I'm sick. And it's not the "Gee, I feel a little tired...I wonder if I'm coming down with something" kind of sick. Just in case you didn't know, working moms are tired all the time. If that were a sign of illness we'd all have to get to the Mayo Clinic right away.
No, this the coughing-up-crud, green-stuff-bursting from the nose, head-about-to-explode, cranky-as-a-cornered-raccoon kind of sick.
Not sexy at all.
Hey, why is it that words associated with bad things also can be associated with blow jobs? That sucks. That blows. Hmm.
Did I mention that my head is fuzzy and I can't focus for very long?
I was lounging in bed yesterday, hoping that being horizontal would magically lift the virus from my body (it didn't work) and reading a lingerie catalog. For the ladies in the room, let me share with you that shopping for lingerie probably should not be done when you're feeling like crap, laying in bed with your husband, wearing a dirty t-shirt, the old panties with the hole in the waistband that you never wear outside of the house, and the mismatched wool socks you stole from your husband's dresser. That's not when you're feeling the most sexy.
As I flipped through the catalog, I found a nice little all lace chemise. It covered everything but was completely see through. Very nice. I showed it to Hubby.
Kat: What do you think about that?
Hubby: What for?
Kat: For me!
Hubby: For you? Why?
Kat: So I can look sexy and lure you into my bed for some wild sex.
I sneezed. Snot flew. Hubby handed me the box of Kleenex.
Hubby: Kat, there is nothing you could wear, say, or do right now that would make me want to have sex with you.
Kat: (Wiping my nose) Oh.
Hubby: (Looking closer at the catalog) That looks like that black lace catsuit that girl who came and danced for us at the house wore. Remember that?
Kat: Of course, I remember. While you were rubbing your dick against her, I was talking to her about going back to school. Do you remember that?
Hubby: No. Why would I remember that?
Kat: Well, do you remember the pictures we took from that night? The ones of you fucking her?
Hubby: What?! We took pictures??!!! Are you sure?
Kat: (sneezes again) Of course I'm sure. I took them. Polaroid. You carried them around in your briefcase to show all your friends for about five years.
Hubby: Really? Why don't I remember that?
Kat: Seriously? I'm supposed to answer that question? If you don't remember the pictures, then you probably don't remember that she was sick that night, sneezing, blowing her nose. She had a really bad cold.
Hubby: No, I don't remember that, but why would it matter? A cold wouldn't affect me wanting to fuck her.
Kat: (looking up at Hubby in disbelief) Right.
Hubby: But man, Kat, do you remember how hot her pussy was peeking through the crotch of that catsuit when she bent over? Oh my god that was amazing.
Kat: Yes, she was very hot. I liked her.
Hubby: And I almost came when you started sucking her tits. Remember that????
Kat: (more sneezing, more snot, more tissue) Yes, I remember.
Hubby: I know you don't feel well, but would it be ok if I just fucked you really quick? You don't have to do anything, just roll over - facing away from me.
I didn't say anything. I just pulled off my holey panties and rolled over and lifted my behind up for him. I sneezed into a pillow. Yuck. Then I realized it was his pillow. Sweet.
He was right. It was quick, but it still felt pretty good. Any other time I could have fingered myself while he was in there and cum just as quickly, but I wasn't feeling sexy at all.
I have absolutely no problem being a fuck receptacle when he's in the mood and I'm not. In fact, I appreciate his understanding and the fact that he didn't want me to try to pretend to be into it. I don't like faking it. I really don't.
Afterwards, I used the holey panties to clean up.
Hubby: You really should get rid of those.
Kat: But they make such a good handkerchief.
I blew my nose into them and threw them into the trash. We both laughed.
He went back to shopping online. I went back to the catalog.
Kat: So you never told me what you think of this chemise.
Hubby: (smiling a wicked smile and pinching my tit) Get it.