Thursday, November 1, 2012

Why Married and Single Shouldn't Mix

I got a text last night from a guy I haven't heard from for a while. We never met in person, but there was potential at the time or he never would have had my Google Voice number. I didn't even recognize the number; it took me a while to put together who he was.

He's a single guy. Divorced, actually. I know what you're thinking. But Kat, don't you have a rule about no single guys? Well, I used to have that rule, but since I've broken it several times over the years, I now call it a "guideline."

In any event, this single guy texted me last night.  What did he want?  What do you think?  He wanted me to come out to "play."

At 5:30 in the evening.  On Halloween.  After not communicating at all for a long time.


This is a clear example of how married and single folks simply don't mix well together when it comes to the prowling world.

To this single guy, texting someone you haven't talked to for a while to meet for sex is no big deal.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  To me (a married woman), this is a classic booty call. He might as well have said, "Hey, my blow up sex doll won't inflate properly.  Will you come over and bend over for me?"  Attractive, huh?  Not.

To this single guy, there is nothing unusual about about a booty call at 5:30 p.m.  In my family world, that's when I'm making dinner, checking homework, listening to Hubby tell me about his day, and folding laundry - all at the same time. It's probably the time of day (except for the middle of the night) when my absence would be most conspicuous.

To this single guy, calling for a booty call on Halloween night is not unreasonable. To me, it's the stupidest thing in the world.  I've got kids. This is a children's holiday.  As soon as the dinner rush is over, we head out for trick-or-treat time. Married people know this.  Single guys are oblivious to it.

I understand the attraction that many single men have for married women. We will expect absolutely no long term commitment from them and we will never expect them to marry us.  We're perfect for the commitment-phobic single men of the world....or so they think. What they don't get is that a booty call is not what most of us are looking for.  We're looking for some kind of an emotional connection, too.  To them, even the words "emotional connection" are scary.

They also don't get that a married woman is not going to be available at their beck and call. Satisfying their current sexual need is not high on our priority list. It's probably not on the priority list at all. Family obligations come first, as they should.

This guy never had a chance with me anyway because my heart is firmly in someone else's hands these days, but his approach would have turned me off even if I was crazy horny, dripping wet and seriously in need of a good, hard fucking.

And any man who suggests that a booty call is more important than time with my kids really doesn't get it and deserves to have his number blocked....which is exactly what I did.


Ryan Beaumont said...

So I'll try to plan my West Coast Booty call for Colombus Day!

Anonymous said...

I was bored at work and jumped on your site for a quick pick me up. :-) This was a great article! Now I can go back to recovering my server. Gosh I hate it when I get horny at the office!

Liam said...

So, that was a no?

Anonymous said...

So how is he supposed to treat you, like a classy lady?

Anonymous said...

Well said...could not agree more. In the big scheme of things...married or single - some men are simply idiots!

Clem said...

I understand about single men;I'm one, and would never do it that way.
I'd want you to know I'd be there for you on *your* terms, and when *you* could get away, then relish that time together. I did that with my married-lesbian friend for two years. At times, it was frustrating, because it was always on her terms and time-frame. That being said, I think you were a bit harsh with this guy, and yes, I do understand why you blocked him.

Anonymous said...

You were spot on Kat! It's always nice to hear about someone having good old fashion common sense!

Uh, Clem, I think the woman you were with is bisexual if she was with you and still in a relationship with another woman. Something to consider. :)

~McK said...

Yes! Yes! Yes! Spot on as's funny to as singles and I would even venture to say marrieds without kids are similar. Like you, my heart and all of my lusty thoughts and desires are in the hands of one man right now, enough so that some of the local prospects have really fallen off of my radar. Sure enough, around 7:30pm Halloween night, one of the more persistent marrieds with no kids didn't understand why I couldn't and wouldn't meet him at the local bar for some frisky fun. Really? I hadn't exchanged any texts or mail with him since September and he comes out of the woodwork now, on Halloween night. He also made the assumption that since my kids are a bit older (10) they could walk around by themselves....right, in the rain, in the dark and who do you think is handing candy out at home? LOL anyway, I continue to love your blog and root for you and JJ as that gives me hope. Thank you!

Clem said...

eagertoplay7123: Yes, I am aware of that.
I should have used that description.
She is back with her wife, but sees a man on the side.
See my 'guest post'

Anonymous said...

Clem,thanks for mentioning your post. Sorry it didn't end so well. Hope you've been able to move on and have found a new, maybe even better playmate!

Kat said...

Ryan - ANY day works for *you*. ;-)

Anon 10:46 - I'm glad I was able to help you get up...wait, that's what you meant, right?

Liam - LOL. I really did laugh out loud at your comment. Very cute.

Anon 2:07 - As a matter of fact, yes. It certainly would have been a more effective strategy for him.

Anon 11:41 - You make a good point. The "idiot" gene is not related to marital status, is it?

Clem - Do you *really* think I was too harsh with him? Why?

eagertoplay7123 - Thanks! Nice to see you here. :-)

McK - You are absolutely right that marrieds without kids are very similar to single guys. I've had the same experience. Like I said to Anon 11:41, above, The "idiot" gene is not related to marital status, is it?

Clem said...

Maybe not directly to him; blocking him was right. I meant more in the general explination of your post.

Yeah, he's maybe too young, only looking for himself, etc., and maybe you just wanted to rant.
My reply was based on knowing your situation, that you have more you can choose from, you have, and that you could have said the same in less is all.
i support you, and as I said, if it were me, a single man, I would have done it differently. I know you know that.

Clem said...

Yes, I have moved on.
I had a very erotic session with a young woman yesterday, brought back some memories, but created new ones.