with the perpetrator.<br /><br />I agree that it is possible to love two people at once...but I'm not sure that it is a universal trait. My research into polyamory leads me to believe that those capable of loving (in the romantic sense) more than one person are simply predisposed to it. I don't think it's something that can be adopted...at least not comfortably. <br /><br />As always, thought-provoking post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com