Hi, Prowlers. I suppose it's time for an update, isn't it?
It was a month ago that I declared I'd be returning to fidelity, even though it had been a couple months before that since I had been with anyone besides Hubby. Here we are, a month later, and I still haven't played with anyone except the guy who put the ring on my finger decades ago.
But here's the funny thing. You're most likely to meet someone special when you're not looking. That's what happened to me.
And I really wasn't looking. Seriously.
You know that JJ and I celebrated two years together and decided that we'd take a break but not count out getting back together. JJ knows he's very special to me. He also knows that he's too busy for me. Way too busy.
I don't consider myself high maintenance, but I'm also not "no maintenance." Just like anybody else, I want to know that someone wants to chat or write or talk with me. I want to know that he cares about what's going on in my daily life, at least to some degree. When you're "with" someone who knows nothing at all about what's going on in your life, are you really "with" him?
I don't know, but I'm leaning toward "no.".
Anyway, along came.....hmmm, what should I call him? Let's go with Smart 'n' Sweet Guy (SNS Guy) for now. Along came SNS Guy, not suddenly, but he's been around for awhile. A PWK reader, he wrote to me in the fall about a post I'd written. He was very kind, sensitive, well-spoken (well-written?). We exchanged a few more emails, infrequently, through the new year. Slowly, things heated up through late-April and they ignited in early May.
I'm smitten.
And we haven't met in person yet. We live in different states, so meeting is a bit of a logistics challenge, but we have a plan to meet soon.
This is new for me. I know what you're thinking, "Kat, how can anything be new for you?" Well, this is definitely new. Over the course of my prowling career, I've become accustomed to a little bit of getting-to-know-you (emphasis on "little) and then jumping into bed before there's any emotional involvement. Sometimes it follows, sometimes it doesn't, but the rule was always to guard my heart, for obvious reasons, until I knew it was safe to let it go. It didn't go that way with my first affair, but that was a long, long time ago. The few times I've cared first, I ended up hurt.
Here I am, in the deep end of the emotional pool with SNS Guy, and its much scarier than just meeting someone for sex. This is much more than sex and he's much more than just "someone."
He had been right in front of me and I didn't really notice, until I wasn't looking anymore. Then I saw him.
Now I can't get him off my mind.
18 comments:
I don't think it is a case of not seeing him until you stopped looking, I think it's a case of your hindbrain saying, "Can I really stick with getting stuck by hubby for the rest of my life?" Suddenly SNS moved up from "Nice but NO" to "I'm smitten" when the field narrowed and your options were cut off.
As a guy we've seen it 100 times. You watch the hot girl at the party scan the crowd, flirt and flip her hair, but as her regulars pick other girls she looks at her watch, then looks at you, shrugs her shoulders and rolls her eyes, even if only mentally, and comes over to talk to you.
Mind you, we don't care as long as she ends up on the barstool next to us, but we know when we are the backup plan.
I loved this post. Very human. :)
I usually lurk, but had to chime in. This very thing happened to me about a year ago. It ended badly, but we have recently begun seeing others and are definitely friends. My husband would never allow me to see him again, but I am grateful I still can count him as a friend. I would definitely do it again and it was fun when he suddenly showed up out of nowhere and blew me away. :)
Anyway, just my two cents. :)
I always appreciate your honesty...though your life is so very different than mine - it is always a learning experience to view things through another's eyes. Makes it harder to judge people without thinking very hard first.
Wow. Advisor, I'm surprised to see this from you. Do really think all my other options were cut off and SNS was/is my only choice? If so, you are mistaken.
I'm just saying that our perspective changes when we limit our options, suddenly those that didn't make the cut before look better. I'm sure you had other options, but if he didn't attract your attention before, why now?
He did have my attention before, enough that we continued to correspond. If I had no interest, our communications wouldn't have moved beyond a polite but limited exchange.
I don't know why you say that I limited my options. My options remained as they always did. I had simply stopped taking advantage of my many options - by choice. When the noise of the other distractions was silenced, I could finally focus on SNS Guy, and I unexpectedly fell for him.
Haven't you ever heard of friendship caught fire?
Kat, this isn't a criticism just an observation.
You clearly limited your options by committing yourself to a monogamous relationship with your husband. That is a huge limitation of your own making.
With all of the exciting options gone (new men, strangers, AM, whatever) suddenly Mr. "Been there all along" gets your attention. He's there, convenient, a known quantity, easy to escalate, and you let yourself fall for him. This is all fine, but don't think for a second that he doesn't know this as well.
He knows why it's his turn.
I have to go to bed now. you can be upset with me more in the morning.
xoxox
This world is just full of temptations. Maybe you're bored. The kind of plain, nothing-happen type of life is just not for you.
Have fun!
Advizor - In this case, you are just wrong. It's a nice theory, but not applicable. You actually sound like Athol right now. You've got a theory and every situation must apply. If not, you think the people involved are deluding themselves. You can't seem to accept that your theory is flawed.
I think the word is spelled "asshole" unless you have a very bad lisp.
My theory may be entirely flawed and I make no bones about the fact that I'm speaking from personal experience, but it's been years of experience and many many observational opportunities. My sample size on this is pretty large.
I find it interesting that SNS rises to the top only after the other competition or "noise" as you call it, is taken out of the picture. I get it. Courtney Cox is very pretty but only if you make Jennifer Anniston leave the room.
Love you babe!!!
NOo, it's more like Jennifer Anniston is still in the room, but once you see and spend some time with Courtney Cox, you realize that Jennifer isn't as desirable as you previously thought because Courtney is perfect for you.
See,that was a trick question because Courtney Cox isn't every pretty. Seriously, have you seen her elbows?
You know I love you and i hope everything works out well with SNS Guy. I just believe that "friend who catch on fire" would have caught on fire a long time ago if it was really meant to be. But I've been wrong before. I sold my Apple stock 3 months before the iPad came out, so no one should take my advice. Ever.
OMG, all I want to argue about is when in the Hell are we going to see a post about how much you are pining away for that witty guy on the East Coast near DC!
Oh Ryan, hope springs eternal, doesn't it? :-)
Advizor is all wet.
Here's the deal. JJ has gotten tired of Kat. And Kat is easy pickings for any guy who can converse intelligently via email and who pays her the attention she craves. So now that she's not getting the attention she wants from JJ, she'll get it from the next guy who wants to bone her.
I'm all wet? I think you just made my point for me.
I'm still convinced that this is all about opportunity. With infidelity off the table a different set of standards come in to play when picking a new suitor. But I've said my piece and I'm done.
I really do hope that SNS guy is a lot of fun for everyone involved.
(And none of this is any of my business except for the fact that it's fascinating.)
Agreed, Advizor, fascinating. I think the jadedness is a little sad though. Does it all boil down to the 'market' ie age/gender/availability/socioeconomic status? The end-of-night scene?
Kat, your rendition is truer, more human. Folk can just like each other and suddenly their worlds and bodies collide. I've experienced it and it is wondrous, weird and quite lovely.
Variety is the spice.
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