A Man's Guide to Giving Great "Clit"

 A few months ago, when I wrote Stress, Emotional Intimacy and Cunnilingus, I knew that I needed to find a guy to share some cunnilingus tips, for two main reasons: 1)  Many of you need assistance in that area, and 2) Having eaten pussy only a few times in my life, I'm in no position to give advice on this.

So I turned to my good friend SomewhereMan.  Now, I've never experienced his prowess, but I've heard reports that he really knows what he's doing.  Here's his contribution to the cause.

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When Kat asked me for a man's perspective on "going down", I jumped at the chance.  Not too quickly nor too eagerly, of course, but with care and concern.

Most women know they love it when their man (or men) go down on them.  Yet what works best?  How would they recommend a man proceed?  I know how I love my rod getting sucked but I'm not exactly in a position where I can get on my knees or give a hummer from the passenger seat on a long, country drive.

There was once a time where I was convinced that a man who was an expert in oral sex on a woman would never lose that woman.  Well... I've found that isn't true.  But a woman will allow more latitude if her man is complete, sensual and determined to make her cum.

Over and over.

A Man's Guide To Giving Great "Clit".

Watch Porn But Remember The Individual.  This is critical for each guy.  We all want to think that we're Peter North and can dig in with four women at a time.  Even Peter knows that each woman is a little...different.  I look back on my lovers over the past three years.  Some loved having their asshole licked.  Others tightened up as my tongue advanced to that region.  Some wanted the "tongue on clit/two fingers inside" extra value meal.  Others just wanted their clit sucked.  There is no "one style fits all".  

Eye Contact.  I can't stress this enough.  While you're digging in, keep plenty of eye contact with her.  She'll bit her bottom lip and, perhaps, pinch her nipples.  The eye contact is the silent affirmation of her beauty.  Women work hard to look good for us.  They give up rich food.  They do that yoga bullshit.  Eye contact doesn't cost anything but always pays off.

Let Her Know Time Doesn't Matter.  I do have a slight issue when I'm in the "receiving" position.  Out of my natural concern for others, I try not to take too long to climax.  I don't want her having to suck on me for 20 minutes because I don't want her to have a sore throat and busted wrists.  Yet, for a woman that I love (and I've been in "love" through my prowling), I would go down for an hour - or more - if that's what they wanted.  Never sigh while you're licking.  Purr a little bit.  Moan with her.

Thighs Are Your Friends.  Work them gently.  Make her goosebumps pop and her body tingle without even touching the goody box.  This is where a woman finds her peaceful "raft", where the troubles and the stress of her day just melt away like lemon drops.

Make Oral Sex The Main Course.  Don't treat it as foreplay.  Treat it as the main dish.  You'll get the actual sex later and it will be incredibly hot and wet.

Women, by nature, are extremely self-conscious about their bodies.  Many never allow themselves to reach an orgasm out of this worry.  Do whatever you can to make her feel comfortable and the beautiful woman that she is.

Stress, Emotional Intimacy, and Cunnilingus

That's what's on my mind this evening - stress, emotional intimacy, and cunnilingus. They are not necessarily related.  Or are they?

The stress is mostly about my work. My stress level is above average and has been for the past few weeks, ok, months. Things change in a bit and some of that stress will be lifted after mid-day tomorrow, but it made me think about how stress in my life changes it.  I put off things that I want to do and things that I should do. I accept behaviors from others in my life that I normally wouldn't because I need to keep the peace.  I simply don't have the energy to fight. I spend less time with my children.  I have less sex. It's weird because I stop doing (or cut way back on) the things that would help relieve some of my stress.

This is related to emotional intimacy because I push people back when I'm stressed. I don't tell them what's really going on with me.

 How are you, Kat?

Great! Thanks for asking.

That's the answer regardless of what's going on. Sometimes I'll change it up, to Good or OK, but it's just code for "You really don't care, do you?" Because I know they really don't want to hear it. I wonder what would happen if I surprised them with, "Not great. I love someone who loves someone else (besides his wife)" OR "Could be better. I'm really worried about my son" OR "Except for some chronic health conditions that affect me every second of every day, I'm ok."

I've become much better at being more honest, particularly with those I love, but then just as I have, I find myself in the company of others I care about very much who push me away. It's like a dance. I move in, they move back.  He moves in, I step back.

And then, when I finally let someone in completely - no hiding, no secrets, "all in" - I learn that it's not a two way street. Or maybe it's not. It is complicated.

I remember hearing (and even telling folks myself) that if someone really got to know you, they'd love you.  How could they not?  The problem is just that they don't know you. But what my mother never explained is what happens when someone does know you and they still won't go all in. Well, I can tell you.  It leaves you feeling pretty stupid and hurt.....and committed to keeping your heart better protected next time.

Next time.  If there is a next time. How many next times are left for women pushing 50?  And what if I want to stick it out with things as they are?  There was a time in my life when I would have said, "If you want love, don't settle for less." But that was a younger woman who had hundreds of "next times" left, and that woman wasn't in love. That woman wasn't already all in.

And all of this is magnified because I'm experiencing so much stress. Maybe next week, when the acute stress has passed, everything will be fine and none of these emotional intimacy issues will bother me. Maybe they'll just disappear into the ether.

Right?

Just as I was thinking of intimacy, cunnilingus popped into my mind. That's a pretty intimate act.  I hate the name, though. It needs a nice euphemism, something better than pussy eating or pussy licking.

Those of you who haven't been reading long enough may not know this, but my husband has never gone down on me.  Not once.  Ever. In 25 years.  I've had a few lovers do it over the years, but not very many.  In fact, I can count the number of men who've done that for me on one hand, and three of them had no idea how to do it well. I found myself staring at the ceiling wondering if I should act like I liked it or if I should just shift positions and move on to something else.

I've had the pleasure of eating a few pussies in my life.  Not many, but enough to know that it's not as easy as it looks. The female genitalia are not as simple and straightforward as the male. Men have a cock and balls.  Simple. Women have a clitoris, two sets of labia, a vagina, and a g-spot. Wow. That's a  lot going on in a space of  just a few square inches. And while men's genitalia are all out in the open and easily available, some of a woman's best stuff is hidden.  You've got to go find it. Once you've found it, you have to know what to do with it.

Maybe it's not supposed to be so easy to please a woman. Given the close connection between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy for women, maybe it's a built-in form of emotional protection.

Maybe.