FFF 8/16/13 - Who's Watching?

I couldn't have been in the restroom for more than 3 minutes and I came out to find her already riding my husband. Couldn't she have waited a few minutes? I thought this was something we were going to do together.  That's what he told me, at least.

"C'mon, Katie," he said. "It'll be fun! And you've been telling me for months that you think Steve is hot."

That was true, but thinking he's hot and watching his young girlfriend bouncing on my husband are two completely different things.

I wanted to cry.  Maybe it was because Joe looked like he was really getting into it. Is she better than me?  Maybe it was because I felt left out.  Maybe it was because something that was supposed to be fun now felt like an obligation, something that I had to get through so I could get out of there. 

Maybe I was just in over my head.  Maybe I was just not cut out for this kind of kinky stuff.

I slipped out my mother-of-the-bride gown and Steve finally looked up at me and smiled. I walked over and he stood and kissed me.  Very nice, but I was still self-conscious. 

He sat me on the couch and took off my bra and my panties. I felt so exposed and, compared to his 20-something girlfriend who was coming for the second time across the room, old.

Steve put me at ease by slowly kissing my neck, my breasts, moving further down my body.  As he did, he said, "I know in the reception I said that my son was the luckiest man alive, but I lied." Then, just as he plunged his tongue inside me he moaned, "I am."

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It's Flash Fiction Friday! Here is the prompt for today that goes along with the photo:

Word Length = 200
Required Word = Obligation
Forbidden Words = Payment, Prediliction, Prostitution
Extra Credit = Make it personal
Bonus Words = 25 extra for explaining the tuxedos, 25 more if this isn't about the money

Would you like to read what other bloggers wrote? Head over to Advizor54's blog to see.

Stress, Emotional Intimacy, and Cunnilingus

That's what's on my mind this evening - stress, emotional intimacy, and cunnilingus. They are not necessarily related.  Or are they?

The stress is mostly about my work. My stress level is above average and has been for the past few weeks, ok, months. Things change in a bit and some of that stress will be lifted after mid-day tomorrow, but it made me think about how stress in my life changes it.  I put off things that I want to do and things that I should do. I accept behaviors from others in my life that I normally wouldn't because I need to keep the peace.  I simply don't have the energy to fight. I spend less time with my children.  I have less sex. It's weird because I stop doing (or cut way back on) the things that would help relieve some of my stress.

This is related to emotional intimacy because I push people back when I'm stressed. I don't tell them what's really going on with me.

 How are you, Kat?

Great! Thanks for asking.

That's the answer regardless of what's going on. Sometimes I'll change it up, to Good or OK, but it's just code for "You really don't care, do you?" Because I know they really don't want to hear it. I wonder what would happen if I surprised them with, "Not great. I love someone who loves someone else (besides his wife)" OR "Could be better. I'm really worried about my son" OR "Except for some chronic health conditions that affect me every second of every day, I'm ok."

I've become much better at being more honest, particularly with those I love, but then just as I have, I find myself in the company of others I care about very much who push me away. It's like a dance. I move in, they move back.  He moves in, I step back.

And then, when I finally let someone in completely - no hiding, no secrets, "all in" - I learn that it's not a two way street. Or maybe it's not. It is complicated.

I remember hearing (and even telling folks myself) that if someone really got to know you, they'd love you.  How could they not?  The problem is just that they don't know you. But what my mother never explained is what happens when someone does know you and they still won't go all in. Well, I can tell you.  It leaves you feeling pretty stupid and hurt.....and committed to keeping your heart better protected next time.

Next time.  If there is a next time. How many next times are left for women pushing 50?  And what if I want to stick it out with things as they are?  There was a time in my life when I would have said, "If you want love, don't settle for less." But that was a younger woman who had hundreds of "next times" left, and that woman wasn't in love. That woman wasn't already all in.

And all of this is magnified because I'm experiencing so much stress. Maybe next week, when the acute stress has passed, everything will be fine and none of these emotional intimacy issues will bother me. Maybe they'll just disappear into the ether.

Right?

Just as I was thinking of intimacy, cunnilingus popped into my mind. That's a pretty intimate act.  I hate the name, though. It needs a nice euphemism, something better than pussy eating or pussy licking.

Those of you who haven't been reading long enough may not know this, but my husband has never gone down on me.  Not once.  Ever. In 25 years.  I've had a few lovers do it over the years, but not very many.  In fact, I can count the number of men who've done that for me on one hand, and three of them had no idea how to do it well. I found myself staring at the ceiling wondering if I should act like I liked it or if I should just shift positions and move on to something else.

I've had the pleasure of eating a few pussies in my life.  Not many, but enough to know that it's not as easy as it looks. The female genitalia are not as simple and straightforward as the male. Men have a cock and balls.  Simple. Women have a clitoris, two sets of labia, a vagina, and a g-spot. Wow. That's a  lot going on in a space of  just a few square inches. And while men's genitalia are all out in the open and easily available, some of a woman's best stuff is hidden.  You've got to go find it. Once you've found it, you have to know what to do with it.

Maybe it's not supposed to be so easy to please a woman. Given the close connection between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy for women, maybe it's a built-in form of emotional protection.

Maybe.

Cock Pics

I've seen quite a few cock pics in my life.  Heck, I've seen a few hundred just in the past few years.  That's quite a claim to fame isn't it?  For some reason, men just like to send me pictures of their cocks.

For a while, I was collecting them for the "Cock Gallery" I was going to post here.  I just never got around to doing it.  Maybe I will soon.

Anyway, I was thinking about how all of Anthony Weiner's problems (at least his public ones) started when he tweeted a cock pic to someone. Just a picture of his genitalia. He snapped a photo. Uploaded it.  Clicked "send."

And his life was changed forever.

You wouldn't think a cock pic would cause such a big hullabaloo.

Don't get me wrong.  If you're one of the studs who sent me a cock pic, yours is the best, biggest, hottest, most exciting ever, but most cock pics are just.....

......not very impressive.

I've never picked a sex partner because of the size of his cock or because I really liked his cock pic.  I won't lie.  I've been pleasantly surprised by a larger cock than I had expected or one that was so beautiful I wanted to just look at it for a while. Obviously, I don't find cocks unappealing, but a cock is not the best feature of a man, at least not a man with whom I would want to spend any time.

But now I feel cheated because I never got to see Anthony Weiner's wiener. Is it particularly large?  Is it special in some way? Or is just an average, ordinary penis?

**********

O.K., I couldn't handle it.  I had to Google "Anthony Weiner's wiener" and I saw it. It's not bad, actually.  Thicker than average. Nicely shaped. But it's still just a cock. His chest shots are kind of nice, but I am a chest-shoulders-arms kind of gal.

The sad part is that his cock pics are interspersed between photos of him and his wife - walking down the street, at their wedding. *sigh*

But that brings us full circle around to one of the main themes of PWK - Is monogamy possible for most men, particularly given the biological imperative for men to seek out multiple partners? Does "looking" for or even "finding" others outside your marriage mean that you love your spouse any less?

You know my answer. What's yours?

Free Gift

You've been so patient with me, Prowlers, that I decided I should get you a gift of some kind. The best gifts are those through which you give a part of yourself. Everyone knows that.

Online coupons are all the rage these days, so I thought I would give you a coupon that you can redeem for your gift.

Just clip the coupon and give it to me the next time you see me.

How's that?

What Do You *Really* Want?

I have a pet peeve that is growing larger by the day. I get annoyed when people say they want something from a partner, and then follow the statement with a qualification.

For example, a man says to a woman, "I just want to hold you," and then he continues with "but if you want to do more, that's good, too." The first part of the sentence is a total lie.  He doesn't just want to hold her.  He makes that clear with the second part of the sentence. He said it to try to communicate that he appreciates her for more than sex, but he accomplished the opposite.

Then there's Hubby's famous, "I want you to be happy, but I don't want you to have sex with anyone but me." I looked him in the eye and said, "You don't want me to be happy. You want me to behave the way you want me to behave, and you want me to be happy doing it. That's what you want." He agreed. When you love someone, the first half of one of these sentences hurts because you know it's not true. I'd much rather he say, "I love you, and I want you to find a way to be happy only having sex with me." That makes his wants clear and still communicates that I'm important to him.

Here's a common one. "I want you to feel free to say what you think and feel, but.........." You can fill in the rest of the sentence after the "but" with all sorts of things, but it doesn't really matter. What is actually communicated ranges from "I'd rather you not express your thoughts and feelings about this topic," at best, to "I wish you would shut the fuck up about your feelings.  I can't handle them anymore and I don't care," at worst.

There are many more examples I could give, but I think you get the point.

I wish people would just say what they really want. Men think they are softening the blow of what they are saying after the but by including the first half of the sentence.  In reality, it heightens the anxiety about what's following and what it may mean.

I know some people may say, "That's just semantics," or "Women over think everything." The first objection is simply not true. The second one is probably true to some degree, but if you want to play with us you need to speak our language.  And maybe it's not that women over think everything, but that men under think it all.

 The truth is that it's not about thinking as much as it's about communication, how what you said has been received. When the communication is clear, everything is a lot easier.

The Pots and the Kettle

Anthony Weiner is the kettle, and all of those people out there calling him a pervert and a degenerate are pots calling the kettle black.

For those of you who have been under a rock for the past month, Anthony Weiner was caught (again) sending sexual messages to a woman through Twitter, this time using the username Carlos Danger.

I have to admit I l-o-v-e that user name.  Carlos Danger. Grrrrrr, Baby.  Makes me want to experience some danger with him.

Anyway......

I've heard reporters, celebrities, politicians, and all sorts of regular people call him a pervert and other unsavory things because of his texting activity. They are full of shit.  Have we gone so far down the puritanical road that we don't know the difference between a horny man and a pervert?

Raise your hand if you have ever sexted or sent a sexual message via text or Twitter. Yup, most of you have your hand raised.  The rest of you either don't have a phone, are over 70, or you're lying.

The big question I have in my mind is "Who cares?" He's running for mayor of NYC which means only the voters of NYC have any reason to take issue with him and all they need to do is not vote for him.

But some feel like they have to go further, like this woman who feels the need to loudly cuss at  him in a public place with children around.

What is more perverted, in the broadest sense of the word - the man who sexted a woman for months or this woman who's yelling profanity in a public place in front of children?

I know.  It may be a toss up for you, and I'm not saying Weiner isn't a kettle.  He's definitely a black kettle, but that woman is clearly a very black pot.  Know what I mean?

Let me go back to what he did.  He sent sexual tweets. He didn't rape anyone.  He didn't molest a child. He's not in trouble for doing any one of the truly sexually perverted things that can be done to other people. We used to call what he did "cybersex" but the technology has changed now so it has another name, but that's what it is - naughty flirting and cybersex. So why are this woman and all the other pots so enraged? What would they do if he had done something like actually have sex with another woman?

Yes.  I do believe their heads would explode. 

And then there are those who are sure that he has an addiction and must get help. Really? That may be true, but what we know about so far is way far away from the type of compulsive behavior that would rank as an addiction.

That brings me to a new, but related topic - the mayor of San Diego. Bob Filner is what we woman call a sleazy creep.  Guys like him have been around forever. He steals kisses and touches inappropriately, stands too close, and makes lewd suggestions. He does it because he feels like he can. He thinks he's untouchable.  When the shit started hitting the fan for him, he apologized and went into counseling. Not just counseling, but a two week counseling program to serve as treatment for his...his...creepiness.

Counseling?  Really?  

I can treat him in less than 5 minutes:

"Keep your hands, lips, and dick away from any woman who isn't your wife (or lover, if you have one). Think of every woman you work with as a man.  You wouldn't make lewd suggestions to a man, would you? If you can't do this, be prepared for lawsuits that will take everything you own, you sleazy creep."

See?  Easy. 

However, as with Anthony Weiner's case, I propose that it's really none of our business.  The people of San Diego have a say in the matter because he is their elected official. The women he harassed most certainly have an issue, although anyone who sues because she was never touched but made to feel a little uncomfortable is in a category of her own. For the rest of us he's just another sleazy creep. Why are the pots out in force making it such a big deal?

I used to work for a sleazy creep.  Where were all the reporters demanding justice for women then? 

And another thought - just for the women. If we insist that we're strong enough, stable enough, smart enough, and capable enough to be President or to serve in combat...or...or...or.... doesn't it hurt our case if some us cry creep and sue because a powerful man stood a little too close and made us feel uncomfortable?

Ok, what was I saying?

Oh yeah.  GET A GRIP, PEOPLE! We need to stop overreacting to men being normal, imperfect men. If Filner actually sexually harassed some of those women and they want to take legal action, that's up to them. I wish them well. He was a bad boy and there may be serious consequences for it, but don't we have more important things to think about?

For me, it's trying to figure out Weiner's new Twitter username so I can have some naughty chat with him.

Summer Break is Over

I'm surprised any of you are still here, Prowlers. I've been gone way too long.

Why?

Many reasons.  Work. A touch of depression. Lack of action. And just generally nothing to say.

But then someone pointed out to me that the news alone is a treasure trove of ideas.  Anthony Weiner is just the start, and yes, I do have a few things to say about Mr. Weiner and his lovely wife.

That will come later. To catch you up on what I've been doing.....

I'm still in touch Mr. SNS Guy.  Yes, he's wonderful and yes, he still lives across the country so no, I haven't been getting any sex with him.

I've been in full summer mode with my boys at home. That means camping. I'm not the fan of camping that I used to be when I was younger.  I would much prefer stay in the nearest four star hotel and then use the day use facilities at the national parks to enjoy the great outdoors. However, my youngest is a member of a certain youth organization that encourages camping and outdoor exploration, so he and I have learned together how to pitch a tent, start a fire, cook over a fire, etc.  It may impress you that I am now quite skilled at five different ways to light a fire without the use of a match (or lighter). I also know several different ways to make s'mores.

We'll be camping again this weekend with that youth organization I just mentioned, and there will be plenty of young dads there (young = 30-45). That means I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get some camping sex. It's unlikely, but hope is all I have right now.

So, instead of making excuses for the last couple of months, I'm simply going to say I was on summer break.  School is just about back in session, so I'm back, too.

For you, Prowlers, it's back to PWK school.  Naughty Kat still has a thing or two to teach you.