New Year's Resolutions for Prowlers

It's a brand new year!  Are you ready for 2012, Prowlers?  I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions lately, and it occurred to me that it might be nice to offer a few to my fellow prowlers.  So here are a few potential resolutions to choose from:

• Resolve to redouble your efforts at security.  I'm talking about not getting caught when I say security.  It's easier than you might think to get sloppy about things - a credit card authorization that never gets dropped even though you paid cash, text messages that you forgot to delete, a little too much time online when you're home with the spouse. Pay attention to the details.  They matter.
• Resolve to spend more time with your spouse.  Your marriage won't get better on its own.  Devote more time to being with your spouse and when you're there, really be "with" him/her.  Tell her how much you love her often, and don't stop initiating sex. Even if you think you spend lots of time with your spouse already, do more.
• Resolve to locate hotel rooms that don't require a credit card.  They are out there.  Most Motel 6 locations won't require it (I know, Motel 6, yuk).  Also, many will allow to place  a cash deposit down (usually about $200) in lieu of a credit card, but you have to ask.
• Resolve to use Amex or other Visa/Mastercard gift cards to secure your rooms at hotels. If you can't get a room without a card, get a $200 - $500 gift card that you can use. You won't have to give an address or register it, and you can ditch it when you're done with it. And it will be much easier to explain if it is discovered than a new credit card or, worse, a local hotel charge on a credit card bill.
• Resolve to get a Google Voice number. You can direct it to your cell phone, avoiding giving out your real cell number.
• Resolve to remember that your spouse is smarter than you think she is. You may be pretty sure that she's oblivious to what you're doing, but women are very intuitive.  It's likely that she suspects, even if she has no evidence.  And if she suspects, she's going to look for evidence.  Women are very creative and crafty. Ask yourself, "What would I do if I suspected my spouse were having an affair?" Then plan your actions around the answers. Better yet , if you have a female friend you really trust, ask her what she would do to prove her husband was havign an affair, and follow her advice.
• Resolve to cheat less. I know you want to see your sweetie as often as you possibly can, but the more often you see her, the more chances there are for you to be caught. Be patient.  It will pay off. Besides, it's hotter if you haven't seen each other for awhile.
• Resolve to have safe sex. I know, I know.  You hate condoms.  Use them anyway.  You trust your lover?  She's lying to her husband to be with you.  What makes you think she's not lying to you and being with someone else, too?  Wake up! By the way, if you haven't been tested for STD's lately, do it. If you're sexually active outside your marriage, you should be tested often, especially if you are not using a condom every time.
• Resolve to trust your gut.  If something about a meeting on a certain day feels wrong to you (even if it's with a long time lover), don't do it.  Reschedule for another time.
• Resolve to keep trying to improve your sex life at home.  It's easy to start feeling that if you're getting it elsewhere you can finally stop begging for it at home, but that will be a clue to your spouse. Keep initiating sex.  Get into marriage counseling.  Continue efforts to strengthen your marriage however you can.

And finally.....

• If you are having any reservations at all, resolve to stop cheating. Yes, you read that right. No matter what you think you are feeling, you do not have to cheat.  You can avoid it if you haven't cheated yet and you can stop if you've started.  If you don't think you can stop, put it off for a week.  Then, when you get to next week, try putting it off another week. Just be honest with your lover, ok?

So, prowlers, which of these resolutions will you be trying out this year? Are there any other resolutions you have made related to prowling that are not on this list?

Reality Check

I know that most of you are here for the naughty sex stories and the cheating advice.  Unfortunately, sometimes all that can make infidelity seem glamorous when, in reality, it's not like that at all.

Even those of us who have been doing this for a while and know most of the tricks can get sloppy after a while and take chances we shouldn't take.

So, to give us all a reality check, I found this video on YouTube called "Cheaters Vengeance." It shows some of the things wives have done after they found out their husbands were cheating.

(If you're watching this at work or some other non-private place, be sure to turn the sound down or off.  The pictures are the important part, anyway.)



Don't let this happen to you!

Re-read some of my tips  to refresh your memory about things to watch for to be sure you don't get caught.

10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse

And remember, let's be careful out there, Prowlers.

9 Things to Think About Before You Cheat

I have been having a very interesting email exchange with a gentleman over the last couple of days that has some real potential. It got me thinking, though, about the whole "before you cheat" phase of a relationship. There are some important things to be considered before you make the decision to cheat. 

As you read the list, please keep in mind that I don't mean to freak you out, but the decision you are about to make is not an inconsequential one. It could impact your children, your entire family, if you are not careful. It should definitely not be entered into lightly.

1. Are you sure you really want to do this? If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know my #1 piece of advice for folks who haven't cheated yet is, "Don't do it." Why?  Because you can't turn back the clock. Infidelity is a pretty big bell that you can never un-ring. Obviously, I can't say that there aren't many wonderful pleasures that can be found in prowling (mmm..picture me smiling and getting wet as I think about a few...), but think carefully about it before you start.
2. What do you really want? Don't just say, "sex."  That's too easy. Think beyond that.  Do you want a one night stand?  Do you want a short term fling?  Do you want an emotional relationship with a sexual component?  Do you want a long term affair?  I know, most of you dogs out there just scratched your horny little heads in confusion thinking, "Uh...is it really that complicated?"  Well, it can be.  If you find a woman who wants an emotional relationship with sex and all you want is a short term fling, you may end up with a problem on your hands (can you spell s-t-a-l-k-e-r?).
3. Are you prepared to risk the consequences of getting caught by your spouse? No, you can't just say that you won't get caught. No one starts cheating thinking they will be caught  Everyone hopes and assumes they won't be caught, yet many are. If you can't handle the consequences of getting caught, don't do it. Period.
4. Have you thought about logistics? Take a look at 10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse and Kat's Advice for Prowling Men. These posts will give you some advice about logistics and other things you should consider in advance.
5. How much about your life are you willing to share with someone new? Some people like to share a lot about themselves and others don't.  Don't be caught off guard and end up spilling all sorts of information you had hoped to keep private just because you didn't think about it in advance.
6. Are you sure you are disease free? Do me a favor. Go get yourself tested.  You may think that there is no possible way you could have an STD because you have only been with your wife and she's too frigid or too moral (or whatever) to have been with anyone else, but think about this:  If you are bored with your sex life and want some thrills, she may have beat you to it. Or maybe she had a one-time fling with someone a couple of years ago and managed to keep the secret.  Many STDs are symptom-free in the early stages.  Go get checked out so you can honestly tell your new honey-on-the-side that you're clean. By the way, I am 100% certain that my husband would swear I have never, ever cheated and that I never would. Does that make you think twice about your own spouse?  It should.
7. How are you going to be sure you don't bring any diseases home? Yeah, I know you hate condoms.  No one likes them, but not using them is extremely risky.  And here's the real truth - most married people who cheat do not use condoms.  That should scare the hell out of you because if that sweet little new piece of ass you're thinking of screwing has cheated even once, it's likely that she did it without a condom. 
8. Do you have enough time to cheat? This falls under the logistics topic, but it's a big enough deal to be addressed on its own. If your life is too full now, you may not have time for this, and if that's the case, you could end up making some stupid mistakes (changing habits quickly, etc.) that would draw attention to your behavior and increase the likelihood of being caught.
9. Are you able to lie to your spouse? Lying to my husband is the worst part about prowling for me.  I love the man.  I feel terribly guilty for lying to him, but I do it anyway (No, I don't feel nearly as guilty about coming in another man's arms or sucking my honey-on-the-side's gorgeous cock. Go figure.). If you are incapable of lying to your spouse, that's a wonderful thing!  It also means you won't be able to cheat without getting caught.

Like I said before, I'm not trying to freak you out.  I just want you to make your decisions about prowling like a grown up, rather than a horny dog. More than once I've entered into an affair with a man who got into it and then realized that he hadn't considered many of these things.  That's when it can get uncomfortable, and it doesn't have to be. Remember, prowling is supposed to be fun! It can be awesome if you go into it with a little preparation and with your eyes wide open.

Then you can enjoy letting your honey-on-the-side blindfold you.  ;-)

10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse

Last month, I shared my top 10 rules for cheating and my advice for prowling men, but I still get questions about the logistics of cheating so I thought I would offer some tips.

Tip #1:  If you haven't cheated yet, don't. This is a message you really can't miss if you have been reading this blog for more than 5 minutes. Once you have crossed the line of infidelity, it's easy to do it again and again and again. The easiest way to avoid becoming a chronic cheater (which is very, very risky to your marriage) is not to start.  I know this is a very strange tip for cheaters, but I had to say it.

Tip #2: Keep an eye on your routine.  One of the biggest giveaways of a cheating spouse is a change in routine.  Most people are creatures of habit and they have a really hard time changing their routines even if they want to.  If you suddenly start changing your routine without a word, it's a red flag.

Tip #3: Start building time into your schedule before you start cheating.  Face it.  Cheating takes time.  You'll need to build some time into your schedule for it, but it can't be a sudden change in routine, so start building some time into your routine now.  Start going to the gym or take a class.  Start a hobby.  In the early days of this, invite your spouse along so it's clear that it's legitimate.

Tip #4: Get a separate e-mail account.  Open a separate email account for your extramarital activities.  Use an easily hidden gmail or yahoo account and don't use your real name when you set up the account so it won't show to your email recipients.

Tip #5 : Consider getting a Google phone number for phone chatting and texting or get another cell phone.  Remember, there will be a record of all phone calls and texts if you use your own cell phone. If the bill is sent to your house, even if you are the one who usually handles the bills, you would be stupid to use that phone for your prowling.  There are risks to getting another phone, too, but that's a little safer.

Tip #6: Pay attention to how much time you spend online.  You will be tempted to spend more time online chatting emailing with you new sweetie, but be very careful about this. Like a sudden change in routine, this is one of the biggest tells of a cheater. Force yourself to limit your online time or only go online when your spouse is not around.

Tip #7: Watch out for the laundry.  If you are the one who typically does the laundry, great.  Get those naughty clothes in the washer as soon as you get back from a rendezvous.  If not, you need to find a way to deal with the laundry. Yes, there is a smell of sex, and even women who don't wear perfume often leave a distinctive scent of feminine shampoos, soaps, lotions, etc. By the way, if your new conquest is new to cheating, ask her not to wear perfume.  She may not even think about it because applying perfume becomes a routine for many women.

Tip #8: Get a pre-paid credit card.  I've mentioned this before.  If you use one of your personal credit cards, you run a risk of getting caught.  While you're at it, if you're serious about this, you'll also get a private P.O. box for mail. That's the address you give to hotel clerks who insist on having a mailing address.  You don't want an unexpected bill or a "Thank You for Your Stay" postcard delivered to your house, do you?

Tip #9: Don't stop having sex (or attempting to have sex) with your spouse.  Ok, you may be getting awesome sex regularly somewhere else now, but that doesn't mean you should stop developing intimacy with your spouse.  Trust me, she will notice, and she will think something is wrong.  Then she'll start paying attention to your behavior and every word you say, and that won't be good for your extramarital activities.

Tip #10: Be fully present with your family when you are with them. Assuming that you love your family and you want to stay married (which is exactly the assumption I make), you need to give your family as much of yourself as possible when you are with them.  Watch out for daydreaming or sneaking away to chat or email (see tip #6) or running out on time with your kids just so you can grab a quick phone chat with your new honey. Be a decent husband and father (or wife and mother).  While your fun on the side may be pretty exciting, don't forget what is most important in your life.

There are many more tips to share, so watch future posts for an ongoing list.

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