Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A New Year...and an Explanation

Howdy, Prowlers.  Can you believe that another year has passed?  I can't.  It really is true that time goes by faster as you age.

Anyway, you know I don't do resolutions, but I've had some time to reflect about what I like about my life and what I want to change and I've come to a few conclusions. These are things that won't just happen.  I have to make them happen.

I choose love. This has been a mantra for me for a long time, but I need to remind myself. If given a choice and I don't know what to do, choose love. What's the loving thing to do?

Choose happiness. I've been involved in some drama recently that hurt me deeply. The good thing that came from it, though, is that it reminded me that I don't want to let people and events drag me down. I can choose to focus on all the wonderful things in my life instead of the pain.  I can choose to be happy.

Be true to myself. I tend to give too much of myself away in relationships and I rarely get back from the other person what I put in. I'm going to be more discriminating in the coming year.  I'm also going to do what feels right for me rather than trying to make sure that everyone around me is ok.  For example, last month, I posted High Maintenance?, but I pulled it the next day because I was afraid that the person it was about would be offended by it. I know, that's crazy, huh? It's especially crazy because his behavior was hurtful. Worrying about his feelings at that point was denying my own.  I'm not going to do that anymore.  I'll still keep Choose Love in mind, but I'm also going to be true to my own story. If somebody else is upset, they can start their own blog and say whatever they want.

And now for the explanation.....

I've been terribly inconsistent with my posting this year. My excuse has been that work has been really busy, and that is definitely true.  But it hasn't been that busy, not busy enough to lead to missing an entire month and ending up with half the number of posts of each of the previous two years.

Here's what happened. I was in what I considered to be an exclusive relationship with SNS Guy. It's a long distance relationship, which are the hardest kind to maintain.  We got together for a glorious weekend in June, but we just haven't been able to make it work again.  We had plans for this January or April, but the bottom line is that it stayed long distance. I stayed "faithful." So from May through now, I've had no extracurricular excitement except for our weekend in June. If you're thinking, "Wow! That's a long time for Kat!  She must really have liked him," you'd be correct.

Every time I'd sit down to write a post, I felt like I had nothing to say. I'd try and I'd manage a few posts here or there, but I started PWK to share my experiences and I simply wasn't having any. It was frustrating for me - both the lack of sex and the creative dry spell that went with it. My friends would say, "Just write about your life," but my regular life seemed boring to me. At least I didn't think there was anything about it that you would want to know.

I struggled.

Well, I'm pretty sure that the romantic part of that exclusive relationship is over now. I should clarify that apparently it was only exclusive on my end. I would have been fine with that (heck, you know me; I would have been asking for details and photos!), if he had just told me about it.  Instead, he chose to lie to me for months. Not good.  Not right.

So, it seems that I'm available again.....maybe. Wanna know what that means?  Come back tomorrow.

7 comments:

~McK said...

you know, no need to explain though I love that you did. any chance you and JJ may make a reconnection? I agree with choose love, choose happiness and choose yourself. looking forward to the new year!

Lust for Love said...

Glad to hear from you again, wish you a good start for 2014!

Lola said...

I'm sorry about the long distance guy, but if it means more posts for us, then there's our silver lining.

Tom said...

Glad to have you back, just wish it was under better circumstances. But it's a new year... time for some new experiences.

Kate said...

Kat,

I agree and 2nd what everyone has already commented. I appreciate that you have this talent and gift to write and share. I always learn a lot get a lot of self reflection and inspiration from your posts.

Happy 2014! Stay strong and happy...

whoresandhookers said...

Unfortunately I understand exactly how you feel. My blog has gone dry from lack of sex, so I merely rumenate about my daily excursions with my x callgirl x stripper x pornstar x addict, except when I had to pull every personal post for legal reasons. Because fiction can be dangerous you know. No sex now for 3 months, when we were doing it almost every day and all night! Im stunned by cold-turkey shellshock, trying to relearn how to be my own man again. Its a legal/medical emergency (multiple emergencies), but I fear the damage to our play is permanent. Her failed promises feel like lies, her spoken love for me while fucking and not is now calling me asshole last night. I still have to see her every day. I hate to say it Kat, but you may be the lucky one, you got a clean break, long distance, and you didn't have to sacrifice every dollar and love in your life. Some famous guy said its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...he's dead now lol.

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