The main reason that prowlers get caught is because they get sloppy with their alibis. We tend to be very careful in the beginning and then, if we have succeeded at not being caught, we get cocky and start to cut corners and that's when the disasters happen.
A good alibi needs to be simple, believable, and verifiable.
It should be simple because the likelihood of being caught goes up exponentially with each degree of complexity. Simple means that it doesn't involve more than one other person ("Oh, I was at Dave's house with all the guys from the bowling team." "Really? I talked with Marcia tonight and Steve and Joe were at her house." Oops.), it's easy to remember ("What was the name of that new restaurant you said you went to with Joe the other night? What do you mean you don't remember? Do you still have the receipt?"), and it doesn't involve multiple steps ("I was at the book store, then I went to the gun store, then took the car for an oil change, and...and...and...."). The more complicated it gets, the more chances you have to screw it up.
Of course, everyone knows it needs to be believable. In fact, that's what we spend most of our time on. It needs to be something that you either normally do already or that your spouse would think is reasonable for you. If you never go anywhere, it's time for you to get a life. Not only will this help you become a much more interesting person, but it will help establish an alibi should you need one in the future. If you regularly volunteer at your local homeless shelter (or animal shelter or whatever), it will be pretty easy to peel away a few hours from that activity to use for some playtime. For godsake, don't use going to the library as an alibi if you don't have a library card, and if you hate museums, don't use going to an art museum as an alibi. Use some common sense, will ya?
It also needs to be verifiable. This is the one that catches many of us and, yes, this is the one that caught me. I had planned for my time one day a couple of years ago so I could spend a nice 6-8 hours with JJ. I picked a business trip as an alibi, a client that I had been seeing fairly regularly recently and that was located 3 hours away. The round trip would be 6 hours of driving, plus two hours of meeting time while I was there. There it is. 8 hours. What I didn't plan on was that Hubby would be tracking my mileage. If I had actually gone where I said I was going, I would have logged about 350-380 miles on the car. Instead, I logged 60 miles. I had some 'splainin' to do.
You should have seen his face. He had that, "Gotcha!" look and he was acting victorious until he realized what every newly awakened cuckolded spouse eventually asks. What now? Yeah, he caught me, but what was he going to do then? Anyway, that's another story. (For those who don't know, I didn't try to wiggle out of it. I fessed up.)
The point of this part of the story is that I truly came to appreciate how important it is that an alibi be verifiable. Now when I establish an alibi, I know how many miles I'd log round trip if I actually went there and I make sure that my rendezvous location will be within a few miles of that distance.
If you suspect that your spouse may be tracking your whereabouts via GPS (or if you just want to be extra careful), pick a meeting location that is near your alibi spot, and park at the alibi spot. If you're being tracked through your phone, consider leaving your phone in the car, where you're supposed to be, if you can. If you can't, get a room that is closest to your alibi location.
Also, for an alibi to be truly verifiable, if you say you're going to be with a friend, that friend should know that he/she is an alibi and should be willing to vouch for you. That doesn't necessarily mean that the friend has to know your prowling. For example, I have a good friend who knows I spend most of my time locked in the tower (my home), under Hubby's careful watch. She knows I rarely get out these days and that makes me crazy. So, from time to time, I can call her and say, "Hi Suzy. I've got cabin fever and I'm dying to do some shopping. Can I tell Hubby I'm having lunch with you?" She says yes, happy to be helping a friend, and we agree on where we went shopping and that we didn't buy anything. You may ask why I just didn't ask Hubby if I could go shopping (or tell him I was going shopping, depending on how liberated you are), but that won't work for me because Hubby needs to be able to verify my story, which he can do if I'm with a friend. If I'm going out alone, Hubby hears that as "fucking around" and more deadbolts are added to the tower doors.
There were a couple of times a while back when I said I was going to Cara's house for lunch or a BBQ. To help verify that, Cara texted me a few photos of the BBQ, herself, the food, and I saved them to my phone and texted them to Hubby. Then Cara texted him a picture of herself at the BBQ with a little message, "Wish you could have joined us!" Hubby was happy. Heck, what man wouldn't be happy to get a text and a photo from Cara? :-)
If you use a friend as an alibi, and that friend doesn't know it, you're rolling the dice. What if your spouse runs into him/her at the gym or the grocery store or the park or wherever when he/she is supposed to be with you? What if your spouse asks him/her about your outing a week or two from now and that person just looks back at him confused?
Finally, don't sabotage your own alibi. If you said you were going to share a meal with a friend, don't come home ravenously hungry. Dress appropriately for wherever you are supposed to be. If it's a work appointment, don't wear your jeans (unless that's what you wear for work appointments). You also need to talk about your alibi without looking or sounding nervous. Talking about it needs to come easy to you. If it doesn't, re-think it.
If you feel like this alibi business feels slimy and scummy, that's because it is. Lying to Hubby is the worst part about prowling, by far. I've even cancelled a couple of play dates because I just couldn't lie to him on those days. There was no particular reason except I just couldn't do it. As most of you know, my preference would be to be completely honest and upfront about the whole thing. Unfortunately, that's not what Hubby wants.
Do you have a favorite alibi? Is it simple, believable, and verifiable? Have you ever been caught because you used a bad alibi?
Showing posts with label Prowling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prowling. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
From Pathetic Beta Husband to Prowler
This a a guest post from a reader who follows my rules better than I do. He has some great information to share. This is one post you'll be very glad you read. Don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments.
Hey Prowlers. A week or so ago Kat and I exchanged emails after I sent her my prowling story to date and she asked that I write part of it down for all of you. She found it both interesting and potentially instructive, especially for new prowlers just getting started.
My tale begins in a familiar place for many reading this Blog, I had a less (much less) than satisfying sex life with a wonderful wife in every other respect. Like most of you, I have no intention of ever leaving her and my children, but I was literally going insane with the quantity and quality of sex and intimacy I was getting. To foretell the end of this story a bit, I was incredibly successful in finding what I wanted after stumbling out of the gate a bit.
I am 51 years old; married for over 25 years with three kids all grown up. About 3 years ago my sex drive shot through the roof and it was causing serious issues with my marriage. I went to school on how to make things better and did what I had to do over the next few years. I alpha’d up, got in incredible physical shape, dressed better, made more money, romanced my wife…all to no avail, she’s just not that interested in sex anymore. Once a week she is into it but no more than that, which meant I felt like crap most of the week. So I decided to see what other alternatives were out there.
In late April I was on a self-help website and I stumbled across both AM and Kat’s Blog, they were listed as the mortal enemies of marriage, complete with URLs…how helpful! Of course, I had to check them out. I gave the AM website a quick read and looked through Kats rules for various types of affairs and jumped right in. I put up a profile on AM on a Monday, bought some credits and started messaging ladies. For those of you new to the site, messages you send out on Monday usually bear fruit late in the week, be patient. After several replies at the end of the first week I decided to meet a few ladies and rapidly discovered that my profile needed some tweaking.
The first lady I met wanted to recruit me for her S&M club. Now I am not into that and if you are, great, but I think we can all agree that the new prowler ought to start out with something a little less involved/intense. In addition, she was easily 50 pounds heavier than her profile and the grainy head shot photo she was willing to send should have been ample warning. So lesson #1: lying about your physical attributes on AM is going to blow up in your face. People will notice if you are shorter or heavier than you advertise…nobody wants perfection but you should accurately represent yourself. The lady in question had keyed off on a line in my profile that was intended to make me sound more edgy than I really am. By the way, and not bragging (maybe a little), but every single lady I have met was willing to screw me on the second meet up, if not right then (an offer I have tried twice).
The next lady I met was right on profile for height and weight, all good, but she was unbelievably paranoid. We were talking in a parking lot in a very public place and she kept ducking behind her car and then back into it. We chatted for a few minutes, she said she was interested in getting together for sex in a few days and then jumped in her car and darted off. Within 30 minutes of this meeting a flood of her nudes began arriving in my email in box along with some seriously fun dirty talk. We went from getting to know one another to her ready to show me the things she did to herself when her hubby wasn’t around. My crazy alarm went off and reminded me of a rule Kat gives us…#2: if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t, run away, especially if the person is very paranoid.
Lady number 3 turns out to be single, in her profile she claimed to be married (lying) and was looking for a serious relationship. Not sure AM is the place to look for that sort of thing. She was ready to head to her house and the bedroom right then, she said as much. So here is another rule from Kat #3: only prowl with people that have as much to lose as you do…avoids unnecessary complications. I said no thank you.
Lady number 4 wanted a one night stand right then…I said what the hell. Had 30 minutes of fun then she bolted, I was left unsatisfied. I already had that feeling at home, that is not what I wanted. Rule #4: you have to offer more than the other person is getting already at home, otherwise why would they take the risk?
I took a tactical pause at this point and tried to figure out how one month worth of effort had produced so little. I went back to school on Kat’s web site and really read it again, particularly some of the advice on profiles and how to behave like a decent human being. My profile was clearly not attracting attention in the right demographic and although I had been nice maybe I had been a bit too direct in some of my communications. One thing I had been doing right was being confident and aggressive in meeting people, I would continue that.
First I tackled the profile, I unchecked all those stupid little boxes and spelled out in clear English what I was looking for and what I wasn’t but I did it in a way that was softer…I did want some romance and intimacy and a relationship...not a gang bang or a quickie in a car. I then developed a standard first contact note that I would personalize with information from the recipient’s profile. It was mostly general information about me and what I liked and didn’t like…things like movies, favorite authors, education level, hobbies etc. Brings us to Rule #5: Don’t be a pig/jerk. Talking about how you like to get a blow job (who doesn’t) or asking her what kind of slut she is will not net very good responses, if any at all. Everyone knows that sex is the primary motivator, being crass about it will put you in a poor demographic.
My standard note also included my contact email off site and a request to move our correspondence there. This was to create more of a sense of intimacy (I told them that) and to eliminate the robo-profiles on AM, they would never agree to move to offsite emails.
Finally I had some good pictures posted to my private showcase and would share them with ladies who responded, or email them the pictures. These were close in head shots, the ladies really want to see your eyes, it’s really important. Also included a full body shot, clothed, so they could see I was what my profile said, in shape. Do not send a picture of your dick, they are ugly anyway, and a topless shot of a guy with a beer gut is not going to get the ladies wet either. Refer to #5 (don’t be a dick) above.
With my new profile and approach I started up again on a Monday and by Friday I had an overwhelming response. Lots of ladies corresponding and wanting to meet. Now I could be selective and I met with several ladies and settled on two. One is a fuck buddy straight through, very practical professional lady who wants to get together once every two weeks for an afternoon and get seriously fucked. We joke around by text between meetings but there is zero expectation with respect to how often and how much info to exchange. We know the bare minimum about each other and that is how we both like it. When we are together we talk and have loads of fun but it’s a quick kiss out the door and I will see you again soon.
The second lady is now my mistress and our relationship is much more involved. Again, we mutually agreed to this. We correspond/talk daily and she knows everything about me and vice versa. We are very intimate, just what I was missing at home, and our sex has been incredible. After years of my wife wanting me to hurry up and get it over with, it’s nice to know I can still go at it multiple times for hours. She knows about lady number one and about my wife and our sex life (we still have the weekly session) and is good with it. She is having decent sex with her husband, good for her. What we have is filling a big void in my life and I believe the same for her.
As result of all this effort I now find myself in a good spot. I have three ladies in my life who between them provide the quantity, quality and variety of sex I need to feel balanced. I use Kat’s advice for fuck buddies and mistresses and it is solid and spot on. I even re-read the posts to ensure I do not get complacent, so far my girls are happy and so am I.
Some info that doesn’t fit in the timeline above…I have interviewed all of the ladies I have met to find out what they are looking for on AM and what is scaring them away. This is from them:
****************************************
Hey Prowlers. A week or so ago Kat and I exchanged emails after I sent her my prowling story to date and she asked that I write part of it down for all of you. She found it both interesting and potentially instructive, especially for new prowlers just getting started.
My tale begins in a familiar place for many reading this Blog, I had a less (much less) than satisfying sex life with a wonderful wife in every other respect. Like most of you, I have no intention of ever leaving her and my children, but I was literally going insane with the quantity and quality of sex and intimacy I was getting. To foretell the end of this story a bit, I was incredibly successful in finding what I wanted after stumbling out of the gate a bit.
I am 51 years old; married for over 25 years with three kids all grown up. About 3 years ago my sex drive shot through the roof and it was causing serious issues with my marriage. I went to school on how to make things better and did what I had to do over the next few years. I alpha’d up, got in incredible physical shape, dressed better, made more money, romanced my wife…all to no avail, she’s just not that interested in sex anymore. Once a week she is into it but no more than that, which meant I felt like crap most of the week. So I decided to see what other alternatives were out there.
In late April I was on a self-help website and I stumbled across both AM and Kat’s Blog, they were listed as the mortal enemies of marriage, complete with URLs…how helpful! Of course, I had to check them out. I gave the AM website a quick read and looked through Kats rules for various types of affairs and jumped right in. I put up a profile on AM on a Monday, bought some credits and started messaging ladies. For those of you new to the site, messages you send out on Monday usually bear fruit late in the week, be patient. After several replies at the end of the first week I decided to meet a few ladies and rapidly discovered that my profile needed some tweaking.
The first lady I met wanted to recruit me for her S&M club. Now I am not into that and if you are, great, but I think we can all agree that the new prowler ought to start out with something a little less involved/intense. In addition, she was easily 50 pounds heavier than her profile and the grainy head shot photo she was willing to send should have been ample warning. So lesson #1: lying about your physical attributes on AM is going to blow up in your face. People will notice if you are shorter or heavier than you advertise…nobody wants perfection but you should accurately represent yourself. The lady in question had keyed off on a line in my profile that was intended to make me sound more edgy than I really am. By the way, and not bragging (maybe a little), but every single lady I have met was willing to screw me on the second meet up, if not right then (an offer I have tried twice).
The next lady I met was right on profile for height and weight, all good, but she was unbelievably paranoid. We were talking in a parking lot in a very public place and she kept ducking behind her car and then back into it. We chatted for a few minutes, she said she was interested in getting together for sex in a few days and then jumped in her car and darted off. Within 30 minutes of this meeting a flood of her nudes began arriving in my email in box along with some seriously fun dirty talk. We went from getting to know one another to her ready to show me the things she did to herself when her hubby wasn’t around. My crazy alarm went off and reminded me of a rule Kat gives us…#2: if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t, run away, especially if the person is very paranoid.
Lady number 3 turns out to be single, in her profile she claimed to be married (lying) and was looking for a serious relationship. Not sure AM is the place to look for that sort of thing. She was ready to head to her house and the bedroom right then, she said as much. So here is another rule from Kat #3: only prowl with people that have as much to lose as you do…avoids unnecessary complications. I said no thank you.
Lady number 4 wanted a one night stand right then…I said what the hell. Had 30 minutes of fun then she bolted, I was left unsatisfied. I already had that feeling at home, that is not what I wanted. Rule #4: you have to offer more than the other person is getting already at home, otherwise why would they take the risk?
I took a tactical pause at this point and tried to figure out how one month worth of effort had produced so little. I went back to school on Kat’s web site and really read it again, particularly some of the advice on profiles and how to behave like a decent human being. My profile was clearly not attracting attention in the right demographic and although I had been nice maybe I had been a bit too direct in some of my communications. One thing I had been doing right was being confident and aggressive in meeting people, I would continue that.
First I tackled the profile, I unchecked all those stupid little boxes and spelled out in clear English what I was looking for and what I wasn’t but I did it in a way that was softer…I did want some romance and intimacy and a relationship...not a gang bang or a quickie in a car. I then developed a standard first contact note that I would personalize with information from the recipient’s profile. It was mostly general information about me and what I liked and didn’t like…things like movies, favorite authors, education level, hobbies etc. Brings us to Rule #5: Don’t be a pig/jerk. Talking about how you like to get a blow job (who doesn’t) or asking her what kind of slut she is will not net very good responses, if any at all. Everyone knows that sex is the primary motivator, being crass about it will put you in a poor demographic.
My standard note also included my contact email off site and a request to move our correspondence there. This was to create more of a sense of intimacy (I told them that) and to eliminate the robo-profiles on AM, they would never agree to move to offsite emails.
Finally I had some good pictures posted to my private showcase and would share them with ladies who responded, or email them the pictures. These were close in head shots, the ladies really want to see your eyes, it’s really important. Also included a full body shot, clothed, so they could see I was what my profile said, in shape. Do not send a picture of your dick, they are ugly anyway, and a topless shot of a guy with a beer gut is not going to get the ladies wet either. Refer to #5 (don’t be a dick) above.
With my new profile and approach I started up again on a Monday and by Friday I had an overwhelming response. Lots of ladies corresponding and wanting to meet. Now I could be selective and I met with several ladies and settled on two. One is a fuck buddy straight through, very practical professional lady who wants to get together once every two weeks for an afternoon and get seriously fucked. We joke around by text between meetings but there is zero expectation with respect to how often and how much info to exchange. We know the bare minimum about each other and that is how we both like it. When we are together we talk and have loads of fun but it’s a quick kiss out the door and I will see you again soon.
The second lady is now my mistress and our relationship is much more involved. Again, we mutually agreed to this. We correspond/talk daily and she knows everything about me and vice versa. We are very intimate, just what I was missing at home, and our sex has been incredible. After years of my wife wanting me to hurry up and get it over with, it’s nice to know I can still go at it multiple times for hours. She knows about lady number one and about my wife and our sex life (we still have the weekly session) and is good with it. She is having decent sex with her husband, good for her. What we have is filling a big void in my life and I believe the same for her.
As result of all this effort I now find myself in a good spot. I have three ladies in my life who between them provide the quantity, quality and variety of sex I need to feel balanced. I use Kat’s advice for fuck buddies and mistresses and it is solid and spot on. I even re-read the posts to ensure I do not get complacent, so far my girls are happy and so am I.
Some info that doesn’t fit in the timeline above…I have interviewed all of the ladies I have met to find out what they are looking for on AM and what is scaring them away. This is from them:
- They want a man to tell them about himself, at least a little, before he starts asking what size their tits are and if they shave. I have had more than one lady compliment me on not asking sexual questions or talking about sex right out of the block; it’s implied.
- Do not send pictures of your dick or naked chest if you are not in shape. Make sure they can see your eyes in at least one photo…I think this is all about trust, is this a guy a serial killer or not?
- Confidence is the single sexiest thing. My fuck buddy thought my standard personal letter was a bit cocky and said she just had to meet me to see if I was really that confident or if I was an asshole. She voted with her body, confidence sells, fake it til you make it if you have to.
- Two physical attributes are key, one you control, one you don’t. Tall guys get more ladies, it’s not bad to be short but you will need more confidence to overcome it. Get in shape…you control that, BTW might be why your wife isn’t fucking you enough. Get to the gym, lose the gut, build some guns and the ladies will be all over you….the payoff is worth the effort.
- Do not get mad/testy etc. in your emails. Instant turnoff. The ladies want it light and fun, why the hell would they put up with shit from you, they get that at home.
- When you meet a new lady you need a balanced mix of confidence and respect. Definitely part with at least a small show of affection if it is clear she might be into you. (I have gotten everything from a hug, to my brains fucked out on meeting number one.) The ladies I have met also want you to be civil, keep talking about yourself and what you expect and not just about when the sex will start. Be funny, be charming.
- Don’t plead with or promise the lady you will be fantastic in bed, better than her husband etc. Under promise and over deliver when it comes to sex.
- Communicate between meetings, thank them, be polite, be romantic…a thousand different ways of saying, DON’T BE A DICK.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
When I Wasn't Looking...
Hi, Prowlers. I suppose it's time for an update, isn't it?
It was a month ago that I declared I'd be returning to fidelity, even though it had been a couple months before that since I had been with anyone besides Hubby. Here we are, a month later, and I still haven't played with anyone except the guy who put the ring on my finger decades ago.
But here's the funny thing. You're most likely to meet someone special when you're not looking. That's what happened to me.
And I really wasn't looking. Seriously.
You know that JJ and I celebrated two years together and decided that we'd take a break but not count out getting back together. JJ knows he's very special to me. He also knows that he's too busy for me. Way too busy.
I don't consider myself high maintenance, but I'm also not "no maintenance." Just like anybody else, I want to know that someone wants to chat or write or talk with me. I want to know that he cares about what's going on in my daily life, at least to some degree. When you're "with" someone who knows nothing at all about what's going on in your life, are you really "with" him?
I don't know, but I'm leaning toward "no.".
Anyway, along came.....hmmm, what should I call him? Let's go with Smart 'n' Sweet Guy (SNS Guy) for now. Along came SNS Guy, not suddenly, but he's been around for awhile. A PWK reader, he wrote to me in the fall about a post I'd written. He was very kind, sensitive, well-spoken (well-written?). We exchanged a few more emails, infrequently, through the new year. Slowly, things heated up through late-April and they ignited in early May.
I'm smitten.
And we haven't met in person yet. We live in different states, so meeting is a bit of a logistics challenge, but we have a plan to meet soon.
This is new for me. I know what you're thinking, "Kat, how can anything be new for you?" Well, this is definitely new. Over the course of my prowling career, I've become accustomed to a little bit of getting-to-know-you (emphasis on "little) and then jumping into bed before there's any emotional involvement. Sometimes it follows, sometimes it doesn't, but the rule was always to guard my heart, for obvious reasons, until I knew it was safe to let it go. It didn't go that way with my first affair, but that was a long, long time ago. The few times I've cared first, I ended up hurt.
Here I am, in the deep end of the emotional pool with SNS Guy, and its much scarier than just meeting someone for sex. This is much more than sex and he's much more than just "someone."
He had been right in front of me and I didn't really notice, until I wasn't looking anymore. Then I saw him.
Now I can't get him off my mind.
It was a month ago that I declared I'd be returning to fidelity, even though it had been a couple months before that since I had been with anyone besides Hubby. Here we are, a month later, and I still haven't played with anyone except the guy who put the ring on my finger decades ago.
But here's the funny thing. You're most likely to meet someone special when you're not looking. That's what happened to me.
And I really wasn't looking. Seriously.
You know that JJ and I celebrated two years together and decided that we'd take a break but not count out getting back together. JJ knows he's very special to me. He also knows that he's too busy for me. Way too busy.
I don't consider myself high maintenance, but I'm also not "no maintenance." Just like anybody else, I want to know that someone wants to chat or write or talk with me. I want to know that he cares about what's going on in my daily life, at least to some degree. When you're "with" someone who knows nothing at all about what's going on in your life, are you really "with" him?
I don't know, but I'm leaning toward "no.".
Anyway, along came.....hmmm, what should I call him? Let's go with Smart 'n' Sweet Guy (SNS Guy) for now. Along came SNS Guy, not suddenly, but he's been around for awhile. A PWK reader, he wrote to me in the fall about a post I'd written. He was very kind, sensitive, well-spoken (well-written?). We exchanged a few more emails, infrequently, through the new year. Slowly, things heated up through late-April and they ignited in early May.
I'm smitten.
And we haven't met in person yet. We live in different states, so meeting is a bit of a logistics challenge, but we have a plan to meet soon.
This is new for me. I know what you're thinking, "Kat, how can anything be new for you?" Well, this is definitely new. Over the course of my prowling career, I've become accustomed to a little bit of getting-to-know-you (emphasis on "little) and then jumping into bed before there's any emotional involvement. Sometimes it follows, sometimes it doesn't, but the rule was always to guard my heart, for obvious reasons, until I knew it was safe to let it go. It didn't go that way with my first affair, but that was a long, long time ago. The few times I've cared first, I ended up hurt.
Here I am, in the deep end of the emotional pool with SNS Guy, and its much scarier than just meeting someone for sex. This is much more than sex and he's much more than just "someone."
He had been right in front of me and I didn't really notice, until I wasn't looking anymore. Then I saw him.
Now I can't get him off my mind.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
A Week of Prowling on Ashley Madison
I just deactivated my AM profile again after a week of prowling and exploration. I was looking for something/someone very specific this time and I believe I found it/him. That's why I shut down the profile. Who needs a million unwanted messages? Not me.
The whole experience was interesting, though. Some things haven't changed. The "Wanna Fuck?" Boys are still there in force, leading with a message asking for photos or skipping straight to, "wanna fuck?" I wonder, does that strategy actually work for them? Or are they just too stupid to adapt? If the latter is true, I am glad we're doing a service for the next generation of prowling women because at least those guys aren't getting sex and won't produce any offspring.
Another thing that hasn't changed is the massive amount of men who haven't taken the time to actually complete their profile and write something interesting about themselves. Am I really supposed to make a decision based on location, age, height, weight, and ethnicity? Really? Uh, no.
What has changed since the last time I logged on is that there is definitely more creativity. While some guys still haven't figured it out, some definitely have. One of these days, I'll share some of the best profile write-ups I saw.
So, what attracted me this time? I think my fascination with boy toys is finally over because I was definitely drawn to the older guys again. There really is a difference in maturity, ability to communicate, and how they treat a woman - even when it's just online and over the phone. There are exceptions, of course, but I like being treated politely and having my messages returned in a timely manner. Call me crazy. I enjoy having a non-sex discussion that doesn't feel like it's just something he's trying to get through so we can talk about sex.
I can admit that what I want in this regard has changed recently. It's not that I want sex any less (oh, hell no!), but that I want more than sex. And I think I deserve more.
I want friendship, intimacy, and great sex.
I want it all.
The whole experience was interesting, though. Some things haven't changed. The "Wanna Fuck?" Boys are still there in force, leading with a message asking for photos or skipping straight to, "wanna fuck?" I wonder, does that strategy actually work for them? Or are they just too stupid to adapt? If the latter is true, I am glad we're doing a service for the next generation of prowling women because at least those guys aren't getting sex and won't produce any offspring.
Another thing that hasn't changed is the massive amount of men who haven't taken the time to actually complete their profile and write something interesting about themselves. Am I really supposed to make a decision based on location, age, height, weight, and ethnicity? Really? Uh, no.
What has changed since the last time I logged on is that there is definitely more creativity. While some guys still haven't figured it out, some definitely have. One of these days, I'll share some of the best profile write-ups I saw.
So, what attracted me this time? I think my fascination with boy toys is finally over because I was definitely drawn to the older guys again. There really is a difference in maturity, ability to communicate, and how they treat a woman - even when it's just online and over the phone. There are exceptions, of course, but I like being treated politely and having my messages returned in a timely manner. Call me crazy. I enjoy having a non-sex discussion that doesn't feel like it's just something he's trying to get through so we can talk about sex.
I can admit that what I want in this regard has changed recently. It's not that I want sex any less (oh, hell no!), but that I want more than sex. And I think I deserve more.
I want friendship, intimacy, and great sex.
I want it all.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
The Lingering Trauma of Prowling
By Somewhere Man
The picture taunts me at work. Every day. The beautiful woman that I fell in love with last year is still in my life. Only she isn't. This woman, whom I wrote and wrote about amid the heartache and heartbreak of last fall, now has a prominent spot in my office. Her image is now in a framed photo next to my closest colleague, a man a whole whopping 26 years older than I am. He's old but not to old to be fucking her. But he has a ton of money and, now that her divorce is final, she is single.
Just like the old man.
Because we work together, I see his endless photos as he flies her to California and Florida. The old man looks pretty damn happy and he should be. He's tapping an unspeakably beautiful woman.
Last night, I was at a going away party for a mutual colleague. Old Man and Blonde Hottie are at a side table of this upscale bar. She sits on his aged lap, arms around him, kisses him deep and then she opens her eyes and makes eye contact with me and smiles.
Ouch.
Many days I walk past the framed picture of the smokin' hot, blonde and suddenly-single cougar and think, "damn, how did I lose her to a frail old man with a bad back?". Yet, more and more, I think: "damn, I really dodged a bullet with that crazy whore." Especially as, in the two years since I crossed a line and became a prowler, I have seen it blow up in far too many peoples' faces.
***
Let's see. I've seen hilarious and popular prowling blogs lead to people (men and women) being "outed" and their unaware spouses finding out. I've seen people get busted through Facebook flirting and messaging. Some of these marriages ended in divorce. Some didn't.
I've been lucky. A recent "outing scare" over the winter sent me off-line for good.
So much of writing a blog about this was to show off. To, somehow, validate that a middle-aged guy like me could still score a parade of gorgeous women even as I could not get indifferent and increasingly unattractive wife to even do anything to or with me in bed.
For the last two years, I have found myself in the embrace of a bevy of beauties. Thin waifs who needed to eat a steak. Curvy women fretting over love handles. Women from different ethnic backgrounds but all women who simply wanted what they were missing. The closeness. The feeling of desire.
Now I just wonder how empty it all was... and still is.
It's just been a game.
Yet it was a game that I had freakin' mastered. As a guy on AM, I had hit a point where 90% of the messages I would send out would be answered. If I was able to talk my way into a "face-to-face", I would usually get my desires filled fairly quickly. As I look back on the actual totals, I met with a total of 9 women from AM. That equaled 7 BJs or intercourse, 1 woman who didn't want me and 1 woman I backed away from. It was not because of my dashing and debonair nature.
I would argue it was because I found "the system" to make it work. In fact, by the end of all this, I had become so proficient in "the system" that I had to even make it appear so non-rehearsed and smooth.
I was joking with Kat recently as I was in a bookstore and came across a book in the "Relationships" section that was a 200-page book about picking up women. 200 pages? I can sum it all up in the rest of this post.
For AM Pickups: I will start here as this is now a very common way to hook up. I cannot stress enough how easy it really is here, especially if you live in a major metro area. I live in a mid-size city which means I have to be extremely careful on who I meet or how much I reveal right away. Yet, AM women are "already on second base". At least the ones that are not those "autobots", out to take away all of your credits.
Target Precisely. Avoid the temptation to buy 100 credits and then message 15 women at once. Allow yourself a maximum of 4 messages a week. That's it. When you have an 80-90% response rate (as I do), 4 is the maximum that I can juggle at one time. Decide which 4 "contestants" will be here for this week. Write on a Saturday or a Sunday and see where it goes.
An Authentic Note Helps. This I also cannot stress enough. I'll offer my standard opening line for you guys: "Amid the 577 men who are probably chasing you, I hope you can take the time to learn a little more about me...." And I am off and running. It's a balance of revealing a little more about yourself (but not too much). Ask her three questions about herself. Mine are easy: Why are you here? What do you crave? What drives you crazy? They almost always respond.
No Talk About Sex Until She Talks About Sex. I am 99.44% certain that Kat has covered this. Far too many men send cock shots or talk about how they like to pump from behind with a finger in her ass. Don't do it...even though we are all here for it.
Once you're on the second message from her, then it is time to move her to an email address. Then, after a few days of emailing, move her to Google Voice.
For Non-AM Pickups: Damn, these are tricky. The woman I fell in love with was a "non-AM pickup". Those are nerve-racking, especially as I refuse to ever get involved with anyone in my workplace. I had one of these non-AM pickup situations this week. I'm at a big-box hardware store and the woman who helped me pick out my paint was stunning. Tall, thin, 40ish, black hair, full eyes, great smile. As I leave, I notice she has the wedding ring (perfect as I do not pursue single women), she tells me that she has five kids.
Me: "I hope that you have someone in your life who tells you that you have a superb smile."
Her (shocked): "Wow... actually, I don't. He never tells me. We're in counseling."
Me: "Well (as I scribble), here is my number in case you'd ever like a man to tell you that you have a great smile."
She texted me five minutes later, agreeing to meet me for coffee the next day.
Yet, with the non-AM pickup, it is like an operating room patient that took a bullet to the chest. "The next 24 hours will be critical". A "straight pickup" will probably be filled with doubts and even guilt that she is considering a date. Mrs. Hot Raven-Haired Lady texted me the next day that she was full of guilt and only wanted to be friends. I wrote that I understood and hoped that she kept smiling.
Perhaps she will be back. Perhaps not.
Something, something about the chase.
The First Face-To-Face/Coffee Date: The most important logistic. Do not meet within five miles of either of your houses. It's not a spouse I'm worried about seeing. It's her little friends. It's a coworker. That's what worries me. I always pick a place away from my side of town and, often, at a non-peak hour. That means a coffeehouse at 10 am, 3 pm or 7 pm.
- Smile and Have Her Drink Ready. Find out if she loves mango smoothies and have it ready to go. This also allieviates the issue of standing in a slow-moving coffeehouse line with a woman who is not your wife.
- Have a Plan For The "Hour". Mine is always the same. Let her talk about her day for five minutes to blow off some steam. Answer any questions she has. I delve into one of my three "stock stories" from my past that are hilarious, detailed and self-deprecating. The woman always laughs at the end. Then we transition into what it is what we're doing here, on the edge of an affair.
About 50% of the time, it ends with me trying to walk her to her car. In those situations, I don't lean in for the kiss unless I see that she wants it badly. The other 50% of the time, especially if she has an SUV or a minivan with tented windows and if the date is going well, I recommend that we go sit in her ride. Middle row. In that situation, you'll have her reaching for your belt buckle within 15 minutes. Guaranteed.
Why write all of this? Ego, perhaps. But also because I've found "the system" that works for me. I am a decent looking guy but also one who is curious and listens to what a woman has to say. It's the balance between "alpha" and "beta". I always arrive with a plan (alpha) but I do listen and try and make her feel more comfortable (beta).
I also write this because, for all of the success I've had in tasting this delicious flesh, I also know how badly it can hurt as well. The image of a woman I wanted to be "the love of my life" taunts me in the office every day. I see her kissing that old man and I can't do anything about it. It hurts.
This is a dangerous game we all play.
Be careful.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Other Side of Prowling - A Guest Post by SomewhereMan
This is the dark side of prowling. When the dark days stretch on and the ecstasy that marked a lover has now turned into despair when she becomes a "former" lover.
Perhaps it's the holidays that do it.
Perhaps it's the short days, where the sun is a faded purple sky by 5 p.m.
Those glorious summer nights of making love with a forbidden woman who had potential to be "the one" is now replaced with trying not to slip and fall on an icy sidewalk as you walk to get the mail.
This is the life we've chosen. This is the profession we've chosen.
Prowling.
Not alcohol, which is socially acceptable. Not gambling, which is now government-approved.
These are affairs.
Fuckin'.
Fornicatin'.
And incredibly fabulous.
I've given up "the life", largely because I have seen the dark side this year. I've flown too close to the sun. A while back, I came home to a wife who filled out divorce papers -- all I had to do was sign - as she "caught me". Well, sort of.
She caught me "enough". Enough where I was out of my house for two weeks. Enough where my kids were wondering "why isn't Daddy here anymore?". Enough where I was doing the math, trying to figure out how I won't be eating Ramen noodles in a year in some crappy apartment after I send away 60% of my take home pay.
The same weekend of my getting kicked out, my lover dropped me. Perhaps she, after weeks of asking when *I* would file and we could start a life together, finally became scared enough that it was about to become real. Perhaps she took a look at me and decided I just wouldn't be as much fun with half my money or living in an apartment for a while. There is a real quality about affairs that is undeniable -- you may see your partner on a "bad day" but, when you meet in a hotel, a park or (gasp) at the other person's house, it is never a bad day. It's a sexy encounter, where you're not worried about a sick child, a medical bill, your job. Certainly not what your spouse thinks.
Each day would turn into possibly even the best sex of your life.
I went into all of this about a year ago, first with an emotional affair and, when that ended, a "manwhore" phase. Damn that was fun. Risky. Guilty feelings tugging all over but undeniably fun. I turned from a man, ignored and neglected at home by a wife, into a man cruising the aisles of Target, batting eyes with all of the mommies to see who would look back, who would say 'hi', who would even stop their chat, smile and chat. Some did. A drug.
And I was and still am an addict.
Of course, all of this could have been so much easier without the feelings. Yet they crept in with the final lover of this run. Have you ever experienced a lover who, even during a "bad day", you look at and, truly believe, "I could make it really work with this person"? Or "I will never tire of waking up next to this person, even when she is 87 and has dentures"?
I finally did. I finally met that woman.
I can't even explain the level of comfort and security that brought.
Even as I allowed myself to believe the pillow talk, the promises in the dark, the notes that said, "should we just both file now and get married next year?" It's so easy to let yourself get caught up in the Fantasyland of a torrid and tantalizing affair. I certainly did.
Turns out she was just in it for the sex. At first, so was I but, gradually, I learned to love the entire person.
The "if only" game starts to come up. "If only" I hadn't believe her soft words after making love. "If only" I had the guts to pull the trigger on the divorce. "If only" I was a little more patient.
Yet when there is a relationship with a "disparity of affection", the clinger (that's me) is at the mercy of the dominator (her). And it hurts. You find yourself at the whim of this person through every facet of the relationship. You're constantly wondering why she shows up, gets naked and rides you like a Brahma Bull but can't send a "sweet dreams" text at the end of the night.
All until, one day, you're in the shower, depressed that she is gone. You look at your well-worn body in the mirror and ask, "why did I have to let the feelings get in the way?"
When you are the clinger, nothing works. You have no power. You ignore her for two weeks but the second she sends a text, you melt and text back, like a puppy that hasn't been fed in a week. You pour your heart out to her, when she is confused and scared, and that only sends her further away.
Once the realization that she herself is now prowling hits, it is an ego crusher. Knowing that richer, more powerful men, some of whom you know casually, are now enjoying the sweet woman who said she wanted to make it forever stabs the soul and pierces the heart.
All because I let the feelings get in the way.
After this, I can't say I have any intention to return to "the life". At least not physically. The real silver lining here is that wife and I have reconciled. All the way. The sex is now at pre-marital levels, three times a week and she is even into it a bit. Wife lost a bunch of weight, cooking dinner again (ha!), smiling at me when I walk in the door and, damn, she is lookin' pretty hot now.
Yet I find it more difficult to pull away from this prowlin' community. I like you people. :) We can be brutally honest in these blogs and forums about what we want, how we are able to live the "double life" and, also, how to protect each other. There is some amount of honor among thieves in this community and I don't want to give that up. It's odd, really. Some of the people I find myself trusting the most are people who can't even be trusted in their own homes.
However, I know that we all share these secrets of our lives -- secrets that could, easily, destroy everything and anything we have spent years building.
Continued fun and frivolity for all of you. Just keep those feelings in check. :)
SomewhereMan
Perhaps it's the holidays that do it.
Perhaps it's the short days, where the sun is a faded purple sky by 5 p.m.
Those glorious summer nights of making love with a forbidden woman who had potential to be "the one" is now replaced with trying not to slip and fall on an icy sidewalk as you walk to get the mail.
This is the life we've chosen. This is the profession we've chosen.
Prowling.
Not alcohol, which is socially acceptable. Not gambling, which is now government-approved.
These are affairs.
Fuckin'.
Fornicatin'.
And incredibly fabulous.
I've given up "the life", largely because I have seen the dark side this year. I've flown too close to the sun. A while back, I came home to a wife who filled out divorce papers -- all I had to do was sign - as she "caught me". Well, sort of.
She caught me "enough". Enough where I was out of my house for two weeks. Enough where my kids were wondering "why isn't Daddy here anymore?". Enough where I was doing the math, trying to figure out how I won't be eating Ramen noodles in a year in some crappy apartment after I send away 60% of my take home pay.
The same weekend of my getting kicked out, my lover dropped me. Perhaps she, after weeks of asking when *I* would file and we could start a life together, finally became scared enough that it was about to become real. Perhaps she took a look at me and decided I just wouldn't be as much fun with half my money or living in an apartment for a while. There is a real quality about affairs that is undeniable -- you may see your partner on a "bad day" but, when you meet in a hotel, a park or (gasp) at the other person's house, it is never a bad day. It's a sexy encounter, where you're not worried about a sick child, a medical bill, your job. Certainly not what your spouse thinks.
Each day would turn into possibly even the best sex of your life.
I went into all of this about a year ago, first with an emotional affair and, when that ended, a "manwhore" phase. Damn that was fun. Risky. Guilty feelings tugging all over but undeniably fun. I turned from a man, ignored and neglected at home by a wife, into a man cruising the aisles of Target, batting eyes with all of the mommies to see who would look back, who would say 'hi', who would even stop their chat, smile and chat. Some did. A drug.
And I was and still am an addict.
Of course, all of this could have been so much easier without the feelings. Yet they crept in with the final lover of this run. Have you ever experienced a lover who, even during a "bad day", you look at and, truly believe, "I could make it really work with this person"? Or "I will never tire of waking up next to this person, even when she is 87 and has dentures"?
I finally did. I finally met that woman.
I can't even explain the level of comfort and security that brought.
Even as I allowed myself to believe the pillow talk, the promises in the dark, the notes that said, "should we just both file now and get married next year?" It's so easy to let yourself get caught up in the Fantasyland of a torrid and tantalizing affair. I certainly did.
Turns out she was just in it for the sex. At first, so was I but, gradually, I learned to love the entire person.
The "if only" game starts to come up. "If only" I hadn't believe her soft words after making love. "If only" I had the guts to pull the trigger on the divorce. "If only" I was a little more patient.
Yet when there is a relationship with a "disparity of affection", the clinger (that's me) is at the mercy of the dominator (her). And it hurts. You find yourself at the whim of this person through every facet of the relationship. You're constantly wondering why she shows up, gets naked and rides you like a Brahma Bull but can't send a "sweet dreams" text at the end of the night.
All until, one day, you're in the shower, depressed that she is gone. You look at your well-worn body in the mirror and ask, "why did I have to let the feelings get in the way?"
When you are the clinger, nothing works. You have no power. You ignore her for two weeks but the second she sends a text, you melt and text back, like a puppy that hasn't been fed in a week. You pour your heart out to her, when she is confused and scared, and that only sends her further away.
Once the realization that she herself is now prowling hits, it is an ego crusher. Knowing that richer, more powerful men, some of whom you know casually, are now enjoying the sweet woman who said she wanted to make it forever stabs the soul and pierces the heart.
All because I let the feelings get in the way.
After this, I can't say I have any intention to return to "the life". At least not physically. The real silver lining here is that wife and I have reconciled. All the way. The sex is now at pre-marital levels, three times a week and she is even into it a bit. Wife lost a bunch of weight, cooking dinner again (ha!), smiling at me when I walk in the door and, damn, she is lookin' pretty hot now.
Yet I find it more difficult to pull away from this prowlin' community. I like you people. :) We can be brutally honest in these blogs and forums about what we want, how we are able to live the "double life" and, also, how to protect each other. There is some amount of honor among thieves in this community and I don't want to give that up. It's odd, really. Some of the people I find myself trusting the most are people who can't even be trusted in their own homes.
However, I know that we all share these secrets of our lives -- secrets that could, easily, destroy everything and anything we have spent years building.
Continued fun and frivolity for all of you. Just keep those feelings in check. :)
SomewhereMan
Monday, October 31, 2011
Scary Kat Stories
Happy Halloween! I was about to let this holiday pass with no post because Dauntless did such a nice job with Madison's Return, but Cara sent me a message asking about a Halloween post. I got to thinking... I could write about different costumes I've worn or role paying, but the more I thought, the more it occurred to me that I've had more than enough scary stories to share.
Scary stories. I'm talking about prowling experiences gone bad. If you have been out there for more than 5 minutes, you probably have a scary story or two (or three or four) of your own.
Selfish BJ Guy - This guy and I had met a few times. Not much happened. We chatted, kissed a little. Then I made what turned out to be a huge mistake - I gave him a blow job. Normally, I wouldn't think of that as a mistake, but this time it created a monster. This guy wasn't interested in much else, which made him very un-interesting to me. I thought I had extricated myself from the situation politely, but then a couple of months later he just shows up....at my office.....during business hours....expecting a BJ. I can't even begin to describe that moment of panic when someone from my prowling world shows up in my real life unannounced and threatening to expose me if I don't comply with what he wants. After I collected myself, I walked him outside and reminded him that I knew where he worked, and his full name, and his wife's name, and that I could do just as much damage to him as he could do to me. He suddenly decided that he should go. Smart move.
Parking Lot Guy - This guy and I had met just a few times prior to this scary event. He seemed like a nice guy. I had no reason to be afraid of him. Then one day I met him for lunch to tell him that I couldn't see him anymore. What I didn't tell him was that I had just met JJ and, well, you all know how I feel about JJ. Anyway, I thought the lunch and the conversation went well. We walked out to the parking lot to where my car was parked right next to his van. I turned to give him a goodbye hug, but he had something different in mind. He started kissing me, rubbing against me, holding me next to him. For a moment I thought it was just an overzealous goodbye kiss, but I soon realized that it was more than that. I struggled to push him away, but he wasn't having any of that, and he started groping me and ranting and raving about what a whore I was and how I had promised him a long term sexual relationship, blah, blah, blah.
I finally pushed him away enough to slip out from between him and my car, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. As I turned to face him and tell him to let me go, he hit me. Yup, that's right. He hit me. Closed fist, right on the jaw as he yelled, "Bitch!" He got in his van and drove away, and I collected myself, got off the ground, got in car, and drove away. So much for the conversation going well.
Panicked about STDs Guy - I met this guy online, as I met most of my prowling buddies. We chatted and emailed online and shared phone calls for what seemed like a long time before we actually met in person. This was before my experience with Parking Lot Guy, but I really didn't want a one time hook-up. I was looking for a friend, a long term fuck buddy kind of relationship, and this guy seemed like he could be it. Seriously, everything seemed right. We arranged to meet for coffee. That went well. He asked about my past relationships. I told the truth. We decided to meet for some more intimate fun. We met and we both had a great time. I mean it. It was very, very good.
As we were walking to the parking lot after, we were making arrangements for our next meeting. Then I kissed him goodbye and I got into my car. I rolled down the window because he indicated he wanted to say something else, and he asked me a question about STDs. I replied that I was just tested a few weeks ago and I was clean, and I hadn't been with anyone since then. He got a strange look on his face and then he got in his car and drove away. Within an hour, I got an email from him calling me a liar because, in his opinion, the fact that I was tested meant that I was afraid I might have been exposed, and he felt I lied to him about that and he could never have a relationship with a liar. Huh? He instructed me not to attempt to reach him again.
Disappearing Guy - This isn't one guy, but a whole bunch of guys. They are the ones who start email correspondence and then just drop out of sight. They are the ones who seem interested, set up a time to meet, and then don't comunicate at all after that. They are the ones who hook up and disappear.
Falling in Love Guy - Nothing screws up a nice fuck buddy relationship faster than falling in love. That sounds terribly jaded, doesn't it? Well, I have nothing against love or falling in love. In fact, I'm all for it, but only if the "don't even ask me to leave my spouse" arrangement remains in place. You all know I love my current honey very much. It works because there's no pressure to leave my husband, who I also love very much. Every now and then over the years I have run into Falling in Love Guys. Things start out great and then before I know it, they are asking me to leave my family. WTF????
Stalker Guy - Most women in the prowling world have met at least one Stalker Guy. This is the guy who won't take no for an answer. He calls, texts, and emails obsessively. He shows up unannounced. He tells you that he is certain that you belong together. Sometimes it just stays at that level, but sometimes he gets angry and starts threatening to hurt you or tell your husband if you don't sleep with him. Sometimes you see him parked outside your office or your home just watching you. My Stalker Guy was named Joe, and yes, I called the police.
I have a few more scary stories, but I think this is enough for one Halloween.
So, what are your scary prowling stories?
Scary stories. I'm talking about prowling experiences gone bad. If you have been out there for more than 5 minutes, you probably have a scary story or two (or three or four) of your own.
Selfish BJ Guy - This guy and I had met a few times. Not much happened. We chatted, kissed a little. Then I made what turned out to be a huge mistake - I gave him a blow job. Normally, I wouldn't think of that as a mistake, but this time it created a monster. This guy wasn't interested in much else, which made him very un-interesting to me. I thought I had extricated myself from the situation politely, but then a couple of months later he just shows up....at my office.....during business hours....expecting a BJ. I can't even begin to describe that moment of panic when someone from my prowling world shows up in my real life unannounced and threatening to expose me if I don't comply with what he wants. After I collected myself, I walked him outside and reminded him that I knew where he worked, and his full name, and his wife's name, and that I could do just as much damage to him as he could do to me. He suddenly decided that he should go. Smart move.
Parking Lot Guy - This guy and I had met just a few times prior to this scary event. He seemed like a nice guy. I had no reason to be afraid of him. Then one day I met him for lunch to tell him that I couldn't see him anymore. What I didn't tell him was that I had just met JJ and, well, you all know how I feel about JJ. Anyway, I thought the lunch and the conversation went well. We walked out to the parking lot to where my car was parked right next to his van. I turned to give him a goodbye hug, but he had something different in mind. He started kissing me, rubbing against me, holding me next to him. For a moment I thought it was just an overzealous goodbye kiss, but I soon realized that it was more than that. I struggled to push him away, but he wasn't having any of that, and he started groping me and ranting and raving about what a whore I was and how I had promised him a long term sexual relationship, blah, blah, blah.
I finally pushed him away enough to slip out from between him and my car, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. As I turned to face him and tell him to let me go, he hit me. Yup, that's right. He hit me. Closed fist, right on the jaw as he yelled, "Bitch!" He got in his van and drove away, and I collected myself, got off the ground, got in car, and drove away. So much for the conversation going well.
Panicked about STDs Guy - I met this guy online, as I met most of my prowling buddies. We chatted and emailed online and shared phone calls for what seemed like a long time before we actually met in person. This was before my experience with Parking Lot Guy, but I really didn't want a one time hook-up. I was looking for a friend, a long term fuck buddy kind of relationship, and this guy seemed like he could be it. Seriously, everything seemed right. We arranged to meet for coffee. That went well. He asked about my past relationships. I told the truth. We decided to meet for some more intimate fun. We met and we both had a great time. I mean it. It was very, very good.
As we were walking to the parking lot after, we were making arrangements for our next meeting. Then I kissed him goodbye and I got into my car. I rolled down the window because he indicated he wanted to say something else, and he asked me a question about STDs. I replied that I was just tested a few weeks ago and I was clean, and I hadn't been with anyone since then. He got a strange look on his face and then he got in his car and drove away. Within an hour, I got an email from him calling me a liar because, in his opinion, the fact that I was tested meant that I was afraid I might have been exposed, and he felt I lied to him about that and he could never have a relationship with a liar. Huh? He instructed me not to attempt to reach him again.
Disappearing Guy - This isn't one guy, but a whole bunch of guys. They are the ones who start email correspondence and then just drop out of sight. They are the ones who seem interested, set up a time to meet, and then don't comunicate at all after that. They are the ones who hook up and disappear.
Falling in Love Guy - Nothing screws up a nice fuck buddy relationship faster than falling in love. That sounds terribly jaded, doesn't it? Well, I have nothing against love or falling in love. In fact, I'm all for it, but only if the "don't even ask me to leave my spouse" arrangement remains in place. You all know I love my current honey very much. It works because there's no pressure to leave my husband, who I also love very much. Every now and then over the years I have run into Falling in Love Guys. Things start out great and then before I know it, they are asking me to leave my family. WTF????
Stalker Guy - Most women in the prowling world have met at least one Stalker Guy. This is the guy who won't take no for an answer. He calls, texts, and emails obsessively. He shows up unannounced. He tells you that he is certain that you belong together. Sometimes it just stays at that level, but sometimes he gets angry and starts threatening to hurt you or tell your husband if you don't sleep with him. Sometimes you see him parked outside your office or your home just watching you. My Stalker Guy was named Joe, and yes, I called the police.
I have a few more scary stories, but I think this is enough for one Halloween.
So, what are your scary prowling stories?
Friday, October 28, 2011
How I Screwed Up My Prowling
I know how to cheat and not get caught. I didn't screw up because I didn't know how to keep it hidden. I screwed up because I let my guard down and started breaking my own rules and guidelines.
I knew I was doing it, too. I had become so cocky that I didn't think I could be caught because I was just too good at flying under the radar.
In short, I was an idiot.
After a long, long time of successful prowling, I started to let my guard down. I spend too much time online in the evenings. I started staying late at work much more than was reasonable. I carried my phone with me at all times (even at home when there was no need for it to be on my person) and I scrambled whenever Hubby reached for it. I wasn't deleting naughty texts and emails anymore. I started getting sloppy about my excuses for where I would be when I went out for play time.
And the mistake that ultimately forced me to admit things to Hubby - I used a business credit card for a local hotel, and Hubby had access to the records. When he was just an hour or so away from discovering that charge, I told him. I am still convinced that it was better for him to hear it from me directly than to find out as he looked through bank records.
I am very fortunate that the fallout has not been negative - no divorce, no separation. In fact, my marriage is better now than it has been for over two decades, but it could easily have gone the other way - all because I was careless.
The Advice for Prowlers page includes link to many posts with excellent advice for Prowlers. Read it, but remember that you need to do more than read it. Knowing how to avoid being caught is worthless information unless you apply it.
Take it from an idiot who learned the hard way.
I knew I was doing it, too. I had become so cocky that I didn't think I could be caught because I was just too good at flying under the radar.
In short, I was an idiot.
After a long, long time of successful prowling, I started to let my guard down. I spend too much time online in the evenings. I started staying late at work much more than was reasonable. I carried my phone with me at all times (even at home when there was no need for it to be on my person) and I scrambled whenever Hubby reached for it. I wasn't deleting naughty texts and emails anymore. I started getting sloppy about my excuses for where I would be when I went out for play time.
And the mistake that ultimately forced me to admit things to Hubby - I used a business credit card for a local hotel, and Hubby had access to the records. When he was just an hour or so away from discovering that charge, I told him. I am still convinced that it was better for him to hear it from me directly than to find out as he looked through bank records.
I am very fortunate that the fallout has not been negative - no divorce, no separation. In fact, my marriage is better now than it has been for over two decades, but it could easily have gone the other way - all because I was careless.
The Advice for Prowlers page includes link to many posts with excellent advice for Prowlers. Read it, but remember that you need to do more than read it. Knowing how to avoid being caught is worthless information unless you apply it.
Take it from an idiot who learned the hard way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)