Monday, July 21, 2014

Falling for Tall Guy

I met Tall Guy on AM in early January. At first there was nothing that really stood out about him except for the fact that he's tall and he's a decent writer, which is not common among men on AM.  Trust me on this.

It's not that I'm a writing snob, but when your only way of getting to know someone initially and determining if you want to meet them in person is in writing, it really helps if he can put two sentences together. Okay, maybe I am a writing snob. Whatever....

Anyway, Tall Guy wrote well, often, and prolifically. It didn't take very long at all for us to learn more and more about each other and to learn that we actually have some things in common that surprised me. By the end of January, even though I was thoroughly enjoying playtime with T, I was ready to meet him. But he wasn't ready to meet me.

I used to make the assumption that by the time someone signs up on AM, they are ready to pursue whatever they may find there.  I learned that is not the case.  There are many folks there who are just checking it out, some out of curiosity and others to see if they really could find someone there.  Let me speak for the real AM hunters and say that the lookie-loos are annoying. Seriously, it's not fun to invest weeks in getting to know someone only to find out that he doesn't know what he wants or that he was just window shopping but he doesn't want to prowl.  But that's exactly how it was with Tall Guy.

Let me pause here and tell you why I've named him Tall Guy.  It should be very obvious, but for some of you (Ryan, Max, and whoever else may need assistance with their masks before I put on my own) I'll explain a bit more.  He's tall.  Very tall. Really, really tall. 6'10" to be specific. His height is emphasized even more because I'm so short - 5'4", well, actually 5'3".......until this morning when the doctor told me I was really 5'2" now.  Yes, I am the incredible shrinking woman and Tall Guy towers over me.

But I digress....again.....

Tall Guy wasn't sure that he wanted to cheat, and you know my advice to anyone who's not sure - don't do it. So, I assumed that Tall Guy would never become a notch on my bedpost, but we continued to correspond anyway. Why?  Because I liked him. Very much. 

The months flew by - February, March. In March he started thinking he might like to get together. April - nothing.  May - he decided he wanted to meet.  I'll admit that I was nervous, mainly because I had put him in the "not gonna happen" category and I was very surprised when he jumped  into the "let's meet once and see how it goes" category. 

It went very well. The first thing I noticed when I walked in the room was that, even though I knew he was tall, he was really, really tall. He walked over to give me a hug and a kiss and I had to look straight up and stand on my tippy toes and he had to bend way over to make it happen. I chuckled to myself at the unusual situation and then I realized that there could very well be some logistical issues to address as the afternoon unfolded. 

He took my hand and stepped over to the bed and sat down.  Then we were almost eye level.  Almost.  And he kissed me again.  That's when the magic happened. Wow. Sparks, fireworks, whatever you want to call it.  And I was shocked. Jumping from "not gonna happen" to "let's meet once and see how it goes" is one thing, but leaping all the way over to "this could be serious" is crazy and it caught me off guard.

As I said, it went very well. It was a wonderful afternoon in just about every way. I'm not going to tell the sex story in this post, but never fear, I will soon. This post has another point entirely.

I left that meeting happy, very satisfied, and convinced that we were moving in a new direction together. I expected to hear something from him soon afterwards. Nothing. After sending him a message, he shared with me that he was feeling guilty and needed some time to work it out. 

Then I got the "let's be friends" email. Not only was that the content, but that was definitely the feel of it as well.  It was much more distant than what he had written to me recently.

"Hi Kat, I fear I may have hurt your feelings and if I have, I am very, very sorry.  You are an intelligent, warm, and welcoming person and I am glad to have met you.  I've enjoyed our chats and the friendship we built.  I really hope that can continue.  Also, I did enjoy our time together very much and am sorry my own issues have dampened that for you.I don't know what else to say … I sincerely hope I haven't hurt you.  If I have, I am sorry."

Fuck. You know when someone calls you intelligent soon after fucking you it can't be good. At first I was confused. The encounter we had wasn't a friendly fuck.  There was much more passion to it. There was more of everything that you would want. But, hoping that I could still save face, I wrote a very polite, albeit brief, reply:

"Thanks for your note.  I appreciate your thoughts. I was hurt because it seemed like you regretted our meeting and seeing me. It made something really nice seem dirty. I'd like to continue our friendship, too. I have no regrets.  I think you're an extraordinary man."

The message was very docile, but I was angry. I was angry and him for not knowing what he wanted and I was angry at myself for allowing myself to be drawn in beyond the emotional safety zone before I was sure he was ready.  I was angry at SNS Guy for pulling the rug out from under me and kicking me to the curb months before (a little delayed anger, I know).  I was angry at T for his on again - off again efforts to keep me at a safe emotional distance.  I was angry at JJ for disappearing from my life.  I was angry at Hubby for...well, for a lot of things. I felt jerked around and used and every man I'd been mad at in the past 6 months popped into my head and I sat in my car and raged at them all at once.

By the time I was done, I had decided that I wasn't going to have anything to do with any of them ever again.  I was done.  Well, except for maybe SNS Guy because he was my best friend, and still is, in spite of what had happened.  And except for T because, as you all know, he's like crack for me and I knew I'd need another fix soon. And Hubby, well, we had to finish raising our youngest son, so he could stay around until LittleTomKat turned 18, but that was it!

For the rest of May, email with Tall Guy was polite and friendly, but not as frequent as it had been before we met. In June, it became more frequent again, more personal. At some point during June, we both realized that we had moved out of that "let's be friends" category to the "this is serious" category. In early July, he decided that he was really ready to meet again. We did.  It was amazing.

I'm not exactly sure when I started to love him, but I know I fought it. Every warning light in my brain started going off at once, telling me that being emotionally vulnerable - again - was a bad idea. But every time I talked or chatted with him I couldn't see those warning lights at all. I only saw him.

And that's how it is today.

11 comments:

Simplicity said...

I've discovered there are just as many "email kings" as there are "email queens" on AM. It is very frustrating to spend so much time and effort for little or no reward.

And yeah 6'10" is unbelievably tall. And I thought the 6'5" guys I seem to attract (im also 5'3") were giants!

Good luck w the Tall Man, Kat.

Max said...

Thank you for the assistance. I would have puzzling over why you were calling him Tall Guy. :-)

Good luck!

~McKPR said...

Fingers crossed Ms. Kat! Sounds like the start of something new and just what you need.

I thought my ld lover is tall at 6'4" to my 5'2"! Wowser, 6'10"...eek! Though you know me, disheartened to hear that JJ has disappeared...again :/

Looking forward to the fireworks and passionate sex post with Tall Guy ;)

Kat said...

Max - I just couldn't pass up a chance to give you a hard time. How have you been?

McKPR - I share your sadness about JJ. Unfortunately, there's not much I can do about it. :-(

Simplicity - "Email kings" doesn't have quite the same derogatory ring to it that "Email queens" has, does it? We need to come up with a better term, I think. I just wish they would all make up their minds!


Anonymous said...

This is a very interesting post showing the trials and tribulations of meeting new people. You are lucid. But the good thing is that you don't just back away from it all because of the bumps.

I can't wait to read the sexy post (which is yet to come) on "Tall guy", as I am wondering if his, uh, 'equipment' might not have been off-the-chart too big in this instance.

(I am male, by the way.)

Kat said...

Anon - (gasp) A lady never tells, you know. Of course, some may say that I'm no lady. ;-) I will tell you his, though. I have only met one cock that was too big. I was 22, and it wasn't too big in length. In fact, it was rather short, but it was 4"-5" THICK, with no length to help ease it in. I was baffled. And there's no way that was going to fit in my mouth, either. I felt very badly for that guy, but apparently not too badly because I didn't go out with him again.

As for Tall Guy, you'll just have to wait to learn more.....

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your reply to my concern, Kat.

With the wonderful world of the internet you can 'tell' and still remain a lady. I mean: you are not giving us the man's name, his address, etc. So this is like telling without telling.

And you are certainly not doing like a woman I know did. I was with her in a large meeting of some sort and she actually pointed out a guy, a journalist, and she said (to me) that he was an "awfully bad lover". Now I thought that THAT was un-lady like.

Anonymous said...

Such awesome posts the past few days! As always, I have so enjoyed & related to your words. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I can see why you have been inspired to write on your blog the past few days!

Thank goodness the odds are unequivocally stacked in a gal’s favor on AM. Good for you for having the courage to log back on……and you found Tall Guy!

JJ’s foolish loss……is an absolute gain for Tall Guy. Maybe it is a good thing for JJ to disappear. Kat, what would you do now if JJ were to reappear with Tall Guy in the picture? How foolish many men can be.

Keep writing, keep sharing…..love your blog!

little monkey said...

Love is never a bad thing. Getting over that initial social conditioning that we are "supposed" to only have "The One" can be difficult, but so rewarding when you make the leap. I weish you joy.

I too am 5'and a few, and I too know that looong first look up. I met my tall guy for the first time recently, and like you, I knew how tall 6'8" was, but the reality of it is delightful. up, Up, UP :)

BigSarge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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