Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Hotel Room (Part1 of 2)

Securing and paying for a hotel room without getting caught is among the most challenging aspects of prowling. Several folks have asked me to share some tips on this topic, so I thought I'd do just that.

Selecting a Hotel

I prefer to pick hotels that are not close to my home or my business. The last thing I need is someone seeing me come or go. That said, there is one hotel in my town that I've used several times. It's on the edge of town and is in a very secluded location. I also like the fact that the parking lot in the rear of the hotel is completely out of view from the street. I haven't used it, though, since the day I walked into the lobby and saw a good friend of my son's behind the counter.

At first I was frozen like a deer in the headlights, but by the time he said, "Hi, Mrs. Kat! What are you doing here?" with a perky and idiotic innocent tone, it came to me (because Kat always lands on her feet). "I'm checking out local hotels because my mom is coming into town for a couple of weeks." He proceed to quote rates and he even offered to show me a room (No, thanks, Honey, I've already seen several). I left a few minutes later, smiling and waving, and grateful that he didn't know my mother had been dead for 5 years.

I also prefer smaller hotels to larger ones.  There are advantages and disadvantages to both. There are usually very few people around in small hotels during the day.  You can usually get in and out without anyone except the desk staff knowing you were there. If you're planning on using the hotel regularly, you'll get to know the desk staff and that makes everything easier once you have moved beyond the embarrassment of knowing that they know why you're there. JJ and I have grown quite comfortable with the Strange Hotel Family and it's nice not to have to explain everything every time we're there (the training of the new generation notwithstanding).

Some prefer larger hotels because of the sense of anonymity. The desk clerks have seen everything before and you are probably not the only couple checking in for some fun that day.

I suggest that you opt for function, rather than romance; however, there is a notable exception.  Gentleman, on the first rendezvous with a lady, go for the romance, pay a little more. Taking her to a cheap Motel 6 because they take cash and don't require a credit card will not be good for you.  Trust me on this.

If you plan ahead, you can check out a hotel and ask to see a room. Make sure it's clean. Make sure it doesn't smell. Check out the condition of the furniture. You may not think the quality and edges (rounded or sharp) of that desk matter, but speaking as someone who frequently ends up sitting on, laying on, or bent over the desk, it matters.

Find out in advance what you'll need for check-in.  Don't be surprised when you show up (OMG, you don't take AmEx? The only other card I have is my wife's PayPal card!).

Acquiring a Room and Checking In

Once you've selected the hotel, you still have to get through the check-in process. I learned from the many prowlers I have talked to that this is probably the most stressful part of the process.'s ok....let's walk through it.

Most hotels post check-in times at 2:00, 3:00, or 4:00 in the afternoon. If you need an earlier check-in time, ask in advance as part of your planning ahead activities.  Usually, they will accommodate you if they can.  If they try to charge you for another day, find another hotel.

When you check-in, use your work address, if possible, rather than your home address. The last thing you need is a "Thank you for your stay!" postcard coming to your home. Most places also require that you have a photo ID. If you have another official photo ID that you can use, great.  If not, you'll use your driver's license.  Be sure to ask that they record the address you give them rather than the address on your ID.  If they ask why, your answer is simple, "I don't live there anymore and I haven't gotten around to updating the address on my license."

If you have checked out the place in advance, you may already have a room location preference. If it's a place with side exits at the end of the hallway, you can leave without having to walk through the lobby again. Wouldn't that be nice? If you're going to be on an upper floor, rooms next to the elevator are good because you only have one common-wall neighbor (so you'll feel more comfortable if you or your partner is...uh....very vocal) and those rooms are usually available because people staying the night don't like rooms adjacent to the elevator because of the noise at night. Sometimes you can even get a discount for the elevator rooms. Preferences vary, but it's something to think about.

Gentlemen, it's really nice if you are there before your partner. I can't tell you how much I love it when I show up and JJ is already there with the bed turned down, the air conditioner (or heater) humming, and the curtains drawn. It just makes me feel special, like my presence has been pleasantly anticipated and he cares enough to make the place comfortable for me. That doesn't mean it's not ok to show up together or that there's anything wrong with the gal being there first.

Another tip for the guys - please step up, get over your fears, and handle the room. Don't ask your partner to do it because you are just too nervous the wife will find out. I only mention this because I have been asked prior to a first meeting to secure the room and pay for it, too, because he "just couldn't do it." Fuck that. If you're not man enough to deal with it, then you shouldn't have an affair; now go home to your wife/mommy.

How did I respond to that guy? "Let me get this straight. You are going to get the best blow job of your life, several rounds of hot, no-holds-barred sex, and some witty conversation with a smart woman with a sparkling personality and you want me to get the room and you want me to pay for the room. What the hell is in it for me?" He had no answer. There was no meeting.

This is not to say that the woman should/would never handle the room. JJ and I share the task. It's often all about who gets there first and/or who has enough cash on that day. In the past, sometimes I've handled the room because I had a preference of hotel and I didn't want the guy to have to deal with it that day. But generally speaking, you gentleman need to take care of this.  Is it fair? Probably not. Does fairness matter in this case? No.

I'll address paying for the room (you have lots of options now!) and some other things to consider (check out, tipping,  clean up, etc.) in the next post.

Do you have additional suggestions or tips about selecting a hotel or getting a room?  Did I leave anything out so far? Tell me in the comments.


Ryan Beaumont said...

In the past I've gotten a room about 20 miles away off the highway. That is far enough away for safety but close enough to go back the next day and get the charge off my card and pay cash. And get that donut I paid for! Don't you love hearing the free shpeal about the continental breakfast the next morning you generally do not partake in. :)

I know going back the next day is a pain but then again if you had sex with the ladies I have you'd say the inconvenience is a small price to endure!

Mamba said...

This may have to be required reading for potential playmates.

Mrs. M said...

When I was traveling for my last job I was working in the hotel industry so unless I was having a lover come to me and I already had the room I could never check us in because most if them knew me from my service visits however we were still able to use my discounts so they always loved that!! Oh the good ole days! J don't know why but there is something I just love about a freshly cleaned room & knowing I'm about to mess up some beds!!

Anonymous said...

How the heck do you get cash to pay for the room without the spouse knowing? Any tips? All the incoming and outgoing is done by my spouse!

Any creative, believable way around this? Both of us in the affair have this issue with the spouse doing the finances so seems like we will not be able to do a hotel room ever!