Mail Bag - Getting Your Profile Noticed

DauntlessD again. Recently our lovely Kat was asked for some advice. A smart, dashing, articulate gentleman in his early 30s wanted to know how to make his on-line profile or ad as attractive as possible. How do I know he is smart, dashing and articulate? Well, upon reading his email I immediately felt a kinship and thought, "Hey, he's like me!" For this topic I am going to speak to Ashley Madison because it is what I am most familiar with; however, the same principles should apply nearly anywhere.

What is that? Do I hear some grumbling? Stuff like: Who is this guy? Isn't this the guy that wrote that post about "Nice Guys"? He didn't sound like all that! What does he know?!

To the naysayers all I can say is this: I lured our very own precious Prowling Kat to me with my profile. So take what I offer or leave it. It is up to you.

On Ashley Madison they have three sections with a slew of check-boxes, "Preferences and encounters I am open to", "What really turns me on" and "What I am looking for". In truth these headers are meaningless. When scanning profiles people do not even pay attention to them. This is also true of the check-boxes. I recommend leaving them all unchecked or only checking a couple on each section. Why? Because we want to emphasize the free form text areas where we can show our personality.

Rule #1: Be fun and playful! Do this through your whole profile. Most of us on the prowl out there want a little escape, don't you? Try something like this in the first section:

Holy cow that's a lot of check-boxes! Whew, I feel a little woozy. I'd better sit down and digest this for a moment. Now wait a darn minute! They don't have the check-box I want! Where's "Likes electrified heart melting passionate kisses"?!

Rule #2: Qualify. Show that you have standards that not just any woman will do.

What really turns me on... I like bright women, women I can talk to. Being playful is so much more fun with a little light banter, even if it's non-sexual.

Rule #3: Be yourself. Show your personality (in a gentlemanly fashion).

What I am looking for... Oh wow. That alive feeling of being out of breath with my heart pounding after that first kiss. How I can't help but smile at how cute your neck looks when your hair is tucked behind your ear. The euphoria of slow foreplay.

Rule #4: Have a photo. Something preferably a bit stylish that maybe looks like a postcard, like one that shows your back as you look off the bow of a boat. Prowling you likely do not want to show your face but that is okay, just have a photo. Use every little edge you can to get yourself noticed.

Rule #5: Highlight kissing in several areas of your profile. Intimacy always starts with a kiss and women love a good kisser.

All through your profile remember to spin everything positive. Do not say, "Weekends are off limits." Say, "Weekdays are best for me." Also, do not set the tone like you are speaking to an audience; avoid the term "ladies". Make it sound like you are speaking to the very woman you are looking for. You can see this in the above line, "How I can't help but smile at how cute your neck looks when your hair is tucked behind your ear."

Once again I need to give credit where credit is due. Many of the ideas above came from the infamous RiffDog. Read his post, Ashley and Me: A Sample Profile, for more ideas.

Breaking My Own Rules?

As you know, fellow Prowlers, I have my own set of rules for my extramarital activities. Basically, I like a semblance of order in my life, and these rules help me maintain some control in an area of my life that can quickly and easily fly out of control.

I got a DM on Twitter yesterday, followed by some email and a couple of photos, from a rather intriguing man. He said a couple of things that instantly grabbed my attention and separated him from the hundreds of other random DMs and emails I get, most of which use the worst pickup lines imaginable. No, I'm not going to tell you what he said that got me wet...uh...I mean...got my attention. You'll have to expend a little of your own creative effort.

Anyway, his DMs made me smile.  I replied.  His response made me chuckle.  Back and forth it went briefly a few times. Good clean fun.  Well, maybe not squeaky clean, but clean enough. Then the photos came.  Nice, very nice.

Then it materialized.  One word. One simple word that made me start to wonder if I would ever get to run my hands along those strong broad shoulders and feel those lips sucking on my clit until I screamed. One word that smacked me back into reality.

What single word is powerful enough to do that, you ask?

"Divorced."

Nooooooooooooo.

Rule number 1:  Married men only. Non-negotiable. Too much can go wrong with single men.  Non-negotiable. They don't have as much to lose in the relationship. Non-negotiable.  It throws off the whole power balance.  Non-negotiable.

But this one is so cute.  Maybe?  And smart and creative. Maybe. And I already want to straddle him and ride him hard even though I just barely learned about his existence.  How often does that happen?  Maybe.

No.  If I break the rules for this one, the flood gates will open and I'll end up making a mistake and getting caught, and then I lose my family.  No way.  Non-negotiable.

I'm sure he's reading this right now, and he's thinking I'm a crazy woman for vacillating so much on this issue.  I'm sure he understands how critical it is.  He was married once, right?  Sure he understands, but he's going to want a definitive answer from me so he doesn't waste his time.

So here it is....

They're my rules.  I can break them if I want.  ;-)

Maybe.

Top 5 Most Popular Posts for This Week

Well, Prowlers, another week is over and another is beginning (depending on where you are in the world).  I thought I'd re-cap this week's most popular posts for you, just in case you missed any of them. 

1. Does Size Matter?
2. Finding Free Porn Online
3. Nice-Guys are *NOT* Attractive
4. 10 Things That Really Turn Me On
5. Kat's Naughty Blog Recommendations

And there's one more you really need to read that was just posted yesterday:

Real Advice from an Experienced Prowler-Sadist:  Meet Chimpernel

Real Advice from an Experienced Prowler-Sadist: Meet Chimpernel (Guest Post)

Well, fellow Prowlers, you know I'm not the only prowler out there.  We come in all types, and today's guest post is from someone I'm sure you'll enjoy. I found him on Twitter (Chimpernel), and he has some excellent (and naughty) thoughts and advice for you prowlers and prowlers-to-be. I'm sure we'll be hearing more from him.

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Hello, a guest post from old Chimpernel eh? Well, who is this charming rogue? Contextually, I’m a white, mostly-hetero Englishman, indeterminably aged somewhere between thirty-five and forty-five. I’m married with one daughter. I drink, smoke and have been known to indulge in bullshit and outright lying. I’m a pervert, scope yet to be fully defined. But what does that encompass? Well, I’m a sadist; I like to cause pain during sex. I’m a “top” which means I’m typically the more active partner during sex. I’m slightly dominant, which means I’m comfortable with taking the lead and occasionally enforcing my wishes. I’m slightly bisexual, which means I’m comfortable with the male physique even when it isn’t my own. I’m greedy, which means I’ve quite a high sex drive and want sex a LOT. I’m a “service top” which means that I think my partner's own pleasure is usually more important than mine and that I’m prepared to delay my own gratification to that end. I like bondage, which means, in my case, that I like to tie pretty girls but that I don’t particularly like being tied up.

Well from that limited context info dump it sounds like old Chimpernel is a nasty piece of work, eh? However, can we posit that it is possible to be a sadistic dominant and retain respect and indeed affection for the person you are dominating and hurting? How does one love the person you wish to hurt? And BTW when I say hurt I don’t mean the odd slap on the arse, I mean really really hurt. I am a real sadist not a pretend one.

Let’s dig a little deeper into two key areas, sadism and domination. Both imply a degree of violation, a degree of non-consensual interaction. I mean, who could like being forced to do painful things or be restrained so that painful things could be done more effectively to them. I admit it’s not everyone who would.  Luckily I have the woman of my dreams whose sexual makeup is a perfect complementary match for my own. She isn’t my wife though and that’s a whole realm of complexity and drama which we’ll explore at a later date.

But this is a blog for those on the prowl for extramarital complexities, so I’m going to give you my perspective of experiencing those complexities at the end of a marriage, because the problem with meeting the woman of your dreams is that it seriously throws into highlight how fucking awful your married life is and exposes all those justifications and rationalisations you’ve been using to mask how deeply unsatisfied, unhappy, bitter and angry you actually are. But let’s assume you aren’t there, maybe not yet or ever. Let’s assume this is just a bit of fun to spice up an otherwise slightly moribund life and hell, it might inject some much needed fun at home. It might be a meaningless one night stand, it might be something more substantial or it might be a mirror relationship, long term and fulfilling.

Either way, your first priority when you set out down this path, in fact even before you set out, is information hygiene, I’m assuming the whole safe sex thing is a given here people. Information hygiene is to do with, well basically, not keeping any information you don’t need to and thus not being caught via its presence or glaring absence. Email trails, SMS messages, phone records, MSN conversations, credit card statements etc. Handily, here I have some real expertise. In my vanilla trousers I’m a paranoid management consultant obsessed with information and records retention. The fundamental principles are very easy:

1. Don’t use your main email, use another hotmail account or such like
2. Don’t keep any of the emails/SMS, etc you send or receive. I know that re-reading them might provide some comfort doing a long and lonely night but you have a secure memory between your ears, use it, much harder to subpoena.
3. Online-only billing of credit cards is a wonder, same as online-only mobile bills, it means no one can accidentally open a statement and start asking awkward questions about common numbers, etc.,
4. Or just use cash for everything.

Now that you are aware of those principles, the next area is what do you want? Kinky sex with a nineteen year old, six foot, German nymphet and her adopted Zulu sister is unlikely if you are a charmless, balding fat lad from Romford with limited resources, though patently you have both imagination and great taste in sexual partners. In real life can you meet such a partner or partners? If not, then you might have to enter the world of online dating and possibly reinvent yourself by a profile which bears as little resemblance to reality as those of the people you will be talking with. Remember, if you have reinvented yourself as the third earl of Dudley the chances are that nineteen year old, six foot, German nymphet is another fat lad called Derek from Newcastle. I’ve found honesty is by far the best policy. Describing yourself as you are doesn’t mean you can’t use imagination and flair to expose the qualities you want people to focus on, and that doesn’t mean that charmless and fat has to equal “also has a 9” cock” to compensate for that*.  For gents humour and evidence of both intelligence and a degree of respect is very attractive and for ladies. Whilst we are all very visually triggered, men actually care much less for small details and more for the whole picture and some evidence of “fucks like a crazed weasel,” even if that evidence is a cheeky smile and a hint of smoulder.

More next week folks, and I promise it’ll be much ruder too.

*On that note, the global average dick size is six inches and 99% of penises are within an inch of that length. If someone claims to have an eight inch dick, he’s either one in ten thousand or the lying has started right there.

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Want to hear more from Chimpernel?  Keep checking back here for more posts!  You should also visit his blog, The Scarlet Chimpernel.

10 Things That Really Turn Me On

I was having a conversation with someone recently about things that turn people on, and I found it very interesting how people are so different.  Things that turn on one person  can be a complete turn off for someone else.

So, because this blog is all about, well, me, I thought I'd share with my fellow prowlers the things that really turn me on.  I'm going to stop at 10 because the list could get pretty long.

1. Confidence - This no joke.  Nothing gets me hotter than a confident man. Just about everything else pales next to confidence. I've met some amazingly good looking men who did nothing for me because they were afraid of their own shadow, and I've met some men who others might not consider as attractive who could twist me around their little fingers because of their confidence.
2. Intelligence - You have probably figured out that I have a thing for smart men.  I really do. Not only does intelligence usually mean a man is quite creative in bed, but it's intriguing.  It's the signal to me that there is really something interesting to discover, both in and out of bed. Heck, I've been chatting with one guy for almost two weeks who won't even tell me his name, but he's smart and witty and I'm dying to know more (Dear Mr. No-Name, please don't think this means I'll let this go on forever without a name).
3. A Sexy Voice - Almost 17 years ago, I met a man online with the sexiest voice I've ever heard in my life.  We had incredible phone sex, as you might imagine (yes, a phone sex post is coming). We have never met in person and our relationship has developed into a friendship, but I still get wet whenever I hear his voice. My, my. my!  I also can't resist a sexy voice whispering sweet nothings in the dark.
4. Domination - I'm not just talking about BDSM here (although I like a little D/s role play from time to time), but I get seriously turned on by a man who takes charge. Here's the deal.  I'm in control in most areas of my life.  I really need a man to be a man.  That said, I can be up for a little role reversal, too, but start off by taking charge.
5. Nipple play - OMG! I'm one of those very fortunate women whose nipples are so sensitive that she can almost cum from nipple play alone, yet many of you guys neglect that. Our tits aren't just for you, ya know.
6. Hair Pulling - Maybe this is related to the domination thing.  I don't know. I do know, however, that I love it.  I discovered this by accident when a lover grabbed me by the hair 20 years ago.  What a pleasant surprise! Gentlemen, here's a tip for you on hair pulling - grab firmly close to the scalp.  It gives you more control and that is the turn on. Jerking it by the edges is just annoying and it leaves bruises.
7. Kissing - I don't mean a little kissing. I'm talking about those hot, deep, wet kisses that last three days. No matter how stressed, tired, or preoccupied I am, some deep kissing (with a dominant, confident man who grabs me by the hair on the back of the head at the same time) always gets me in the mood.
8. Passion/Desire -  As a young woman, I used to think that being turned on led to passion and desire, but I have changed my mind on that.  Those of you who have experienced a long term relationship with someone who isn't interested in sex at all know how much of turn on it for someone to want you. I guess it's easier to recognize when you've lost it, but being with a man who actually wants sex, with me, is hot. And when he shows that by being enthusiastic and passionate in bed....wow!
9. Generosity - Some guys just want to get what they want and be done with it.  Of course, these men are idiots (yes, you can quote me on that) because they fail to understand that the more they please their partner, the more pleasure they will get. A man who makes sure that I am enjoying our time together turns me on, and makes me want to go out of my way to please him. It's quite simple.
10. Experimentation - I like to try and learn new things.  I'm not saying that plain old, sweet missionary style can't be great (because it really can), but willingness to try something new and different is a big turn on. That brings us right back to confidence, doesn't it? If you're not confident enough to get a little crazy and experiment a bit, how will you ever know what really turns you on?

Now, if you recognize a lot of the items on this list from 13 Reasons Why J Was the Best Ever, you have been paying attention.  Kudos to you!

You may wonder why some things are missing from the list like a nice, big, hard cock. Try reading Does Size Matter? and you'll have your answer.

Yes, my list of 10 Things That Really Turn Me Off is coming soon.

Working from the Top Down - A Naughty Guest Post

This very sweet and romantic (but naughty!) fantasy story was sent by Steve, a married gentleman living somewhere on the west coast of the USA (yes,I know where and who he is, but he wishes to remain anonymous for now). When I first read this story, I thought, "Have we met?" and then "Why not?!" I'm sure you'll enjoy it, too.

By the way, Steve tells me that while was written as a fantasy story, addressed to the lucky woman in the story, the reality of their meeting was even better. Maybe we can convince him to share that story, too....

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Not only had it been a long time since we last saw each other in person, it had been a very long week for you. Your summer was busy enough but the past week had you running and standing and working long hours every day. The one thing that kept you going was knowing that you had the house to yourself for the weekend and I was flying in to spend the weekend with you. You had checked the flight status online before leaving work and knew I had arrived. You called me on the drive home and found that I was already at the house anxiously awaiting your arrival. You arrive home on this beautiful summer evening to find me in the back yard relaxing and awaiting your arrival with a fine bottle of red wine.

I escort you to the most comfortable lounge chair and hand you a glass of wine as you sink into the curves of the chair and visibly relax. I gently slip off your shoes then settle in to the chair next to you with my own glass of wine as we both relax and start discussing all of the wonders of life that we haven’t had time to discuss until this very moment. Time, wine, and daylight pass into the glowing red sunset as we simply relax in the presence of each other. It is a nice warm evening and the nearly full moon is rising over the trees as darkness begins to fall upon our revelry.

Sensing a lull in the conversation and a desire to start something else I get up and stand behind you, gently running my fingers through your hair and caressing your temples, urging you to simply lie back and relax. I gently kiss your forehead and rub your neck and shoulders, encouraging the week’s stresses to dissipate into the warm night air. I gently nibble and lick your ear, whispering how much I love the time we get to spend together, hinting at some of the things I intend to do with you tonight. Your response is a sincere affirmation that tonight is going to be another special night. I lean down and passionately and deeply kiss you on the lips, allowing my hands to slowly slide down your chest and caress your breasts, their nipples firming rapidly under my loving touch

As our kiss lingers I move around in front of your chair and kneel on the ground in front of you and begin undressing you. The evening is drifting towards night but the moonlight is providing more than enough light for me to enjoy the beauty of your nakedness as I remove your blouse and bra. I lovingly fondle and caress your spectacular breasts, rolling your nipples firmly between my fingers to get them fully hard and aroused. I know that I am causing quite a stir for you from both the physical reaction of your nipples as well as your squirming and moaning in pleasure. Your requests for me to continue are sure to be answered. I lean forward, taking each nipple into my mouth and sucking hard while caressing the entire breast, pausing occasionally to lean back and simply admire the beauty before me. Soon I feel the need to expose and explore further into this body that I love to bring pleasure to.

With some help from you I gently slip your skirt and underwear off, leaving you totally exposed here in your backyard on this warm moonlit summer night. The sight and feel of your smooth naked skin combined with the passion generated from our actions has had a very noticeable effect on my body as well. You help me first out of my shirt and then out of my own shorts and underwear, leaving us both totally nude. Free of the encumbrances of my clothes, I continue my attentions further down your body, gently kissing from your breasts further down until I reach the fine soft fur between your legs. I gently slide you forward to allow you to fully spread your legs, allowing me full access to all of your feminine treasures that you want to share with me.

Kneeling in front of you I gently spread your lips and slowly insert my fingers into you. You are already very wet with anticipation and my fingers easily slip deep inside you. As I stroke them in and out, going deeper with each stroke, I begin licking and sucking on your clitoris to further stimulate you. I deeply massage inside you, finding your G spot and stimulating it firmly, getting you as aroused as you always do me. Having found your G spot I re-focus my oral stimulation on your clitoris and my one free hand on your breasts. My goal is obvious, I want you to have a very satisfying orgasm, hopefully the first of several this evening.

The physical and verbal reaction coming from you indicates that I am making progress towards that goal so I continue until you do have the orgasm that I want you to have.

Suddenly you get up and nearly push me over backwards, telling me that it is my turn. Remembering the past, you throw the pads from the lounge chairs on the ground and position me on my back right in the middle. You quickly straddle me and slide my throbbing cock deep inside you, the sensations from your earlier orgasm still tingling and further stimulating you as I slide deep inside you. You grab your breasts and start squeezing them, firmly grabbing and pulling on your nipples as you ride up and down on my cock. You are telling me how great it all feels and really start getting into it. You can tell I am getting close and tell me that everything is fine, I can cum inside you this time without any worries. I take the hint and start helping you pump my cock in and out feeling the heat of your body next to mine, your juices on my balls cooling them in the fresh air. I soak in the beauty of your body bouncing in the moonlight, sweat glistening on every inch of your voluptuous loveliness. Suddenly I can take no more and I explode deep inside you, moaning with pleasure as wave after wave of pleasurable contractions wrack my mind and body. I am vaguely aware of you having another orgasm yourself, triggered by my own reactions to you. Slowly we drift back to reality, gently touching and caressing the delicate and sensitive parts of each others bodies, not wanting the sexual energy to fade into nothingness quite yet. You curl up on top of me, my cock still inside you gently twitching as the erection slowly melts way.

This is as close as we ever have been and it feels wonderful.

Nice-Guys are *NOT* Attractive

DauntlessD here throwing up his first post!

I am sure many readers of both genders read that headline and scoffed thinking, "That's just not true!" Sorry, my friends, but it is true; and I know from personal experience. However, now that I have your attention, let me ease your minds. I am not referring to simple physical attraction.

First, a little background on me. I am a man in my early 40s. I am half South American so I fit into that category of "tall, dark, and handsome" quite neatly. As a young man I was taught my manners well, to be polite, respectful and courteous of others. It was also imbued in me that special attention was to be paid to the fairer sex, which included some chivalrous instruction such as taking coats, opening doors and pulling out chairs. In high school I grew to nearly 6 feet and my shoulders broadened giving me a hearty 170 lbs. frame. I am not unattractive today, but back then I was a darn good looking young man.

When it came to being attractive, I seemed to have everything going for me. Then why was it that I had such meager success with the ladies? I would look around at my friends, many whom were less attractive than me and they would have much more success. I did not give this much thought in my early 20s, but as the years rolled by I began to find this more and more troubling -- actually it was down right frustrating. I was what women say they want for crying out loud - a nice, good looking guy with a good sense of humor!

Heading into my 40s I hit that time for men when they start taking stock of their lives. I decided to figure out what it was about me that caused attraction to fizzle and die. So I start searching the Internet and discovered an interesting blog, Ashley and Me, where a man who calls himself RiffDog shares his adventures meeting women via AshleyMadison. I found ol' RiffDog to be a fun read, the posts where he described his sexual encounters were very raw and male. What struck me most about the Ashley and Me blog were the comments to Riff's posts. The women reading the blog just loved his unapologetic maleness. This seemed to fly in the face of how I was raised. So after sending an email to Mr. RiffDog with a couple of questions he responded with a rather simple statement, "[you are] talking about 'Game', which has entire books devoted to the subject."

"Game"? Yes, I am sure there are a number of men right now slapping their foreheads thinking, 'My God this man had never heard of Game?' No, I had not -- and honestly when I first started reading about Game I was incredulous, even a little offended at times. However, the more I read, the more I realized that most of Game is built on some simple instinctual biological truths. It is how I learned that Nice-Guys are Not Attractive.

What are these "instinctual biological truths"? Well, when you break down the human animal to its raw instincts, survival and pro-creation are its top imperatives.

For a Man to make sure his legacy lives on, this means spreading his seed to as many woman as possible. Of course men will gravitate toward the healthier more attractive women, but in truth this is relative; pretty much any woman will do. Yes ladies, I just confirmed your suspicions, men are dogs. For a little comic relief on this subject try this link: Why men and woman cannot be friends.

The instinctual drive in Woman to make sure their legacy lives on is more complicated. (Gee, imagine that! Women, those fair lovely creatures, are more complicated... Who would have guessed?) Women having to carry and care for their children are much more invested. Because of this investment making sure their babies are as strong and as healthy as possible is critical. Thus women have developed a highly tuned instrument buried deep within their psyche to weed out the weaker, less healthy males.

Okay, enough of the babble, why are Nice-Guys not Attractive? Nice-Guys without knowing it set off the alarms that are buried deep in a woman's psyche; they diffuse their own attractiveness. How do they do this you ask? Well here is the answer, Nice-Guys make themselves less attractive by being well, Nice. I know many of you out there have, "WTF?" floating in bubbles over your heads, but it is true.

Why do you think woman are attracted to Bad Boy types? It is not because they are bad boys; it is because of the type of male animal they represent. Think about the strongest most powerful men you can and consider what qualities they have. Think about James Bond or Don Draper in Mad Men. What qualities do these men exude? I bet Confidence popped right in your mind; and women do love a confident man. However it is the more subtle qualities that trip most Nice-Guys up.

Most Nice-Guys strive to please a woman upon meeting her. Would James Bond do that? Nope. Why is this a detractor? Well, a quality male animal has options, he is not worried about any one woman. If the woman in front of him is not interested, no big deal he has others. So when a Nice-Guy starts falling over himself being Nice to a woman, it makes it appear he has no options -- that he is not a quality male.

Ahhh... now maybe you can see why that attractive woman is with that guy that treats her poorly. He has flicked a nerve in her that has made her believe that he is a quality male, that he has options.

So avoid letting your Nice-Guy colors show when you first meet a woman. Show her a confident man who makes his own decisions and wont be swayed. Intentionally be a bit mysterious and don't jump to answer her questions. Take the attitude that she needs to prove her self to you -- that you are a quality male with options. Never point out your own flaws; confident men do not do that. When in doubt treat her like another male. Then after you've established some attraction and rapport, then you can let the Nice-Guy show a little.

I know for us Nice-Guys this is easier said than done. Good luck!