Kat's Seven New Year's Non- Resolutions

I hate New Year's resolutions. Does anyone ever keep them? So you must be wondering why I'm making some. I'm not. I'm making non-resolutions.

I'm constantly thinking of ways to grow and improve.  I don't just do it January.  If I only did it in January, I would really run amuck throughout the rest of the year. My non-resolutions are more like priorities, reminders, things to keep in mind to reach the goals I have in mind. But it's a continual list, rather that a once-a-year list. Throughout the year, things get added and other things drop off.

This isn't the comprehensive list, but it includes the items I'm willing to share..

1. Focus more on intimacy, rather than sex. I think I can finally say that I've head enough sex in my life.  Well not really, but I've reached a point where sex alone is not what I'm interested in. Don't worry. I'm not giving up sex, which would mean this blog would eventually become about knitting and cats, and no one wants that.  Am I right? But sex within the context of intimacy takes things to a whole different level. "Kat, does this mean you'll never have casual sex again?" If that question even crossed your mind, your clearly don't know me.
2. Follow my own rules.  I'll admit it.  I've become pretty sloppy about the rules over the past year, and several of you have called me out on that. What rules am I talking about? Kat's Top 10 Cheating Rules, of course. The number one rule is "Married Men Only."  Strike 1.  I broke that one. Another rule is Safety First and that includes everything from getting a first and last name before meeting someone, making sure someone always knows where you are, always using condoms, and a bunch of other safety-focused precautions. Strike 2. My risk taking behavior has gone way too far.  Time to refocus on safety. Another rule : Communicate. Strike 3. I know you may find it hard to believe that I don't communicate well, but I do have a tendency to hold back on talking about things that upset me and I take way to long to admit out loud that a relationship isn't working for me.
3. Be open to new experiences.  I'm not just talking about sex here.  I'm talking about new experiences of all varieties.  Life is too short to get stuck in a rut.
4. Be more consistent - in everything. This means keeping in touch with friends (as few as they are) consistently, rather than communicating once and then not again for months.  It means posting on PWK and my other blogs (for work) regularly. It means being more consistent at home with my children and Hubby.
5. Love more. Trust more. Reach out more. To be fair, I'm already pretty out there, but I tend to pull back when it counts.  I trust when it really doesn't matter and become too self-protective when it does. That's not what I want.  Finding and sharing love is what life's all about. 
6. Forgive more. Part of the reason I've held back and not trusted as much as I would like to is that I've been burned several times in the last year or two. People I've trusted and loved have chosen to just disappear from my life or pull way back without a reasonable explanation or any real excuse. In one case, it was a very good friend who got a new girlfriend and then pretty much quit speaking to me. I need to let those things go and forgive.  It doesn't mean I have to open myself and trust them again, but I do need to forgive.
7. Fuck more. Duh.  This one is a no brainer.  You didn't think I was going all celibate on you, did you? Hell no! And focusing more on intimacy, rather than sex, does not mean have less sex. I want more sex, but I definitely want more good sex....with intimacy. It's a tall order, I know, but that's what I want.

There you have it. Do you have any New Year's non-resolutions to share?

Happy New Year!

New Year's Resolutions for Prowlers

It's a brand new year!  Are you ready for 2012, Prowlers?  I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions lately, and it occurred to me that it might be nice to offer a few to my fellow prowlers.  So here are a few potential resolutions to choose from:

• Resolve to redouble your efforts at security.  I'm talking about not getting caught when I say security.  It's easier than you might think to get sloppy about things - a credit card authorization that never gets dropped even though you paid cash, text messages that you forgot to delete, a little too much time online when you're home with the spouse. Pay attention to the details.  They matter.
• Resolve to spend more time with your spouse.  Your marriage won't get better on its own.  Devote more time to being with your spouse and when you're there, really be "with" him/her.  Tell her how much you love her often, and don't stop initiating sex. Even if you think you spend lots of time with your spouse already, do more.
• Resolve to locate hotel rooms that don't require a credit card.  They are out there.  Most Motel 6 locations won't require it (I know, Motel 6, yuk).  Also, many will allow to place  a cash deposit down (usually about $200) in lieu of a credit card, but you have to ask.
• Resolve to use Amex or other Visa/Mastercard gift cards to secure your rooms at hotels. If you can't get a room without a card, get a $200 - $500 gift card that you can use. You won't have to give an address or register it, and you can ditch it when you're done with it. And it will be much easier to explain if it is discovered than a new credit card or, worse, a local hotel charge on a credit card bill.
• Resolve to get a Google Voice number. You can direct it to your cell phone, avoiding giving out your real cell number.
• Resolve to remember that your spouse is smarter than you think she is. You may be pretty sure that she's oblivious to what you're doing, but women are very intuitive.  It's likely that she suspects, even if she has no evidence.  And if she suspects, she's going to look for evidence.  Women are very creative and crafty. Ask yourself, "What would I do if I suspected my spouse were having an affair?" Then plan your actions around the answers. Better yet , if you have a female friend you really trust, ask her what she would do to prove her husband was havign an affair, and follow her advice.
• Resolve to cheat less. I know you want to see your sweetie as often as you possibly can, but the more often you see her, the more chances there are for you to be caught. Be patient.  It will pay off. Besides, it's hotter if you haven't seen each other for awhile.
• Resolve to have safe sex. I know, I know.  You hate condoms.  Use them anyway.  You trust your lover?  She's lying to her husband to be with you.  What makes you think she's not lying to you and being with someone else, too?  Wake up! By the way, if you haven't been tested for STD's lately, do it. If you're sexually active outside your marriage, you should be tested often, especially if you are not using a condom every time.
• Resolve to trust your gut.  If something about a meeting on a certain day feels wrong to you (even if it's with a long time lover), don't do it.  Reschedule for another time.
• Resolve to keep trying to improve your sex life at home.  It's easy to start feeling that if you're getting it elsewhere you can finally stop begging for it at home, but that will be a clue to your spouse. Keep initiating sex.  Get into marriage counseling.  Continue efforts to strengthen your marriage however you can.

And finally.....

• If you are having any reservations at all, resolve to stop cheating. Yes, you read that right. No matter what you think you are feeling, you do not have to cheat.  You can avoid it if you haven't cheated yet and you can stop if you've started.  If you don't think you can stop, put it off for a week.  Then, when you get to next week, try putting it off another week. Just be honest with your lover, ok?

So, prowlers, which of these resolutions will you be trying out this year? Are there any other resolutions you have made related to prowling that are not on this list?