More on Confidence - A Guest Post from SomewhereMan

Since it was a conversation with SomewhereMan that inspired my post on Confidence and Attraction, I thought it fitting that I should ask him to share his thoughts on the topic to give you a male perspective on confidence. As always, he's right on point. :-)

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Confidence and men should go together like Captain and Tenille, at least when it comes to attraction and attention from women.

We always hear it from females: "I want a man with a great sense of humor."  That doesn't mean they want Steve Martin with an arrow in his head or Gallagher smashing watermelons.

It really means:  We want a confident man.

A man who can make us laugh.  Listen to us.  Take us from the valleys of our days and guide us to higher ground.

So much of a "confident man" comes from our life outside of the bedroom.  Mastery of whatever is important to us.  Maybe it's work.  Maybe it's being a top-notch father.  Maybe it's the ability to fix a broken down furnace or change the oil in a car.  Whatever it is doesn't really matter but, when a man feels confident, that also transfers into the bedroom.

A confident man is a horny man.

Don't believe it?

If you've ever been with a man who is unemployed or under-employed, how many times does he initiate sex?  Not as much as when he's got a good job.  That's just how we are wired.

Maybe women can compartmentalize in some elements but, for men, if our "real life" is going great, the confidence just follows.

Some "DO's" for men to stay confident.

•  Master Your Life.  You do this and everything falls into place.  I have, by no means, mastered my life, but my career is solid (as it can be in 2011, I suppose) and my parenting skills are above reproach.  Those are the two major elements of my life.  The confidence that gives me resonates off of me, say, when I'm playing with my kids at the pool or even at the grocery store.  I live life with a layer of fun throughout and people notice this. 
• Stand Tall When Walking Into a Room.  Women notice this.  When I walk into a room for a meeting, I'm standing tall, shoulders back, an easy smile for everyone in the room.  I'll make eye contact with a few people right away.  Usually it'll be the CEO, a mid-level manager and, possibly, an attractive female co-worker as I sit down.  Then, for the rest of the meeting, I'll make eye contact with everyone else.  It's not creepy but an "I know I'm what I'm doing" glance.
• Be Ready to Chat.  Maybe this is part of what I do.  I spent my workdays often surrounded by very attractive women.  In other words, I don't work in a Schlitz factory in Milwaukee.  I talk to these women the same way I would talk to sloppy guys with their bellies hanging over their belts.  Beautiful women are used to being fawned over.  Just talk to them like they're people first.  Fawn over them in the bedroom.
• Exercise.  If you can, get out and go running or lift some weights.  Do it for 10 days and your body will look tighter.  This helps with "walking tall" in the world. 

 Now for the DON'Ts.

•  Don't Just Have One Act...Have a "Second Act".  As guys, we are excellent at trying to "close the deal", at the start of a relationship.  Most of us talk a great game but, what happens, after a week when the glow of a new woman is already fading?  Where she can sense your warts and imperfections?  Always keep another layer of confidence "in your back pocket" for those situations.  Perhaps, something else that you haven't mentioned.  If you have a good career and can cook, maybe show off your cooking skills after a week or so.
• Don't Be Desperate.  Women can sense desperation and that will never help with getting them in the place you want them.  Never.  I just got "dumped" today, in fact.  But that's okay.  I knew it was probably going to happen.  Instead of flipping out, I wish her well and don't make a big deal out of it.  A few days ago, I took a different "tact" with her, knowing that she would probably want to break away.  I let her know that I look forward to getting older (unlike her).  Why?  My words: "When I'm 40, I'll have a great career, still have my hair and I take care of myself.  I certainly won't be hurting for options."  I give it a 50/50 shot that this woman reaches out to me this week. 
• Don't Think Talking Will Cure All.  We can all "gab and gab".  However, the real skill comes in listening and using those clues to become closer with a woman.  If you are in e-mail contact with a woman, scribble down what she likes/doesn't, what her family life is like and, my favorite, the best vacation she has ever taken.  Two months ago, I was juggling six women, via email (2 in real life and 4 on the virtual world).  I had a spreadsheet going with likes/dislikes... and, all of them, to a person, were impressed with how I "listened".  :)

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Be sure to visit SomewhereMan's blog, My One Wild Year.

Confidence and Attraction

I was just having a chat with SomewhereMan, and for a brief part of the conversation we were talking about confidence. About 6 months ago, I wrote 10 Things That Really Turn Me On and what was number one on that list?  You guess it! Confidence.

I wrote, "This no joke.  Nothing gets me hotter than a confident man. Just about everything else pales next to confidence. I've met some amazingly good looking men who did nothing for me because they were afraid of their own shadow, and I've met some men who others might not consider as attractive who could twist me around their little fingers because of their confidence."

That statement is still true for me.

Read any of the accounts I've shared in my naughty posts and there is one thing that all of those gentlemen have in common - confidence. Some of the men I've been with have been shorter than they would have liked, or heavier, or balder.  Yes, some have even had smaller than average penises (you remember what I said about penis size, right?). But it was their confidence and intelligence that made them most attractive.  I'm not saying that physical attractiveness doesn't matter.  In fact, SomewhereMan's story about his escapades with Charlotte are a great illustration of a) how physical beauty does not necessarily equal "good catch," no matter how willing s/he is, and b) how sometimes physical attractiveness can blind you to the qualities (or lack of them) that you are really looking for.

And physical attractiveness does not equal "good in bed."  Whoever originally invented that lie should have found a way to make money on every time it has been perpetrated over that last couple of thousands of years. Being good in bed is much more about confidence, attitude, willingness to please, creativity, and skill than it is about beauty.

But I'm not here to slam physical attractiveness.  Oh, no.  I love a good looking man.  In fact, I am glancing over at Adam's most recent HNT on my other monitor as I write this, and imagining the unbelievably hot chest/shoulders/cock and gorgeous face of my webcam buddy. Yeah, they are hot, but it's their confidence (along with several other intangible factors) that have led me to engage them in dialogue (and some in more than dialogue).  That's what makes them more than just  pretty pictures.

Let me give you a few examples of how confidence plays out in a few different situations with some of my favorites:

J - He didn't spend any time asking for critiques of his performance.  There was no, "Did you like that?"  Hell, he knew I liked it and he knew what he liked. He wasn't tentative in bed at all.  He knew what he wanted and he went for it. If it didn't work out, he went for something else.

P - After we had been together once, he didn't act shy about getting together again.  He didn't look down at his feet and shuffle and mumble, "Do you wanna see me again?" he said, "Next Tuesday at noon works for me. You?"

JJ - His confidence impressed me the first time I saw him. He carries himself like someone with a purpose. I remember one time we met in a parking lot and walked into a hotel lobby together, instead of one or the other of us getting there first. He didn't shrink and act like we were doing anything he was ashamed of.  He didn't whisper to the hotel clerk (yes, I've seen that, too).  He was matter-of-fact and confident, like he owned the place. He put an arm around me as we stood there (there were no prying eyes around) and leaned over against me. Mmmm...... that was definitely a panty-dampening few minutes of anticipation. How long do you think it took to get me out of those panties once we were behind closed doors?

M - M announced to me recently that he has decided he's going to reclaim me. Oooo! Meeeeeow! Go for it big boy!

I can already hear the wimpier among you whining, "But how will she know I'm confident until she gets to know me, but you're saying she won't get to know me unless I'm confident.  I don't get it.  Wah wah wah..."

Seriously?

A confident person is unmistakable and definitely stands out from the crowd, even online. It shows in how he walks, how he talks, how he writes, how he interacts...heck, it even shows in how he stands still. You have to believe that you are worthy of someone spending the time to get to know you a little and fuck you before anyone will. It's really that simple.

How do you do that? I know it's difficult, especially if you are in an unhappy relationship where you feel that you have been beaten down for years by someone who tells you, either explicitly or implicitly by how they treat you, that you are not very attractive or that you aren't worth much. You have to pull yourself out of it. You can't allow that person's opinion of you become your opinion of you. That may mean leaving, or it may mean making a decision to change some things in your life to reclaim who you are.

If there are some physical issues affecting your confidence level, take care of them if you can.  If they are features that you cannot change, work on accepting that they are part of what makes you unique, and that the woman or women you are supposed to have will look through those things.

To round this out, here's a brief list of DON'Ts to keep you from screaming that you are not confident enough for a woman (or man) to waste time with:

• Don't whine.  Seriously.  It is so unattractive. If you don't like something, state it in a matter of fact manner.  Little girls whine.
• Don't look down at your feet when you walk or talk. Look straight ahead or in your partner's eyes (but not in that scary, "I'm staring you down" kind of way). That shy little boy act is very cute.....on shy little boys, not on men.
• Don't act embarrassed about your accomplishments (but don't brag too much, either).
• Don't be afraid to close the deal.  She's waiting for you make the move. I was with a great guy once whose company I really enjoyed.  We got together and started talking - in a very private setting, acceptable for...well, you know.  And we talked...and talked....and talked.  I did my part.  I sat close to him.  I rubbed his leg.  I made sure that some body part was touching him lightly at all times.  The signals couldn't have been clearer - not to mention the fact that I'm Kat! For gosh sake, if I let you that close to me (which is quite an accomplishment), you're in! Know what I mean? Anyway, I stopped asking questions.  At one point he said, "What are you thinking?" (Don't you just love that question?  Not!) My answer was, "I'm thinking that I'm not sure if you're ever going to make a move." Of course, he did make a move, and he was great.

Ok, now all of these thoughts are from my perspective (and they are right, of course), but I thought you might also want the perspective of a confident man on projecting confidence, so I asked SomewhereMan to share his thoughts on the topic. Rather than append them here, I'm going to post them separately as a guest post.

His advice is good, and it's written in his easy-to-read style. Don't miss it!

Prepared

I'm meeting with my accountant today, and I'm prepared to talk about my new proposed fee "arrangement." What do you think are the chances that he'll be receptive?

Time Travel...and Other Random Thoughts

So, here's what happened..... I posted on Saturday (scheduled it for Sunday), and then I put my head down and started to work.  The next thing I know I'm getting emails from friends asking if I'm alright and where I've been.  I look up and.....OMG!....it's Wednesday night!  What the heck happened?  That's when I figured it out.  My office must be a time machine or some funky time travel portal.  Yeah, that's it.

Seriously, though, I hate it when work pulls me in like this. I don't get any sex with JJ.  I don't get to post naughty thoughts here or comment on the naughty thoughts of my buddy bloggers.  I don't even have time to annoy Dauntless!  Yup, that's when you know it's serious.

If you know anything about me, you're thinking, "But Kat, do you really expect us to believe that you were able to focus for days without any interrupting random thoughts?  What about your ADD?"  Good point. When my brain can't think about sex, it's prone to erupt with a million distracting random thoughts.  Here are a few that have plagued me over the last few days while I have been trying to work:

• Do I really have to shave my legs and underarms if I'm not going to see JJ?  Can't I just use that time to sleep instead?
• Why is there a fork under my desk and how long has it been there?
• I wonder if Dauntless would notice if I took the new toy he's going to review out of its protective wrapper and played with it a bit?
• I hate lima beans.
• Why does my pussy still get soaking wet if I haven't thought about sex all day?  Wait, is that the good kind of wet...or...? When was the last time I got up to go to the bathroom?
• It f-ing sucks that I'm too busy to even listen to the Giants game on the radio.
• Business has been pretty bad lately even though I'm busy...hmmm...what's wrong with that picture?
• Business has been so bad that I'm thinking of trying to pay my accountant with sex instead of cash. Heck, he knows I don't have any money.  I'll let you know how that goes.
• Is it illegal to trade sex for accounting services? I've traded sex with my husband to get the lawn mowed for years.
• What day is it?
• If I spend more time in this chair, my ass is going to be the size of Ohio.
• Oh geez!  Do I have an HNT picture to post tomorrow? (Don't worry, I do.)
• I miss JJ and Daunt.  When do I get to see them again?
• Mmmmm....the thought of JJ and Daunt with me at the same time.  Yowza!

I could go on (and on...and on...), but we're getting into dangerous territory now, so I'll stop.

I'll have another naughty post for you soon. I might be seeing my accountant this week. ;-)

Sunday Slacking

I'm not really slacking today.  I'm actually working, which means that my time for PWK is very limited today, so I've decided to direct you to some of my favorite posts from this week written by other bloggers.  And I'll wrap it up with a few of the most popular PWK posts that you may have missed, especially if you're new here.

Here are some posts not to be missed:

Bloggers at the Table: Responsible Promiscuity - This post by Topaz at Gemology is a nice piece about serial prowlers, and it includes  the best line I've read in the sex blogosphere this week: "Men tend to forgive bloody homicide if a girl can fuck right."  Priceless!

Don't Fence Me In - This post by Ms. Inconspicuous, author of The Anatomies of a Marriage, is simply beautiful, as are most of her writings.
Charlotte #9. Tuesday. In the Park. Not the 4th of July. - I'm only listing post #9 about Charlotte here, but you really need to read all of the Charlotte series, written by SomewhereMan on My One Wild Year. This guy really knows how to tell a story, and his account of his adventures with Charlotte is intriguing.  Also, I happen to have some inside information that there is a shocking surprise coming this week that you won't want to miss - and it will be more fun for you if you catch up on the Charlotte series first.  Trust me on this.

HNT - Being Manly - You really didn't think I could put together a list of my favorite posts from the week without including Adam's most recent HNT from The Mind of a Married Man, did you?  If you did, you don't know me very well yet. While you're at it, check out his profile pic, too.  My, it's getting warm in here, isn't it?

Because many of you are new to PWK and you probably haven't yet had the time to read back through all the previous posts, I've picked out a few of my sexy favorites for you to hold you over until I write about my next naughty encounter. These also introduce you to a few of my favorite prowling buddies.

The Best Sex of My Life

The Contender

Surrendering to M (Part 1) and Surrendering to M (Part 2)

Whatever He Wants (Part 1)

Raunchy Hotel Sex 

Young One on Fire - A Naughty Adventure with a Fireman

Ok, Prowlers, that should be more than enough to keep you busy and...uh....satisfied while I get back to work this afternoon.

Enjoy!

Lingering

I come home from seeing you and walk in my front door. I'm met immediately by husband and children, all vying for some attention, each one wanting something, but I'm distracted.  My mind is still with you even though my body is here now. My husband leans in to kiss me, a quick peck on the same lips that were passionately engaged with yours just 30 minutes ago.

I greet everyone quickly, drop my purse and move into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. As I turn into the kitchen, my hair blows in the gentle breeze created by the ceiling fan and I catch a note of your scent. I stop in my tracks and breathe in again, trying to hold you there with me, but it's gone.

I start making dinner, efficient as always, making small talk with my husband and kids as they each wander through for their few minutes of catch-up time with me.

"How was your day?" my husband asks.

"Good.  Yours?"

"It was ok," and then he goes on to tell me about what one of the boys did today and how his lunch went with that friend of ours.

Then he asks, "Anything special happen in your day today?"

Trying not to skip a beat or look up from my task, I reply, "Oh, same old thing.  You know, just lots of work..."

I don't hear the next few things he says because my mind wanders to my time with you this afternoon and the stolen hours we spent making love. I smile as I remember how you whispered, "That's my girl" to me as I came and shuddered in your arms.

I move to the dining room to set the table. As I lean over the table to place the silverware on the far side, I remember how you bent me over the edge of the bed and stood behind me, holding my hips and pulling me back onto you as you fucked me forcefully, almost savagely. I pause for a moment to drink it in, again trying to hold onto the memory for just another few seconds before one of the kids comes running in to show me something, reclaiming me.  As I turn to him, I reflect on how different the scene in our hotel room was from this civilized, family picture.

I shake my head a bit, as if I can shake off the lingering memory of your hands on my body and the sound of your breathing and moaning as you cum.  But I'm not your lover here.  I'm this little one's mom, and that man's wife. I walk back into the kitchen, a little sad as I resign myself to letting go of the pleasure of the afternoon, at least for now.

I finish the dinner and start serving it, calling the boys to the table.  My husband shouts the same instructions he's given every night for the better part of the last two decades - wash your hands, turn off the TV,  no magazines (or iPods) at the table. I finish serving as the last one takes a seat.  I look at the clock as I move to my chair.  Just an hour and a few minutes ago I was with you, completely and totally yours, focused intensely on pleasing you, enjoying you, and being your slut, and now I'm here.  I look around the table and see my boys, all looking at me, waiting for me to sit, and I'm filled with love for them - and gratitude.

As I sit down, my breath catches a little bit as a sweet soreness reminds me of that wonderful, hard ass fucking you gave me just a few minutes before we left each other this afternoon.  We both knew we had to go, but we wanted to connect one last time before your wife and my family pulled us back to our other lives. It was forceful and hurried and fantastic, leaving me with a lingering soreness as a reminder of you.

I smile, and refocus on my family, but I know you're still here, lingering and waiting for me to remember again. I'll hold onto that until I can be with you again.

Take It Easy

I was just getting some work done this afternoon and this great Eagles song came up on Pandora.  I've liked it for a long, long time, but as I was listening to it this afternoon, it sounded a little bit like a Prowler's anthem.



Substitute men for women and he for she, and it applies to me in a strange way.

"I'm runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women (men) on my mind
Four that wanna own me
Two that wanna stone me
One says s/he's a friend of mine."

And this part, too...

"Come on, Baby
Don't say Maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me.
We may lose and we may win, though
We will never be here again...."

Geez....instead of picking this great song apart, I'll just give you all the lyrics and you'll see what I mean.


Well, I'm running down the road
tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women on my mind,
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine,
Take it easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow Arizona
I'm such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
take it easy..."Alright"

Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen
my load, got a world of trouble on my mind
lookin' for a lover who won't blow my
cover, she's so hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy,
come on baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me, ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh

Oh well you know we got it easy
We oughta take it easy, yeah

(Yeah, that ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh... part strikes a chord, doesn't it? LOL)

That was a nice stroll down memory lane.  Back to work for me....