Of Pussy and Post

From the day I added the word pussy to my phone's dictionary, I have regretted it.

It's not that I have any problem with the word pussy.  I love it.  I use it often.  I'm particularly fond of my pussy and I do my best to treat her right.

The problem is that my phone now regularly auto-corrects the word "post" to show up as the word "pussy."

Here's an example:

Client: Hey Kat, did you see that post on the ABC website about the new bidding opportunity?
Kat: Yes! I saw that pussy and I think we should definitely go for it!
Client: Uh, I think you were auto-corrected.
Kat: OMG.  Please just delete that.  I'm calling you now to talk about the bid.

Or how about this one:

Kat: I posted the instructions for completing the forms to the wiki, but I can't find them now.  I can't believe I can't find my own pussy.
Client: Hahahahahaha.
Kat:  Just shoot me now.

But there's more:

Client:  I saw your FB post about the ABC project. You left out the juicy stuff. Why did you edit it?
Kat: Well, I always try to clean up my pussy before sharing. It goes over better that way.
Client: I'm sure it does! LOL
Kat:  You KNOW that was auto-correct, right?  I meant "...clean up my POST."
Client: Sure, sure.....

And one last one:

Employee: When will you have your blog post done?  I want to schedule mine for the next day.
Kat: I'm almost finished. I can get my pussy scheduled in about 10 minutes.  I should be done massaging it by then.
Employee: Uh...TMI? LOL.

Have I mentioned that I hate auto-correct?

My New Phone

I got a new phone a few weeks ago. Yes, I switched from the iPhone to an Android device. I used to swear that I would never give up my iPhone and I dutifully upgraded with every new release. However, an unusual chain of events led me to make the switch, and since I'm the geek in the family, I also switched Hubby and the boys.

I'm very happy with the move.  My new phone is much easier to customize and, ohmygod, the screen is so much bigger! That may not mean anything to you, but to those of us more mature folks, it's a big deal.  I've found it very helpful to be able to actually see what's on the screen. There are many other things I like, too, but that's not what this post is about. I have no interest in attempting to convert any iPhone users to Android, although if you feel compelled to make a case for one or the other in the comments, feel free.

This post is about one of the things I like least about my new phone - autocorrect.

Now I know that the iPhone has autocorrect issues, too, but this new phone has an autocorrect gremlin on steroids. It has made naughty texting (also known as sexting) particularly difficult.

Take these examples:

Intended text: I wanna be your whore.
Autocorrected version: I wanna be yuppie white.

Are you kidding me?

Here's more:

Intended text: Mmmm...I want you to eat my pussy and suck on my clit.
Autocorrected version: Mmmm.... I want you to eat my post ant such on my clout.

Intended text: I love the way you fuck my ass so hard.
Autocorrected text: I love the way you duck my as so heard.

Even the simple ones can be a problem:

Intended text: I want you.
Autocirrected text: I rant toy.

Intended text: That is so hot.
Autocorrected text: They is do hat.

Fuck!

Or "Duck!" as my autocorrect would say, which is good advice because I'll be throwing this phone soon.

Show Me the Cock

Every now and then I check out the funny autocorrect conversations on Damn You Autocorrect. Today, this one had me laughing particularly hard.