A Stupid Question and a Reasonable Answer

A comment was posted earlier today to yesterday's Do You Know.... post that was ignorant and, yes, a bit annoying.  I removed the comment (and all comments replying to it) from the post, but the ignorance part of the equation has been gnawing on me. I decided to address it in its own post, so here we are.

First, let me remind you that I very rarely remove a comment.  This is only the third time I've done it since PWK went live.  The first one was attacking a friend of mine. The second was a very rude and personal commentary on my marriage.  This was the third.

Here's the setting.  In yesterday's post, I was giving clues about my time with SNS Guy and one of the clues was "Lots of lube."

The comment was: "Lots of lube?! Not sure if you're enjoying? Normally, a woman should be able to produce natural lubricant? Your lube here is natural or applied lubricant?"

It annoyed me for several reasons, but mostly it annoyed me because of the ignorance it showed. I don't want any woman to read that comment and think that she's not normal.

First of all, the implication here is that clearly 1) a woman who uses lots of lube must not be enjoying sex, and 2) since a "normal woman" should be able to produce natural lubricant, a woman who needs or wants to supplement with additional lubricant is somehow not normal.

Let's not forget, too, that this person didn't even consider the use of lube for anal sex or manual stimulation (hand job) before jumping to an assumption of dysfunction. 

Below all of this stupidity, though, is a real issue that should be discussed and that doesn't get nearly enough space in sex blogs.

Menopause.

Seriously, you have no idea how hard it was for me to write that word, not because I have a problem being "a woman of a certain age," but because I know it conjures an image of old and dried up, rather than sexy and alluring. In our culture, sexy and alluring is young. Anything else is a waste of time or "not normal."

Before I go any further, let's talk about biology for a few moments. In the process of peri-menopause and menopause (yes, it's a long process, not an event), vaginal dryness resulting from hormonal changes is a completely natural condition. A woman doesn't go from dripping wet to bone dry over night. It's a process, which means that sometimes no lube is needed, sometimes only a little is needed, sometimes a lot. Some of us are dry before, but we become very wet when we cum.  Others of us don't.  Some of us don't know from day to day how our bodies will respond.

This whole thing is really confusing for men because you poor guys are used to thinking "wet means she's turned on and dry means she's not" and now the rules have changed on you.  Again. Lack of natural lubrication is not necessarily an indication of lack of interest. How will you know? I guess you'll have to actually talk to us....and pay attention for other signs.

So, to specifically answer Mr. Ignorant's questions - Yes, lots of lube. I enjoyed myself immensely.  I don't measure my sexual satisfaction or happiness by how much lubricant I use.  I would not suggest that anyone do that. As for whether or not I am a "normal" woman, I can assure you that I am physiologically normal, but in every other way, I am absolutely exceptional. I can provide references, if necessary. And regarding whether or not the lube I used was natural or applied, the answer is "both."

I've written before about the sexual differences between women of different ages. There are advantages and disadvantages to all, but all are exactly perfect and normal as they are. A 20-year old woman is supposed to be a bit naive, slippery wet, and not fully familiar with everything her own body can do yet. A 50-year old woman is supposed to have a better sexual skill set, experience some vaginal dryness, and know herself and her body well. Younger women are hardwired to be looking for strength, security, and good baby-makers. Older women are freed of those biological restraints and can look for whatever pleases them. Younger women have bodies made to attract the best baby-makers. Older women have to rely more on our other characteristics and skills, although more and more older women are keeping hot bodies well into their 60's.

Over the coming weeks, I'll post some information and comments about peri-menopause and menopause.  Gentlemen, while you may think it doesn't apply to you,  if you're married, your wife will go through it or already has. For the rest of you, you never know what an older woman can teach you. 

You should be prepared.

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If you have specific questions about peri-menopause or menopause, please post them in the comments or send them to me via email.