Two Weeks

I've been unable to communicate with SNS Guy for two weeks.  Two weeks. In the online world, that's like a year, isn't it?

Time is different in this world. Not hearing from someone for two days is a big deal, and responses are expected for emails within 24 hours, at the most.  Sooner is better, of course.

And time becomes more intensive for long distance relationships.  If all I have of you is email or text messages, the longer the time between them feels like time without you. And that hurts.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the relativity of time today. The two weeks without contact with SNS Guy were long and drawn out. Time crawled and I was a victim to it with nothing to do but wait. I've missed him terribly.

Sometimes, though, time flies by.  My oldest son leaves in two weeks to move to the other side of the earth with a one way ticket and no return date. I can already see the days moving faster than I can count them until he leaves, and I'm powerless to slow them down, just as I couldn't make them go by faster so I could talk to SNS Guy sooner.

Of course, I know that the amount of time within a two week period is constant. Every two week period has the same number of days, hours, and minutes.  I'm the one who's changing. I'm the one aching for it go faster or desperate to slow it down. I'm the one with the emotional investment. Time has absolutely no sense that I'm dying to speak with someone I love or that I'm afraid that I won't see my son again.

To the relentless march of time, it's just two weeks.

A Fantasy about Time

Tonight many of us will be moving our clocks ahead an hour for Daylight Savings Time. Tonight we lose an hour. I thought it appropriate to make time the subject of a post for today.

Because I never seem to have enough time, I knew it should be a fantasy.  Enjoy.

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In my fantasy, we have time. Plenty of time. An abundance of time. So much time that we spend it lavishly, almost frivolously, like children who don't yet have any real concept of lack or want.

There's enough time for work and play and family and friends - and you. Finally enough time for you.  For us.

There's enough time so we don't have to choose between having lunch or making love, between pillow talk and pleasure, between companionship and passion. There's time for it all.

One of us turns to look at the clock, saying, "What time is it?" and we both laugh and shout, "Who cares?!" We don't have to go. There's no invisible leash constantly pulling us apart every moment we are together.

We have time to explore each other, to touch and taste every part of each other. There's time to tease and tantalize, titillate and torment. There is no need to rush, no need to hurry.

There's time to try new things, to experiment, to laugh, to sleep. Ah! Sleep! There's time to gently doze off in each other's arms after making love without the worry of not getting home in time or losing our time together. Then we can wake from our sweet slumber to a renewed passion and more of...whatever we want.

We have no conflict about taking time from family because we know there will be plenty of time for us to be with them, too. The guilt about taking time from children and work is gone. It's replaced with a sense of freedom and revelry in the knowledge that there is time enough to go around just as there is enough love to go around.

Soon, we'll forget what it was like to have to race though lovemaking and dash through discussions and we can focus on each other without the constant pulsating beat of the clock driving us apart.

We have time.  Plenty of time.  An abundance of time.

Finding the Time to Cheat - Another Guest Post from Chimpernel!

Today’s column is all about time. You only have a finite amount of the stuff and you’ve already got a lot of demands upon it. There’s your job, I presume you have a job; if not, get your arse off the couch and go find one you lazy bastard. Anyway, the job + commute is going to eat a big chunk of your week. Secondly there is sleep, that’s another third gone. Quality time with friends and family consume a big chunk, then there are a whole bunch of minor causes, from shopping, therapy and sports to chores, hobbies and DIY. You probably already have quite a full week/month/year. My point is that if you are looking for a relationship outside your marriage, where exactly are you going to find the time? Trust me, any half decent affair will start to eat into your available time budget.

But remember it’s all about time - time to spend with your lover and enjoy yourself. Let’s look at it this way, sex consumes time. Any half decent fuck is two hours burned right there, and that’s without factoring in getting to the place, social niceties, dinner, drinks and the usual reaffirming human qualities which make it so much more fun than a quick fuck in the alley behind a club. Kinky sex takes even longer with any half decent scene needing at least four hours. So what gives? This isn’t a lunchtime thing here, well unless you are fucking the payroll, in which case, stop, it’s going to call for nights away and that calls for planning. Nights away are complex things, involving two people’s schedules.
My own personal position is helped by two things, one, my marriage is over in all but name so whilst there is no formal understanding there, it’s not like we talk, about anything. Additionally, I work as a management consultant so time away from home causes little comment. I’ve not yet ended my marriage for various complex reasons, not for any emotional, financial or practical consideration but I presume that you aren’t there and probably don’t want your primary relationship to end.

So how do you plan for this?

You need consistency, you need simplicity, and you need to be able to keep a straight face when asked where you are. None of this is easy,  but if you can’t do it, then don’t even start down this path.  Also you need plausibility. It’s highly unlikely that you can get away with claiming you are at a conference in Paris when you work as a brickie in Hull or a call centre worker in Aberdeen. So you must balance between reality and opportunity, if you are going to spend time with that teenage German nymphet you think you've pulled from Fetlife or the Zulu prince that you met on Facebook*. Either operate in a predictable way, new job means I have to spend every 2nd Wednesday out of town etc, or in a plausible but unpredictable way, “sorry, there’s a rush maintenance job on the XYZ123 widget installed in Essen, I’ll be gone a couple of days” etc, but never combine the two or you’ll get so confused with your own lying that you are bound to slip up.

Happy hunting people and try to keep it simple.

*Incidentally, proposing the first face to face meeting is the real test if someone is serious or not. If they keep pushing it off or act somewhat vague about it, they are either just playing with the idea or are actually a fat ex trucker called Neville from stoke rather than Helga the water-sports fixated big breasted nymphomaniac from Berlin that you think you are talking with.

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Remember, you can read more from Chimprenel by following his blog, The Scarlet Chimpernel, or you can follow him on Twitter.

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