Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year's Resolutions for Prowlers

It's a brand new year!  Are you ready for 2012, Prowlers?  I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions lately, and it occurred to me that it might be nice to offer a few to my fellow prowlers.  So here are a few potential resolutions to choose from:
  • Resolve to redouble your efforts at security.  I'm talking about not getting caught when I say security.  It's easier than you might think to get sloppy about things - a credit card authorization that never gets dropped even though you paid cash, text messages that you forgot to delete, a little too much time online when you're home with the spouse. Pay attention to the details.  They matter.
  • Resolve to spend more time with your spouse.  Your marriage won't get better on its own.  Devote more time to being with your spouse and when you're there, really be "with" him/her.  Tell her how much you love her often, and don't stop initiating sex. Even if you think you spend lots of time with your spouse already, do more.
  • Resolve to locate hotel rooms that don't require a credit card.  They are out there.  Most Motel 6 locations won't require it (I know, Motel 6, yuk).  Also, many will allow to place  a cash deposit down (usually about $200) in lieu of a credit card, but you have to ask.
  • Resolve to use Amex or other Visa/Mastercard gift cards to secure your rooms at hotels. If you can't get a room without a card, get a $200 - $500 gift card that you can use. You won't have to give an address or register it, and you can ditch it when you're done with it. And it will be much easier to explain if it is discovered than a new credit card or, worse, a local hotel charge on a credit card bill.
  • Resolve to get a Google Voice number. You can direct it to your cell phone, avoiding giving out your real cell number.
  • Resolve to remember that your spouse is smarter than you think she is. You may be pretty sure that she's oblivious to what you're doing, but women are very intuitive.  It's likely that she suspects, even if she has no evidence.  And if she suspects, she's going to look for evidence.  Women are very creative and crafty. Ask yourself, "What would I do if I suspected my spouse were having an affair?" Then plan your actions around the answers. Better yet , if you have a female friend you really trust, ask her what she would do to prove her husband was havign an affair, and follow her advice.
  • Resolve to cheat less. I know you want to see your sweetie as often as you possibly can, but the more often you see her, the more chances there are for you to be caught. Be patient.  It will pay off. Besides, it's hotter if you haven't seen each other for awhile.
  • Resolve to have safe sex. I know, I know.  You hate condoms.  Use them anyway.  You trust your lover?  She's lying to her husband to be with you.  What makes you think she's not lying to you and being with someone else, too?  Wake up! By the way, if you haven't been tested for STD's lately, do it. If you're sexually active outside your marriage, you should be tested often, especially if you are not using a condom every time.
  • Resolve to trust your gut.  If something about a meeting on a certain day feels wrong to you (even if it's with a long time lover), don't do it.  Reschedule for another time.
  • Resolve to keep trying to improve your sex life at home.  It's easy to start feeling that if you're getting it elsewhere you can finally stop begging for it at home, but that will be a clue to your spouse. Keep initiating sex.  Get into marriage counseling.  Continue efforts to strengthen your marriage however you can.
And finally.....
  • If you are having any reservations at all, resolve to stop cheating. Yes, you read that right. No matter what you think you are feeling, you do not have to cheat.  You can avoid it if you haven't cheated yet and you can stop if you've started.  If you don't think you can stop, put it off for a week.  Then, when you get to next week, try putting it off another week. Just be honest with your lover, ok?
So, prowlers, which of these resolutions will you be trying out this year? Are there any other resolutions you have made related to prowling that are not on this list?

7 comments:

Ryan Beaumont said...

But if I follow all this advice what the hell would I have to blog about for Pete's sake! :)

Liam said...

Damn, Kat, if I have to resort to Motel 6, I will resolve to cheat less.

JJ said...

Kat did say, and I can attest to that there are decent hotels out there that take cash. You just have to ask! That's what we did.... We just asked. If you're a regular and you haven't trashed their rooms, they may waive the deposit too!

Kat said...

Ryan - LOL True. I sometimes think that the b est I can do is share what I'm doing WRONG with everyone.

Liam - I understand completely; however, there's a point at which you ask yourself, after you've been with someone a while, "Why are we paying $120 for two hours? That's crazy! With someone new (or fairly new), I agree, Motel 6 wouldn't be an option. That said, I have only found myself in a Motel 6 twice in my life, and it wasn't so bad. Frankly, the quality of the room was not why I was there. ;-)

JJ - Exactly! Asking is the key. What folks need to get over is their embarassment and fear. They need to remember that they are not the only ones coming to hotels for cheating. The hotel clerks have seen it before.

Naughty Kitty said...

LOVELY!!! My lover read this Kat and told me to do the same. I am pretty sure he is focusing on the "less cheating" part. The problem is...we hardly see eachother as it is! There is nothing to do LESS of!!! WTF?!

Naughty Kitty said...

P.S. Why the hell couldn't he have read the "Country Roads" or "Double Fisting" post?!?

Born Again said...

I'd add a small comment.
Don't forward Google Voice to your real phone. Get a play phone. Verizon has a deal where it's $.02 per text (literally give someone your two cents worth). Yeah, it's a pain to get all these cards and keep the phone secret and all that. Beats the pain of a spouse looking at your phone or looking at your account online (AT&T & Verizon allow you to see at least the numbers texted). Unless you're VERY sure your phone is safe... don't use it AT ALL.

2. Best tip ever - use those disposable credit cards they sell at Walgreens and the supermarket. Yeah, it's expensive money. Again, beats the expense of a hotel when you get kicked out of the house. It beats the expense of a divorce lawyer. It beats the expense of a marriage counselor.

If you can't afford an affair, you definitely can't afford to get caught.