The Message

My phone vibrates. I know it's you, but I can't look at the message right now. He's sitting right next to me. I'm hoping he didn't hear the buzzing sound because if he did, I know he'll suspect something.

He's watching.  I don't reach for the phone.  I act like it doesn't matter to me at all, but my heart is pounding in my chest. Hearing from you is like a drug for me. I haven't seen you for what seems like a long, long time. Messages from you are all I have to keep me connected to you.  And I just know that there is one waiting for me right now, 12 inches away, but I can't look at it.  Not yet.

I wonder what it says.  Will it be a simple and casual, "Hey" or something more substantial? It really doesn't matter what it says. What matters is that it's from you. You have reached out to connect, reminding me that I'm still important in your life, that in the middle of your busy evening, when you can't be caught sending a message, you take the chance to steal a moment to let me know you're thinking of me. I marvel at how you can pack so much thought, intention, and emotion into a few words.

We haven't had time to communicate much for several days, and I really do miss you. Several things have happened that I have wanted to tell you about, but they will have to wait until we have time.  Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever be able to find enough time to catch up on all the things that come up in between our conversations. Heck, I'm ok with just sitting with you and not saying anything (yes, I know you must be chuckling right now at the thought of me not saying anything.  Haha). The touch of your hand speaks clearly to me.

Even when you don't speak, I hear you.

He stands up and walks to the back of the house to get something.  I wait until he's far down the hall and I hear our bedroom door open before I reach for the phone and check the message quickly.

I sigh.  That's just what I needed to lift me out of the malaise I've been in. Like a cool drink of water on a hot summer's day, your message calms and refreshes me.

I quickly type out a reply.  As I hit send, I hear his footsteps coming back toward the living room.  I put the phone back exactly where it was before he left, and return to reading my Kindle. I try not to smile, but the happiness I feel at hearing from you is practically bubbling out of me. I decide to let it out, so I smile and laugh, pretending that I just read something very funny.

"Good book, huh?" he asks.

"Very good," I reply.

I stare at the page, smiling, but I'm not reading. I'm thinking about you.  I'm wondering what you are doing right now. I'm remembering how you looked sitting across the table at that coffee place, sipping iced tea and telling me about some of the things going on in your life.  I could have sat there just looking at you for a few hours more that day, but we both had to go. 

Sometimes I wish that we could have the time to just hang out together and enjoy each other's company, but time is a rare luxury for us. Every moment we carve out for each other is stolen from someone or something else - work, family, friends, hobbies - so we usually spend our time with each other in minutes, rather than hours - minutes like the one stolen for the message you just sent. Our relationship has been built over many months of a few minutes at a time.

My thoughts of you are interrupted by him telling me he's going to get some ice cream.  As he goes to the kitchen, I reach for the phone. I'll have time to send you a short message while he's gone. As soon as I pick up the phone, it vibrates again.

I smile, inside and out.

It's another message from you.

Cheaters Getting Caught

I've heard many stories from people about how they were caught by their spouses while prowling. In almost all of these cases, the prowler thought that the spouse had absolutely no idea what was going on and was very surprised to be caught.

Never forget- You must assume that your spouse is smarter than you think s/he is. If you don't, you will undoubtedly end up in trouble.

Here are a few real life stories I've heard of ways people have been caught cheating. Some of these are men I've known personally.  Others are people I've known, either online or in person, who shared what happened to them.

GPS Tracking - One woman told me that she was caught by her husband when he became suspicious and decided to track her via GPS. I don't know if he installed a tracking device in her car or if he simply tracked her via her smart phone, but he tracked her to a hotel where he confronted her.

Phone bill - One man told me that his wife, who never had paid any attention to the cell phone bill before, looked over the cell phone bill and saw hundreds of texts and calls to and from the same number.  Curious, she called the number and a woman answered.  Later, she checked her husband's cell phone, and that number was associated with a woman's name.  That's when she confronted him.

Call log and texts- Another man told me that his wife looked at the call log on his phone and saw a bunch of calls, incoming and outgoing, associated with a woman's name.  While she was looking through his phone, an explicitly naughty text from that woman came through.

Spouse following him - One man recounted how his wife saw him leave work and she followed him, thinking he was going to participate in a recreational activity they enjoyed. When he went to a hotel instead, she confronted him.

Blackmail attempt - One man (if you've been reading this  blog for a while, you know who this is) was blackmailed by one of his fuck buddies who said she would tell his wife everything unless he gave her a certain amount of money. Instead of giving in to the threats, he chose to tell his wife instead so she would hear it from him and not the other woman.

Bodily fluids and scent on clothes in the laundry - One man's wife confronted him while she was doing the laundry after she found some of his clothes that smelled like sex.  As she went through the clothes more carefully, she saw some stained with bodily fluids, too.

Reported by a friend - One woman was enjoying lunch with her lover at a popular restaurant about 20 miles from where she lived. She felt it was safe because it wasn't in her home town, so she and her lover were being particularly demonstrative - holding hands, kissing, etc. What she didn't know was that one of her husband's friends was in the restaurant, too.  He recognized her and witnessed everything.  Then he called her husband.  Her husband confronted her as soon as she got home.

Email - One man accidentally forgot to close and sign out of his email account when he left the house.  His wife went to use the computer and saw a long list of emails from his lover on the screen.  She read them all.  Then she looked at the sent messages and she read all of those. She called him and confronted him over the phone while he was at work.

To the best of my knowledge, all but one of these couples (husband and wife) are still together, but only two of the caught prowlers kept their lovers.

When you add these to all of the stories you've been told and all the things you've read about and seen on TV, you should get the message that it's pretty easy to get caught. Some of these folks were just careless, but others had spouses who were not as stupid as their prowling spouses thought they were.

Have you ever been caught?  What happened? Have you ever known someone who was caught? Please share with us in the comments.

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For some advice to help you avoid being caught, visit our Advice for Prowlers page.