tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post8725204058254901039..comments2023-11-03T04:19:29.065-07:00Comments on Prowling with Kat: Kat's Big Surprise (Are You Sitting Down?)Kathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12391347384362000456noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-78688158183370095792011-07-11T17:50:06.862-07:002011-07-11T17:50:06.862-07:00Doug-- I'm sorry I haven't answered your c...Doug-- I'm sorry I haven't answered your comment until now. Time got away from me. To answer your questions: For the last year or so it has been about once every two weeks, although I was giving him BJs almost every day for a long time. I was always the one to initiate. That all changed a few months ago when I stopped the BJs and I stopped initiating. I had kind of had enough, ya know?<br /><br />Since his admission and our subsequent discussion, though, we've been having sex more often - four times last week and two so far this week.<br /><br />I agree with you that lack of intimacy can have a corrosive effect on a marriage, but I don't think that has been true for us. We definitely have issues, and there's much to work on in our marriage, but we remain committed to the marriage.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12391347384362000456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-81354722189828235732011-07-07T11:46:22.886-07:002011-07-07T11:46:22.886-07:00Can I ask about how often you and your husband hav...Can I ask about how often you and your husband have sex these days?<br /><br />I believe I read you saying that you almost never turn him down. Do you try to initiate with him, or are you fine with his apparently not wanting sex with you very often.<br /><br />In my direct and vicarious internet experience not having sex much wiht a spouse or someone you live with tends to have a corrosive effect on feelings of pair bondedness, though obviously people differ. You seem to be someone for whom that isn't so much true, though maybe you're having sex with hubby more than I've supposed?Doug1https://www.blogger.com/profile/13948793969077395057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-48586931803676246252011-07-07T09:26:22.022-07:002011-07-07T09:26:22.022-07:00Alex - Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I&#...Alex - Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I'm very sorry about your marriage. I agree that it is difficult to understand how a marriage can last when infidelity is involved. It's not an easy thing, to be sure, and as you noted, it's not for everyone. I think I'll share some insight in a future post on "how someone can love one person, but seek sex from another and still feel secure in their relationship." Well, I can at least share how it has worked in my marriage. I don't pretend to speak for everyone.<br /><br />I'm also very pleased to hear that the misogynist group of guys who treat women as objects are *not* your buddies.<br /><br />I have more thoughts to share, but I'll share them with you privately, via email. Thanks, again, for trying to understand. I suspect we'll learn much from each other.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12391347384362000456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-40185475886862428502011-07-07T06:01:09.950-07:002011-07-07T06:01:09.950-07:00I wouldn't call them my buddies. I like a lot ...I wouldn't call them my buddies. I like a lot of what Athol writes about, but his group of fans has some odd individuals. I found him looking for why my marraige failed so I can prevent it from happening again. I've stuck around here mostly to find out what I am up against, sorta. I figured learning why you (and other chronic cheaters) do it, I might be able to fill that need and prevent an affair in the future.<br />The unfortunate thing for me is I crave understanding, and I can't understand your motivationns, or people like Roosh for that matter. He may know how to get laid, but he is a pig that treats women as living sex toys. <br />In the end, what I really want is a solid, exclusive relationship that endures. For me that means monogamy, and frankly it seems like a fading concept. I get that everyone needs friends and people outside a relationship for social interactions, but sexual exclusivity is a must have for me. I'm just trying to figure out how to make that work where it is becomming common to find couples in open relationships, cheating, swinging, etc. I want to understand how someone can love one person, but seek sex from another and still feel secure in their relationship.<br />Maybe I'm just selfish. Could be I'm jaded by my past experiences. Or maybe I'm just one of the fading group of people that actually believe love and sex should NOT be separated.<br />So although I come accross as a judgemental ass sometimes (and I know I can be...) in the end I am really just trying to understand you. I don't know that I ever will, but I'll keep trying.Alexnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-8290920764070206122011-07-06T18:15:09.772-07:002011-07-06T18:15:09.772-07:00Ms. I - That's the conclusion I have come to -...Ms. I - That's the conclusion I have come to - that sex is not everything. A marriage is about so much more than that.<br /><br />Liam, Adam, Asian Girl - Thank you. You guys are the best!<br /><br />SomewhereMan - Leverage is an interesting concept here, isn't it? But I would be a real bitch if I used it knowing what *I* have been up to myself, wouldn't I?<br /><br />BenSmarty - I know! <br /><br />Ryan- Are you asking about the legal challenges I was dealing with before his phone call? or after? ;-)<br /><br />Bob - No, FB didn't put anything in writing (yet), but we have some questionable voice mails. At this point, I hope to give her enough rope to hang herself. And yes, the police are involved.<br /><br />Ethan - I think so, too! The communication between us has really opened up since this happened. Overall, it has turned out to be a very good thing.<br /><br />Marcus - Thank you! You are so sweet. Can I show hubby your comment? Hehe.<br /><br />Anonymous - Come on now, use a name, will ya? You can even make one up. To what hypocrisy are you referring? I treated him exactly as I would have liked to be treated in the same situation. You're just made because I wasn't all hurt and upset, huh? Sorry to disappoint you. Some people clearly understand the difference between sex and love.<br /><br />Alex - Of course it bothers me! And I do want to find out why.Why can't we focus on fixing things (counseling) *and* have an open marriage? Why are all marital solutions so black and white to you? Just because it wouldn't appeal to you doesn't mean that it can't work for us. As for not understanding my motivations, that's ok. There are many things I can't accept from the manoshpere out there. I just learn what I can from it and leave the rest.<br /><br />By the way, I'm still getting nasty email and propositions from some of your buddies from that other blog. Interesting, no?Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12391347384362000456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-59101560054875768682011-07-06T06:32:49.542-07:002011-07-06T06:32:49.542-07:00So I get that you believed your husband had a low ...So I get that you believed your husband had a low sex drive and the solution for you was to cheat. I don't agree with it, but I understand it considering he was not living up to his part of the marital sex life and all.<br /><br />Now you find out that in fact he has been having lots of sex with other woman, so his sex drive appears to be fine. But instead of figuring out how to focus it on you to fix things, you decide its time for an open marraige?! It doesn't bother you that he found other women attractive enough to sleep with but you not so much? You don't feel the need to find out why?<br /><br />Good luck with everything. I've come to the conclusion that I will never understand your motivations, despite wanting to. I suppose we are just wired differently.Alexnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-64658368916845945762011-07-05T20:03:53.998-07:002011-07-05T20:03:53.998-07:00You are a wonderful wife. He confesses and you we...You are a wonderful wife. He confesses and you welcome him with a BJ and some very hot sex. He is a lucky man and will hopefully see this when he hears your proposal. Can't wait to hear how it turns out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-51510558403488279602011-07-01T12:16:01.959-07:002011-07-01T12:16:01.959-07:00This is perfect. This is THE opportunity to get al...This is perfect. This is THE opportunity to get all your cards on the table and monkeys off your back with the minimum amount of collateral damage. I think it's sort of romantic that you're both in a position to explore this side of your lives together now.<br /><br />I can't wait to see what happens next.Ethan Lamberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18005642810763475029noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-65013714470893176812011-06-30T21:06:53.787-07:002011-06-30T21:06:53.787-07:00Ahhhh....I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morn...Ahhhh....I love the smell of <b>hypocrisy</b> in the morning...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-84443941752652057012011-06-30T14:42:51.697-07:002011-06-30T14:42:51.697-07:00Interesting tack the FB woman used, considering he...Interesting tack the FB woman used, considering he was paying her way. Dare I throw out unstable? Ms. I says sex is not everything. I agree, but sex and money in the same story always rubs me the wrong way. <br /><br />So much to chew on here and I can only wish you luck as you can probably get your open marriage and the moon and stars.BenSmartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06358677819527929007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-13528767897172376852011-06-30T09:43:38.052-07:002011-06-30T09:43:38.052-07:00I am like Ryan. Did F-ing Bitch ever attempt blac...I am like Ryan. Did F-ing Bitch ever attempt black mail in writing or e-mail? If so, then I say that you go to the police...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-7311790961184624852011-06-30T08:31:58.589-07:002011-06-30T08:31:58.589-07:00OK, so I'm warped here. Everyone else is comm...OK, so I'm warped here. Everyone else is commenting about your husband and I want to know who would be causing my poor Kat legal challenges :(Ryan Beaumonthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00852223091640759071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-65038139549503080422011-06-30T07:50:08.217-07:002011-06-30T07:50:08.217-07:00Yikes. I can't believe you're cool with h...Yikes. I can't believe you're cool with him screwing in your bed when you're at work and supporting several women for several YEARS with YOUR money. Never mind that you needed to look outside your marriage for sex because he wasn't interested. Christ. Puppy eyes wouldn't impress me at that point.petuniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10762467545274617360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-33808752924075073202011-06-29T21:12:11.080-07:002011-06-29T21:12:11.080-07:00Oy, that's harsh. You reacted more generously ...Oy, that's harsh. You reacted more generously than I would have (even considering I'm also a cheater...well, was...now a cheater-with-permission). <br /><br />My way of thinking: If he doesn't want to have sex with me, it's going to hurt more that he wants to have sex with other women than if he just has a low sex drive. <br /><br />But. But. Sex is not everything. No ma'am, it is not everything at all.Ms. Inconspicuoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07182712969995977009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-67315008669878207352011-06-29T20:56:59.849-07:002011-06-29T20:56:59.849-07:00That's quite a day, Kat.
So... what is his re...That's quite a day, Kat.<br /><br />So... what is his response?<br /><br />I really hate to think in terms of "leverage"... but, right now, you have a lot of it. Push for what you want your life to be for the next few years. There will NOT be a better time to ask for going open.<br /><br />However, are you upset that he claims a low sex drive but has been having these affairs? I would be upset if MY wife claims the same thing. I'm the one who wants it more... and if she was screwing around, I'd be flabbergasted. Is that a double standard?? I wonder...but then if I was getting "serviced" often enough, I wouldn't be stepping out.<br /><br />Thinking of you, Kat!<br /><br />SomewhereMan<br />http://myonewildyear.blogspot.comSomewhereManhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11037892170086827761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-43704879797588623312011-06-29T18:27:54.162-07:002011-06-29T18:27:54.162-07:00Oh wow, that's quite a lot to take in. I thin...Oh wow, that's quite a lot to take in. I think you handled it all wonderfully and asking for the open marriage sounds like a good thing! I hope it all works out for you!Mylihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14966674814107503680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-13687356010317896472011-06-29T18:20:45.374-07:002011-06-29T18:20:45.374-07:00Wow, quite a story. I hope it goes well from here...Wow, quite a story. I hope it goes well from here on out :)Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02599085359106039024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2524305586058177527.post-31269942629373915942011-06-29T17:51:24.797-07:002011-06-29T17:51:24.797-07:00He's a lucky man, Kat, a VERY lucky man. And ...He's a lucky man, Kat, a VERY lucky man. And kudos to you for handling things so gracefully.Liamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14857903436985458595noreply@blogger.com