From Pathetic Beta Husband to Prowler

This a a guest post from a reader who follows my rules better than I do. He has some great information to share.  This is one post you'll be very glad you read. Don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments.

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Hey Prowlers. A week or so ago Kat and I exchanged emails after I sent her my prowling story to date and she asked that I write part of it down for all of you. She found it both interesting and potentially instructive, especially for new prowlers just getting started.

My tale begins in a familiar place for many reading this Blog, I had a less (much less) than satisfying sex life with a wonderful wife in every other respect. Like most of you, I have no intention of ever leaving her and my children, but I was literally going insane with the quantity and quality of sex and intimacy I was getting. To foretell the end of this story a bit, I was incredibly successful in finding what I wanted after stumbling out of the gate a bit.

I am 51 years old; married for over 25 years with three kids all grown up. About 3 years ago my sex drive shot through the roof and it was causing serious issues with my marriage. I went to school on how to make things better and did what I had to do over the next few years. I alpha’d up, got in incredible physical shape, dressed better, made more money, romanced my wife…all to no avail, she’s just not that interested in sex anymore. Once a week she is into it but no more than that, which meant I felt like crap most of the week. So I decided to see what other alternatives were out there.

In late April I was on a self-help website and I stumbled across both AM and Kat’s Blog, they were listed as the mortal enemies of marriage, complete with URLs…how helpful! Of course, I had to check them out. I gave the AM website a quick read and looked through Kats rules for various types of affairs and jumped right in. I put up a profile on AM on a Monday, bought some credits and started messaging ladies. For those of you new to the site, messages you send out on Monday usually bear fruit late in the week, be patient. After several replies at the end of the first week I decided to meet a few ladies and rapidly discovered that my profile needed some tweaking.

The first lady I met wanted to recruit me for her S&M club. Now I am not into that and if you are, great, but I think we can all agree that the new prowler ought to start out with something a little less involved/intense. In addition, she was easily 50 pounds heavier than her profile and the grainy head shot photo she was willing to send should have been ample warning. So lesson #1: lying about your physical attributes on AM is going to blow up in your face. People will notice if you are shorter or heavier than you advertise…nobody wants perfection but you should accurately represent yourself. The lady in question had keyed off on a line in my profile that was intended to make me sound more edgy than I really am. By the way, and not bragging (maybe a little), but every single lady I have met was willing to screw me on the second meet up, if not right then (an offer I have tried twice).

The next lady I met was right on profile for height and weight, all good, but she was unbelievably paranoid. We were talking in a parking lot in a very public place and she kept ducking behind her car and then back into it. We chatted for a few minutes, she said she was interested in getting together for sex in a few days and then jumped in her car and darted off. Within 30 minutes of this meeting a flood of her nudes began arriving in my email in box along with some seriously fun dirty talk. We went from getting to know one another to her ready to show me the things she did to herself when her hubby wasn’t around. My crazy alarm went off and reminded me of a rule Kat gives us…#2: if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t, run away, especially if the person is very paranoid.

Lady number 3 turns out to be single, in her profile she claimed to be married (lying) and was looking for a serious relationship. Not sure AM is the place to look for that sort of thing. She was ready to head to her house and the bedroom right then, she said as much. So here is another rule from Kat #3: only prowl with people that have as much to lose as you do…avoids unnecessary complications. I said no thank you.

Lady number 4 wanted a one night stand right then…I said what the hell. Had 30 minutes of fun then she bolted, I was left unsatisfied. I already had that feeling at home, that is not what I wanted. Rule #4: you have to offer more than the other person is getting already at home, otherwise why would they take the risk?

I took a tactical pause at this point and tried to figure out how one month worth of effort had produced so little. I went back to school on Kat’s web site and really read it again, particularly some of the advice on profiles and how to behave like a decent human being. My profile was clearly not attracting attention in the right demographic and although I had been nice maybe I had been a bit too direct in some of my communications. One thing I had been doing right was being confident and aggressive in meeting people, I would continue that.

First I tackled the profile, I unchecked all those stupid little boxes and spelled out in clear English what I was looking for and what I wasn’t but I did it in a way that was softer…I did want some romance and intimacy and a relationship...not a gang bang or a quickie in a car. I then developed a standard first contact note that I would personalize with information from the recipient’s profile. It was mostly general information about me and what I liked and didn’t like…things like movies, favorite authors, education level, hobbies etc. Brings us to Rule #5: Don’t be a pig/jerk. Talking about how you like to get a blow job (who doesn’t) or asking her what kind of slut she is will not net very good responses, if any at all. Everyone knows that sex is the primary motivator, being crass about it will put you in a poor demographic.

My standard note also included my contact email off site and a request to move our correspondence there. This was to create more of a sense of intimacy (I told them that) and to eliminate the robo-profiles on AM, they would never agree to move to offsite emails.

Finally I had some good pictures posted to my private showcase and would share them with ladies who responded, or email them the pictures. These were close in head shots, the ladies really want to see your eyes, it’s really important. Also included a full body shot, clothed, so they could see I was what my profile said, in shape. Do not send a picture of your dick, they are ugly anyway, and a topless shot of a guy with a beer gut is not going to get the ladies wet either. Refer to #5 (don’t be a dick) above.

With my new profile and approach I started up again on a Monday and by Friday I had an overwhelming response. Lots of ladies corresponding and wanting to meet. Now I could be selective and I met with several ladies and settled on two. One is a fuck buddy straight through, very practical professional lady who wants to get together once every two weeks for an afternoon and get seriously fucked. We joke around by text between meetings but there is zero expectation with respect to how often and how much info to exchange. We know the bare minimum about each other and that is how we both like it. When we are together we talk and have loads of fun but it’s a quick kiss out the door and I will see you again soon.

The second lady is now my mistress and our relationship is much more involved. Again, we mutually agreed to this. We correspond/talk daily and she knows everything about me and vice versa. We are very intimate, just what I was missing at home, and our sex has been incredible. After years of my wife wanting me to hurry up and get it over with, it’s nice to know I can still go at it multiple times for hours. She knows about lady number one and about my wife and our sex life (we still have the weekly session) and is good with it. She is having decent sex with her husband, good for her. What we have is filling a big void in my life and I believe the same for her.

As result of all this effort I now find myself in a good spot. I have three ladies in my life who between them provide the quantity, quality and variety of sex I need to feel balanced. I use Kat’s advice for fuck buddies and mistresses and it is solid and spot on. I even re-read the posts to ensure I do not get complacent, so far my girls are happy and so am I.

Some info that doesn’t fit in the timeline above…I have interviewed all of the ladies I have met to find out what they are looking for on AM and what is scaring them away. This is from them:

•  They want a man to tell them about himself, at least a little, before he starts asking what size their tits are and if they shave. I have had more than one lady compliment me on not asking sexual questions or talking about sex right out of the block; it’s implied. 
• Do not send pictures of your dick or naked chest if you are not in shape. Make sure they can see your eyes in at least one photo…I think this is all about trust, is this a guy a serial killer or not? 
• Confidence is the single sexiest thing. My fuck buddy thought my standard personal letter was a bit cocky and said she just had to meet me to see if I was really that confident or if I was an asshole. She voted with her body, confidence sells, fake it til you make it if you have to. 
• Two physical attributes are key, one you control, one you don’t. Tall guys get more ladies, it’s not bad to be short but you will need more confidence to overcome it. Get in shape…you control that, BTW might be why your wife isn’t fucking you enough. Get to the gym, lose the gut, build some guns and the ladies will be all over you….the payoff is worth the effort. 
• Do not get mad/testy etc. in your emails. Instant turnoff. The ladies want it light and fun, why the hell would they put up with shit from you, they get that at home. 
• When you meet a new lady you need a balanced mix of confidence and respect. Definitely part with at least a small show of affection if it is clear she might be into you. (I have gotten everything from a hug, to my brains fucked out on meeting number one.) The ladies I have met also want you to be civil, keep talking about yourself and what you expect and not just about when the sex will start. Be funny, be charming. 
• Don’t plead with or promise the lady you will be fantastic in bed, better than her husband etc. Under promise and over deliver when it comes to sex. 
• Communicate between meetings, thank them, be polite, be romantic…a thousand different ways of saying, DON’T BE A DICK.   

 Standing by for your comments and questions. Feel free to email me at bartmaxum1@yahoo.com, I love to write.