My New Phone

I got a new phone a few weeks ago. Yes, I switched from the iPhone to an Android device. I used to swear that I would never give up my iPhone and I dutifully upgraded with every new release. However, an unusual chain of events led me to make the switch, and since I'm the geek in the family, I also switched Hubby and the boys.

I'm very happy with the move.  My new phone is much easier to customize and, ohmygod, the screen is so much bigger! That may not mean anything to you, but to those of us more mature folks, it's a big deal.  I've found it very helpful to be able to actually see what's on the screen. There are many other things I like, too, but that's not what this post is about. I have no interest in attempting to convert any iPhone users to Android, although if you feel compelled to make a case for one or the other in the comments, feel free.

This post is about one of the things I like least about my new phone - autocorrect.

Now I know that the iPhone has autocorrect issues, too, but this new phone has an autocorrect gremlin on steroids. It has made naughty texting (also known as sexting) particularly difficult.

Take these examples:

Intended text: I wanna be your whore.
Autocorrected version: I wanna be yuppie white.

Are you kidding me?

Here's more:

Intended text: Mmmm...I want you to eat my pussy and suck on my clit.
Autocorrected version: Mmmm.... I want you to eat my post ant such on my clout.

Intended text: I love the way you fuck my ass so hard.
Autocorrected text: I love the way you duck my as so heard.

Even the simple ones can be a problem:

Intended text: I want you.
Autocirrected text: I rant toy.

Intended text: That is so hot.
Autocorrected text: They is do hat.

Fuck!

Or "Duck!" as my autocorrect would say, which is good advice because I'll be throwing this phone soon.

Sexting with Hubby

I'm alone in a hotel room.  Bored.  Oh, I have plenty of work to do, but I don't want to do any of it.

I snapped a naughty photo with my cell phone and sent it to my sweetie.  That was fun, but what next?

I decided to see if I could engage my hubby in a little sexting.  I knew this would be a challenge because he's an old dog and teaching him new tricks is not easy. Heck, I just got him to start texting within the last year, and he still doesn't feel comfortable with email.  Anyway, here is how it went....

Kat: (via text)  Hi, Honey.

Hubby: Hi.

Kat:  Wanna try some sexting?

Hubby: ok

(I never said his texting skills were advanced, did I?)

Then I texted him this funky little photo (just like you see it here):

Hubby: Very nice

Kat: So where's mine?

While I waited for a return text, the phone rang. It was hubby.

Hubby: I thought sexting was all about words, not pictures.

Kat:  You didn't like the picture?

Hubby:  Yeah, I liked it. Can you send another?

Kat: After you send me one.

Hubby: (after a long pause)  Isn't that illegal?

Kat:  What????  No, it's not illegal.

Hubby:  I've heard that it is illegal to share dirty pictures over the internet.

Kat: First of all, this is text, not the internet, but even if it were, there is nothing illegal about a husband and wife sharing naughty pictures with each other. It's only illegal if one of the parties is under age.

Hubby:  Well, I don't want any of my naked pictures out there on the internet.

Kat:  This isn't the internet! It's a text! And you don't want your picture out there, but you're ok with mine being out there?

Hubby:  Yeah.  Can you send another?

Kat: (sigh) Let's forget about the pictures.  You said you thought sexting was about words, so ok.  Let's text some naughty words to each other tonight.

Hubby:  Ok.  (long pause)  What should I write?

Kat: You have to decide that.  If I tell you what to write, it's not as sexy.  I might as well just write to myself...and that would be like text masturbation, not sexting.

Hubby: Are you going to be masturbating when you read my naughty words?

Kat:  I don't know!  At this pace, it will be tomorrow before we start and then I'll be home.

Hubby:  Good.  I'd rather have sex than text nasty words.

Kat: Me, too, dear, but I'm alone in a hotel room so that's not an option right now.

Hubby:  How do I know you're really alone?

Kat: Do you really think I'd be having this conversation with you if I had some hot guy here?  Seriously???

Hubby: Ok, ok.....Let's get back to the sexting stuff. (pause)  What should I write?

Kat: (sigh)  Nevermind. The mood has passed.

Hubby:  Oh. Will you text me another dirty picture?