Monday, May 21, 2012

Work, Sex, Communication....and Marital Discord

I know I haven't been posting regularly, Prowlers. I'm sorry about that.  Trust me, I really want to post often, but sometimes life just gets in the way. This time, it has been work that has interfered. As many of you know, I own a small business and the buck stops with me, as they say. I've been working long hours and not having time to do any of the things I really enjoy.

And that includes sex.

Marital sex is complicated enough under the best of circumstances, but when you throw in crazy work hours and work-induced exhaustion, it's even worse.

For example, I worked a 15 hour day yesterday (yes, on Sunday), came home, fixed dinner for the family (late), cleaned up, got the little one bathed and to bed, showered myself and went to bed. Don't even get me started on why I had to make dinner when Hubby and my adult son were home all day lounging around; that's really another conversation entirely, but it is related to the exhaustion factor.

In spite of all of that, I was up for sex.  Heck, I'm always up for sex. In fact, I primed the pump, so to speak, in the shower and it wouldn't have taken much to make me very, very happy, relaxed, and ready for my six hours of sleep.

I got in bed, and there was Hubby.  Sweet Hubby. Hubby had a dilemma.  He knew I've been working like crazy and he doesn't want to pressure me into sex when he knows I'm tired.  Of course, he had no problem with that over the dinner issue, but I digress.....again.

He also knows that, generally speaking, I want sex all the time. He's not particularly interested in sex.

He's confused. He has a dilemma.  What to do?  What to do?

So, he says, "I can do you if you want. I don't want it, but I can do you if you want."

Wow.  What a way to get a gal's pussy quivering....NOT.

I would have enjoyed sex, even as tired as I was, but I was too tired to deal with "duty sex" and the emotion that it stirs up in me. And I was way too tried to have the conversation that usually goes along with duty sex (explaining to Hubby, in language that men understand, why his offer is not alluring in any way).

I responded, "No, thank you."  That's it.  A simple, "No, thank you."

Hubby knew he was in trouble. He was ready for, "Sure, let's fuck!" or a conversation of some kind, but "No, thank you" in that situation is wife-speak for, "Don't do me any favors, you son-of-a-bitch. And don't touch me, either."

I rolled over and was in the process of falling asleep (because I really was that tired), but he wanted to talk. Uuugghhhhhh. So, we talked about the duty sex offer.  We talked about how many hours I've been working and how he wants me to work less.  We talked about how I'd like a little help around the house.  We talked about how he misses me because I'm gone so much.  We talked about how little sex we've had recently and his fear that it means I'm getting it elsewhere (which is true, but not lately. Why?  Because I'm working too much!).

By the time the conversation was done, I was wishing I had ignored my abhorrence of duty sex and just said, "Sure, let's fuck!" We would have been done a lot sooner. A lot sooner.

It occurred to me this morning that this bout of marital discord could have been avoided with just a little bit better communication before we got into bed. All I had to do was indicate that I wanted it or not and Hubby never would have been forced into his atrocious duty sex offer which started the downhill spiral. While I was tired, I wasn't too tired to say, "Let's get it on" or "Let's skip sex tonight, ok?" That's all it would have taken.

But I didn't say anything. The real problem wasn't that I have been working too much (although that is a problem).  The real problem was communication....again.

So, today I decided that I was not going to make the same mistake. I sent Hubby the following series of text messages throughout the day:

7:00 a.m. - Please be advised that I would like a nice hard fucking tonight.

10:00 a.m. - Still want to cum.  Don't forget.

11:00 a.m. - Did I mention I'm not wearing a bra today?

12:30 p.m. - I'm looking at the picture on my desk of our trip to Florida.  Remember making love in the hot tub?

2:30 p.m. - (No words, just a picture of my tits I took in the bathroom with my phone.)

4:00 p.m. - I'll be home by 7:00. Can you get dinner started? That will leave me more energy to give you a nice long blow job later.

5:30 p.m. - Do we have to wait 'til bedtime?  Can't we just duck into the back room for a few minutes while the kids are watching TV?  Better yet...let's do that AND do it at bedtime, too!

6:30 p.m. - Did I mention that I'm horny and I would love some hot sex with you tonight?  Be home soon.;-)

Think he got the message?

I'll let you know. It's time to head home.

9 comments:

Marcus said...

I think that is way more than fair, dinner for sex with his extremely horny wife. Some guys don't know how good they have it!

I hope you get everything you are hoping for and more!!

Anonymous said...

Is your husband's sexual disinterest a result of climbing age, a medical complication, asexuality, or some other issue?

Gertie said...

Way to be a proacrive communicator, hope it works in your favor!! :)

Naughty Kitty said...

Excellent communication. I have that same thing going on here only I'm too tired to even text anymore. Long ago I went to a therapist with my now Ex husband. The therapist gave me to wise advice which I use to this day. She said not to expect my husband to read my mind. If I want flowers for valentines I should communicate that to him (just as an example). The same goes for sex. If we want it, we have to tell them we want it. If they follow through good for them. If they don't...well...that's why we have playmates ;)

Ryan Beaumont said...

Seems like in every relationship there is an enabler/conciliator and one who gets to enjoy the fruits of the others communication style. I guess it's just life.

Nicholas said...

Good god. If my wife sent me just one of those texts, I'd have dinner ready, the floors vacuumed and mopped, kids in bed, and a nice glass of wine ready when she walked in the door.

Can you give my wife a lesson or two?

Ponyboy said...

I think that is as clear as you can be. I hope he stepped up to the plate for you!

And I agree with what Kitty said, don't make men guess, much simpler to just say what you want.

Kat said...

Marcus- Dinner was lovely!

Anon- It's advancing age At this stage, it is what it is.

Gertie-- Thanks! I wish it worked all the time.

Kitty and Ponyboy - Yeah, yeah, yeah -- of course he shouldn't have to read my mind, but one would think that the patterns are pretty clearly established after 25 years. I'm juts tired of being the one who has to take the lead. I want him to pursue me sometimes.

Ryan - Yup. I know which one you are.

Nicholas - Sure! Just send me her email. LOL

Ponyboy said...

I get that. I think everyone wants to feel pursued and wanted at times or all the time... Good for our egos.