Thursday, January 9, 2014

"Yep, you nailed it...I am that jerk!"

As I was perusing through the 40 messages that remained in my inbox, I saw one with a screen name that looked familiar. I noticed that he had revoked his private key and I asked why. This was his response:

"Hi there, Cute pics! I was on AM a few years ago and just recently got back on. I didn't realize I still had a few keys out there and thought I'd better revoke them...no offense. Have you had much luck on this site? I have met a few great women and had a long term thing going until she moved out of state a few months back. Anyway, here are my pics. If you'd like you can use my email address (email deleted). Look forward to hearing from you, D"


I looked at his pictures and realized that I knew him.  I thought I did, anyway, but I wasn't 100% sure.  I was 90% sure.  So I replied with this:


"For some reason I think we have already met. That was my first thought when I saw your pics. If you are who I think you are, you fucked me at your office and didn't communicate again. Am I right? If I'm wrong, I just told you that someone else didn't like me enough for a second date. Hahaha. That's not exactly a good strategy, is it? If I'm right about knowing you, your name is D, I think. How did I do?"


Yeah, it's true. We had communicated online and by phone for awhile. Our first meeting was at his office. He got one of my trademark world class blow jobs and then he bent me over the desk and fucked me from behind. It wasn't great sex, but it was good.  As I left, there was no indication, except for how fast he peeled out of the parking lot, that he wasn't happy. I never heard from him again. While that was extremely rude, it didn't bother me too much because I didn't feel a real spark either.


I didn't expect to get a response from him, but to his credit, I did:


"Yep, you nailed it...I am that jerk! 


I totally remember that...I certainly owe you an apology for the lack of communication after. I remember us chatting for a bit after but never pursued anything further. I also remember your writing skills! 

Have you found that one?"

His question at the end was referring to my search for "the one" - a lover I could really connect with, someone I'd be with for a long time. Shortly after my encounter with him, I met JJ.


We passed a couple single sentence messages back and forth and ended the conversation by wishing each other luck.


I was impressed that he actually accepted some responsibility for being a jerk and he apologized.  I wasn't expecting that and didn't need it, but it was nice nonetheless.


Finally getting closure is always nice.

8 comments:

JoeInRTP said...

Closure is such a curious thing. Almost every one of my flings and affairs has ended in a single-sided silence. Sadly, for me, I'm usually the one open and willing to communicating - whether it is communicating that it truly is over or leaving the door open.

It seems a lot of people are willing to leave other people "hanging" without a response or any closure. That leads me to 2 important observations:
1) If you're the type to disappear, please do NOT chastise people for being rude to you or not responding to your needs appropriately. People's behaviors change based on feedback. They need cause and effect. If you just disappear because of something they did, and you don't tell them what they did and how it affected you, how can you expect them (or anyone) to change?

2) Honesty in this inherently dishonest practice is such a crazy thing. I can't tell you how many women claim to be looking for "an honest guy," but then end communication without an honest and up front reason. I view the silence as a more dishonest act than simply making up some reason it has to end.

I'm glad your reconnection led to some honesty and closure. I hope to find the same someday.

Advizor54 said...

I've been the "jerk" in many cases, sometimes on purpose, and other times by accident. What I've learned is that saying "I'm sorry" and meaning it is a lot easier than getting in to the bad blood that so often exists between on-line friends.

I've hurt people's feelings, insulted them, left them, blah blah blah and didn't even know it. Well, sometimes I did. Sometimes I blamed them.

But in the end it was me being a jerk, shortsighted, mean spirited,and immature.

I try not to be "the jerk" much anymore, but sometimes it is hard to write that last e-mail to close things out.

"I'm sorry you don't like me, that I offended you, or that I treated you badly, but you never gave me the key to the collar and the church was going to re-open soon, so I had to leave." It's not always easy.

It's also hard to say something without sounding whiny or sad or pathetic, so it's easier to say nothing. Thumper is usually right.

Lust for Love said...

A jerk seldom admits he is a jerk!

Lola said...

It's always good when they admit it rather than having to tell them. In your next post, can you describe your idea of "the one"?

Jane says said...

I'm a woman who has experienced this from guys on AM who have wooed me relentlessly until we had sex once or twice then fade away or disappear. I have been told I'm great in bed so that's not the problem. Lol. And like you Kat I have sought just one special guy but that has never happened so I've determined that the fun part for me is the initial emails and texts during the get to know you stage, maybe coffee once or twice but if I like someone I do not sleep with them, just fool around a little and this keeps them hanging around longer, strangely.

Advizor54 said...

I've never used Ashley Madison so I'm only speaking as an observer, but isn't the whole point of AM the random hookup? If I signed up and found someone to have sex with, they've done their job, I got laid, and to expect these partners to stick around seems counter to the goal of the entire process.

If you are looking for someone special on a site specifically catering to people tho lie and cheat, then it seems you need to look elsewhere or change your expectations.

And Jane, if you sleep with the ones you don't like and tease the ones you do, how in the world are men supposed to know what's going on? Yes, the thrill of the chase is a big part of it but don't just dangle guys on the line, that's cruel.

Jane says said...

I'm always upfront about wanting something long term, developing a connection but these guys clearly are going along with that just to get me in the sack and disappear quickly. Many guys say in their profile they are not into one night stands to lure women and apparently it works on a large percentage of women who want more of a relationship not just a hookup.

Advizor54 said...

I assume that everyone lies about everything, and, when I'm surprised by the truth, it is even sweeter.

Remember, guys lie.
You have a vagina, so we lie.
you have a rack, so we lie.
you might invite us home, we lie even more.

Sorry about that.