Monday, November 19, 2012

Let's Cut Mrs. Patraeus Some Slack

I know you've been waiting for my thoughts on the Patraeus scandal.  I've been meaning to write about it, but the story keeps changing and more dirt keeps surfacing. It's a sex blogger's dream.

So, yes, I'll be sharing thoughts about it in several posts to come, but I wanted to comment now on how the blogosphere is treating Mrs. Patraeus.

I've read everything from rating her a "1" compared to the Broadwell being rated a "10" to many commentaries arguing that her husband wouldn't have cheated if she were better looking or more in shape or hotter or gave better head or....or.....or....


The romance started when Patraeus was in Afghanistan.  He was away from his wife for a long time.  She could have been Jennifer Lopez and it wouldn't have mattered.  She wasn't there, through no fault of her own.

Then he was back in the country, but the relationship with Broadwell was already established by then. Mrs. Patraeus didn't have at chance at that point.

Other things to remember:

Mrs. Patraeus was in her late 50's when the affair started and Broadwell was in her late 30's. The Patraeus' had been married for over 30 years. Mrs. Patraeus could have been Ann Margaret and it wouldn't have mattered. There's no way she could compete with fresh, young pussy.  Period.

A little sidebar here.  Most of you know that my Hubby did a fair share of cheating over a recent five year period.  My Hubby adores me. We get along very well. We're good friends. Yeah, I could be in better shape, but sex is not bad between us.  Sometimes it's downright amazing. He loves it. I'm the one who gets bored.  I give the world's best blow job. I don't deny him anything he wants to try in bed. Nothing. But he's a man, and he has a penchant for 18-25 year old women. I'm 48. There is absolutely nothing I can do to compete with new, young pussy - at least in the sexual arena. I can't be what I am not. I can be a lot of wonderful and sexually satisfying things, but I'm not 20 anymore. Is that my fault? Of course not. Is it his fault that he's attracted to that?  No. That's how men are made. Does it mean he doesn't love me? No.

Ok, back to the story.....


Then there's the ego stroking. Holly has known her husband for almost 4 decades. She knows just about everything there is to know about his habits, character, strengths and weaknesses. Paula, on the other hand, was just discovering him and telling him how wonderful he was. That would be almost irresistible to most men in his situation, but then add to that the flattery of being attractive to and desired by such an attractive younger woman.

Add all of this to the fact that men are biologically predisposed to cheat and there's no way you can blame this on his wife. You know that I don't believe there is ever a truly innocent party in an affair.  A marriage rarely splinters unless there is something missing that both parties in the marriage have some power to change, but even given that, we should remember that the odds of a man being 100% sexually faithfully over the life of a long term marriage are very slim.

You can argue about whether it's right or wrong, but you can't eliminate the reality that a majority of married men cheat at some point in their marriage.

David Patraeus did what men do. He fell for the charms of an attractive younger woman who made him feel like a god - both in bed and out of bed.  He made that choice. I'm sure he enjoyed it for most of the affair. If he hadn't enjoyed it, he wouldn't have kept doing it.

Back to his wife....My heart aches for her. She has, by all accounts, been a good and faithful wife for over 35 years. It's true that men have a tendency to cheat, but it's rare that it becomes international news and, literally "everyone knows about it."  She has to put her marriage (and her self-esteem) back together in the midst of an unbelievable level of media attention and jerks who think they are being funny by poking fun at her appearance and implying (or saying directly) that she is responsible for the affair because she somehow wasn't good enough to keep her husband faithful. It's just wrong.

David Patraeus was and is 100% responsible for where he puts his dick.

Let's cut Mrs. Patraeus some slack.


Anonymous said...

Well said... But I don't think all men cheat just the majority of them. lol


Advizor54 said...

She won't, but it would be nice if Ms. Patreaus could read this. It's not her fault, it was his choice. And, if the world could/would get over this whole obsession with monogamy, then we would still have an experienced, smart, insightful man working for our safety, instead we have another soap opera moment.

A waste of a wonderful man and his talent.

Ryan Beaumont said...

As Chris Rock says men are as faithful as their opportunities and guys like Patreus will have opporutnities. Actually relative to Bill Clinton's extra-curricular excursions, Mrs. Broadwell is very attractive. I would argue that the attractiveness of the wife does not matter or the attractiveness of the affair partner. It's opportunity and the having someone adore you that is the lethal injection.

Well thought out as always my dear!

Anonymous said...'re 48 and out of shape? Reality sucks.

- chaser

Anonymous said...

I agree with most of your points, but I don't think men are unique in their proclivity towards infidelity. I just think that they are looking for something different than women, in general.

You are a case in point. Your husband wanted young pussy. What did you want? And, really, does it matter?

Regardless, thanks for the blog. It was an enjoyable read, as always!

Kat said...

Joyce - Agreed. Just the majority.

Advizor54 - I agree with you 100%. The obsession with monogamy has cost us the talent of a good man. It's crazy.

Ryan - Right on both counts. The attractiveness of either partner doesn't matter nearly as much as feeling appreciated and adored. Someone who has been neglected for years just laps that up like water in a desert.

Chaser - LOL. Yup, reality does suck, doesn't it? I'm so sorry to disappoint you. However, since it's almost certain that my old lady (yet very talented)lips will never be wrapped around your cock, you can imagine me however you'd like. Does that help? ;-) And thanks for the chuckle.

Bob - You ask some excellent questions. What did I want? Passion. Excitement. Incredible sex. Friendship. But you are also right in asking if it really matters. Probably not.

However, I don't think both men and women have the same proclivity toward infidelity. We know that female infidelity is more common than people used to believe, but it's still not as common as male infidelity. And that doesn't mean that women are morally superior in any way, just that hormones rule our bodies in one way or another throughout our life cycle, and there are times when we are biologically predisposed *against* infidelity. Some of us manage to cheat in spite of that. Go figure.

Over It said...

"...implying (or saying directly) that she is responsible for the affair because she somehow wasn't good enough to keep her husband faithful. It's just wrong."

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Somehow, it's always the wife's fault that her husband cheats, not that he's a dirty dog all on his own. And if we ladies step out, of course we're whores (it's never that our husbands aren't good enough, of course!)

I don't know why popular culture paints us women as such worthless sluts, but it's so frustrating. How can we ever flourish in a society that tells us we're constantly "not good enough" unless we look good enough to get a Playboy spread? It's devastating, even for grown women, to deal with this shit.

Kat said...

Over It - It is difficult, and unfair, and harmful to both men and women. Men are left with an image of the ideal sex partner that, frankly, doesn't exist. Those who come even close to that ideal are very rare.

And treating women who cheat as whores is also wrong, but common. I was listening to news show over the weekend and someone was being interviewed who was painting a picture of Paula Broadwell (whom she had never actually met) as very aggressive woman, something of a sexual predator and poor David had no chance against her. If I could have thrown something at the TV, I would have. Oh please, they both stepped out together. Both are equally responsible for what happened.

Brigit Delaney said...

Honestly, if our culture gave us gals more respectful credit for being sexual beings with purposeful desires of our owns, we girls might be more open to "sharing" or "accepting" non-monogamy as icing on the marriage cake rather than a party of two being crashed by one. I think society puts women in the position of having to be jealous, pitiful, possessive nags (ball and chain?). Not all of us are. Most of us wouldn't get married if we didn't really want to. But, we need to admit, to each other and ourselves, that we're going to WANT more than we have until we die. It's natural and normal - for both women and men. I feel bad for Mrs. P...mostly just because her dirty laundry is out there for everyone to see. It ain't anyone's business but her's and Mr. P's. (Just like the Clintons). Mr. P's extra-curricular activities have no bearing on his ability to do his job, just like it didn't for Bill. It's so trite that we turn it into the media frenzy that we do.

HK said...

Where's the outpouring of support for Broadwell's husband? Surely he is just as innocent a victim as Mrs. Petraeus.

Another Country Heard From said...

Another Country Heard From

Having read this I can see that I owe you an apology for my previous comment. Your little sidebar cleared things up for me, and I would like to apologize for baiting you.

And I would like to thank you for putting a good perspective on the David Patraeus circus. Just imagine, if you will, the General and his biographer taking early morning jogs across the back side of Bagram and then spending the day in informal interview while the General managed the immediate futures of nearly 200,000 American men and women. I bet it was relatively easy for Broadwell to her David's cock in her mouth the first time.

And let us not forget that someone called MR. BROADWELL has been outed as a cukold to bullions of people around the world. He and Mrs. Patraeus are the true unfortunate ones here. David might have fucked his career and mark on history, but whatever that costs him pales in comparison to what his wife has paid.

Another Country

Anonymous said...

I haven't really followed the story. Being Canadian, what has always struck me when this sort of stuff happens, is how all of a sudden American society gets wrapped up in having a moral compass and various individuals get judged publicly until Kim K puts another pic of herself in a bikini on twitter.

But in any case, what I do know of the story.... I couldn't agree with you more, you put it very well.