I was planning to meet JJ today. It has been a while since we saw each other and I've missed him. I'm not talking about sex right now; I'm talking about seeing him face to face and talking. I miss that the most when we can't get together for a long period of time. He's become a friend over the past year and a half.
I had my alibi for work all prepared. I was about to leave the office to meet at the time we agreed, but I decided to text him first to make sure he was already on the road since he had farther to travel than I did.
His reply came back. "Call me."
My heart sank. That's the reply I get when I'm about to be let down and he wants to explain himself. I didn't want to call. I wanted to respond, "No. I'll see you in 30 minutes. Tell me then." But I didn't. I called.
It was exactly as I expected. He wasn't going to make it. His excuse, though, was a good one, probably the only that would have been even close to acceptable to me today. He had a chance to attend the Giants game tonight - Game 2 of the NLCS - and he needed to be in the bay area (with his wife) in a couple of hours to go with the group that had invited them.
He asked me, "You would do the same thing, wouldn't you?" He already knew the answer to that. Of course I would!
But that didn't make me feel any better.
I stayed as cheery as possible and encouraged him to have a great time and send me some photos from the game.
As I hung up, I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I'm at work. I can't be crying over this or anything else right now.
I think it hit me so hard because there's a lot of disappointment in my life these days. Daunt has become more and more distant and what once was the main supportive relationship in my life feels more like an acquaintanceship now. As the distance between me and JJ grows (and the time between our meetings grows), it feels a lot like another friend is slipping away. And that makes me sad.
But I know that all relationships change. That's life. They ebb and flow and sometimes they drift away completely. As I welcome new friends into my life I have to let go of those that want to move away. Nothing stays the same for very long.
So, that was the undercurrent for me to JJ's announcement that he wasn't going to meet me today because he had a chance to go to the Giants game. I do want him to go and I do want him to have a great time. Really.
The good news is that I wasn't dumped for work or another woman or chores or problems at home. I was dumped for the San Francisco Giants and the NLCS.
And I can't blame him for that.