Christmas Hydrangea

JJ gave me this lovely hydrangea plant today. While you may or may not be impressed, I was. It was a very thoughtful gift for several reasons. First, it's not easy to find a gift I can keep. Roses would be lovely, but I couldn't bring them home or keep them, but I can explain hydrangeas. I love to garden. Anyone could have given me hydrangeas or I could have picked some up myself.

But there's more.  All flowers have a meaning. Hydrangea flowers represent heartfelt, deep feelings when given as a gift. They also express thankfulness to a person with an understanding heart. Isn't that sweet?

I'll plant them outside my window and think of JJ whenever I look at them.

Take note, Gentlemen. Simple, but meaningful, wins every time. At least it does with me.

A Stupid Prowler Story - Yes, It Really Happened

This story is so full of fuck-ups interesting happenings that I just had to share it with you. Here it is in a nutshell:

Cop has affair with mistress.  Cop works the night shift and spends at least 57 nights playing with mistress instead of bring on patrol. Cop falsifies all sorts of records to cover his tracks (of course). Cop parks his patrol car out in front of mistress's house every time he "visits." Neighbor calls police to complain about the police being parked out front so often. Cop gets caught. Cop "retires" after 18 years on the force and draws a full pension. Cop is charged with 80 counts of official misconduct and 25 counts of falsifying business records. Presumably, the affair ends. Mistress makes details of the affair public - like what they did when they were together and the fact that the cop sometimes left his gun where her kids could have reached it.

But here's the part that blew my hair back.....

Mistress sues the county for $10 million for failing to properly supervise the cop while he was on duty.

Wow!

By the way, the cop was married and she was not.

Okay, Prowlers, how many of you can identify the mistakes the cop made in this situation?

Here's a link to the news story if you want to read about it yourself.

The Thing About Marriage Vows...

When you get married and you say, "I do," that's a response to a "yes or no" question.  Are you in this thing 'til death do you part, or not? It's not conditional.  You are typically not given the option of saying, "I do, as long as she keeps all of her vows perfectly and as long as she doesn't get fat. Otherwise, I can jump ship if I want."

No, each of you affirms vows to each other, but independently of each other.

So, what happens when one of you breaks your vows?  Does the other one have the right to leave? I don't think so.  They have no more of a right to leave than if their spouse never cheated. Why? Because of their own vow not to leave.

If my husband cheats on me (which he has), that's one issue, but I made my own promise to him never to leave. That's sort of what that "in good times and bad, for better or worse" part was about.

I know there are lots of folks out there who believe that infidelity is sufficient reason to break that vow and take off. Heck, even the Bible says it's o.k. to get divorced over infidelity, not that you have to, but you can if you want. Clearly, though, I don't believe in that tit for tat perspective, especially when it comes to marriage, families, and children.

To those people who use the argument that if a spouse cheats it's o.k. to divorce them because they broke the vows first, I ask you this: What about the other vows? Most marriage vows include a promise to love,  honor, and cherish your spouse.  Well, I have seen many men (and women, for that matter) treating their spouses in a way that is demonstrating that they clearly don't honor and cherish them.  It should be o.k. to get out of the marriage because that was a break of the vows, right?

No?  Where are the Marriage Vow Police when you need them?

Apparently, it's only that pesky sexual infidelity issue that gives you a "Get Out of Marital Jail Free" card. But only in the minds of those who are unwilling to accept responsibility for their own actions and their own promises. I wonder if they operate that way in the rest of life.  Is the value of their word always contingent on the behavior of others?

Human beings are just that - human.  We don't always "cherish" our spouses as we should. We're not always faithful. But families stay together because we depend on our spouse to honor the "'Til death do us part" part of the vows even when we fail, and our spouse hopes that we'll do the same when they fall short.

My belief is that the contingencies should have been reviewed prior to the marriage, at least for those things that could reasonably happen. If she becomes permanently disabled, will you stay? If she cheats, will you stay? If not, maybe you shouldn't get married. Or add that to your vows.  Make a promise to stay with her 'til death do you part, unless she's unfaithful.  Say that while you're in the church, in your tux, in front of your friends and family. No?  You don't want to do that?  Huh.

Now I'm not finding fault with anyone who is divorced.  People get divorced for all sorts of reasons and they usually think their reasons are good enough. That's not my business. But to the folks who think that infidelity is a no questions asked release valve, please tell yourself (and your spouse and your children) the truth - regardless what your spouse did or didn't do,  you made a vow that you're not willing to honor, and that's why you're leaving.

As for me, the "'til death do us part" vow was, and is, the most important one.  It means that I'm in it for the duration. It means that Hubby knows I'll be there for him when he falters, intentionally or not. When I found out about Hubby's cheating, I knew I wouldn't be leaving, and that's the first thing I told him in response. I said, "I'm not going anywhere.  This will all be o.k."  When he found out about mine, that's what he said to me. You're either in this thing together or your not.

Someone who is looking for an excuse to leave the marriage will find one, regardless of what his spouse has or hasn't done.

Now That's My Kind of Present!

Have I mentioned that I love presents? Well, HH and Lola, of My Sex Life With Lola, shared these two very nice photos with me, but they are really presents for all of you, Prowlers.

Instead of telling the back story myself, here's what HH wrote:

"Here's a couple of new and special pics from Lo.  She was all dolled up to go out on the town and then I told her that I had a little present for her.  I told her it was under the tree and she had to look for it.  She immediately got down.  I snapped this pic quickly and then gave her the present - from behind."

Enjoy! And then visit their blog - http://mysexlifewithlola.com/

Is Sex Important?

It seems like a silly question, doesn't it? Of course sex is important.  The problem is how important it is.

Most men think it's more important than it really is, and most women think it's less important than it really is. It's that gap that leads to a lot of unhappiness in marriage and a good portion of the infidelity in the world.

On the other side of the coin, most men think that sexual infidelity is much less significant than it really is and most woman think it's more significant than it really is. It's that gap that leads to a lot of divorces.

So how do men and women who stay married for decades navigate these murky waters? Some stay together in an unhappy and often sexless (or sexually unsatisfying)  marriage.  Some cheat. Some decide to try the open marriage option. Some hang on as long as they can before eventually divorcing. Some choose to talk about it openly, acknowledge the difficulty, and work constantly toward a resolution that is not just acceptable, but satisfying for both of them. No matter how you slice it, it's not easy.

I think the trick is to remember that your spouse sees it differently than you do.  There is no point in trying to convince him that sex shouldn't be as important to him because you will fail. Why?  Because it is important to him! And there's also no point, Gentlemen, in trying to convince your wife that sex should be more important to her.

Men are also at a disadvantage because women talk to each other.  And what do they tell each other about sex? That their husbands want it too much, that they think it's more important than it really is.  As they talk, they reinforce their own perspectives and miss the obvious - No matter what your girlfriends say, if your husband says he needs more sex to be happy and you want him to be happy (which you do or why would you have married him?),  then you should be having more sex with him.  It's pretty simple, isn't it? Unless his dick is chasing you several times a day, every day, what's the problem?

Remember my friend, Steve? He told me once that he was having a discussion, again, with his wife about the frequency of sex. He wanted it three times a week, but he could he happy with twice. His wife told him that she had talked about it with her friends and they told her that he was being completely unreasonable because no one who had been married as long as they had been married (40 years) had sex that often. She actually put the opinion of her friends ahead of her own husband's happiness, mostly because it reinforced what she wanted anyway. She also told him that women her age shouldn't have to have sex anymore. Seriously.  And then she wondered why he cheated.  She thought that because sex was unimportant to her that it shouldn't be important to him, either.

What women like Steve's wife don't understand is that women generally enjoy sex more if they have an emotional connection with someone.  Men, on the other hand, are more likely to slide into, or stay with, an emotional connection if they have their sexual needs met. Both parties have to give in order to get what they want. Do you think this is an accident?  I don't. I am pretty certain that we were made this way. Men and women complement each other physically (insert tab A into slot B), emotionally, and in many other ways. The more a wife tries to make her husband like her ("once a month should be enough") or the more a husband tries to make his wife like him ("I don't care if you worked all day, made dinner, cared for the kids and cleaned until 10:00 pm., let's get it on!"), the more trouble they will encounter.

The real danger comes when each starts to think there is something wrong with the other for not having the same needs. A man wanting to have sex is perfectly normal.  And if your husband wants to have sex with you after decades of being married, count yourself very fortunate, Ladies. If you give him grief for it, you're just pretty stupid in my opinion, or you really want a divorce.

I've known women who were unhappy in their marriages and they pushed their husbands away sexually.  Then, when he cheated and they ended up divorced, the women acted like the victims. I'm not saying that infidelity is morally defensible, but there are two sides to every divorce and the sad "victim" is usually not a real victim at all.

If you're a woman and you don't want your husband to cheat, you need to recognize that sex matters to him and you need to give him some good sex. Notice I said "good sex."  You may also want to read 10 Tips for Wives to Keep Your Husband from Cheating. There's no guarantee that he won't cheat, but the odds are better if you take the suggestions I offer in that post.

If you're a man and you want your wife to give you more sex - and good sex - you need to back off a bit and come in from a different angle. Remember that she doesn't understand the how and why of how important sex is to you. Court her.  Make that emotional connection and then go for the sex.  This is a much more complex topic than this post can cover, so I'll write another. In the meantime, read What Women Really Want in Bed, and remember that to a woman, pressure is the anti-aphrodisiac.

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Don't forget to check out this month's Sex Blog Chain post.  It's about Holiday Sex!

Kat Confessions - #1 Fucking the Teacher for a Grade

I thought it might be fun to start a new feature called Kat Confessions. I have plenty of secrets. Yes, I even have secrets I haven't shared with you, Prowlers. I thought I'd start with the time I fucked my way to a passing grade in a class.

I was a freshman in college.  The course was Calculus. Before I go any further, I need to say that I have since mastered the subject, but at the time it made no sense to me at all. I was really struggling, so the day before the deadline for dropping classes I went to the professor to let him know I'd be dropping the course.

He tried to talk me out of it. I did the best I could to explain to him that I could not afford to fail the class. I participated in some activities for which I had to maintain academic eligibility, and one of those was tied to scholarships. I wasn't going to let calculus  interfere with that.

Then he said, "What if I could guarantee you a passing grade?"

"How could you do that?" I asked.

He proceeded to tell me he would guarantee me a passing grade if I came to every single class session (not even one absence), turned in every single assignment, took every single test and quiz, and attended every small group tutoring session (offered five days a week in his office).

I clarified, "So even if I fail every test, I'll still get a passing grade as long as I do those things?"

"Yes," he said. "And one more thing....."

He paused. I got nervous. I was afraid he was going to say that I had to show positive progress over the semester (seriously, I had no clue what was going on in that class), so you can imagine how I relieved I was when he said that he wanted me to sleep with him once a week throughout the semester. That was the final requirement.

His inclusion of the sex part didn't come out of the blue. A couple of weeks before, I ran into him at a party. I was drunk.  He was charming, and he had a British accent.  Girls can't resist men with foreign accents. He was substantially older than me; I had just turned 18 and he had to be in his late 40's. But when he offered me a ride home as I was stumbling out of the party, the age difference didn't bother me at all. As he was driving toward my dorm, he asked, "Would you mind if we went to my place instead?"

There was a tiny voice inside me that was whispering that it might not be a great idea to fuck my calculus professor, but I arrogantly thought that I was a wise and worldly woman, so I agreed.

He lived about 40 minutes from campus, up in the mountains. The drive gave me plenty of time to start sobering up, which was disappointing because now I couldn't fool myself into thinking that I was drunk and unable to make rational decisions. No, I was heading fast to the sober side of the stream of thought and I was about to fuck my calculus professor. I turned and looked at him.  Yes, he had a British accent.  Yes, he was smart. But he really wasn't very attractive, at least not to an 18 year old girl woman. I remember thinking, I really hope he has a big dick.

We got to his house, which was really more like a cottage, a darling little place, and we went inside. He asked if I wanted some tea.  I didn't.  He pointed to the other room and said, "The bathroom is in there. The bed is over there.  You can hang your clothes on that chair.  I'll be in shortly." No pretense of romance. No getting in the mood. Okay.  I took off my clothes and crawled into bed. A few minutes later, he came in with a cup of tea in his hand.  He sat on the edge of the bed and drank his tea, making small talk. I can't even remember what he was talking about, but the whole situation seemed strange to me.

When he was finished with his tea, he stood up and took off his clothes and switched on the overhead light. Up until then, the only light had been from a lamp in the next room and the light in the kitchen. The light was so blinding that I covered my eyes. Then he pulled the covers off the bed so I had nothing to hide under. He stood there looking at me for a moment and he said, "Well, Miss Kat, I'm going to enjoy fucking you."

That's when I noticed his cock.  It was erect, of course, but that's not the first thing I noticed. Damn, I thought.  Average. It wasn't a bad cock, but I really had been hoping for something spectacular.

I scooched over to the edge of the bed where he was standing and I took his cock into my mouth and started sucking him. He exhaled loudly and grabbed me by the hair, guiding me to take him in deeply and come back until only the very tip was on my lips, then deeply again. He started moving me faster on him and moaning and I thought he was going to cum in my mouth, but instead he roughly pulled me off his cock and lifted his arm in the air so I was pulled up high on my knees and back a little. My hands were grasping for his hand to take the pressure off my scalp. My back was arched. My tits were thrust forward. I felt completely exposed in that brightly lit room. And for the first time, I was scared.

"You're too good at that, Kat," he said. "I don't want to cum yet. Not like that anyway." He pulled my hair tighter.  Was he really punishing me for being too good at giving head? I was confused.

He finally released me and pushed me back, telling me to lay on my back. As soon as I did, he grabbed my legs and pulled me to the edge of the bed. The height of the bed was perfect (I was sure that was no accident) and he slid inside me as he tugged me to closer to him one more time. I squealed a bit in shock, but he shot a chastising glance at me so I became quiet quickly. He grasped my ankles and spread my legs wide apart, and he started fucking me. It was slow at first, but within a couple of minutes it was forceful and violent.

He told me to keep my eyes on his. I was surprised at how uncomfortable that felt.  All I wanted to do was look away. Then he told me to pinch my nipples. And he fucked me harder.

I was there for about 6 hours and I did everything he told me to do. At times, he'd lay down to nap a bit.  When he did, he told me to kneel on the floor next to the bed, back a few feet so he could see me, with my knees spread wide apart and my hands clasped behind my neck. I could feel his cum dripping down my thighs, but I didn't dare move. When he woke up, he'd call me back to bed, tell me what to do, and he'd fuck me again.

As the sun was coming up, he came in my ass and then he told me to get dressed. I hurried to grab my clothes and I started getting dressed. He snapped at me, "No panties." He held out his hand and I handed him my panties.  Then I headed toward the bathroom.  He snapped at me again, "You can pee, but no cleaning up. I want my cum to be dripping out of you for awhile. And leave the door open."

What the fuck? I thought. This guy was weird, but it was kind of hot, too. I really wasn't sure what to think.

We went out to his car and before I got in, he told me to be sure to pull my skirt down far enough so I didn't get any cum on the seat. As we were driving down the mountain, he told me to give him my bra. I did.

As we approached campus, I reminded him what dorm to take me to, but he dropped me instead at the other end of campus, beyond the dining hall. When I asked him why, he said, "Give me your shoes.  You can pick them up in my office later."  I was still confused. Then he leaned over close to me and said, almost whispering, "Now, Kat, as you walk back to your dorm wearing the same clothes you wore last night, but without shoes, bra, or panties....and with my cum dripping out of your pussy and ass and running slowly down your thighs, I want you to think about what a slut you are. And as you walk by everyone heading to the dining hall for breakfast, I want you to think about how they know you're just coming in from a night of being fucked like a whore. Walk slowly, and think about that."

Then he kissed me - a deep, passionate kiss, the only kiss of the "date." After the kiss he said, "You really are a good fuck." I got out of the car and walked slowly back to my dorm, just as he told me to. My thighs and eventually my calves, too, were slick and wet with his cum. I saw a group of girls looking at me and whispering to each other. I saw several guys just starting at me as I completed my walk of shame. When I got back to my dorm, I went straight to the shower.

So, when he included weekly sex in his "offer" of help with my grade a couple of weeks later, I knew exactly what I was getting into. I knew he wasn't just going to use my body, but I'd be getting weekly mind fucking as well.

I needed a few minutes to think about it. If I just dropped calculus, I'd have to take it again, and I'd be right here in this same position. But if I took it, I had to pass.  Failure could not be an option. And I knew there was only way I was going to pass. I told him ok.

There were ten weeks left in the semester at that point.  I attended every class, did every assignment, took every test and quiz (and failed them all), and attended every small group tutoring session. And every Thursday night at 7:00 I drove up to his house and did whatever he wanted me to do until 7:00 a.m. Three times, there was another girl there when I showed up, and he played with both of us and had us play with each other. Once, I had a chance to chat with her when it wasn't Thursday night.  I ran into her at the library and we found a private place to talk and it turned out that she had a similar arrangement with him, but she wasn't handling it so well. To me, it was like a business arrangement.  To her, it was.....something very ugly and humiliating.

There were three weeks left in the semester. I went to his office one afternoon and told him to let her out of the deal - just give her the passing grade and let her go. He said, "I will, but only if you cover her sessions, plus three more." That would mean that when we started the new semester, after winter break, I would have to do six more sessions with him. "But you let her go now, right? She can stop going to class, everything, and she gets a passing grade."  He smiled and nodded his head.  I felt relieved. "Okay then," I said. "I'll see you in class," and I left his office and went to tell her.  She cried.  We stayed good friends for years, and we did more than a few threesomes together.

The semester ended and grades came out. I got a C. Damn him, I thought.  Couldn't he have given me a B? That was the first and only C of my life. I had been a straight A student - until then. I couldn't really fault him, though.  A "C" was a passing grade and that's what he had agreed. It occurred to me that I could have negotiated that grade to be an "A" back when we were first striking the deal, but I clearly wasn't smart enough.

I called my friend.  She got her C, too. She was just glad it was over.  To be honest, so was I, except that it wasn't completely over for me, but the hard part was.

I went home for Christmas break and when I came back to campus there was a note in my mailbox. It was unsigned.  All it said was, "You owe me six sessions.  I'll see you Thursday at 7:00."

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If you missed the December Sex Blog post on Holiday Sex, find it here.

Holiday Sex - December Sex Blog Chain

What better topic for our December Sex Blog Chain than Holiday Sex?

Let's start with Max's contribution from  Thoughts of a Mystic Satyr. Have you ever had the experience of drinking a little too much at the office Christmas party and then leaving with a colleague?  Max has, and he writes about in his post Office Party. This is a three part post, so after you read the first one, be sure to continue with the next two. By the end of part 2, I was tasting my fingers, too.

Same Sassy Girl links us to her Holiday Sex with Philip as her entry this month. It's very hot and very sweet.  Did I mention it's really hot?

Now how's this for efficient?  Advizor, author of Free Advice is Worth What You Pay for It, combined his Holiday Sex post with his TMI Tuesday post. I smiled at his list of things that have put him on Santa's naughty list this year. He's definitely my kind of guy.

Ryan Beaumont definitely rose to the occasion this month by writing about food, football, and fucking in the Big Easy like no one else ever could in his post Don't Let Her Catch You With A Care.

If you missed my post on Thanksgiving Vacation Sex, you may want to take a look.  Who said the holiday in Holiday Sex had to be Christmas?

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If you want to catch up on the Sex Blog Chain posts of the past, all of the links are here. Please share this month's post with others.

If you're a blogger and you'd like to join us next month, the Sex Blog Chain page has all the detials you need.  We'd love to have you!