Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Treating Me Like Crap Means "No Sex for You"

Hubby has this habit of expecting sex after he has been cranky with me. Huh? Conversations with friends of mine have revealed that Hubby isn't the only man who does this.

What's up with that?

It should be very simple to understand. If you want sex (especially within the next few hours), be nice to me. If you treat me like crap, don't expect me to be excited about having sex with you.

That also goes for heavy conversations that may be uncomfortable. If you start a heavy conversation that may lead to disagreement and tension, you'd be an idiot to do that within an hour of bedtime (or whenever the time is that you expect sex).

I  have a few friends who typically have sex with their spouses in the morning.  Now I can totally understand why they do that.  There is very little time for him to say or do something stupid or start an argument.

The night before last, Hubby wanted to have a heart to heart conversation about something (it was actually about JJ.....) and we both said some things we shouldn't have said. When we turned out the light, we were both upset.

Then, within about 5 minutes, even though the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, he started scooching over to my side of the bed and sliding his hand up my inner thigh.

My first thought: You have got to be fucking kidding me!!!! Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has a better chance of having sex with me right now than you do!

My second thought: I know this is your way of trying to make up, but it's not working.  The feel of your hand on me right now is making me physically sick.

What came out of my mouth: Hubby, you know that when you say things to me like you just said, I don't feel like making love (Said very, very slowly with that annoying female I'm-saying-this-slowly-so-you'll-know-I'm-pissed tone).

Hubby (in an attempt to smooth things over just enough - but no more - to have sex): I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to upset you.  You know I love you (kissing my neck now, finger sliding inside me).

Kat (taking Hubby's hand and moving it back to his side of the bed): I love you, too, but I don't want to have sex with you now.

That alarmed him because he knows I always want to have sex. Now I had his attention.  So we had the be-nice-to-me-if-you-want-sex conversation...again.  I don't know how many times we've had that same conversation over the last 25 years, but it feels like at least a few hundred.

His tone became nicer. He apologized for the not-so-nice things he said earlier.  I did, too.

We turned the light off again. He didn't even attempt to scooch over my way, so I slid under the blankets, found him and gave him a world class blow job.

Why? Because appropriate behavior must be rewarded as soon as possible!  I want him to associate being nice to me in bed and apologizing for being a jerk with a pleasurable experience.

Hubby (after I swallowed a nice load of his cum): I thought you didn't want sex tonight?

Kat:  I don't.  Goodnight.

There's nothing wrong with leaving him a little confused, is there? ;-)


Mr. Dryden said...

Classic ending Kat. ;)

Anonymous said...

I feel like saying, "you are so full of shit, you Pavlovian bitch," but I won't.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, I think you are confused. If you think Kat is full of shit then that's your opinion, but to call her a Pavlovian bitch is inaccurate. To be Pavlovian is to practice a form of classical conditioning when two stimuli become associated with a specific outcome. Kat may have attempted a somewhat Pavlovian technique but to truly be "Pavlovian" would take years of training. Then to call Kat a bitch is also inaccurate. If you look in Websters or even dictionary.com a bitch can be a female dog and we all know that Kat is...well...a Kat. It can also mean to complain and I'm pretty sure Kat wasn't complaining. It can also be slang for a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman and if you really think about it, none of the mentioned adjectives apply to this post. You quite possibly could be suffering from passive aggressive personality disorder and strongly encourage you to get help before you hurt yourself or others.

Cara Janes said...

Simple and effective principles of applied behavior analysis. Behavior modification at it's most functional. You make me proud. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Yup it's proven again.

Men and Women's brains are different - especially when it comes to sex.

I guess that's part of what makes it so interesting being with someone of the opposite sex.

Oh and nice move to end the night, I'm guessing most women wouldn't have done that.

the naked lady said...

Perhaps hubby was trying for angry sex? Like he really just wanted you to rough him up? Mine used to purposely try to irritate me before bedtime because I like to do something physical (usually working out) when I get angry...so the sex was much more intense.

Once I figured out what he was doing (something he said gave it away), I just made sure to channel my anger into a workout before going to bed.

Though I like your method, too...I wonder if that will make him apologize quicker in the future?

Anonymous said...

Naked Lady...

Only speaking for myself, but as a male I know it would sure make me apologize quicker.

I would be unzipping my fly as I apologize though, not sure if that would help or hinder things.

Ryan Beaumont said...

Kat, it takes a lot of patience, caring, and understanding to give someone you are mad at a pathway to retribution (and satisfaction). You are good to do that. And my guess is that you benefit in the end by having someone to admit they are at fault.

Funny how nice behavior begets nice behavior. I wish more people would try that.

A very helpful post.

Anonymous said...

I'm so confused here.. I thought she lived in her own place and was getting a divorce.. Omw. i'm like lost here.... Pls clear things up someone.. I read every post through reader and some how i've gotten lost in translation.. I love love this blog but i'm in left field..

Kat said...

Mr. D - Thanks, Darlin'.

Anon 6:43 - Did I say something that upset you?

alterego51341 - Thank you! But I think you used big words that Anon6:43 might not understand. ;-)

Kat said...

Cara- I'm so glad you're proud of me. You made my day!

Pony boy - We definitely think differently. Reminds me of that joke (was it Billy Crystal?)- "Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place."

Ryan - Thanks. I think of it like this - when you have a disagreement with your spouse, someone has to make the first move toward moving beyond it. It's the same thing with sex. H, and the husband training stuff is mixed in there, too. If he gets sex right after he treats me like crap, then he is being rewarded for treating me that way. The reward needs to follow the desired behavior.

AFlowerWithoutAName - Hi! I'm not sure where you got the idea that I was getting divorced, but I'm not. I'm not separated, either, and I don't plan on it. I live at home with my Hubby and boys as I have for years. You might be thinking of Daunt, though. He and his wife are separated and no longer living together. Sorry for the confusion!

Anonymous said...

alterego51341 - get off your high horse, dickhead, and get a sense of humor. btw, were you born on May 13, 1941?

kat - no, I was just being funny. I actually like a world class blow job, and I especially like a woman that swallows.

Kat said...

Anon 6:56 - FYI- It didn't come across as funny, but it's difficult to capture humor sometimes in this medium.

Anonymous said...

Please accept my apology..

Kat said...

Anon - Of course! Looking forward, not back... :-)

FreddyX said...

I agree with what you've written.. but find it a touch ironic.. imagine if he knew what really goes on..

It also made me look up your first posts as I vaguely recalled it mentioned something about never denying him any request.. don't know how I remembered it..