My Lover or My God?

I think of him with longing every day.
The thoughts of him flow gently in and out of my consciousness
Like a thick but fading fog giving way to the gentle breezes of morning.
I'm cold.

Is the cold because of his absence or my nakedness?
I know I can't resist my desire for his presence.
The more I try, the more I need. The more I need, the more I fear.
I'm afraid.

I fear that my need won't be satisfied and that it will.
In the confusion of my own feelings I turn one way, then the other
Unable to commit to staying or going, diving in with my whole heart or walking away.
I'm ashamed.

I feel shame for wanting him like I do.
Echoes of childhood prayers and devotions reverberate through my soul,
Clouding my thoughts and intensifying my loneliness.
I'm alone.

In the calm of my solitude, I find clarity.
He fills me and fulfills me as no one else ever could.
I fall to my knees, look up, and open myself to him.
I'm free.

But who is the subject of my longing?
My lover or my God?

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I started this as a response to this week's FFF, but the picture really didn't do anything for me or help me go where I wanted to go with the sentiment of the poem. So, I just went my own way.

Many of us struggle with the nagging choice between prowling and fidelity, between the morality we grew up with and the fulfillment we need now. Often we come to understand that it's not a choice between one or the other, but a mosaic of choices, mistakes, passion, loss, and love that makes up our life.

Valentine's Day for Prowlers

Valentine's Day is a little more complicated for Prowlers than for other couples. You can't just send your sweetie flowers or buy her some expensive jewelry. You have to go with things that won't be noticed.

But don't skip it!

I remember listening to JJ tell me all about what he did for his wife last year. It was sweet. Until it became clear there was no V-Day card or wish coming for me. That hurt.

Now don't be thinking negative thoughts about JJ.  He's pretty typical.  Lots of guys would think that their mistress would be ok not celebrating the holiday.  Ok, maybe not lots of guys, but definitely some. Besides, JJ is way too sweet and kind to be mad at him.

Anyway, here are a few tips about Valentine's Day for Prowlers:

1. At minimum, send an e-card. It's reasonably safe and it shows you were thinking of her.
2. Even better than an e-card would be to buy a real Valentine's card and write your own personal message inside - in your own handwriting! - and sign it. You can give it to her just like that, knowing of course that she'll have to throw it away after reading it, or you can scan it and send it to her electronically. The important part is that you write the personal message and that you go to the effort to select a card that conveys your sentiments.
3. If you love her, say so!
4. If you're going to buy a gift, go either with something cheesy that anyone could have given her or something that she can easily incorporate into her belongings without notice. Cheesy might be a little teddy bear that she can say one of the gals at the office gave her. An example of something that can be easily incorporated into her life might be some very simple, not-so-flashy jewelry. The perfect gift for me would be a colorful or funky flash drive. It would easily pass for something I would get for myself and every time I used it I would think of him. (I wanted to put those last two sentences in bold so they would be easily noticeable, but I decided that would be just a bit too obvious.)
5. The point is to make it meaningful. The odds are good that she's not with you for your money, so you don't need to spend a lot of money to impress her. Touch her heart. That will impress her.  That goes for your wife, too, by the way.

I'll be going to the store later today to shop for some V-Day cards. Shopping for cards for my husband and boys is pretty easy. Shopping for a lover is harder. Do they have cards that say, "For My Favorite Lover..No one has ever done me like you do?" 

And it's even harder to find something appropriate for an online-only friend. "To the guy I really like a lot who I've never met in person but who has seen me cum via webcam a bunch of times...." I don't think Hallmark makes that card.

So, Prowlers, what are you doing for your sweetie for Valentine's Day?  Please share with the rest of us. 

The Message

My phone vibrates. I know it's you, but I can't look at the message right now. He's sitting right next to me. I'm hoping he didn't hear the buzzing sound because if he did, I know he'll suspect something.

He's watching.  I don't reach for the phone.  I act like it doesn't matter to me at all, but my heart is pounding in my chest. Hearing from you is like a drug for me. I haven't seen you for what seems like a long, long time. Messages from you are all I have to keep me connected to you.  And I just know that there is one waiting for me right now, 12 inches away, but I can't look at it.  Not yet.

I wonder what it says.  Will it be a simple and casual, "Hey" or something more substantial? It really doesn't matter what it says. What matters is that it's from you. You have reached out to connect, reminding me that I'm still important in your life, that in the middle of your busy evening, when you can't be caught sending a message, you take the chance to steal a moment to let me know you're thinking of me. I marvel at how you can pack so much thought, intention, and emotion into a few words.

We haven't had time to communicate much for several days, and I really do miss you. Several things have happened that I have wanted to tell you about, but they will have to wait until we have time.  Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever be able to find enough time to catch up on all the things that come up in between our conversations. Heck, I'm ok with just sitting with you and not saying anything (yes, I know you must be chuckling right now at the thought of me not saying anything.  Haha). The touch of your hand speaks clearly to me.

Even when you don't speak, I hear you.

He stands up and walks to the back of the house to get something.  I wait until he's far down the hall and I hear our bedroom door open before I reach for the phone and check the message quickly.

I sigh.  That's just what I needed to lift me out of the malaise I've been in. Like a cool drink of water on a hot summer's day, your message calms and refreshes me.

I quickly type out a reply.  As I hit send, I hear his footsteps coming back toward the living room.  I put the phone back exactly where it was before he left, and return to reading my Kindle. I try not to smile, but the happiness I feel at hearing from you is practically bubbling out of me. I decide to let it out, so I smile and laugh, pretending that I just read something very funny.

"Good book, huh?" he asks.

"Very good," I reply.

I stare at the page, smiling, but I'm not reading. I'm thinking about you.  I'm wondering what you are doing right now. I'm remembering how you looked sitting across the table at that coffee place, sipping iced tea and telling me about some of the things going on in your life.  I could have sat there just looking at you for a few hours more that day, but we both had to go. 

Sometimes I wish that we could have the time to just hang out together and enjoy each other's company, but time is a rare luxury for us. Every moment we carve out for each other is stolen from someone or something else - work, family, friends, hobbies - so we usually spend our time with each other in minutes, rather than hours - minutes like the one stolen for the message you just sent. Our relationship has been built over many months of a few minutes at a time.

My thoughts of you are interrupted by him telling me he's going to get some ice cream.  As he goes to the kitchen, I reach for the phone. I'll have time to send you a short message while he's gone. As soon as I pick up the phone, it vibrates again.

I smile, inside and out.

It's another message from you.

Don't You Hate It When .....

... you come home from having some amazing sex with your lover to find your Pastor in your living room talking with your husband, and you say hello and try to excuse yourself so you can get a quick shower because you don't want either of these men to smell the sex on you, but the Pastor asks you to join them, so you do and they talk and talk and talk until the Pastor starts wrapping it up like he's going to leave so you stand up but the Pastor says, "Let's offer a prayer together before I go" so you sit down again and your husband takes one hand and the Pastor takes your other hand and they take each other's free hands so you have a little prayer circle thing going on, and while the Pastor is saying the prayer, you feel your lover's cum oozing out of your ass....?

I hate it when that happens!

The Road Not Taken

We all have to make choices in life. I've always been pleased that I could look back over my life and not regret many of my choices.  Even the ones that weren't so great played a role in making me who I am, so there aren't many I would change.

But there is one choice that I still think about from time to time, and wonder how my life would be different if I would have made the other choice. What if I had followed through with what I wanted to do, what I had planned to do, at the time?

I met him in an AOL chat room 17 years ago. He lived in upstate NY.  I lived in southern California. We flirted online, and the flirting became sexual.  Just talk, of course. Then it turned into weekly phone sex (sometimes more than just weekly).  Still, it was just talk. What else could we do living at opposite corners of the country?

But I was in love.  We were in love.

Communication was a bit different then than it is now.  Those of you who are under 30 may want to sit down because this is probably going to shock you. We had online chat (at a very, very slow speed...remember 56K?) and telephone calls, and I'm talking about regular land lines.  Cell phones were very uncommon then. They were typically called car phones and ordinary people didn't have them, so there was no texting or going for a walk and calling from around the corner. I did have a pager, though, so he could page me and I could call back or I could get myself to a phone where he could call me. To exchange photos, we had to take actual pictures, have them developed, and send them via snail mail (back then, it was simply known as "mail."). I sent panties.  He sent me CDs that I would listen to for hours on end while I thought about him and how much I wished I could be with him. We read erotica and included it in our fantasies.  He'd send me erotic books with hidden notes.

My husband asked to see my computer once when he was chatting with me and the words "I love you" popped up on the screen as my husband was looking. Yeah, that was a difficult one to explain, but I managed to explain it away (I am Kat, you know). From that point on, we used a sort of shorthand for "I love you."  He selected a particular uncommon vegetable and we would use that word as our shorthand for "I love you." Eventually, we just started using the first letter of that word as our symbol for our profession of  love for one another. No, I'm not going to tell you what the special word was because it's between him and me.  It still means something to me. Yeah, call me sentimental if you want.  Whatever.....

The phone sex was fantastic! He had (and still has) the most amazingly sexy phone voice I have ever heard. It wasn't long before just hearing his voice would get me wet. We had a standing time every week when he would call me.  It was a night when my husband was out each week and I'd be home with my oldest (at that time only) child.  I'd put the baby to bed and then go lie down in bed and wait for his call. I'd take off all my clothes and wait, fighting the urge to touch myself as I thought about him.  Then the phone would ring.  I'd answer and hear, "Hello," and I'd melt.  Every time. The sex came first.  I'd come a few times, he'd come, and then we'd just talk until it was approaching time for my husband to come home.  As soon as I hung up the phone, I'd be looking forward to the next week's call.

Yes, he was married.  He had already been married for a long time.  I had been married for about 6 years. Talking to him was easy. Listening to him talk about his marriage, his work, and his life was even easier.  He understood me.  I didn't keep any secrets from him. and he still loved me knowing even the unpleasant stuff about me. It was remarkable to me because I didn't think anyone could.

His wife was an invalid and was very dependent on him, not just for his income, but for day to day assistance like cooking, cleaning, and helping her in and out of the tub. As the years went by, she became sicker and sicker.  I knew he would never leave her.  He made that very clear, and it was one of the things I admired about him.

I made a plan to take my young son and move to New York.  I thought that I could rent an apartment near where he lived and if I couldn't be his wife, I'd be his mistress. He didn't have any children, and I wanted to give him children. I started investigating apartments and jobs and day care in his area.  I thought about what I could take with me that could fit in two large suitcases because that's all I'd be taking. I starting thinking about how I would tell my mother, my friends, my husband. I started to think about when I should go.

It was the closest I have ever come, before or since, to actually leaving my husband.

I didn't tell my lover about all the plans I was making because I didn't want him to try and talk me out of it. He was sensible and responsible like that and I didn't want to hear it.  I just wanted to be with this person who made me feel like no one had ever made me feel before - and he did it from 3,000 miles away. I was chatting with him recently and I finally told him about my plans back then and he was really surprised.  He never knew how close I came to really being his.

I can't remember exactly what stopped me. I held onto the plans for another year or so and then I let them go. Our relationship had changed to more of a friendship, although we continued to have awesome phone sex whenever I traveled, and I never worked up the courage to take the steps I needed to take to put my plans into motion. I thought about how much I still loved my husband.  What kind of woman leaves a man she still loves? That's crazy, right?  I thought about how wrong it would be to take our son away to the other end of the country.  What kind of mother does that?

So, I stayed on the path I was on, and the other path - the one that included moving to NY and following my heart and desire to be with this amazing man - became the road not taken. While I think about it from time to time, I don't regret the decision to stay.

But our story doesn't end there.  We stayed in touch, on and off, for 17 years. I started seeing W (my first real affair; see My First Affair - Who, What, Where, When, and Why), but that didn't end our relationship.  His wife passed away.  That didn't end our relationship, either. I moved to northern California, had more children, started a business. He retired, traveled around the world, and settled in a nearby state with a girlfriend. None of that has ended the relationship. No, the relationship is not like it was in the beginning.  We've both changed in some substantial ways. Sometimes we stop "talking" for significant periods of time. Sometimes we get frustrated with each other. His political beliefs annoy me now. Mine annoy him. In fact, we are so different that some of my friends have asked me why I'm even friends with that guy after they have followed some of our debates on Facebook.

What they don't know is that he holds a very special place in my heart.

What they don't know is that he is my dear friend and I love him.

Someday we may finally meet in person. Or maybe we won't. It doesn't matter. We share something very special and rare. It's a product of the early days of social media, and it has weathered almost a generation of change.
I have only truly loved 4 men in my life.  My husband is one of them. This online and phone lover that I still have never met in person is another. How do you stop loving someone who has been an important part of your life for so long?

You don't.  At least I don't.

DauntlessD Meets JJ

Like all of my really good ideas that sometimes turn out badly, the idea for DauntlessD to meet JJ was an impromptu one. It popped into my head, I mentioned it to Dauntless and off we went. Fortunately, it turned out quite nicely.

Now for those of you thinking, "DantlessD, JJ, and Kat.....threesome!" - Get your minds out of the gutter (just for a moment, anyway). It wasn't like that at all. 

But now that I think about it.....mmmm....not a bad idea.  Not a bad idea at all.

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I met both DauntlessD and JJ on Ashley Madison. My relationship with Dauntless developed into a close friendship (Dauntless has written about our friendship here on Prowling with Kat). My relationship with JJ developed into...well.... you have read about what it developed into. If you missed it, you can read about it in Whatever He Wants (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4) and A Brief and Naughty Memory of Waking with JJ. As a matter of fact, as of right now, there are more naughty posts about JJ than anyone else (except me, of course), and I'm sure there will be more.

By the way, for those of you participating in the Prowling with Kat Trivia Contest, I just gave you an answer to one of the questions.  You're welcome.

As I was saying, I had this great idea for friend and lover to meet. Both of them were ok with it, so we made it happen.  Unfortunately, I can't tell you much about the where or how of it because to do so would give you too much identifying information about one of my boys, so please forgive me for the lack of details.  Discretion matters, remember?

The meeting was brief, a little awkward at first, but still nice.  I introduced them to each other, they shook hands and we made some small talk. I don't remember much about what was said because I was distracted by JJ's hand on my shoulder.  Then I was distracted by our legs touching as he sat next to me. We were in a very public place, so there could be no outward displays of affection, which was making me a bit crazy. Yeah, JJ has that effect on me. (Note to self: Avoid being in the same room with JJ unless it's safe to take off clothes and bend over the table.)

So, Dauntless meeting JJ was no big deal, and I'm really pleased about that. We're all grown ups and there is really no reason it should have been a big deal, but when you live the prowling life, you're so used to keeping secrets that it can feel a little strange to drop your guard a bit, even when it's perfectly safe to do so. I trust both Daunt and JJ completely, and I care about them both very much.  Having them together, even for a few minutes, was pretty special for me.  They are both extraordinary men.

Stay tuned..... Tomorrow night, Cara and I are having a girl's night out, and it will be her turn to meet JJ. What man wouldn't want to meet Cara in person?

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Don't forget! There is still time to enter the Prowling with Kat Trivia Contest! Follow that link to see the official rules and access the questions.  The answers to all of the questions can be found in the posts on the blog, and I'll be dropping hints up until the deadline, so be sure to pay attention.  You can enter any time between now and 5:00 p.m. (Pacific time) on Tuesday, May 31, 2011.  There are real prizes - an Eden Fantasys gift card and several Amazon gift cards. Come on, what else are you going to be doing this weekend?  If you have any questions, drop me an email or leave a comment on one of the contest posts and I'll make sure you get an answer quickly. Good luck!

That Pesky "L" Word

The "L" word. It has the power to stun even the strongest men to silence. You know which word I mean. Not lust, longing, lascivious.... Men don't seem to have trouble with those. But love....that's a different story altogether.

Ok, I know some of you are sweating and squirming in your chairs right now thinking, "I thought this was a sex blog, goshdarnit! Why is she talking about l-l-l-love???" Just breathe, honey. You be fine, and this will be over soon.

Most extramarital affairs that last longer than a month include at least some element of love. Navigating those waters can be tricky.

Any parent who has had more than one child knows that we have an inexhaustible supply of love to share. It seems crazy to think that you couldn't love a second child because you already love your first child, doesn't it?

You can have five siblings and love them all, right?

And you probably have two parents and you love them both, don't you?

You may have several very close friends and you love them all, right?

So why is it that so many think they can only love one mate?

I know there are different types of love, and the love you have for a spouse is different than the love you have for a friend, even a best friend, but different doesn't necessarily mean better or less than. Just different.

For some reason, many don't think cheating is so bad if it's "just sex" and having an emotional affair (falling in love) is a line they can't - or won't- cross. By the way, I've never heard the spouse of a cheater, upon learning about an affair, say, "Well, thank God it was only sex!" even though the cheater swears up and down that "it didn't mean anything." That emotional boundary line is more in the cheater's mind than in reality, and I think it has a lot more to do with self-preservation than anything else.

Another issue is that the "L" word has different implications for men and women. For men, it carries all sorts of thoughts of commitment, and loving a woman that isn't his wife can feel like a betrayal of his wife. For women, though, loving another man doesn't necessarily feel like a betrayal of her husband. Of course, don't even try to use the same logic in reverse.

Also, for men, life is very compartmentalized, and romantic love is typically in the "family" compartment. Great sex is in the "mistress" compartment. Treating those two compartments the same in any way just feels wrong. Women, on the other hand, don't see things that way. For women, everything is connected. Love crosses all boundaries and all relationships are connected in some way.

My buddy DauntlessD talks about it in terms of waffles and spaghetti. Men are waffles and relationships and roles all fit neatly into a square and they stay separate. Women are spaghetti and we connect everything. Sometimes we'll be talking and he'll say something like, "You're getting all spaghetti on me now," and I know exactly what he means. Or I'll say, "Come on, now, lemme in that square," and he gets it.

So what about the connection between love and sex? Wild, passionate, uninhibited sex with someone you are not in love with can be great! But wild, passionate, uninhibited sex with someone you love is fantastic beyond words. There's nothing wrong with raw sex just to enjoy the sex. However, intentionally limiting it to a non-loving relationship is closing off a whole dimension of awesome sexual experience.

Okay, I'll admit I can't even claim to know everything about the L word and relationships, but I know this: I can absolutely love two men at the same time. I can love my husband and be devoted to him and I can also be in love with my lover - without feeling like loving one diminishes the love I have for the other. They are very different men. Both are amazing. I can also have a loving (and sexual) relationship with a friend. Does it mean I love my husband less? Of course not.


Have I fallen in love with every lover I've had?  Absolutely not.  It's a rare occurrence actually - a very rare occurrence, but when it happens I am more than willing to let it in.

For me, the more I love others, the more my capacity to love increases.


So, fellow Prowlers, what are your issues with Prowling and love?

Aching for You

I ache for you....

My body aches for you. I close my eyes and feel your arms around me, your hard cock inside me, your lips on mine, and it only reminds me that you're not here with me now.

My heart aches for you, too. I remember how close we felt when we were last together, how neither one of us wanted to leave, how I felt so safe and connected with you. It just doesn't feel right to be separate from you.

I look at the calendar and search for a day and time that we might be able to be together again, starting with this very moment and moving forward in time a half day at a time. No, you're working on that day and we're both working the next day. You have a family commitment that day, I promised my son some time on that afternoon. As my eyes scan further and further away from now, the aching intensifies. If I can just find a time, then I can tell myself I only have to wait until then. The sense of distance between us would shrink from feeling like forever to a more manageable, bearable time.

The problem with experiencing a perfect connection with you is that I feel your absence more intensively when we're apart. I feel. That's what I was missing before. I was numb and overworked, trying to drown out the steady and low rumbling of awareness that something was missing from my life. You were missing.

I told you that you are the one I've been looking for. I was afraid you'd be scared away by my emotion, that you'd run or step back, but you didn't. Instead, you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me even closer, pulling me further away from that numb, empty place and closer to you.

You physically occupy only a corner of my life. The rest is inhabited by my children, my husband, my work, my friends, and hundreds of obligations - some small and insignificant, some life-changing. You only occupy a small corner, but your presence brightens all of it. It's like you pulled off the dark shade that was filtering the light. I saw you, and I also started to see vivid colors and textures in all the other parts of my life. No longer numb, I see and feel everything. I'm alive again.

But now I'm also aware of more, and I ache for your presence when you are not here. I try to refocus and think about the many things I love about you - your confidence, the sound of your voice when you're whispering in my ear, the way you make me laugh, your intelligence, the stories you tell me, your laughter.....the list goes on and on, and eventually the aching subsides and is replaced by warmth and contentment.

I know that I only occupy a small corner of your life, too, and I'm ok with that. In a strange way, our relationship works because we both have full lives. I know that the strength of your marriage is what makes my corner of your life secure, and that giving our home lives enough attention is what allows us to be together. I don't want that to change. Most people wouldn't understand that, but I know you do.

Then I get a message from you letting me know you're thinking of me, too, and the aching diminishes a little more. I know we're still connected. I still want to feel your body next to mine, but I know I can wait now, and the anticipation will only make our next rendezvous sweeter.

I close my eyes again and picture you. I don't carry a photo of you because that wouldn't be safe, but it doesn't matter. I have hundreds of perfect images of you in mind. My favorite is the one of you laying next to me right after we've made love. Your eyes are closed and you look totally relaxed and content. Your arms are around me and every now and then you turn to me and kiss me.

Ahhh....finally, I feel you near me again and the aching is completely gone.

At least for now.

Simple Endearing Actions

My last post was about my Top 9 Prowling Pet Peeves. As I was writing it, I started remembering some of the really sweet things some of my prowling buddies have done that endeared them to me. I thought I'd share some of them with you. Maybe you'll pick up something you can use.

• Showing up for a "meeting" with a Starbucks for me (yes, he knew and remembered my favorite)
• Sending me sweet and random text messages throughout the day
• Continuing to send emails even though we also chatted and texted - just so we could continue to get to know each other on a deeper level
• Changing the plan for our "meeting" when he knew I'd had a particularly rough day
• Touching base in some way every day, no matter what
• Whispering sweet nothings in my ear (I love that!)
• Being tender and sweet sometimes (Yes, this Kat usually likes it hard and rough, but sometimes tender and sweet is just right)
• Showing interest in my life outside of the bedroom
• Following my favorite baseball team because he knew it mattered to me
• Surprising me with unexpected availability, and wanting to spend it with me whether or not we had sex (although I usually prefer the sex)
• Sharing his feelings with me, whatever they are
• Meeting me for lunch from time to time, just to catch up
• Letting down his guard and trusting me with things that are bothering him
• Being both a friend and a lover
• Reading the same book I'm reading (without my prompting) just so we can discuss it with each other

Now, none of these things are "required" for an affair, but I find them very endearing. These are some of the things that build a relationship that goes beyond just being a random fuck buddy (although I'll admit, that can be fun, too).

More than once I have told you that if you treat your partner right and make her happy, she will want to make you happy, too. It's a simple formula of give and take. It works for an affair. It works for a marriage.

Give it a try.

Whatever He Wants (Part 1) - A Naughty Encounter

I arrived at the hotel after JJ did.  The first thing I did was find his car, park, and grab the room key that he had left for me under his windshield wiper. I went into the hotel, stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the second floor, checking my phone to make sure I remembered the room number correctly from his text.  Room 225. As the elevator doors opened, I looked both ways, trying to spot a room number so I would know which hallway to follow. I found the room quickly, and knocked gently before sliding the key in the door and walking in.

Even though I had met him before this, I was still feeling that excited anticipation that accompanies a first meeting, only this time I wasn’t nervous, and I knew exactly what he looked like. Tall, handsome, salt and pepper hair, twinkling and mischievous eyes, broad shoulders, strong arms, engaging smile.

The room was dim, but not dark – just the way I like it. I took a few steps in and then I saw him, laying naked in bed waiting for me. I smiled, remembering how two days ago, I was the one waiting naked in bed for him to arrive. The memories of that day rushed back and I instantly became wet.

I greeted him with a kiss and excused myself to go clean up a bit. A few minutes later, I came back to the side of the bed and started taking off my clothes, in a hurry to climb into bed with him. The minute I crawled next to him, we wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close to him, and kissed me deeply.

Ahhhhh…..that amazing feeling is indescribable - skin-on-skin, the whole length of our bodies touching as his tongue explored my mouth and I breathed him in. We kissed for a long time – exactly what I needed to relax and release the stress of work and everything else in my life outside that hotel room. I wanted nothing in my life or on my mind right then but him.

I could have just stayed there all afternoon kissing him, but eventually I felt his hand slowly tracing its way down my body, lingering at my breast, then moving down to my hip, my thigh….then gently tracing my outer pussy lips.  I moaned softly. He loved to tease me and make me wait for him to slowly bring me to that place where I would do anything for him, absolutely anything he wanted.

I opened my legs for him and he slid a finger inside me.  We both moaned into our kiss this time. He slowly alternated between rubbing my clit and finger fucking me. I started rocking my hips and pressing against his hand, still kissing him, but losing some of my focus. When he started rubbing my clit with his thumb while he pumped a few fingers in and out of me, I couldn’t hold back.  I moaned loudly and dug my fingers into his shoulders. He whispered into my ear, “I want my little slut to cum for me.” I nodded my head and kissed him again. He moved his hand faster….I started to shake, and he said, “That’s it, Baby, cum for me,” and I let go. He held me tighter and kissed me passionately as I came, screaming my pleasure into our kiss.

As my orgasm started to subside, I remember thinking how safe I felt with him. I couldn’t completely let go with just anyone, but JJ made it easy for me.  I felt completely safe, accepted, protected, and appreciated.

My thoughts were interrupted with his voice, “I want to fuck you so much….” And he moved between my legs. I pulled my knees up and he easily slid his hard, thick cock inside me. We both moaned as he entered me.  I watched him as he started moving in and out of me. I tilted my hips to feel him more deeply, and I knew I had it right when I heard him utter a deep guttural moan as he started pumping harder. I marveled at the intensity of his face, which I didn’t get to see often because usually he was so relaxed and fun-loving. But right at that moment, he was intensely focused. I felt myself start to get close to cuming again.  He knew it, too, because he said, “Wait for me….”  I moaned in protest but said, “Ok.”  I bit my lip to try to hold back, wondering if I could, but not wanting him to hurry at all.  If I could have frozen that particular moment in time, I would have. A minute later, he gave me permission and I came hard, feeling my cunt tightening around his cock as I shook.  He groaned and released right after me, grunting as he came, leaning over and kissing me. When he finished, he rolled next to me and wrapped those strong arms around me again, and kissed me some more.

We laid there for a while, resting, talking, kissing, and touching each other. He was easy to talk to.  That was something I noticed from when we first started chatting online. There was always something to talk about, but when we weren’t talking, the silence felt perfectly comfortable, too.

After a few minutes, I rolled over, leaned over him and started kissing his neck. He pulled me up to his lips and kissed me deeply again (man, oh man, I loved his kisses!), but I broke away from his delicious kiss and started kissing my way down his neck to his chest, continuing downward....

And then......