Monday, November 5, 2012

Six Tips for the Care and Feeding of a Mistress

I have addressed this topic before but I'm feeling the need to tackle it again.

Getting the mistress is only part of the battle.  Unless you are looking for a series of one-time-fucks, you're going to have to take some action to keep the gal coming back.

In the beginning, it's fairly easy because it's new and exciting, but as time wears on it's going to take more than your gorgeous cock to keep her coming back. I know.  That's unbelievable, isn't it? How could a woman want anything more than the privilege of having wanton sex with you?

Let's assume for a moment that your cock is not enough. Here's what you need to do to keep your mistress happy.

1. Communicate - Communication is what forms that connection between the two of you.  If she doesn't feel connected to you when you're not together, she will not be as willing to make the time to get together. You found a way to communicate when the relationship was new.  You wrote lots of great emails to her or you texted her from time time telling her how much you wanted her. Then you got busy. Other things became important.  Fair enough.  Just realize that as soon as she starts to feel more like a booty call and less like a lover, your days are numbered. Also realize that she may have (probably has) an uncommunicative man at home.  Why would she want two?

2. Act Like You Care - This may be a stretch for some of you, but I think you can handle the challenge. You should be communicating so you know what's going on in her life.  Once you have done that, though, you need to act like you care. Ask questions. Offer comfort, if appropriate.  Most importantly, listen. Pay attention. Know her birthday are other important dates in her life. The special dates matter, but it's really caring about the events of everyday life that matters the most.  Let me give you an example of someone who did not follow this advice. I had been seeing someone for a very long time when I got some bad medical news.  I wanted to share it with him. I contacted him and told him I had received some bad news from the doctor.  He asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I said yes.  He said he'd call.  He didn't.  Not only didn't he call, but he didn't mention it again, didn't bring it up. But when he had time to get together for sex the following week, he was quite available and able to communicate about the arrangements. It may sound like a silly little thing, but it was very important thing in my life and his behavior said, "I don't really care." Now, there's really nothing wrong with that. It's totally fine if he doesn't care about my life or can't make the time to talk about it or whatever, but that's not the way to keep a mistress happy.  Period. I hear that version of "I don't care" as "I guess it's time to move on." And that is ok, too. It has to be.

3. Add Some Variety - You know how sex at home gets boring after a while?  Well, the same thing can happen in an ongoing extramarital relationship. Surprise her with different positions.  Try sometime new. Give her a massage. Try playing with some toys together. Find an unusual place to play. Keep it fresh.

4. Make It All About Her Sometimes - Remember how in the beginning you were so anxious to please her?  Part of that was because you wanted to know you still could have that effect on a woman and part of it was because you really wanted her to enjoy herself so she'd keep coming back. It's likely that you're not focusing as much attention on her as you used to. That's a normal by-product of familiarity, but it's not a good thing. Make a decision to focus entirely on her pleasure.  Don't worry.  She'll make sure you get yours.

5. Skip the Sex Once in a While - I know this sounds like crazy talk, but it really speaks to the "Act like you care" suggestion, above. Once in a while, and only you know how often it should be, skip the bedroom and take her to lunch.  If there is no place you can go publicly together, prepare a picnic for the two of you and take her somewhere for a bite and some conversation. If it turns into some hot car sex, that's ok, but the point is that you were prepared just to spend time with her for a purpose other than getting your cock sucked or fucking her. Now, it may be that she doesn't want this.  She may want some "private time" every time.  That's fine, but make the offer.  Show the initiative.

6. Be Romantic - Get your creativity juices flowing, boys. How can you show her that you want her in your life and that you are grateful that she's your sweetie? Gifts and flowers are nice, but they can be problematic  Those problems can be solved.  I had one sweetie who liked to bring me flowers, and to be honest, I loved getting them, but I couldn't keep them.  I couldn't take them home or back to work, so I gave them to someone on my way out of wherever we were. If we were at a restaurant  I'd give them to another diner.  If we were at a hotel, I left them at the front desk.  On occasion  I'd drop them by a friend's house and leave them anonymously. He understood that I couldn't keep them, but it was the romance he was going for and he hit the nail on the head (he also had more than enough money for that sort of thing). It can also be romantic to give very small gifts that she can keep. Focus on everyday things that wouldn't be noticed at home. JJ gave me a small key chain once from a trip he took. It was from a place that I had been before so it wouldn't spark any interest at home. I love that little key chain and every time I look at it I think of him. Inexpensive, simple, meaningful, safe - a great choice.

If you're thinking, "Kat, I don't have time for all this!" I understand. I really do. But remember this: We make time for that which is important to us. If you don't have time for any of this (and I'm just talking about enough to show you care, not going overboard), then your mistress is getting the message that your relationship with her is not important to you. Maybe it's not.  If that's ok with both of you, that's fine. You may want to be sure, though,  you're both on same page or she may have one foot out the door.


Mrs. M said...

Such a great post Kat! Your words & wisdom are refreshing! You should really start charging for all this great info!! ;)
Mind if I steal a few of these as a nice reminder to my "friends"?
Love reading all your posts!!

Ryan Beaumont said...

OMG Kat, lately it's been all about you. First I can't call you at 5 pm on Halloween and now I need to make sure I bring you a bottle opener from Tijuana next time I'm in town. Geesh!

It's a good thing I like you so much! :)

So how about this. I'll send you an emoticon here -----> :)

And next time you're at Beard Papa, think of me as your little Cream Puff!

orange.poppy.2341 said...

I think there is a lot of validity in this information. I lasted 2 years with one lover but I started to check-out from things after about a year and half because I was getting bored. The lack of variety and range of how we spent time in addition to minimal interest in me other than sex from him left a big empty spot when it came to deeper satisfaction so I moved on and never looked back. I have no regrets!

Kat said...

Mrs. M - Thanks! And please, pass it on. :-)

Ryan - First of all, yes, it *is* all about me! The rest of my life is all about everyone else. This part is all about *me*. So there! Second, you are so damned funny! Thanks for the giggle. :-)

orange.poppy - Thank you for the confirmation. I know it happens to many of us. I'm glad that you were able to move on without regrets. Life is much too short for regrets.

Ryan Beaumont said...

Hey but to be serious you are absolutely correct. What has kept me happy in my extra-curricular activity is that we generally enjoy each other's company. We are attracted to one another but really most of the time it feels like we are just "palling around together."

We have been teasing over text yesterday and today. I'm a Dem and she is a Republican so we are picking at each other. When you can do that you have the confidence to be self assured in each other's company.

~McK said...

Hello Kat! Another spot on post...i know that just his ability to keep in some sort if contact with me or asking me questions about things happening in my life definitely keeps me inclined towards only him.

Anonymous said...

wow, great tips. they might even work in helping a marriage.

Kat said...

Yes! They would definitely help in a marriage, too. :-)