Sunday, April 8, 2012

Have You Seen My Boobs?

Last night I was in bed with Hubby right next to me.  He scooted over to my side of the bed and slid a hand up my belly to my chest and started caressing one of my boobs.

Yeehaw!, I thought.  Kat's gonna get some sex tonight! I turned toward him and started kissing his neck. He reached for the other boob and started fondling it, too. Then he went back to other one, and went back and forth for a while. Then he asked, "Are your boobs shrinking?"

That, my friends, is how you get a pussy to dry up like the Sahara.

I rolled away from him, not really sure what to say.

And in a husband's typical fashion, he couldn't just stop before both feet were in his mouth.

He said, "Well, it's not like they've ever been really big, but I think they have definitely shrunk."

"I'm sure they have, Hubby," was all I could say. Then he rolled over and went to sleep, clearly never intending to put out.

It's true. My boobs are shrinking.  I've been dieting lately.  Wait. I'm not supposed to call it a diet.  I'm supposed to call it a "healthy living plan."  Whatever. All I know is that I haven't had bread in a month and my mouth starts to water when I see those Feed the Children commercials on TV where the kid is eating a bowl of rice.

I've seen this pattern before.  It's a cruel hoax of nature. When I lose weight, my tits are the first to go. My ass is always the last thing to shrink, of course.

But the reverse is true when I put on weight.  In that case, the ass grows first and the tits just, well, stay the same. At this pace, it should only take a few more diet cycles before my chest is actually concave. {sigh}

Because it's Easter and this reminds me of that scene from The Proposal where Betty White is fitting Sandra Bullock for a wedding dress, I thought I'd share this with you:

This clip gets me laughing every time. As I sit here with my shrinking Easter egg tits, I wish you all a very Happy Easter!


Jack and Jill said...

Funny clip! We lament the shrinking of your boobs, but during a diet - sorry, healthy living plan - the boobs are generally among the first to show reduction. We're sure they're still quite beautiful, even at the smaller size.

Cara Janes said...

I'll never have that problem. I'm tellin' ya, Kat, implants are the way to go.

Anonymous said...

Ok, let me get this straight...You are trying to improve your health by ditching a few pound and the Mr. supports you by making an insensitive, poorly worded remark about your boobs? Seriously? Kat,you put up with A LOT of crap. I'd like to suggest that you cup his balls,play with them, fondle them for a while one night then say in a very matter of fact way "gee your balls are getting saggy" and then think of JJ massaging your boobs, playing, licking and teasing your nipples til you drift off to sleep. I know that probably sounds childish but I'm sorry, that was just a jack-ass thing hubby said to you.

Gertie said...

Your hubby has a lot of nerve. Being a girl who's ass shrinks first and boobs never go away, I can commiserate with your pain, although my shrinkage is in reverse.
I love that clip from the Proposal. And if Hubby can't appreciate what he has regardless, I concur you should start mentioning his shrinkage!

Marcus said...

I'm a big fan of boobs and I'm sure yours are amazing (and wouldn't I ever like to find out first hand). First of all, your husband is extremely lucky that he was allowed to fondle your boobs and that the first thought in your head was "Yeehaw!"

Marcus said...

Whoops, forgot the second of all part, guess I got distracted thinking about fondling your boobs..

Anonymous said...

Next time just tell him he's being an ass or that he just did an asshole thing.

He likely won't forget.

Most men are brutish and dim when it comes to these things. He might not have meant to hurt your feelings, maybe just making an observation without thinking first.

He really could turn it into a compliment by dropping the fondling and mentioning that he has noticed you have lost weight and just leave it at that, cause he probably knows too that it comes off your rack first.

My wife has the exact same thing happen to her.

Krazy said...

Well, asshole comment, but it's a wonderful thing we have wonderful push-up bras these days, and we don't need push up panties (those never look good). Cheers to big butts and small tits!

Liam said...

I guess it wouldn't be constructive to grab his thang, caress it for a minute, and then ask, "Honey, is your thang shrinking?" Although, after that comment, it probably would.

alison said...

The worst part about shrinkage is they never shrink at the same rate. I have implants and still managed to lose weight from left to right.

fleur.d.laura said...

love the movie clip! i too, have lost a bit of weight. Boobs were the last to go and now they are just sad. it is true, I am going to have to give up the DD bra and go in for the 34D - so reminiscent of high school days.

Anonymous said...

Why does the image come to mind of your former lovers in a room, half yelling, "Tastes great" and the other half yelling "Less filling"?

Ben said...

My wife has lovely though modest boobs. I have adored them since I met her a few decades ago, still do, and let her know that often. As with everyone, the additional weight on the boobs goes first and the weight on her belly (she barely has a butt) goes last, if ever. Your hubby needs some polite re-education. But remember, we're men and, as Moses said in Exodus, "slow of tongue." That means stupid.

Share a photo of the boobs, and let us be the judge LOL