Friday, August 22, 2014

Matthew, Chapter 1

Just a day after TommyKat noticed the word c-o-c-k in something I was writing, we had another interesting experience. He and I were reading Matthew, Chapter 1, from the New Testament of the Bible.  For those of you who haven't read your Bibles in a while (or ever), the highlights of Matthew, Chapter 1, are the ancestry of Jesus and Joseph finding out that Mary is pregnant - and he knows he didn't do it, so he plans to dump her quietly.  He gets a visit in a dream from an angel who tells him that the Holy Spirit was responsible for the pregnancy and that he should go ahead and marry Mary. We also learn that they marry, but don't consummate the marriage until after Jesus is born.

That's all simple and straightforward, right? We had a little discussion about what we read and then TommyKat, age 10, started asking questions. He kept asking questions for a very long time. Because I'm a believer that if a child is old enough to ask a question, he's old enough for an honest answer, I answered each question as directly and honestly as possible.

Here's just a sample of the questions TommyKat fired at me over the next couple of hours (in no particular order):

  • What does "consummate the marriage" mean?
  • If Mary got pregnant without having sex, was that like artificial insemination?
  • Is it a normal thing for the Holy Spirit to make women pregnant?
  • What's an erection?
  • What's masturbation?
  • How does masturbation work?
  • Why to people masturbate?
  • How do women masturbate?
  • What does it mean when a girl gets her period?
  • Why can't men get pregnant?
  • What is the cause of "morning wood?"
  • How does a condom keep a woman from getting pregnant?
  • Do women get pregnant every time they have sex without a condom?
  • Is masturbation a sin?
  • What does the Bible say about masturbation?
  • Why are some kids called "unwanted children?"
  • When a guy goes to donate sperm, how do they get it out of him?
  • What makes a man "aroused?"
  • Do men and women like sex the same amount?
  • What's an orgasm?
  • Do women get orgasms, too?
  • How is a woman's orgasm different than a man's?
  • So women can have sex without having an orgasm?  Why?
  • How does a condom work?  Can I see one?
  • When is a woman too old to have any more babies?
  • Are you too old to have more babies?
  • If a woman gets too old to have kids, does she stop having sex?
  • Do you and Dad still have sex even though you guys are really, really old?
  • How do lesbian women get pregnant?
  • Is it true that there are tampon machines in women's restrooms?
Oh. my. gosh. All I wanted was a quick little Bible reading and discussion at the start of our day, just like we've had on many other days, and instead  I was quizzed about sex for over two hours by a prepubescent boy. And I still hadn't had my coffee yet.

Where was Hubby during all of this?  He wasn't home, of course.  He was safe at the office, far away from  ground zero.  I did leave a few questions for him ("I think you and your dad should talk about that."), mostly questions about wet dreams, if a guy can control when he gets an erection, and how you put on a condom.

Because Hubby was planning on making a stop at the grocery store to buy milk on the way home, I sent him a text. "Please pick up some condoms at the store.  TommyKat wants you to show him how they work."

This was his reply:










This morning, I heard the two of them chatting in the living room.  Hubby was answering questions and then I could tell there was a condom demonstration going on. I made sure to keep myself busy in another room until they were finished.

When I was sure it was safe, I wandered into the living room in time to kiss Hubby goodbye as he headed out for the day. I leaned forward and grabbed the banana that was on the coffee table and asked, "Is this your banana?"

TommyKat answered, "No, but that's the one Dad was using to show me how to put on a condom."

"Oh," I said casually as I peeled it. "That's nice."

"Are you going to eat that?!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, that was my plan," I answered.

"But we were pretending it was a penis, and a condom was on it, and you're going to put it in your mouth?!? Ewwww!"

I just smiled and took a bite.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

ROFLMFAO!!!! Thanks for sharing!
Hope Mr. Kat got his fair share of the discomfort!

Mick Collins said...

very funny. and great parenting too. those are hard conversations to have.

Mick

Advizor54 said...

OMGOSH, this was too hilarious.

My 9yo boy is on the brink of figuring out a lot of things. I'm going to have to start working longer hours out of the house.

Thanks for the list, Maybe I'll finally have the talk with my dad.

Anonymous said...

Just discovered your blog. Without a doubt you are a real slut and a worthless wife and mother. Robert

Anonymous said...

My wife and I have been married for 36 years Like many couples, we have had our share of bumps in the road. They have ranged from the common everyday difficulties of life, through sexual frustrations, to my alcoholism and her 3 battles with breast cancer.(currently she is finishing her most recent chemo treatment). We have shared the tremendous joys of raising our son, his triumphs and his defeats. Together we have watched the families of brothers and sisters emerge and develop. we have sat in silent, soul numbing grieve as we listened to her sister deliver the eulogy of her 10 year old son. We have clapped proudly as our nephew accepted a hard won high school diploma. We have sat side by side at the bedside of dying parents and clutched each other in panic as they drew their last breath. Through all of this joy and all of this pain, we have remained faithful to all the vows we took on June 12, 1978. For better or worse, forsaking all others. Fidelity has been an important cornerstone of our love and our life. It has lessened our burdens and heighten our joys. You are living your life in a way you feel is justified. In reading your story we sense a great deal of emptiness that you and your friends and husband believe can be filled by extramarital sex. It is interesting that in the four years you have written this blog , there are hundreds of posts and numerous lovers that have apparently failed to end this emptiness. Respectfully Stan and Bonnie

Same sassy girl said...

Wow! I'm not sure I know the answers to all those questions... and if I do, I only learned them recently. Wish my mom or dad had filled me in as a youngster! It's so great he can ask you.

Marc Duvigny said...

Judging from those questions, I'd say your son knows quite a bit for a 10 year old, even before the answers from Mom and Dad!

Great post.

MD

Kat said...

Stan and Bonnie-
Congratulations on your many years of marriage and for making it through the many challenges life has thrown at you. I am, honestly, happy that you have found joy with each other and your marriage. I would never begin to suggest that your marriage might not be all you say it is, particularly because I don't know you, but also because each individual and couple get to decide what happiness is for them.

You made a big leap, though, in saying that I have a great deal of emptiness that I try to fill with have read here and you have come to a conclusion, but you don't know me at all. Not at all. You don't know what my marriage is really like or what difficulties my husband and I have walked through or what my spiritual life is like. You don't know what challenged I have faced or how I worship my God or ...anything really. You make the assumption that my life must be empty because if YOUR life were like what you have read here, yours would be empty. You seem to have forgotten that this is a blog. It is not an autobiography. Fortunately for you and for me, we don't live each others' lives. You live yours and I live mine. I'm responsible for my happiness and you're responsible for yours.

I do my best to learn more about someone before passing a judgement. Yes, a judgement. I know your comment was intended to be judgmental because you didn't express any sympathy or sadness as would be natural for good people to do if they really believed someone was living a life of emptiness. No, you described your life in a way designed to show off that you think you are far superior to my husband and me, and then you issued your judgement.

I come from a completely different spiritual place. I hope you continue to be happy, and that you can find a way to do that without condemning or judging others.

Stan, if you're really in recovery, you know that how other people live is none of your business, just as I know that your opinion of me is none of *my* business.

Ask yourself, why did you feel the need to write this comment in this particular way to this particular post?

As I write this I realize that your comment and my response should be part of a regular post so others, regardless of how they feel about infidelity, can respond.

Kat said...

Robert - First, please read my response to Stan and Bonnie. Most of it also applies to you.

As for your comments, specifically, you wrote, "Without a doubt you are a real slut and a worthless wife and mother." Wow. Let me split my comments into the separate parts of your comment.

First, "you are a real slut." Thank you! I've worked at it for a long time, building on my natural skills, of course. Doesn't every man want a woman who is an angel in public and a slut in the bedroom? If you were intending that as a disparaging judgement of the fact that I have had sex with men who were not my husband, I'm sure there are other words that would be better.

Now, tell the truth, wouldn't you love to have my slutty lips (or anyone's for that matter) wrapped around your cock right now? Don't be so hypocritical.

As for me being a "worthless wife and mother," you're just full of shit. First of all, my husband is the only person, other than me, who has enough knowledge or even the right to make such a determination. And how can I be a worthless wife if I'm also a slut? Trust me, Hubby enjoys my slutty talents.

Feel better?

Kat said...

Advizor - Hahaha...time to have the talk with your dad. Very cute.

Everyone - Thanks for your comments. Kids'll make you crazy, won't they?

Anonymous said...

You choose to make your life public through this blog. You have equipped it with comment capability. No where in it is there the caveat that only flattering responses are welcomed. I had planned to write a well thought out response to your sarcasm and back-handed compliments, but won't. You no longer interest me. Stan

adiba akter said...

..
..
.>>....24pornvideo - Free Adult Dating service sites


.>>....Porn sex video - Porn stars


.>>....Dating video - Live Porn Dating


.>>....Gay free sex vodeo - gay porno


.>>....Russian dating - Polish dating


.>>....European sex


.>>....Teen sex


.>>....Lesbian sex


.>>....Hardcore sex - xmxx


.>>....Big dicks sex - Asian sex
..
..
.>>....24pornvideo - Free Adult Dating service sites


.>>....Porn sex video - Porn stars


.>>....Dating video - Live Porn Dating


.>>....Gay free sex vodeo - gay porno


.>>....Russian dating - Polish dating


.>>....European sex


.>>....Teen sex


.>>....Lesbian sex


.>>....Hardcore sex - xmxx


.>>....Big dicks sex - Asian sex









































































..
..
.>>....24pornvideo - Free Adult Dating service sites


.>>....Porn sex video - Porn stars


.>>....Dating video - Live Porn Dating


.>>....Gay free sex vodeo - gay porno


.>>....Russian dating - Polish dating


.>>....European sex


.>>....Teen sex


.>>....Lesbian sex


.>>....Hardcore sex - xmxx


.>>....Big dicks sex - Asian sex
..
..