9 Things to Think About Before You Cheat

I have been having a very interesting email exchange with a gentleman over the last couple of days that has some real potential. It got me thinking, though, about the whole "before you cheat" phase of a relationship. There are some important things to be considered before you make the decision to cheat. 

As you read the list, please keep in mind that I don't mean to freak you out, but the decision you are about to make is not an inconsequential one. It could impact your children, your entire family, if you are not careful. It should definitely not be entered into lightly.

1. Are you sure you really want to do this? If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know my #1 piece of advice for folks who haven't cheated yet is, "Don't do it." Why?  Because you can't turn back the clock. Infidelity is a pretty big bell that you can never un-ring. Obviously, I can't say that there aren't many wonderful pleasures that can be found in prowling (mmm..picture me smiling and getting wet as I think about a few...), but think carefully about it before you start.
2. What do you really want? Don't just say, "sex."  That's too easy. Think beyond that.  Do you want a one night stand?  Do you want a short term fling?  Do you want an emotional relationship with a sexual component?  Do you want a long term affair?  I know, most of you dogs out there just scratched your horny little heads in confusion thinking, "Uh...is it really that complicated?"  Well, it can be.  If you find a woman who wants an emotional relationship with sex and all you want is a short term fling, you may end up with a problem on your hands (can you spell s-t-a-l-k-e-r?).
3. Are you prepared to risk the consequences of getting caught by your spouse? No, you can't just say that you won't get caught. No one starts cheating thinking they will be caught  Everyone hopes and assumes they won't be caught, yet many are. If you can't handle the consequences of getting caught, don't do it. Period.
4. Have you thought about logistics? Take a look at 10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse and Kat's Advice for Prowling Men. These posts will give you some advice about logistics and other things you should consider in advance.
5. How much about your life are you willing to share with someone new? Some people like to share a lot about themselves and others don't.  Don't be caught off guard and end up spilling all sorts of information you had hoped to keep private just because you didn't think about it in advance.
6. Are you sure you are disease free? Do me a favor. Go get yourself tested.  You may think that there is no possible way you could have an STD because you have only been with your wife and she's too frigid or too moral (or whatever) to have been with anyone else, but think about this:  If you are bored with your sex life and want some thrills, she may have beat you to it. Or maybe she had a one-time fling with someone a couple of years ago and managed to keep the secret.  Many STDs are symptom-free in the early stages.  Go get checked out so you can honestly tell your new honey-on-the-side that you're clean. By the way, I am 100% certain that my husband would swear I have never, ever cheated and that I never would. Does that make you think twice about your own spouse?  It should.
7. How are you going to be sure you don't bring any diseases home? Yeah, I know you hate condoms.  No one likes them, but not using them is extremely risky.  And here's the real truth - most married people who cheat do not use condoms.  That should scare the hell out of you because if that sweet little new piece of ass you're thinking of screwing has cheated even once, it's likely that she did it without a condom. 
8. Do you have enough time to cheat? This falls under the logistics topic, but it's a big enough deal to be addressed on its own. If your life is too full now, you may not have time for this, and if that's the case, you could end up making some stupid mistakes (changing habits quickly, etc.) that would draw attention to your behavior and increase the likelihood of being caught.
9. Are you able to lie to your spouse? Lying to my husband is the worst part about prowling for me.  I love the man.  I feel terribly guilty for lying to him, but I do it anyway (No, I don't feel nearly as guilty about coming in another man's arms or sucking my honey-on-the-side's gorgeous cock. Go figure.). If you are incapable of lying to your spouse, that's a wonderful thing!  It also means you won't be able to cheat without getting caught.

Like I said before, I'm not trying to freak you out.  I just want you to make your decisions about prowling like a grown up, rather than a horny dog. More than once I've entered into an affair with a man who got into it and then realized that he hadn't considered many of these things.  That's when it can get uncomfortable, and it doesn't have to be. Remember, prowling is supposed to be fun! It can be awesome if you go into it with a little preparation and with your eyes wide open.

Then you can enjoy letting your honey-on-the-side blindfold you.  ;-)

Lying and Cheating

I hate lying.  In fact, I am really a pretty honest person.  Ok, you can stop laughing now.  I know it sounds strange to say I am an honest person when the act of prowling like I do is inherently dishonest, but this is one of the strange contradictions of the prowling lifestyle.  Can you love your spouse and still have sex with (or, God forbid, love) someone else?  Sure you can.  Can you be a basically honest person while lying to your spouse just about every day to hide your extramarital activities?

The other evening, I was sitting on the couch next to my husband while I was text chatting on my mobile phone with my honey-on-the-side. When my husband asked who I was chatting with, I said, "A friend." He was satisfied with that answer at the time, but I was prepared with an alternative, if necessary. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth, of course. The whole truth would have been something like, "A friend whose cock I really wish I were sucking right now." He doesn't need to hear the whole truth, does he? I don't think so.

This doesn't mean that I'm comfortable lying to my husband because I'm not.  Once my husband asked where I was right after I returned from a rendezvous. I had my story prepared and it rolled of my tongue easily and casually. I felt a stabbing pang of guilt, not because of the cheating, but because of the lying. In fact, I would like nothing better than to be able to tell him the truth and for him to be ok with it, but I know he wouldn't be.  I know he would be very hurt, and I don't want to hurt him. For those of you thinking, "Well, if you don't want to hurt him, you should just stop what you're doing," you should read my post Why Kat Prowls.

I've also heard people say that infidelity automatically weakens a marriage, even if it is never discovered, precisely because of the dishonesty. I disagree.  I'm sure that this may be the case for some people, but it's not my story.  I have been married for approaching 25 years to a wonderful man I love very much. I have been prowling, on and off, for about 14 of those years. My husband is happy.  He gets all the sex he wants (which isn't much) and so do I (which is a lot). The only secrets I keep from him are those related to my extramarital sexual activity. We share everything else.

I've known men whose marriages actually got better after having an affair because it took the pressure off the sex argument at home and they could really start appreciating their wives again. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but wake up.  Life is not black and white. I'm not arguing that infidelity is right or moral, simply that it doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage.

I don't pretend to have all of the answers. If I did, maybe I would have found a way to get all of my sexual and relationship needs met within the context of my marriage, but I haven't.

I still hate the lying, but I'm hoping to meet my honey-on-the-side this week or next week for some incredibly satisfying sex and I'll lie again if I have to.

So, back to the question I posed at the beginning of this post.  What do you think? Can you be a basically honest person while lying to your spouse to hide your extramarital activities?

.