Monday, January 13, 2014

Confession

I was chatting with C last week and he asked an interesting question.  He was joking at the time, but it got me thinking.  He asked, "Is it a sin to have sex in a classroom in a Mormon Church."

Hmmm.

I answered that I'm pretty sure it's a sin if your partner is not your wife, but I don't know if it's a sin (from the LDS perspective) to have sex with your wife in a classroom in a Mormon Church. So, I asked my favorite Mormon friend (no, not Mitt Romney) and I'm hoping he'll chime in with an answer in the comments.

In the Catholic Church, we have the advantage of the Sacrament of Confession to help us clean up those pesky sins. Of course, one must be repentant to be forgiven, but when I was younger, I tended to mistake repentance for my actions for repentance for having a sin on the books. Sort of like, "I'm sorry I have a sin to confess, but I'm not sorry about fucking five guys at that frat party."

Here's how an actual confession session went with me and my Pastor, Father Joe, when I was about 18. By that time, face-to-face confession was as common as the use of the confessional, but I always used the confessional because it felt more private and confidential, even though Father Joe knew exactly who I was and often referred to me by name.

Kat: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It has been a week since my last confession.

Father Joe:  What do you have to confess?

Kat:  Well, I had sex with my boyfriend here a little while ago.

Father Joe: In the church?

Kat: Yes.  In the confessional, to be specific.

No response from the other side of the screen.

Kat: Twice.

Father Joe: You had sex twice in this confessional?

Kat: Yes.

Father Joe:  Today.

Kat: Yes.

Father Joe:  Why did you do that?

Kat: Because I was just too embarrassed to do it out in the open on one of the pews, even though Richard wanted me to.

(Muffled laughter)

Father Joe:  Ok, Kat. Do you have anything else to confess?

Kat: Yes. I've had sex 6 other times this week.  Maybe seven.  Does oral sex count as a separate event of sex? Is it really sex at all?

Father Joe: What do you think?

Kat:  Probably.  You don't give us much leeway when it comes to sex.  I have a question.

Father Joe:  Go ahead.

Kat: You know that Richard and I are planning to get married.  Once we get married, will all of our pre-marital sex be ok ? Will it be kind of retroactively considered as moral?

Father Joe: No, and you know that, Kat.  Do you have anything else to confess?

I proceeded to run through a few smaller sins, say the Act of Contrition, listen to his instructions for penance, the absolution, and his admonition to sin no more.

I walked out of the confessional and my boyfriend started walking in.  I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him over to me, and whispered in his ear, "Don't lie. I told him everything." He groaned and stepped in, closing the door behind him.

I always felt great when I came out of confession and I did that day, too.  I had a clean slate, a fresh start.

It lasted about 20 minutes, until Richard got out of confession and we did it in his car in the parking lot.  We were making out and he started pushing my head down toward his crotch, the universal male gesture for "Blow job, please." I protested for 5 seconds. "But we just went to confession...."  He replied, "Blow jobs don't count as sex." I knew better, but I responded simply, "Ok," just before taking his hard cock deeply into my mouth.

6 comments:

JFBreak said...

Father Joe probably came twice that day, first with you, then with Richard. I don't mean that in an anti-Catholic, anti-priest way, but damn, it would be tough to hear those sorts of details every week and not get something from it.

Ryan Beaumont said...

I love the fact that you have always been disarmingly candid and direct!

I stole that line from Bill Clinton btw, I've always been a disarmingly cheap ripper offer of quotes! :)

Bob Archer said...

I love your stories from the past, even if I have to go to confession after reading them!

Anonymous said...

Its hard to say whether or not copulating in a Mormon chapel classroom is a sin. Aside being completely tasteless (the phase, "get a HOTEL room!" comes to mind), I suspect, as Kat points out, it depends on who is doing the copulating.

Southern Swinger said...

As usual a very hot post

Anonymous said...

I rather enjoyed it.