Since it was a conversation with SomewhereMan that inspired my post on Confidence and Attraction, I thought it fitting that I should ask him to share his thoughts on the topic to give you a male perspective on confidence. As always, he's right on point. :-)
Confidence and men should go together like Captain and Tenille, at least when it comes to attraction and attention from women.
We always hear it from females: "I want a man with a great sense of humor." That doesn't mean they want Steve Martin with an arrow in his head or Gallagher smashing watermelons.
It really means: We want a confident man.
A man who can make us laugh. Listen to us. Take us from the valleys of our days and guide us to higher ground.
So much of a "confident man" comes from our life outside of the bedroom. Mastery of whatever is important to us. Maybe it's work. Maybe it's being a top-notch father. Maybe it's the ability to fix a broken down furnace or change the oil in a car. Whatever it is doesn't really matter but, when a man feels confident, that also transfers into the bedroom.
A confident man is a horny man.
Don't believe it?
If you've ever been with a man who is unemployed or under-employed, how many times does he initiate sex? Not as much as when he's got a good job. That's just how we are wired.
Maybe women can compartmentalize in some elements but, for men, if our "real life" is going great, the confidence just follows.
Some "DO's" for men to stay confident.
- Master Your Life. You do this and everything falls into place. I have, by no means, mastered my life, but my career is solid (as it can be in 2011, I suppose) and my parenting skills are above reproach. Those are the two major elements of my life. The confidence that gives me resonates off of me, say, when I'm playing with my kids at the pool or even at the grocery store. I live life with a layer of fun throughout and people notice this.
- Stand Tall When Walking Into a Room. Women notice this. When I walk into a room for a meeting, I'm standing tall, shoulders back, an easy smile for everyone in the room. I'll make eye contact with a few people right away. Usually it'll be the CEO, a mid-level manager and, possibly, an attractive female co-worker as I sit down. Then, for the rest of the meeting, I'll make eye contact with everyone else. It's not creepy but an "I know I'm what I'm doing" glance.
- Be Ready to Chat. Maybe this is part of what I do. I spent my workdays often surrounded by very attractive women. In other words, I don't work in a Schlitz factory in Milwaukee. I talk to these women the same way I would talk to sloppy guys with their bellies hanging over their belts. Beautiful women are used to being fawned over. Just talk to them like they're people first. Fawn over them in the bedroom.
- Exercise. If you can, get out and go running or lift some weights. Do it for 10 days and your body will look tighter. This helps with "walking tall" in the world.
Now for the DON'Ts.
- Don't Just Have One Act...Have a "Second Act". As guys, we are excellent at trying to "close the deal", at the start of a relationship. Most of us talk a great game but, what happens, after a week when the glow of a new woman is already fading? Where she can sense your warts and imperfections? Always keep another layer of confidence "in your back pocket" for those situations. Perhaps, something else that you haven't mentioned. If you have a good career and can cook, maybe show off your cooking skills after a week or so.
- Don't Be Desperate. Women can sense desperation and that will never help with getting them in the place you want them. Never. I just got "dumped" today, in fact. But that's okay. I knew it was probably going to happen. Instead of flipping out, I wish her well and don't make a big deal out of it. A few days ago, I took a different "tact" with her, knowing that she would probably want to break away. I let her know that I look forward to getting older (unlike her). Why? My words: "When I'm 40, I'll have a great career, still have my hair and I take care of myself. I certainly won't be hurting for options." I give it a 50/50 shot that this woman reaches out to me this week.
- Don't Think Talking Will Cure All. We can all "gab and gab". However, the real skill comes in listening and using those clues to become closer with a woman. If you are in e-mail contact with a woman, scribble down what she likes/doesn't, what her family life is like and, my favorite, the best vacation she has ever taken. Two months ago, I was juggling six women, via email (2 in real life and 4 on the virtual world). I had a spreadsheet going with likes/dislikes... and, all of them, to a person, were impressed with how I "listened". :)
Be sure to visit SomewhereMan's blog, My One Wild Year.