I don't usually take a bath. I'm more of a shower kind of gal, but it had been a long day and I needed the time alone to decompress and relax more than I needed to be washed. I had been out in the rain, so my clothes were clinging to me, adhered to my skin by cold water. I was shivering.
I began to undress as I ran the water, dropping my clothes into a disheveled pile on the floor. I added some bubble bath and then stood there in only my panties and stared at the pile as I waited for the tub to fill. I thought about how everything in that pile was clean and pressed this morning - and now look at it. It was kind of like me. I started out the day all filled with energy and hope, and now I was cold and exhausted and stressed.
I checked the temperature of the water. Perfect. Nice and hot. Hotter than most people would like it. I reached over and turned off the water, slipped out of my panties and stepped in.
The heat of the water against my cold skin stung as I eased in, but soon the sting transformed to pleasurable warmth that had magical powers. It was as if the stress and negativity was being sucked out of me, inch by inch, as the sting disappeared. As I slowly lowered my body into the tub, the sting of the hot water on new portions of skin collided in my brain with the intense pleasure of release from other parts. I surrendered to it, letting my mind slip into a nearly meditative state as my body was enveloped by the water.
I exhaled slowly when I was laying down in the tub. Yeah, this is exactly what I needed. I put a washcloth behind my head as a pillow and noticed that my shoulders were hunched and tight. I rolled them back a few times, intentionally trying to relax them, an act which caused me to notice the tension throughout the rest of my body - my neck, my back, my abdomen. I was one big knot of tension and anxiety. Clearly, the hot water alone was not enough to relax me.
I decided to try some meditation, but my thoughts kept drifting to him. I remembered what he'd said to me earlier in the day and it made me smile. I wondered what he was doing right at that moment as I was laying naked in my tub thinking of him.
Most of the little waves of water left from my getting into the tub had subsided, but little ripples of water lapped at my nipples which were sticking out of the water. At first, I thought, I sure wish we had a bigger tub, but then I lifted a hand and flipped it down quickly, creating more ripples so I could enjoy more of the sensation of the teasing water.
I closed my eyes and imagined that it were him playing with my nipples, not touching me anywhere else, gently brushing his fingers against my nipples, telling me not to move. I grabbed a washcloth and put it over my eyes, imagining it was a blindfold. Soon, the gentleness of the water wasn't enough, and I reached up and started pinching and flicking each nipple myself. My pussy instantly twitched.
Keeping my left hand on my left breast, I slipped my right hand slowly between my legs and found my clit, pressing on it gently.....holding....waiting. I could "hear" him whispering in my ear, telling me not to move, telling me to wait when what I wanted more than anything at that moment was to start rocking my hips and pressing against his hand. I could imagine him looking at me, smiling, amused at my pathetic attempt to control myself. I pinched my left nipple as hard as I could. Was I attempting to distract myself? It was poor attempt if that's what I was trying to do because it caused a jolt of pleasure to shoot downward making my hips thrust forward. I imagined him laughing out loud at my lack of self control.
No. I couldn't wait any longer. I circled my clit slowly with my finger as I gently rocked my hips. Very gently. Just enough to get the water lapping at that right nipple while I continued to pinch the left.
I imagined him joining me in the tub, sliding his hardness inside me as I wrapped my legs around him. Then he kissed me. I melted into that kiss, wishing it could last forever, wishing it were real.
The orgasm didn't sneak up on me like happens sometimes. This one was like a freight train. The vibrations started in the distance and roared forward in a fury, finally exploding with a geyser of pleasure like the steam bursting forth from the exhaust chute of a steam engine.
I bit my lip as I tried not to make any noise. I wished he were there to kiss me hard and muffle the sounds so I could enjoy it with abandon, but he wasn't. As the shaking subsided, the illusion I had created for myself had evaporated. The cool air on my breasts and the tops of my shoulders now felt cold. For a moment, the comforting solitude of the bath felt lonely and sad. I really did want him to be here with me. No matter how I tried to think about it differently, the reality was that I was there and he wasn't. That's the way it was and there was nothing I could do about it.
I reflected for a few minutes as I cleaned myself on how strange it was to feel so connected to someone while being so physically distant.....and to feel so disconnected from someone who is physically close. It's not that I feel completely disconnected from Hubby. Not at all. But there's a part of me that he'll never understand, that he doesn't even want to understand.
I felt that loneliness return briefly as I thought about that. Then I realized the water had cooled down. It wasn't hot and inviting anymore, but tepid and dull.
No, I told myself. No tepid and dull for me. Not anymore. That's not the life I choose.
I sat up, pulled the plug out with my toe and heard the water start gushing down the drain. I stood up quickly and grabbed my favorite big towel from the towel rack. As I wrapped it around me, my mind slipped one more time to thoughts of him - of his arms sliding around me as he pulled me close to him. Then I stepped out of the tub and pushed the thoughts of him away. It was time to come back to now, to this moment, this place. I dried off and wiggled into the clean panties and oversized shirt I had brought in with me. I hung up the towel and ran a brush through my hair. The I pulled on the big fluffy robe I loved and opened the door. As I stepped into the hallway, I remembered my dirty clothes and I turned around to get them, but I didn't quite make it. My youngest son came flying down the hallway, screaming, "The Robe!!!!"
I laughed and steadied myself because I knew what was coming. He launched at me and I caught him in the air. Dang, he gets bigger every day. We ended up on the floor with me tickling him and him struggling to wiggle inside part of the warm fluffy robe. I pretended to be trying to keep him out. Eventually, though, he won (he always does) and we ended up in a big, robe-enveloped hug. I knew I'd have him there for about 30 seconds before he'd leap up and skip away, so I held him close and breathed him in and kissed his head as much as he'd let me.
My heart was full, and three simple, but powerful, thoughts overwhelmed me.
This is now. This is real. This is love.