Thursday, July 24, 2014

From Pathetic Beta Husband to Prowler

This a a guest post from a reader who follows my rules better than I do. He has some great information to share.  This is one post you'll be very glad you read. Don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments.
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Hey Prowlers. A week or so ago Kat and I exchanged emails after I sent her my prowling story to date and she asked that I write part of it down for all of you. She found it both interesting and potentially instructive, especially for new prowlers just getting started.

My tale begins in a familiar place for many reading this Blog, I had a less (much less) than satisfying sex life with a wonderful wife in every other respect. Like most of you, I have no intention of ever leaving her and my children, but I was literally going insane with the quantity and quality of sex and intimacy I was getting. To foretell the end of this story a bit, I was incredibly successful in finding what I wanted after stumbling out of the gate a bit.

I am 51 years old; married for over 25 years with three kids all grown up. About 3 years ago my sex drive shot through the roof and it was causing serious issues with my marriage. I went to school on how to make things better and did what I had to do over the next few years. I alpha’d up, got in incredible physical shape, dressed better, made more money, romanced my wife…all to no avail, she’s just not that interested in sex anymore. Once a week she is into it but no more than that, which meant I felt like crap most of the week. So I decided to see what other alternatives were out there.

In late April I was on a self-help website and I stumbled across both AM and Kat’s Blog, they were listed as the mortal enemies of marriage, complete with URLs…how helpful! Of course, I had to check them out. I gave the AM website a quick read and looked through Kats rules for various types of affairs and jumped right in. I put up a profile on AM on a Monday, bought some credits and started messaging ladies. For those of you new to the site, messages you send out on Monday usually bear fruit late in the week, be patient. After several replies at the end of the first week I decided to meet a few ladies and rapidly discovered that my profile needed some tweaking.

The first lady I met wanted to recruit me for her S&M club. Now I am not into that and if you are, great, but I think we can all agree that the new prowler ought to start out with something a little less involved/intense. In addition, she was easily 50 pounds heavier than her profile and the grainy head shot photo she was willing to send should have been ample warning. So lesson #1: lying about your physical attributes on AM is going to blow up in your face. People will notice if you are shorter or heavier than you advertise…nobody wants perfection but you should accurately represent yourself. The lady in question had keyed off on a line in my profile that was intended to make me sound more edgy than I really am. By the way, and not bragging (maybe a little), but every single lady I have met was willing to screw me on the second meet up, if not right then (an offer I have tried twice).

The next lady I met was right on profile for height and weight, all good, but she was unbelievably paranoid. We were talking in a parking lot in a very public place and she kept ducking behind her car and then back into it. We chatted for a few minutes, she said she was interested in getting together for sex in a few days and then jumped in her car and darted off. Within 30 minutes of this meeting a flood of her nudes began arriving in my email in box along with some seriously fun dirty talk. We went from getting to know one another to her ready to show me the things she did to herself when her hubby wasn’t around. My crazy alarm went off and reminded me of a rule Kat gives us…#2: if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t, run away, especially if the person is very paranoid.

Lady number 3 turns out to be single, in her profile she claimed to be married (lying) and was looking for a serious relationship. Not sure AM is the place to look for that sort of thing. She was ready to head to her house and the bedroom right then, she said as much. So here is another rule from Kat #3: only prowl with people that have as much to lose as you do…avoids unnecessary complications. I said no thank you.

Lady number 4 wanted a one night stand right then…I said what the hell. Had 30 minutes of fun then she bolted, I was left unsatisfied. I already had that feeling at home, that is not what I wanted. Rule #4: you have to offer more than the other person is getting already at home, otherwise why would they take the risk?

I took a tactical pause at this point and tried to figure out how one month worth of effort had produced so little. I went back to school on Kat’s web site and really read it again, particularly some of the advice on profiles and how to behave like a decent human being. My profile was clearly not attracting attention in the right demographic and although I had been nice maybe I had been a bit too direct in some of my communications. One thing I had been doing right was being confident and aggressive in meeting people, I would continue that.

First I tackled the profile, I unchecked all those stupid little boxes and spelled out in clear English what I was looking for and what I wasn’t but I did it in a way that was softer…I did want some romance and intimacy and a relationship...not a gang bang or a quickie in a car. I then developed a standard first contact note that I would personalize with information from the recipient’s profile. It was mostly general information about me and what I liked and didn’t like…things like movies, favorite authors, education level, hobbies etc. Brings us to Rule #5: Don’t be a pig/jerk. Talking about how you like to get a blow job (who doesn’t) or asking her what kind of slut she is will not net very good responses, if any at all. Everyone knows that sex is the primary motivator, being crass about it will put you in a poor demographic.

My standard note also included my contact email off site and a request to move our correspondence there. This was to create more of a sense of intimacy (I told them that) and to eliminate the robo-profiles on AM, they would never agree to move to offsite emails.

Finally I had some good pictures posted to my private showcase and would share them with ladies who responded, or email them the pictures. These were close in head shots, the ladies really want to see your eyes, it’s really important. Also included a full body shot, clothed, so they could see I was what my profile said, in shape. Do not send a picture of your dick, they are ugly anyway, and a topless shot of a guy with a beer gut is not going to get the ladies wet either. Refer to #5 (don’t be a dick) above.

With my new profile and approach I started up again on a Monday and by Friday I had an overwhelming response. Lots of ladies corresponding and wanting to meet. Now I could be selective and I met with several ladies and settled on two. One is a fuck buddy straight through, very practical professional lady who wants to get together once every two weeks for an afternoon and get seriously fucked. We joke around by text between meetings but there is zero expectation with respect to how often and how much info to exchange. We know the bare minimum about each other and that is how we both like it. When we are together we talk and have loads of fun but it’s a quick kiss out the door and I will see you again soon.

The second lady is now my mistress and our relationship is much more involved. Again, we mutually agreed to this. We correspond/talk daily and she knows everything about me and vice versa. We are very intimate, just what I was missing at home, and our sex has been incredible. After years of my wife wanting me to hurry up and get it over with, it’s nice to know I can still go at it multiple times for hours. She knows about lady number one and about my wife and our sex life (we still have the weekly session) and is good with it. She is having decent sex with her husband, good for her. What we have is filling a big void in my life and I believe the same for her.

As result of all this effort I now find myself in a good spot. I have three ladies in my life who between them provide the quantity, quality and variety of sex I need to feel balanced. I use Kat’s advice for fuck buddies and mistresses and it is solid and spot on. I even re-read the posts to ensure I do not get complacent, so far my girls are happy and so am I.

Some info that doesn’t fit in the timeline above…I have interviewed all of the ladies I have met to find out what they are looking for on AM and what is scaring them away. This is from them:

  •  They want a man to tell them about himself, at least a little, before he starts asking what size their tits are and if they shave. I have had more than one lady compliment me on not asking sexual questions or talking about sex right out of the block; it’s implied. 
  • Do not send pictures of your dick or naked chest if you are not in shape. Make sure they can see your eyes in at least one photo…I think this is all about trust, is this a guy a serial killer or not? 
  • Confidence is the single sexiest thing. My fuck buddy thought my standard personal letter was a bit cocky and said she just had to meet me to see if I was really that confident or if I was an asshole. She voted with her body, confidence sells, fake it til you make it if you have to. 
  • Two physical attributes are key, one you control, one you don’t. Tall guys get more ladies, it’s not bad to be short but you will need more confidence to overcome it. Get in shape…you control that, BTW might be why your wife isn’t fucking you enough. Get to the gym, lose the gut, build some guns and the ladies will be all over you….the payoff is worth the effort. 
  • Do not get mad/testy etc. in your emails. Instant turnoff. The ladies want it light and fun, why the hell would they put up with shit from you, they get that at home. 
  • When you meet a new lady you need a balanced mix of confidence and respect. Definitely part with at least a small show of affection if it is clear she might be into you. (I have gotten everything from a hug, to my brains fucked out on meeting number one.) The ladies I have met also want you to be civil, keep talking about yourself and what you expect and not just about when the sex will start. Be funny, be charming. 
  • Don’t plead with or promise the lady you will be fantastic in bed, better than her husband etc. Under promise and over deliver when it comes to sex. 
  • Communicate between meetings, thank them, be polite, be romantic…a thousand different ways of saying, DON’T BE A DICK.   
 Standing by for your comments and questions. Feel free to email me at bartmaxum1@yahoo.com, I love to write.

14 comments:

Simplicity said...

This is an excellent post! Thank you Kat and Kat's guest! Guys read his tips and DO THIS!!

I very much liked what you said about how you act and what you write and the communication is very important! A quick "thinking of you" text is all we need.

Again thanks for sharing

Same sassy girl said...

Wow! A guy who gets it! Thank you very much for sharing. Great to know Kat's advice is benefitting you and the ladies!

Anonymous said...

I hope Ms. Mistress also enjoys three men (fuck buddy included) that provide HER with the quantity, quality & variety of sex SHE needs to feel "balanced"...I do hope Mr. Bartmaxum would be just as informative & boastful with the order reversed here....

All in all....I hope Ms. Mistress is just as balanced & boastful as her number 2?/3? lover is... ;-)

~McKPR said...

indeed. connection, communication is vital to me. those moments when you let someone know you are genuinely thinking of them that gets lost in the every day of life is even more important when the moments you have with your fb, fwb, mistress, lover (insert whatever you call them) is rare or far between.

lust for love said...

Great advice and thoughts! Thanks for sharing the valuable experience with us. You have a nice weekend!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff, Kat…this guy followed your advice & found some fun. Awesome!
At the same time….how smart are women? Amazingly smart! Women never stop amazing me. This is the kind of case that brings a smile to my face & a big smile to my paycheck!
The guest writer here is eager to tell his “tale” of his numbered women. Beautiful.
Writer starts with: WIFE (she has no number order) but is having ‘’weekly sessions’ (duty sex) with writer, so—wife might be getting some on the side too. Let’s pray wife is having more than “weekly sessions” with someone. I would bet money she is.
#1 Lady is: PROFESSIONAL FUCK BUDDY. A “practical professional lady” wanting to meet every 2 wks & writer admits they know the “bare minimum” about each other. How smart is this lady….how many fuck buddies does she practically have? It is certainly more than the writer. Smart chick. No wonder she is into the “bare minimum” knowledge stuff.
#2 Lady is: EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED MISTRESS. She is having “decent sex” with her husband (as the writer describes—see how smart women are). #2 also knows of WIFE & PROFESSIONAL FUCK BUDDY. This chick is the master of smart. I don’t think anyone believes she is just doing just the writer (& husband)…other than……the writer & husband. Smart #2 lady!
Let’s be honest, Kat….if you knew your lover was doing wife weekly, #1 lady every other week…and YOU …would you just be doing him? That would be a NO! However, this guy believes so! Wow! Women never stop amazing me with their talents! Master smart women in this circle! Got to say: Lots of fucking here with several involved…..on a regular basis. This guy took your advice on how to hook up….but he is not being careful or cautious….too many….too often……This situation is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Loved the post! Really loved it!

Ryan Beaumont said...

Great advice! As I always say promise less and deliver more!

Mick Collins said...

My wife and I enjoyed reading this. But her question was "when does this guy have time to do anything else?"

I had to agree.

He also must be good at covering his tracks.

Mick

lifeofatongue said...

Great advice. Very impressed you were so dedicated and it obviously paid off

Hubman said...

My wife and I have had an open marriage for the last 6+ years and have been on a number of swingers website, and I've been on AM by myself when the desire to play alone strikes. The writers advice is good not only for AM but for those in the open relationhsip/swinging lifestyle. Thanks for sharing!

Kat said...

Anon 8:52 and Anon 11;32 - Are you the same person? I'm going to assume so because you read like you are. Your sarcasm drips from the screen. Do you really think that he is being supped and his wife, his FB, and his mistress all have multiple lovers without his knowledge? While it's highly unlikely, given the odds, what's the big deal? You make it sounds like he's a jerk, but he would hate it if he knew "his women" had multiple lovers. Not all men are secure enough to enjoy a woman whether or not she's involved with another. Loosen up a bit, will ya?

Mick - I was thinking the same thing! I can barely manage a husband, work, parenting and a lover. Getting into multiple lovers is a huge time commitment, as well as complicated. At least that's how I think it is. I've never had much luck with juggling too much.

Hubman - I'm so envious of your open marriage. Would speak to Hubby and tell him it's ok? heheh

Simplicity, Sassy, McKPR, lusforlove - DOn't you just want to print this and make some guys you know read it? I do!

Thanks, everyone, for your comments!

Anonymous said...

Bart Here...

As Kat notes above, some have assumed that I expect my ladies to be "faithful" to me...whatever that means. That would be hypocritical to say the least. Even with respect to my wife, if she has a lover then the only thing to even be irritated at is with myself for not giving her waht she needs. My FB and mistress probably do have mutliple lovers...at least two each including their husbands. If they have more that is their business, I use protection and I am having fun.

Time management is a bitch but I set this up years ago. My schedule is fluid, I frequently travel and my cell phone rings around the clock, has for years. Wife is used to my crazy schedule, last minute changes etc.

Anonymous said...

I’ve never had much success with dating sites (although never used AM). Of the gals I’ve met up with they were older than they indicated and much heavier. One lady looked nothing like her picture. The ones who agreed to have sex were rather dull as sex partners. I’ve had much greater success meeting women at business functions and even in the grocery store. The married women who are no longer appreciated by their husbands and looking for some romance and affection make fabulous bed partners. Most complain that their husbands are selfish and never focus on their needs so as a result they do what they can to put off having sex at home. Kat’s advice and her personal adventures have helped me understand things from a female perspective and formulate my approach when meeting potential sex partners.

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