Thursday, May 2, 2013

Life is Messy

When sex is really great, it's likely that both parties end up sweaty and slick with a variety of fluids. The kids who have the best time at the park come home with dirt on their clothes and smiles on their faces. When I'm on a deadline for a project that's about to make me a lot of money, my desk is covered with reference materials and notes. Artists get paint and clay on their clothes and body as they create beautiful masterpieces.

Life is messy. Real living is messy. Sucking the marrow out of life, as Thoreau puts it, is messy.

While we all need to make sense out of our worlds, some people sacrifice the best life has to offer just to have some order and predictability. I've seen the homes of some families with children that were so clean there was no evidence that a child lived there. I knew a teacher once who assigned all students numbers and the bulletin board was divided up with a square for each number; that's how much room was allowed for each student to show off his best work. The rest of the room was decorated perfectly by the teacher. I've known men with gorgeous pickup trucks who wouldn't take them anywhere beyond a few miles surrounding their homes, let alone off road, because they didn't want to get them dirty or scratched.

Is that living?  Yes, but it sure as hell isn't how I want to live and I'm pretty sure we weren't intended to live that way.

In a recent comment, someone said that I don't know what I'm doing out there, or something like that. On one level, that's absolutely right. But on another level, I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm living!  And life is messy.

You may want to believe that making a decision and sticking to it forever, no matter what, is the right way. Maybe sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not.  People change, conditions change.

The more black and white you think life is, the less real living you're doing. Not only is life not black and white, but it's full of shades of grey and messy blotches of color.

I've made many mistakes.  I keep making mistakes. But I've also had a lot of incredible experiences and I've met some amazing people. I'm better for each one of those experiences and for knowing each of those people. My life is not ordinary.

And guess what?  My husband knew exactly who he was marrying.  So did I. And we are both very happy together, in spite of all the messiness.

There are moments when I wish my life were different, that I were different. Then I  remember some of the bright spots in my life - meeting Seattle Guy and our visit to the park, spending the night with JJ, sharing my deepest secrets with DauntlessD, laughing with Cara, cycling with Steve, developing a a loving and cherished friendship with a Phillies fan.... I could go on and on and I haven't even mentioned my family yet.  My kids! Surfing (or attempting to surf), mountain climbing, bike riding, walking on a glacier, volunteering in a homeless shelter, reading while cuddling in a bean bag chair, taking off with no plan just to see what we could discover.... And my husband. Traveling the world together, making love on the banks of a secluded river in broad daylight, holding our children together seconds after they were born, taking our children to see where we grew up, threesomes when we were newly married, the way he looks at me when he tells me he loves me every single day, and that he loves me exactly as I am... Seriously, the highlight reel doesn't end there, and it doesn't end with today.

But almost all of those things I mentioned were messy. They required letting go of control, accepting that the outcome could be totally unexpected, taking a risk - and choosing to do them anyway.

There are many things I don't know, and I certainly don't know what the future holds for me, but I know this - If I were to die today (or soon), I would have no regrets about how I lived. Some of my choices?  Sure, but as I said, life is messy.

I like it that way.

12 comments:

Clem said...

Yeah, I like that. Great comments, and I feel that way also.
Haven't spoken here for awhile, and I owe you a note, but yes, I get it. Life is messy, sex is messy (Dan Savage said that too)
My favorite quote lately is; 'Life begins at the end of your comfort zone', and I'm always at that end.
I like it that way too.

Kat said...

Clem! How nice to see you here. :-) I love that phrase,'Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.' Thanks for sharing it. I"m glad I'm not the only one out there getting messy.

Ryan Beaumont said...

Oh my, see I'm a real clean as you go kind of guy as well as never waste a trip (meaning carry some clothes upstairs or trash downstairs) but that's a lot of my training. I have a toothbrush in the shower so I can clean tile while I'm taking a shower and not waste time. But I don't insist on that in others!

I would be happy to trail behind cleaning up your messes! :)

Krazy said...

Yep, I agree with everything you said. Except in my case my husband didn't know he married a wild one. And hopefully he will never know the details of my messy life. In my defense I say I didn't know what was bottled up inside me. I like your take in life!

Darius said...

i love wild women.. i like knowing she loves me yet she cant stop fucking around behind my back. sometimes it hurts when i found out but most of the time it turns me on that i have her in my life and vice versa.

yes its messy.

All About Love And Sex said...

What you describe here about orderliness is just like my country Singapore. The leaders disallow any messiness. The place looks like a hospital.

Just like what you said here, this place doesn't look like it has its own soul, lacks the kind of vitality, creativity.

People frown on mistakes and any disorderliness. People seem to be waiting for the government to give directions. When there are grey areas, people feel lost.

This country used to be run by a lawyer. You know in courts what lawyers only want to hear is either a yes or no, but no such thing as yes, but or no, but!

Lola said...

Yes! Thank you. Though I know this, I really need to be reminded of it once in a while. It is easy, sometimes, to get angry with ourselves about the messiness.

Kaseraaa said...

Messy is fun..exciting...Neat is boring ...mundane...my favorite phrase...."Life is calling......Where to next?"...go for it, go get lost every once in awhile, you never know what you will run into or WHO you will meet ;D...Remember not all who wander are lost!...another favorite quote. Kat glad to see you writing, I'm glad I can enjoy your writing while sipping my coffee in the morning!

Marcus said...

Yes Kat, very messy (especially that child birthing!). Keep making those messes.
Now, after a couple years of following your blog I'm finally going to be passing through your neck of the woods, hopefully I'll pick up some of your positive energy.

Kat said...

Thank you for the wonderful comments and thoughts, Everyone.

Kaseraaa - Where to next? I love it!

Krazy - The journey of self-discovery is pretty entertaining, isn't it?

Darious - Why do you think you like it? Most men don't.

All About Love - Wow! That's an interesting perspective - neatness prescribed by the government rather than by ourselves. That makes for an orderly public, I'm sure. How do you manage to "live in full color" in a black and white environment like that?

Lola - I get frustrated with myself more than I'd like, but I don't let it stop me. ;-)

Ryan - Ok, that's just *wrong*!

Marcus - (batting my eyelashes and smiling) Hi, there. Send me an email and let me know where you're going to be. ;-)

Darius said...

why i like it? maybe im weird that way, but if there is love between us, then thats all that matters.
she told me she doesnt want to hurt me,
but she cant help herself and at the same time she doesnt want to lose me.
we have come to point that we are able to separate sexual fulfillment/lust and love.
i have given her, her sexual freedom. i only asked that she play around discreetly and safe from std.

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