Confession

I was chatting with C last week and he asked an interesting question.  He was joking at the time, but it got me thinking.  He asked, "Is it a sin to have sex in a classroom in a Mormon Church."

Hmmm.

I answered that I'm pretty sure it's a sin if your partner is not your wife, but I don't know if it's a sin (from the LDS perspective) to have sex with your wife in a classroom in a Mormon Church. So, I asked my favorite Mormon friend (no, not Mitt Romney) and I'm hoping he'll chime in with an answer in the comments.

In the Catholic Church, we have the advantage of the Sacrament of Confession to help us clean up those pesky sins. Of course, one must be repentant to be forgiven, but when I was younger, I tended to mistake repentance for my actions for repentance for having a sin on the books. Sort of like, "I'm sorry I have a sin to confess, but I'm not sorry about fucking five guys at that frat party."

Here's how an actual confession session went with me and my Pastor, Father Joe, when I was about 18. By that time, face-to-face confession was as common as the use of the confessional, but I always used the confessional because it felt more private and confidential, even though Father Joe knew exactly who I was and often referred to me by name.

Kat: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It has been a week since my last confession.

Father Joe:  What do you have to confess?

Kat:  Well, I had sex with my boyfriend here a little while ago.

Father Joe: In the church?

Kat: Yes.  In the confessional, to be specific.

No response from the other side of the screen.

Kat: Twice.

Father Joe: You had sex twice in this confessional?

Kat: Yes.

Father Joe:  Today.

Kat: Yes.

Father Joe:  Why did you do that?

Kat: Because I was just too embarrassed to do it out in the open on one of the pews, even though Richard wanted me to.

(Muffled laughter)

Father Joe:  Ok, Kat. Do you have anything else to confess?

Kat: Yes. I've had sex 6 other times this week.  Maybe seven.  Does oral sex count as a separate event of sex? Is it really sex at all?

Father Joe: What do you think?

Kat:  Probably.  You don't give us much leeway when it comes to sex.  I have a question.

Father Joe:  Go ahead.

Kat: You know that Richard and I are planning to get married.  Once we get married, will all of our pre-marital sex be ok ? Will it be kind of retroactively considered as moral?

Father Joe: No, and you know that, Kat.  Do you have anything else to confess?

I proceeded to run through a few smaller sins, say the Act of Contrition, listen to his instructions for penance, the absolution, and his admonition to sin no more.

I walked out of the confessional and my boyfriend started walking in.  I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him over to me, and whispered in his ear, "Don't lie. I told him everything." He groaned and stepped in, closing the door behind him.

I always felt great when I came out of confession and I did that day, too.  I had a clean slate, a fresh start.

It lasted about 20 minutes, until Richard got out of confession and we did it in his car in the parking lot.  We were making out and he started pushing my head down toward his crotch, the universal male gesture for "Blow job, please." I protested for 5 seconds. "But we just went to confession...."  He replied, "Blow jobs don't count as sex." I knew better, but I responded simply, "Ok," just before taking his hard cock deeply into my mouth.

Sex for Kat and Hubby after the Big Confession

The Big Confession (or should I say, big confessions?) changed things in my marriage. For those of you who are new here, a couple of months ago my husband confessed that he had been unfaithful for the better part of the past 5 years, with multiple women.  About a month ago, I confessed my infidelities. Everything was out on the table and we had to decide where to go from there.

Would we stay together?  That was the easiest decision because we both are committed to each other and our marriage.

But what was next?  Would we recommit to fidelity? Would we agree to an open marriage? Would we start swinging? Would we ever be able to really trust each other again like we did before? What would happen to our sex life?

Specifically, my husband was worried that I would be bored by him since I had enjoyed so many alternatives. It wasn't an unreasonable concern. Neither of us knew if I could be satisfied by plain vanilla after sampling lots of other delectable flavors.

We decided to try a fresh start and focus on improving both our communication and sex life. We got into counseling (individual and couples counseling), and we agreed to tell each other the truth, meaning that if I had a roll in the hay with JJ, I would tell Hubby, and he would admit any slips he had.

We agreed to start acting like we did early in our marriage, whether or not we felt like it. What did that mean? It meant the TV would get turned off in the evening.  It meant we would go to bed as soon as the kids were asleep so we'd have time for each other. It meant we'd start dating again, at least one night a week. It meant we'd leave heartfelt love notes for each other in the car, on the bathroom mirror, etc. We brought our plan into the current century by adding loving and sexy email and texts to each other throughout the day. I started sexting him at embarrassing moments.

And it meant we'd plan on sex every night. The rule was/is that neither of us can cancel it during the day, but either of us can cancel when we are actually in bed; however, the one who cancels is obligated to help the other come if he/she wants. I have to tell you I have been surprised by how many times I thought I was too tired or not in the mood, but when we started enjoying each other and I started helping him get off, I started to get excited, too.

We also each decided to really give it an honest try.  For me, that meant I would get into it with all the enthusiasm I had with JJ or J or S or...... For him, that meant being willing to try some variety and focusing on my pleasure.

So, for the first two weeks, that's how it was - sex every night.  Sometimes more than once. And it was really great sex! My old dog hubby kept thinking that he couldn't do it again for the 4th (5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, etc...) night in a row, but he did, and quite nicely, I might add. ;-)

We included some play with sex toys, and experimented with different positions. We asked each other what we had liked about sex with our other lovers and we incorporated some of those things into our own lovemaking.

The next week, it slowed down a little.  We only had sex on five nights of the seven that week. There were two nights that we both agreed to take a break.  Frankly, I needed a break, things were starting to get a little sore "down there" from all the attention. What a wonderful problem to have, huh? It was during this week that we also started reading to each other in bed (sex books and books about reclaiming your marriage) and talking about what we read.

Over the last 7 days, we've had sex on six nights. On one of them, we had agreed not to, but I changed my mind just as we were about to fall asleep and that kept us up for a couple more hours.

As the sex got better, lots of other things started turning around, too.  We actually wanted to be around each other more. We started talking more.

It didn't solve all of our problems, though.  Hubby is still too clingy, afraid that I'm going to take off and find another man...and, ultimately, leave him.  He has a reason to be concerned.  I won't leave him., but I have not lost my desire for my honey...or J, or P. or B, or C.....or...... As you can see, PWK is still here and going strong.

A couple of nights ago, we discussed a new "problem" we have.  We need to adjust our "act like we were newly together" plan because the sex now is much better than it was when we were newly together.  Huh? How can that be? Sounds crazy, huh?  I always thought that people were supposed to be on track for divorce when affairs were discovered, but that's not what has happened for us. The man who seemed to have lost interest in me sexually is now pursuing me and is trying as hard as he can to keep me interested in him and not in other men.

Now, we're looking to the future and wondering where it goes from here. You never really know what's going to happen in life, do you?

I'd better get writing.  I have some hot sex posts to write.

'Fessing Up

I just did something that I thought I would never do.

I just confessed my infidelities to my husband.

Well, some of them.

Here's what happened. He was digging through some records and he was about to discover one of the affairs.  Seriously, he was probably only an hour or two away from knowing, so I had a choice - Keep lying and make up another excuse or just tell him the truth.

He has been suspicious for a while.  Once he found the hotel payment records for a local hotel, he'd know.  I could have tried to lie and make up an explanation, but my husband is not that stupid. I am only attracted to smart men, remember? It would have been just too demeaning and insulting to him to make up another lame excuse that he knew was a lie. And, frankly, I have grown pretty tired of lying to the man I have loved for almost 25 years.

So I told him.

At first, he didn't say anything.  He just stared at me. He asked a question or two.  I answered them honestly. He asked if I was still seeing him. I replied, "One of them."

Hubby: There's more than one???

Kat: Yes.

Hubby: Does that one know you are telling me?

Kat: No, not yet.

Hubby: So he doesn't know you're breaking it off with him yet?

Kat: No, but I didn't say I was breaking it off with him.  You and I haven't gotten that far yet.

Hubby: So, you're still planning to see him again.

Kat: That depends.

Hubby: On what?

Kat: You.

And that's where the negotiations began.  What do I want from our marriage?  What does he want?  Could our marriage survive an open marriage relationship?

Surprisingly, he didn't ask any of the questions I was expecting, like how did we meet, how long has it been going on, etc. I think he was in shock. I expect that some of those will come as he processes things a bit more.

The conversation between us is not over yet, but we did agree on a few things - We love each other, we love our family, and we will not be splitting up over this or anything else.

The question is.... Can I give up prowling?  Will I?

What do you think?