Six Tips for the Care and Feeding of a Mistress

I have addressed this topic before but I'm feeling the need to tackle it again.

Getting the mistress is only part of the battle.  Unless you are looking for a series of one-time-fucks, you're going to have to take some action to keep the gal coming back.

In the beginning, it's fairly easy because it's new and exciting, but as time wears on it's going to take more than your gorgeous cock to keep her coming back. I know.  That's unbelievable, isn't it? How could a woman want anything more than the privilege of having wanton sex with you?

Let's assume for a moment that your cock is not enough. Here's what you need to do to keep your mistress happy.

1. Communicate - Communication is what forms that connection between the two of you.  If she doesn't feel connected to you when you're not together, she will not be as willing to make the time to get together. You found a way to communicate when the relationship was new.  You wrote lots of great emails to her or you texted her from time time telling her how much you wanted her. Then you got busy. Other things became important.  Fair enough.  Just realize that as soon as she starts to feel more like a booty call and less like a lover, your days are numbered. Also realize that she may have (probably has) an uncommunicative man at home.  Why would she want two?

2. Act Like You Care - This may be a stretch for some of you, but I think you can handle the challenge. You should be communicating so you know what's going on in her life.  Once you have done that, though, you need to act like you care. Ask questions. Offer comfort, if appropriate.  Most importantly, listen. Pay attention. Know her birthday are other important dates in her life. The special dates matter, but it's really caring about the events of everyday life that matters the most.  Let me give you an example of someone who did not follow this advice. I had been seeing someone for a very long time when I got some bad medical news.  I wanted to share it with him. I contacted him and told him I had received some bad news from the doctor.  He asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I said yes.  He said he'd call.  He didn't.  Not only didn't he call, but he didn't mention it again, didn't bring it up. But when he had time to get together for sex the following week, he was quite available and able to communicate about the arrangements. It may sound like a silly little thing, but it was very important thing in my life and his behavior said, "I don't really care." Now, there's really nothing wrong with that. It's totally fine if he doesn't care about my life or can't make the time to talk about it or whatever, but that's not the way to keep a mistress happy.  Period. I hear that version of "I don't care" as "I guess it's time to move on." And that is ok, too. It has to be.

3. Add Some Variety - You know how sex at home gets boring after a while?  Well, the same thing can happen in an ongoing extramarital relationship. Surprise her with different positions.  Try sometime new. Give her a massage. Try playing with some toys together. Find an unusual place to play. Keep it fresh.

4. Make It All About Her Sometimes - Remember how in the beginning you were so anxious to please her?  Part of that was because you wanted to know you still could have that effect on a woman and part of it was because you really wanted her to enjoy herself so she'd keep coming back. It's likely that you're not focusing as much attention on her as you used to. That's a normal by-product of familiarity, but it's not a good thing. Make a decision to focus entirely on her pleasure.  Don't worry.  She'll make sure you get yours.

5. Skip the Sex Once in a While - I know this sounds like crazy talk, but it really speaks to the "Act like you care" suggestion, above. Once in a while, and only you know how often it should be, skip the bedroom and take her to lunch.  If there is no place you can go publicly together, prepare a picnic for the two of you and take her somewhere for a bite and some conversation. If it turns into some hot car sex, that's ok, but the point is that you were prepared just to spend time with her for a purpose other than getting your cock sucked or fucking her. Now, it may be that she doesn't want this.  She may want some "private time" every time.  That's fine, but make the offer.  Show the initiative.

6. Be Romantic - Get your creativity juices flowing, boys. How can you show her that you want her in your life and that you are grateful that she's your sweetie? Gifts and flowers are nice, but they can be problematic  Those problems can be solved.  I had one sweetie who liked to bring me flowers, and to be honest, I loved getting them, but I couldn't keep them.  I couldn't take them home or back to work, so I gave them to someone on my way out of wherever we were. If we were at a restaurant  I'd give them to another diner.  If we were at a hotel, I left them at the front desk.  On occasion  I'd drop them by a friend's house and leave them anonymously. He understood that I couldn't keep them, but it was the romance he was going for and he hit the nail on the head (he also had more than enough money for that sort of thing). It can also be romantic to give very small gifts that she can keep. Focus on everyday things that wouldn't be noticed at home. JJ gave me a small key chain once from a trip he took. It was from a place that I had been before so it wouldn't spark any interest at home. I love that little key chain and every time I look at it I think of him. Inexpensive, simple, meaningful, safe - a great choice.

If you're thinking, "Kat, I don't have time for all this!" I understand. I really do. But remember this: We make time for that which is important to us. If you don't have time for any of this (and I'm just talking about enough to show you care, not going overboard), then your mistress is getting the message that your relationship with her is not important to you. Maybe it's not.  If that's ok with both of you, that's fine. You may want to be sure, though,  you're both on same page or she may have one foot out the door.

The Care and Feeding of a Mistress

Most men would say that they know how to keep their mistress happy.  The only thing your mistress needs to be happy is regular access to your hot body and the amazing sex you generously bestow upon her. Right?

Well, maybe not so much. If you're talking about a short term (I define short term as two  months or less) fuck buddy relationship, that might be enough to keep her happy for awhile. I would think you would also need to spring for some hotel rooms and a nice meal every now and then, but maybe not.

If you want a long term relationship with your mistress, though, it's going to take more to keep her happy.  Women need some attention and any relationship needs a little bit of nurturing if it's going to last more than a couple of hours.

I've put together a few things that you may want to consider if you want to keep your mistress (married or not) in your bed rather than someone else's.

1. Be generous with genuine compliments. If she looks nice, tell her so.  If you enjoy her company, tell her so.  If she sucks your cock better than anyone you ever known, tell her that, too. Men tend to forget about his simple courtesy after they have known a woman for a while.  They assume that "she already knows I think that." Maybe she does, but she also needs and wants to hear it. If your mistress is married, she probably feels unappreciated at home and if she doesn't feel genuinely appreciated with you, she won't stay long. And let me be clear, I'm not talking about making things up.  Focus on what you like about her, and tell her.

2. Be generous in bed. It's easy to be generous in bed when you're trying to impress her, but what about several months into the relationship?  Do you fall back into a routine that makes sex more about you than about her?  Ok, I know that, from your perspective, it is all about you, but you know what I mean. Mix it up, keep it new and fresh. Remember, if she's married, she has boring sex at home.  Why would she risk her marriage for boring, unfulfilling sex with you?

3. Be generous with your communication. Let's say that you are planning to meet for some naughty fun next week.  Unless you and she have agreed to a radio silence policy, she should hear from you a few times between now and then using whatever communication channels you have agreed on. It doesn't have to be much, but let her know that you are thinking about her and care about her. If you don't communicate at all between meetings (except to set up the time, date, and location of the next meeting) she will eventually decide that you're not interested in her at all. Maybe you're not, but be prepared to lose her if you won't communicate.  I've cancelled more than one meet-up because of a lack of communication in-between meetings. I didn't make a big deal about it.  I didn't whine about communication ("Why didn't you call me or text me?"). I just became unavailable. Get it?

4. Be generous with simple gifts. This is a difficult area.  If she is married, it's unlikely that she can keep any of the standard gift items you might think of, like cards or flowers or jewelry.  And I wouldn't advocate spending much on her anyway.  Think about simple gifts, things that she can keep.  For example, I've got a thing about cute post-it notes. I could receive a little pad of cute post-it notes and keep them, without anyone thinking anything of it. Be creative. If she likes to read, books are a good idea. Remember, the gift itself is not the point.  The point is that you thought about her and went out of your way a bit to make her smile. The odds are good that her hubby is not thinking of her very much in those sweet little ways, so you will keep her attention if you do.

Let me share a little story with you. It's about a holiday and how it went down with me.  I won't tell you what holiday it was, but it was a traditional gift giving holiday. Unfortunately, I didn't get a gift from my husband. I didn't get a gift from my lover, either.  Ouch.  Not only that, but I got to listen to him talk about what a wonderful gift he got for his wife.  Don't get me wrong.  I was very pleased that he did something really nice for his wife.  She deserved that. And it wasn't about a gift at all. It was about being forgotten and taken for granted. Heck, lots women who have been married for a long time are forgotten by their husbands on "special" days. To be honest, I expected my husband to let the day go by without any recognition. But unlike most women, I got to experience the feeling of being forgotten by two men.

It sounds silly and petty, doesn't it?  I know it does, but what matters is how it feels. How much do you think I felt like going out of my way for either of those men? Exactly.

If you want her to keep you happy, you have to keep her happy.  It's a simple formula. If you make her feel wanted, she'll make you feel good. If you neglect her, she'll go away. It doesn't get much simpler than that.