Last month, I shared my top 10 rules for cheating and my advice for prowling men, but I still get questions about the logistics of cheating so I thought I would offer some tips.
Tip #1: If you haven't cheated yet, don't. This is a message you really can't miss if you have been reading this blog for more than 5 minutes. Once you have crossed the line of infidelity, it's easy to do it again and again and again. The easiest way to avoid becoming a chronic cheater (which is very, very risky to your marriage) is not to start. I know this is a very strange tip for cheaters, but I had to say it.
Tip #2: Keep an eye on your routine. One of the biggest giveaways of a cheating spouse is a change in routine. Most people are creatures of habit and they have a really hard time changing their routines even if they want to. If you suddenly start changing your routine without a word, it's a red flag.
Tip #3: Start building time into your schedule before you start cheating. Face it. Cheating takes time. You'll need to build some time into your schedule for it, but it can't be a sudden change in routine, so start building some time into your routine now. Start going to the gym or take a class. Start a hobby. In the early days of this, invite your spouse along so it's clear that it's legitimate.
Tip #4: Get a separate e-mail account. Open a separate email account for your extramarital activities. Use an easily hidden gmail or yahoo account and don't use your real name when you set up the account so it won't show to your email recipients.
Tip #5 : Consider getting a Google phone number for phone chatting and texting or get another cell phone. Remember, there will be a record of all phone calls and texts if you use your own cell phone. If the bill is sent to your house, even if you are the one who usually handles the bills, you would be stupid to use that phone for your prowling. There are risks to getting another phone, too, but that's a little safer.
Tip #6: Pay attention to how much time you spend online. You will be tempted to spend more time online chatting emailing with you new sweetie, but be very careful about this. Like a sudden change in routine, this is one of the biggest tells of a cheater. Force yourself to limit your online time or only go online when your spouse is not around.
Tip #7: Watch out for the laundry. If you are the one who typically does the laundry, great. Get those naughty clothes in the washer as soon as you get back from a rendezvous. If not, you need to find a way to deal with the laundry. Yes, there is a smell of sex, and even women who don't wear perfume often leave a distinctive scent of feminine shampoos, soaps, lotions, etc. By the way, if your new conquest is new to cheating, ask her not to wear perfume. She may not even think about it because applying perfume becomes a routine for many women.
Tip #8: Get a pre-paid credit card. I've mentioned this before. If you use one of your personal credit cards, you run a risk of getting caught. While you're at it, if you're serious about this, you'll also get a private P.O. box for mail. That's the address you give to hotel clerks who insist on having a mailing address. You don't want an unexpected bill or a "Thank You for Your Stay" postcard delivered to your house, do you?
Tip #9: Don't stop having sex (or attempting to have sex) with your spouse. Ok, you may be getting awesome sex regularly somewhere else now, but that doesn't mean you should stop developing intimacy with your spouse. Trust me, she will notice, and she will think something is wrong. Then she'll start paying attention to your behavior and every word you say, and that won't be good for your extramarital activities.
Tip #10: Be fully present with your family when you are with them. Assuming that you love your family and you want to stay married (which is exactly the assumption I make), you need to give your family as much of yourself as possible when you are with them. Watch out for daydreaming or sneaking away to chat or email (see tip #6) or running out on time with your kids just so you can grab a quick phone chat with your new honey. Be a decent husband and father (or wife and mother). While your fun on the side may be pretty exciting, don't forget what is most important in your life.
There are many more tips to share, so watch future posts for an ongoing list.
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7 comments:
I wish my guy knew this before he got caught. The problem is, he still won't take some of these precautions because he doesn't think his wife will really notice LOL
Character in My novel follows Rules 7 and 9 when she first begins cheating on her husband. But she blew Rules 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. You can see where things migh go by the final book in the trilogy. LOL!
-Master Vyle
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(Thats the "t" missing from might in the above post)
Spanks His typist.
-Master Vyle
These are all great, but I would like to include knowing how to delete your browser history, cookies, etc. NOT writing a blog about your infedelity is probably a good idea too :)
I think #10 is the hardest to do, and the closer you are with your spouse, the harder it will be not to act any different. You can take all the precautions, but every cheater needs to know that there is never a surefire way not to get caught. The best thing is to never give a spouse a reason to start looking in the first place, and that is why maintaining the same behavior is the hardest. Lying automatically creates distance and changes you. The hardest thing is trying not to let them see that change. If someone is already emotionally distant from their spouse, it will be easier. If not, it will take a great deal of effort.
Master, I'm looking forward to reading your novel! I'm finishing up another right now, and then I'll move on to yours.
Mediocrity, thanks for adding the tip on deleting your browser history. That's great advice! As for writing a blog about your infidelity not being a good idea, hmmm..... ;-)
You're also right that there is no surefire way not to get caught. Cheating is risky, VERY risky. That's part of the allure, of course, but the stakes are high. If you're not prepared for the risk, don't do it.
I just recently signed up for a prepaid credit card, and I can't believe I didn't do it sooner. Now I can reserve a room online and leave whenever I like without having to face the embarrassment of paying cash just a few hours after checking in. Yes, there are fees associated with the prepaid credit cards, but that's the price you have to pay for prowling!
New to your blog, love it!! A couple of tips to add to yours.
1) I love using the chat services from Yahoo or Google (there are others out there as well). Just be cautious to check the settings so it you are not automatically logged on, and your chat history is not saved. I am in a long term relationship, use chat rather than Txt. We have never used phone text - don't even have each others numbers, but communicate many times throughout the day and evenings.
2) Always have an alibi, and keep it simple. Like Mediocrity said emotional distance helps with this as well.
3) In addition to deleting browser history, cookies etc. Use the Incognito (chrome) or Private browsing (IE) when on line. In my situation it helps that I have my own laptop, which I keep locked.
4) Beware of settings, programs, or apps that save passwords (some of the new versions of browsers and windows do this almost automatically). This one almost got me. Hubby saw Ashley Madison listed on my screen as I was upgrading my roboform app. He mentioned it, and I had to tell him that I visited the site only once several years ago. Most people would not have gotten away with that explanation. Yikes!!! Seems like I may have - for now anyway.
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