Saturday, March 9, 2013

The Morality of the Kat Haters

As you can imagine, I get lots of email.  Most of it is very nice and some is very naughty. Some of it is hate mail.  Apparently, there are people out there who have the time to write to obscure sex bloggers to tell them they are going to hell, to threaten them with exposure or violence, or to tell them how pathetic and immoral they are.

I read everything and I do my best, although not always successfully, to respond to every nice and naughty message.  I usually ignore the hateful and threatening ones. Sometimes I reply and thank them for sharing their thoughts, but I usually only do that when I'm in a bitchy mood and I want to piss them off. Nothing angers the hateful folks like kindness.

Most of the Kat haters, as I like to call them, seem to be mostly upset because of how immoral I am, in their opinion. I'm not even going to try to make a case for the morality of infidelity. I never have. I'm not trying to convince anyone else to cheat on their spouse.  I've never done that either.

Who am I? I'm just a middle-aged woman who loves sex, has had lots of it, likes to write, writes about sex pretty well, and knows enough about cheating to share some tips with others who don't want to get caught. I love my family, I work hard, and when I get a chance, I play hard, too. Big deal. Generally speaking, I'm a nice, fairly boring, church-going wife and mother. By far, the worst sin I've committed, for those who want to call it that, is adultery. I haven't killed anyone, I don't beat or neglect my children, and I am always kind to animals.

I often wonder if the folks so outraged by my immorality write hate mail to murderers, arsonists, thieves, child abusers, rapists, liars, themselves - other people who have committed immoral acts. Probably not.  Then why am I so special?

I'm pretty sure it's because they see themselves or their spouse in me. Either they've cheated before, they are cheating now, or they want to. Usually if you're pointing your finger at someone, there are three other fingers pointing right back at yourself. Maybe cursing at me helps them reinforce their own resolve.

Or maybe they are so hurt by the infidelity of their spouse that they lash out at me because I'm safe. I won't leave them or try to get custody of the kids or take the house.

The thing that bothers me about the version of morality espoused by the Kat haters is that they have assigned a "sin value" to infidelity/adultery and determined that it is worse than anything they have ever done or would do. That's simply not my perspective. If we want to get religious about it, the Bible clearly says that all sin is equally bad, except for that one deadly sin - which is not adultery, by the way. If you're screaming about infidelity as if it's worse than the cheating you just did on your taxes or the slap you gave your son last night or the lie you told to your wife because you wanted to spend a few more minutes at the bar, you have no Biblical basis for that. You have simply made it up and created your own morality hierarchy. That's up to you, of course, but don't pretend your view is aligned with some "higher authority." It's not.

From a humanistic point of view, murder, rape, assault, and any crime against a child would be considered worse than infidelity. Hurting someone else in anyway is always bad, and yes, that includes hurting a spouse. Like I said, I can't defend the morality of infidelity, but faux-piety makes me ill.  It really does.

Here's the bottom line - Whether or not I am moral or immoral, or if infidelity is worse that the sins you have committed or not, if I or PWK offends you, don't read it.

You can choose not to expose yourself to the immoral descriptions of incredibly satisfying sex that you are probably not having.


Victoria said...

I hope this doesn't come across as really ass-kissy, but I like you!

JFBreak said...

Amen, sister! And I don't mean that in an ass-kissy way, either.

I'm all for differences of views, but really, do these people think they are going to reform you to their hypocritical standard?

Davy Tee said...

"I hope this doesn't come across as really ass-kissy, but I like you!"

In my case I wouldn't mind planting a kiss on her ass any day ;-)

sin said...

well said

Octavia said...

You'll always get trolls, and you're right kindness is a huge tweak to their noses. Sometimes ignoring them drives them just as crazy.

Excellent post, Kat.


H said...

Could not agree more... from a Kat lover

Ryan Beaumont said...

I just hate you for the fact that you are gettin' so much more than me!!! :)

If you had any morals you'd be passing some my way!

Maybe that's why they really hate you!

Max said...

I don't care if this sounds ass-kissy - I like you too. :-)

I'm glad you realize that these people's issues are with themselves. In my book, "morality" is defined by each individual. Being honest with oneself and taking responsibility for meeting one's own needs is not immoral or sinful.

Or, what Ryan said. :-)

All About Love And Sex said...

I'm not going to judge you. Basically you're old enough to know what is right or wrong. This is your life. This is your own business. You only answer to yourself.

You have a nice day and a good week ahead.

Lola said...

Hello Sweet Kat,

I too am a little jealous because you're getting "more" than I - not more sex (I've got all I can handle and then some), but more mail! Ha!

Seriously, I've never gotten any hate mail (a good thing I suppose) and I think you're onto something when you say that the people writing to you are hating themselves for some reason. I suspect that they have control issues. I'm in an open relationship with Lo cause I realize that my love is expressed best by letting her have and get what she wants - including more cock (or pussy) from other people.

Your haters fear that like the plague and wish to punish you for their own lack of control (read domination) over their wives.

As Lo always says: Screw the haters! (And I will add, I bet they want to screw you!)

Keep it up Kat, and I'm with Vic - I like you (and Vic) muchly!


Anonymous said...

You forgot the number one lesson from the bible, as long as you never sin Jeasus says you can throw rocks at anybody...

You just happen to attract a bunch of non-sinning perfect people to your site!

I am impeccably honest and open, EXCEPT with my infidelity. I sometimes gag on my words because I KNOW I am lying about this one thing to my wife and family.

However, I LOVE my wife and family. So much so that I don't want a divorce...I also LOVE sex...and I don't want to go through life not experiencing great sex.

I am like you, I can't defend it....I say on my blog, "your most likely here for a reason....."

Tom said...

I think a lot of it is based in misogyny. Somehow I doubt these same people send hate letters to male sex bloggers. They see a strong, smart woman expressing herself about sex, and it drives them batty.

Cara Janes said...

Great post, as always. And, obviously, yes, the "haters" hate because they see in you what they don't want to see in themselves and/or their spouses. Keep up the good work! :-) xoxo

Kat said...

WOW! So many wonderful ass-kissy friends! Thanks for your support and encouragement. :-)

And Ryan, I always knew you were jealous of my mail.

~McK said...

Great post! I never get comments or mail on my "traditional" blog but I do on my Tumble. Like you, I don't judge nor try to justify my choice to be involved outside of my marriage. I am grateful to have found your blog, more than you know and I identify with your description of yourself, with the exception of the churchgoing behavior, that's so not me 😉

Anonymous said...

why even bother saying you're a christian at all? christianity is a crock of shit anyway, as is any other religion out there. there is plenty of sex in the bible.