Offensive or Hot?

This cover of Vogue is getting a lot of attention. Women's advocacy groups around the world, including the National Organization for Women in the U.S., are arguing that the cover photo sexualizes and glamorizes domestic violence and rape.

Huh?  I just don't see it.

Okay, I don't get why the guy is apparently sucking on his own finger, but that is beside the point.

What I see is a very hot depiction of consensual sexual domination.

Let me be clear.  I am not an advocate of domestic violence or rape in any way. I can say from first hand experience that there is nothing sexy about rape and there is nothing erotic about domestic violence.

That's not what this photo is showing. It's obvious because there is no sense of fear in this photo. No look of fear on her face, no panic in her eyes.

Just as some of those women's groups are upset at what they perceive as the sexualization of domestic violence, I am deeply offended by their efforts to pervert sexual domination and submission into something violent and dirty. It's not. They fact that they can't see that this photo is obviously not about violence is also disturbing.

I'm not being facetious when I say that I suspect they have been so sheltered, sexually speaking, that they cannot even understand what a full, passionate, exciting, varied, and invigorating sex life can be. To them, anything that's not plain vanilla is evil and an affront to women. They are so uneducated, deprived or intolerant that even french vanilla (which is all this photo is, really) is scary for them.

What's next? Are we getting to the point where if a man even touches a woman  somewhere other than her hand without her screaming, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" that it will be considered a sexual assault? Needless to say, I think it's going too far.

The women's movement is all about allowing women to have choices. That also means that women should have the right to choose to be sexually dominated by a man without the implication that she must have a psychological issue deeply rooted in a troubled childhood. And it means that the man she chooses to engage with sexually in that regard is not a rapist.  Oh yeah, and he's not a psycho for liking it, either.

Unfortunately for the prudes of the world, they can no longer say that women (and men) who enjoy BDSM to any degree are a kinky fringe minority with a sick sense of sexuality.  Fifty Shades of Grey debunked that myth. Millions of people are either into it or turned on by it and want to try it. Millions of people don't see it as rape or domestic violence. Because it's not.

The range of "perfectly normal" in human sexuality is broad. We're just learning that some of what we used to think was really kinky and unusual is actually much more common and, yes, normal.

I'm not a pervert for wishing I were the woman in that photo (but I'd pick a different guy) or for loving a good, hard, hair-pulling, ass-slapping, gagged fuck. The people who try to make me and millions of others feel dirty for liking it - they are the perverts.

Your thoughts?

Gone Fisting....

I got an email from a friend yesterday with a picture of a t-shirt with the phrase, "Gone Fisting" on it. I knew that had to be the title for this post, the first in a series about fisting. I've had several requests, from women, to take some time to write about fisting, and I'm glad to comply because I am such a sweet and kind Kat.  The first post in this series will be about fisting in general (what it is, what to be careful of, etc.).  The next post will be a naughty story about one of my adventures with fisting (you knew there would be a naughty story in here somewhere, didn't you?).

For those of you who don't know what fisting is, it's the sexual act of inserting a full hand into the vagina (known as vaginal fisting) or rectum (known as anal fisting).  There are several different techniques, as you might imagine, but the point is to get the hand inserted up to the wrist. Here's a wikipedia article about fisting that shows some hand positions and discussed some of the risks.

I'll get to the risks in a minute, but first I want to talk about why some women (like me!), and some men I presume, like it so much. Ladies, you've undoubtedly experienced your partner inserting a finger or two (or maybe even three) inside you.  It's quite pleasurable, no? Why is that? Because it's an intimate exploration of your body, and because it allows for manual manipulation of one of your biggest pleasure centers. Adding the fifth finger and the thumb just adds to that pleasure, but it has the added bonus of being a very dominant act. Trust me, you are fully under his control when he's got his whole fist inside you.  You're not going anywhere.  Some of us find that very, very hot. Yes, most women find male domination in bed (to one degree or another) to be a serious turn on.

What about pain?  Yes, it can be uncomfortable during the insertion phase of the act, but the key is to go slow.  Guys, I mean it. Go s-l-o-w.  You need to give the vagina a chance to stretch. The slower you go, the less pain there is.  The faster you go, the more pain there is.  Simple enough. If you're into the whole sado-masochist thing and the pain is part of the turn for you, you still need to be careful about not going to fast for other reasons.

The wikipedia article I cited above talks bout some of the risks of fisting, but it doesn't mention the most obvious risk - perineal tearing. That sound you just heard was the sound of about a thousand women squirming uncomfortably and crossing their legs. For you guys who don't know what I mean, perineal tearing is the tearing of the skin below the vagina and above the anus (that area is the perineum). Inserting your fist too fast or too roughly, or being too rough once it's inserted, can cause that area to rip. Yes, I have experienced a perineal tear caused by fisting.  Not fun. Those tears really do hurt, more during the days that follow than when they happen, but pain and blood during sex are turn offs for most folks. So, repeat after me....Go s-l-o-w. Good.

You also risk internal abrasions if your partner has not made sure his nails are trimmed.  Yes, ouch again! Please, gentlemen.  A little preparation goes a long way.

The most serious risk from vaginal fisting is the risk of embolism.  That is the pushing of air into the uterus.  It can be fatal.  Stop freaking out. It's rare, and it happens more from the act of pounding (pumping a closed fist like a piston inside the vagina) than from more common fisting activities. Still, it's something to think about.

All of this has been about vaginal fisting.  There are additional risks to anal fisting.  Since I'm not into anal fisting at all (but, to be fair, I've never tried it), I'm not going to discuss it here.  Hey, just google it if you want to know more, ok?

I keep hearing that men are very visual, so here's a website that has some free fisting videos, as well as a bunch of other free sex videos.  Enjoy. No, I don't make any money off of this video site.  Kat is all about sharing freely.

Here's a fun little YouTube video on Lesbian fisting which, by the way, is the same as heterosexual fisting, except for maybe the size of the hand. This video will make you chuckle.  It's a parody of a 1950's instructional video.  Very creative, Ladies!

Speaking of size, I've heard men say, "I have really big hands.  There's no way my fist will fit in a woman's vagina!" All I can say is that I have squeezed out two babies with head circumferences bigger than a large man's fist. Get over yourself, big boy.

No, fisting isn't for everyone.  It it's not your cup of tea, let it go.  If you want to try something new and different, though, give it a try.  You might might like it.

As promised, my naughty fisting story will be posted soon. Can you guess who my partner is in it?  I'll bet you can......