Sometimes you get a close call when you meet someone on AM. Things start out well, but then they turn, and if they turn before you have invested too much time or given away too much personal information, you feel grateful, like you just dodged a bullet. That's what happened to a close friend of mine.
He shared an email exchange he had with a woman earlier this week. He told me they had only had a few back and forth interactions on AM before attempting to move to email, but that things were looking good. He sent his email address which happens to refer to his occupation as a lawyer. She asked if he is, indeed, a lawyer, and he replied that yes, he is.
Here's how she responded. I'm leaving in all errors that were in the original message so you get a complete picture,
"It is an ABSOLUTE F-ING Deal killer, period.
Lawyers are intellegent and that is not a complement, collectively you people have figured out how to be the primary beneficiaries of the legal system.
The firm wrongfully sued has to pay $$$$ to you assholes and the person genuinely screwed can't get good representation without coughing a huge percentage, and as such they NEVER get whole.
Life choices are what they are, you made one years ago and it isn't going to change.
My life choice is that I refuse to waste time with losers, you are simply one at a more educated level.
Thanks anyway."
As you might expect, my advice to my friend (let's call him Baseball Guy - BG), was to walk away. Don't respond. Be grateful to have dodged a bullet and move along to the next one.
Did he listen? Of course not! Baseball Guy is quite confident, but I didn't think that anyone could turn that situation around. Still, he tried.
Here's how he responded:
"I've been brooding about this all afternoon. Look, lumping me in with all the asshole lawyers (and, yeah, there are a lot of them) is just like saying you don't like all Muslims because of 9/11. Whatever you may think of lawyers, in general, doesn't define me: I'm a very good person with a strong sense of social justice, including a lot of work on the kind of tort reform you mention. You'd be very pleasantly surprised, I think, to know more.
I'll probably be (near you on) business soon. Have lunch or dinner or a drink or whatever with me and then, if you still think I've made a bad life choice, at least you'll know for sure. Don't worry - I'm not a stalker so if you don't reply I'll take that at face value. But I hope you do."
Well, that convinced me. I'd love to meet him for lunch or dinner or a drink or whatever (I always seem to choose that "whatever" option, though). Do you think it convinced her?
"Brood all you want, my position is not going to change. A whining lawyer, wow am I wet. Or is that the play the vicim shit you people do so well?
This can't possibly be the first time that you've heard that attorney's do absolutely nothing to benefit society.
Your occupation has very low job satisfaction ratings amongst practicing lawyers and a significantly higher than statistical average suicide rate. Always room for improvement, you'll have to figure out which way I am refering to.
We have spent literally millons on councel defending frivilous B/S that would have been better resolved with the business end of a bat in my opinion, so your up hill battle is insurmountable here.
As for Muslims, you could not have picked a worse comparison. I believe that Islam teaches that anyone who does not see things their way is fair game. Muslims whine about being lumped together but never come out agianst terrorism in any real, meaningful and substantive way. Yes I have actually read and understand the Koran, so argue all you want. Iread it as a result of being sued by a former employee Mohammed al- Ka BOOM who claimed descrimination. FUCK THEM!!
As for being a good person............you are on a CHEATER'S website, you simply have no moral ground to hold that position.
I know exactly what I am doing and why, You are trying to be good and bad at the same time, doesn't work. You can't have it both ways.
I don't care in the slightest about your life choices, at the end when their is no way out, you'll figure that out and it will be too late for you.
Stalk all you want the whore my husband hooked up with, her husband is a MMA fighter and has become a friend who actually enjoyes kicking the life out of cheaters
You attorneys tend to think you are the smartest people in the room, which doesn't tend to end well.
And yes I' frighteningly intelligent, and not about to fall for your poor put upon crap."
Wow. At this point, all I could think was I told ya so. Even Baseball Guy knew it was over and that there was no chance of having any intimacy, or even semi-anonymous sex, with this woman.
She wrote that she's "frighteningly intelligent," which is scary given the many errors in her angry missive. I counted 14, and that was only counting what I'm pretty sure were unintentional errors. The most intelligent people usually don't have that kind of error rate.
In addition, the truly intelligent among us typically don't demonstrate the overt bigotry that Baseball Guy's prospective lover showed in her comments. The "Mohammed al- Ka BOOM" comment made me gasp and shift uncomfortably (and not in a good way) in my chair.
There are many more comments I could make about these writings, but I want to throw it out for comments first to hear what the prowlers think.
I will say this, though. Supposedly, this woman is a real beauty on the outside. That's typically where Baseball Guy starts in his selection process - with the beautiful ones. I know some gorgeous women who are truly beautiful inside and out. Unfortunately, many men are blinded by the outside appearance to the degree that they just can't see that the inside doesn't match, or they overlook (or disparagingly dismiss) those who are not gorgeous on the outside, missing out forever on some unbelievably good and inwardly stunning women. You may say that it doesn't really matter if you're just looking for a quick fuck or a casual sexual fling. You're wrong about that. Do you really want to depend on someone so angry, bigoted, and "frighteningly intelligent" to keep your encounter or affair secret?
So, Prowlers, what are your thoughts about this exchange? And don't worry, you don't have to be afraid of the husband of her husband's whore who is the MMA fighter (the husband, I mean, not the whore). I'll protect you.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Give Me More Choices
There should be more choices in life, particularly in one's relationship status on Facebook. I get only one choice, so I picked, "Married." But what if I could pick more than one status?
25-Year Old Man Refused a Woman's Sexual Advances
Seriously, it's true. It's headline-worthy because I wasn't sure that 25-year-old men ever refused an opportunity for sex. But now I know better.
I was trolling Facebook yesterday, as I often do, and I came across a link to this article.
"A Florida woman was charged with aggravated assault this week after she chased a man with a knife because he refused her sexual advances.
Elizabeth Highley, 56, was drinking wine with a 25-year-old man when she allegedly attempted to have sex with him. When the man “rejected her sexual advances,” Highley grabbed a knife and broken cane and chased him through a parking lot.
The man eventually found a deputy who was able to talk the woman into dropping her weapons. She was then taken into custody.
The victim only sustained a small laceration from Highley’s knife.
Do you think this woman should go to prison? Tell us in the comments below."
Here's her photo, which kind of makes the whole story come together. At least it does for me.
My first reaction was to laugh at the image of a drunken 56-year-old woman, armed with a knife and a broken cane, chasing a 25-year-old man through a parking lot. Come on. You can't tell me that doesn't make you chuckle at least a little. I also laughed because I tried to imagine myself, not 56 but I'll get there someday, chasing a young man who refused me sex. Those of you who know me, can you see me chasing a young one with my cane? Yeah, you just have to laugh at that image.
But the last line made it not-so-funny anymore. "Do you think this woman should go to prison?"
If the cane-and-knife-wielding aggressor were a 56-year-old man chasing after a 25-year-old woman who had rebuffed his sexual advances, do you think anyone would be asking that question? Of course not. He'd be in jail and charged with assault, attempted rape, and maybe even attempted murder, before he even sobered up. He would definitely end up doing some time, if not prison, then county jail.
Even the way the young man's injury is described is an attempt to minimize it. "The victim only sustained a small laceration from Highley's knife." Only. Small. He was lucky, but this situation was a hair away from becoming very ugly.
I'm getting annoyed at women being held to a much more lenient standard in many things than men. Maybe it comes from being the mother of sons. What if my son was the stupid 25-year-old drinking with this woman? What if it were your son? Would it be funny? Would it be ok because the attacker was a drunken, older woman? Hell, no.
A predator, drunken or not, is a predator, regardless of gender or age.
Here's the link to the article.
I was trolling Facebook yesterday, as I often do, and I came across a link to this article.
"A Florida woman was charged with aggravated assault this week after she chased a man with a knife because he refused her sexual advances.
Elizabeth Highley, 56, was drinking wine with a 25-year-old man when she allegedly attempted to have sex with him. When the man “rejected her sexual advances,” Highley grabbed a knife and broken cane and chased him through a parking lot.
The man eventually found a deputy who was able to talk the woman into dropping her weapons. She was then taken into custody.
The victim only sustained a small laceration from Highley’s knife.
Do you think this woman should go to prison? Tell us in the comments below."
Here's her photo, which kind of makes the whole story come together. At least it does for me.My first reaction was to laugh at the image of a drunken 56-year-old woman, armed with a knife and a broken cane, chasing a 25-year-old man through a parking lot. Come on. You can't tell me that doesn't make you chuckle at least a little. I also laughed because I tried to imagine myself, not 56 but I'll get there someday, chasing a young man who refused me sex. Those of you who know me, can you see me chasing a young one with my cane? Yeah, you just have to laugh at that image.
But the last line made it not-so-funny anymore. "Do you think this woman should go to prison?"
If the cane-and-knife-wielding aggressor were a 56-year-old man chasing after a 25-year-old woman who had rebuffed his sexual advances, do you think anyone would be asking that question? Of course not. He'd be in jail and charged with assault, attempted rape, and maybe even attempted murder, before he even sobered up. He would definitely end up doing some time, if not prison, then county jail.
Even the way the young man's injury is described is an attempt to minimize it. "The victim only sustained a small laceration from Highley's knife." Only. Small. He was lucky, but this situation was a hair away from becoming very ugly.
I'm getting annoyed at women being held to a much more lenient standard in many things than men. Maybe it comes from being the mother of sons. What if my son was the stupid 25-year-old drinking with this woman? What if it were your son? Would it be funny? Would it be ok because the attacker was a drunken, older woman? Hell, no.
A predator, drunken or not, is a predator, regardless of gender or age.
**********************************************************
Monday, July 28, 2014
Orgasmic
You may not know this, but I love playing Words with Friends. I play with several people, most of them friends in my everyday life, although JJ and I have been playing for years, too.
Well, the other day I was playing with a guy I know locally who is happily married and completely unaware of PWK and the world of Kat.
I played the word 'orgasmic,' and it made me chuckle as I hit "SEND." About 10 seconds later, my phone pinged. It was a message from him, sent through the app. It read, "Orgasmic? Really?! For 69 points? How did you do that?"
My answer was, "It's a gift. ;-)"
Here's a screen shot:
Yes, you read it right. That's 69 points. Life is delightful sometimes, isn't it?
The fun part is I know this could have been the first step in a seduction process, but I didn't set the hook. I let him swim away, confused and impressed. I can tell you this, though. Since then he has played much faster and more often than he ever has before. Some fish just want to be caught.
Well, the other day I was playing with a guy I know locally who is happily married and completely unaware of PWK and the world of Kat.
I played the word 'orgasmic,' and it made me chuckle as I hit "SEND." About 10 seconds later, my phone pinged. It was a message from him, sent through the app. It read, "Orgasmic? Really?! For 69 points? How did you do that?"
My answer was, "It's a gift. ;-)"
Here's a screen shot:
Yes, you read it right. That's 69 points. Life is delightful sometimes, isn't it?
The fun part is I know this could have been the first step in a seduction process, but I didn't set the hook. I let him swim away, confused and impressed. I can tell you this, though. Since then he has played much faster and more often than he ever has before. Some fish just want to be caught.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
The Preacher Had a Boner
"Hey, Mom! Did you notice on the movie, The Little Mermaid, that the preacher officiating at the wedding of Ariel and the Prince had a boner?"
I just looked at Little TommyKat with a look that was a cross between surprise and disgust.
"No, I didn't notice, and now I won't be able to help but notice. You just ruined that movie for me. And I don't want to hear about animated boners. Tell your father."
Something happens when you spend enough time around boys. Eventually, they forget that you're not one of them and they start to talk to you like you are. Sometimes, it's amusing. Other times, it makes you fear for the future of the country.
Anyway, so Little TommyKat mentions the Preacher's boner in Little Mermaid, so my brain automatically starts to picture it and tries to remember. That's when I realized that the image that came to mind wasn't the Preacher's boner. It was T's, from the last time I was with him. Specifically, the image was of it just before I took it into my mouth after he had arranged us into a 69 position. He was on top and tilted his hips in such a way that once it was in my mouth, I couldn't take it out. It was one of those blow jobs with almost no lip or hand involvement; it was all tongue, soft palate, and throat. My favorite kind.
But just before I took it into my mouth, I remember how perfect it looked. Nice and hard, throbbing a bit. I wanted it. Badly.
I've told you before that I'm not a big fan of 69 because I can't stay focused on my end of the deal when something so nice is going on at the other end. It's an ADHD thing. This was different, though. Because I couldn't take it out of my mouth, it was easier, and I learned that the closer I came to coming, the harder and deeper I suckled his cock. He made me come a couple of times that way. Just thinking about it today made me damp and I started wondering where T was right at that moment.
I looked up from my book and Little TommyKat was just staring at me, smiling. Apparently, only a second or two had passed. Then he said, "I know, I know. You only care about Dad's boner, right?"
I closed my book and said, "Of course. Now no more boner talk. It's time for lunch."
I just looked at Little TommyKat with a look that was a cross between surprise and disgust.
"No, I didn't notice, and now I won't be able to help but notice. You just ruined that movie for me. And I don't want to hear about animated boners. Tell your father."
Something happens when you spend enough time around boys. Eventually, they forget that you're not one of them and they start to talk to you like you are. Sometimes, it's amusing. Other times, it makes you fear for the future of the country.
Anyway, so Little TommyKat mentions the Preacher's boner in Little Mermaid, so my brain automatically starts to picture it and tries to remember. That's when I realized that the image that came to mind wasn't the Preacher's boner. It was T's, from the last time I was with him. Specifically, the image was of it just before I took it into my mouth after he had arranged us into a 69 position. He was on top and tilted his hips in such a way that once it was in my mouth, I couldn't take it out. It was one of those blow jobs with almost no lip or hand involvement; it was all tongue, soft palate, and throat. My favorite kind.
But just before I took it into my mouth, I remember how perfect it looked. Nice and hard, throbbing a bit. I wanted it. Badly.
I've told you before that I'm not a big fan of 69 because I can't stay focused on my end of the deal when something so nice is going on at the other end. It's an ADHD thing. This was different, though. Because I couldn't take it out of my mouth, it was easier, and I learned that the closer I came to coming, the harder and deeper I suckled his cock. He made me come a couple of times that way. Just thinking about it today made me damp and I started wondering where T was right at that moment.
I looked up from my book and Little TommyKat was just staring at me, smiling. Apparently, only a second or two had passed. Then he said, "I know, I know. You only care about Dad's boner, right?"
I closed my book and said, "Of course. Now no more boner talk. It's time for lunch."
Thursday, July 24, 2014
From Pathetic Beta Husband to Prowler
This a a guest post from a reader who follows my rules better than I do. He has some great information to share. This is one post you'll be very glad you read. Don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments.
Hey Prowlers. A week or so ago Kat and I exchanged emails after I sent her my prowling story to date and she asked that I write part of it down for all of you. She found it both interesting and potentially instructive, especially for new prowlers just getting started.
My tale begins in a familiar place for many reading this Blog, I had a less (much less) than satisfying sex life with a wonderful wife in every other respect. Like most of you, I have no intention of ever leaving her and my children, but I was literally going insane with the quantity and quality of sex and intimacy I was getting. To foretell the end of this story a bit, I was incredibly successful in finding what I wanted after stumbling out of the gate a bit.
I am 51 years old; married for over 25 years with three kids all grown up. About 3 years ago my sex drive shot through the roof and it was causing serious issues with my marriage. I went to school on how to make things better and did what I had to do over the next few years. I alpha’d up, got in incredible physical shape, dressed better, made more money, romanced my wife…all to no avail, she’s just not that interested in sex anymore. Once a week she is into it but no more than that, which meant I felt like crap most of the week. So I decided to see what other alternatives were out there.
In late April I was on a self-help website and I stumbled across both AM and Kat’s Blog, they were listed as the mortal enemies of marriage, complete with URLs…how helpful! Of course, I had to check them out. I gave the AM website a quick read and looked through Kats rules for various types of affairs and jumped right in. I put up a profile on AM on a Monday, bought some credits and started messaging ladies. For those of you new to the site, messages you send out on Monday usually bear fruit late in the week, be patient. After several replies at the end of the first week I decided to meet a few ladies and rapidly discovered that my profile needed some tweaking.
The first lady I met wanted to recruit me for her S&M club. Now I am not into that and if you are, great, but I think we can all agree that the new prowler ought to start out with something a little less involved/intense. In addition, she was easily 50 pounds heavier than her profile and the grainy head shot photo she was willing to send should have been ample warning. So lesson #1: lying about your physical attributes on AM is going to blow up in your face. People will notice if you are shorter or heavier than you advertise…nobody wants perfection but you should accurately represent yourself. The lady in question had keyed off on a line in my profile that was intended to make me sound more edgy than I really am. By the way, and not bragging (maybe a little), but every single lady I have met was willing to screw me on the second meet up, if not right then (an offer I have tried twice).
The next lady I met was right on profile for height and weight, all good, but she was unbelievably paranoid. We were talking in a parking lot in a very public place and she kept ducking behind her car and then back into it. We chatted for a few minutes, she said she was interested in getting together for sex in a few days and then jumped in her car and darted off. Within 30 minutes of this meeting a flood of her nudes began arriving in my email in box along with some seriously fun dirty talk. We went from getting to know one another to her ready to show me the things she did to herself when her hubby wasn’t around. My crazy alarm went off and reminded me of a rule Kat gives us…#2: if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t, run away, especially if the person is very paranoid.
Lady number 3 turns out to be single, in her profile she claimed to be married (lying) and was looking for a serious relationship. Not sure AM is the place to look for that sort of thing. She was ready to head to her house and the bedroom right then, she said as much. So here is another rule from Kat #3: only prowl with people that have as much to lose as you do…avoids unnecessary complications. I said no thank you.
Lady number 4 wanted a one night stand right then…I said what the hell. Had 30 minutes of fun then she bolted, I was left unsatisfied. I already had that feeling at home, that is not what I wanted. Rule #4: you have to offer more than the other person is getting already at home, otherwise why would they take the risk?
I took a tactical pause at this point and tried to figure out how one month worth of effort had produced so little. I went back to school on Kat’s web site and really read it again, particularly some of the advice on profiles and how to behave like a decent human being. My profile was clearly not attracting attention in the right demographic and although I had been nice maybe I had been a bit too direct in some of my communications. One thing I had been doing right was being confident and aggressive in meeting people, I would continue that.
First I tackled the profile, I unchecked all those stupid little boxes and spelled out in clear English what I was looking for and what I wasn’t but I did it in a way that was softer…I did want some romance and intimacy and a relationship...not a gang bang or a quickie in a car. I then developed a standard first contact note that I would personalize with information from the recipient’s profile. It was mostly general information about me and what I liked and didn’t like…things like movies, favorite authors, education level, hobbies etc. Brings us to Rule #5: Don’t be a pig/jerk. Talking about how you like to get a blow job (who doesn’t) or asking her what kind of slut she is will not net very good responses, if any at all. Everyone knows that sex is the primary motivator, being crass about it will put you in a poor demographic.
My standard note also included my contact email off site and a request to move our correspondence there. This was to create more of a sense of intimacy (I told them that) and to eliminate the robo-profiles on AM, they would never agree to move to offsite emails.
Finally I had some good pictures posted to my private showcase and would share them with ladies who responded, or email them the pictures. These were close in head shots, the ladies really want to see your eyes, it’s really important. Also included a full body shot, clothed, so they could see I was what my profile said, in shape. Do not send a picture of your dick, they are ugly anyway, and a topless shot of a guy with a beer gut is not going to get the ladies wet either. Refer to #5 (don’t be a dick) above.
With my new profile and approach I started up again on a Monday and by Friday I had an overwhelming response. Lots of ladies corresponding and wanting to meet. Now I could be selective and I met with several ladies and settled on two. One is a fuck buddy straight through, very practical professional lady who wants to get together once every two weeks for an afternoon and get seriously fucked. We joke around by text between meetings but there is zero expectation with respect to how often and how much info to exchange. We know the bare minimum about each other and that is how we both like it. When we are together we talk and have loads of fun but it’s a quick kiss out the door and I will see you again soon.
The second lady is now my mistress and our relationship is much more involved. Again, we mutually agreed to this. We correspond/talk daily and she knows everything about me and vice versa. We are very intimate, just what I was missing at home, and our sex has been incredible. After years of my wife wanting me to hurry up and get it over with, it’s nice to know I can still go at it multiple times for hours. She knows about lady number one and about my wife and our sex life (we still have the weekly session) and is good with it. She is having decent sex with her husband, good for her. What we have is filling a big void in my life and I believe the same for her.
As result of all this effort I now find myself in a good spot. I have three ladies in my life who between them provide the quantity, quality and variety of sex I need to feel balanced. I use Kat’s advice for fuck buddies and mistresses and it is solid and spot on. I even re-read the posts to ensure I do not get complacent, so far my girls are happy and so am I.
Some info that doesn’t fit in the timeline above…I have interviewed all of the ladies I have met to find out what they are looking for on AM and what is scaring them away. This is from them:
****************************************
Hey Prowlers. A week or so ago Kat and I exchanged emails after I sent her my prowling story to date and she asked that I write part of it down for all of you. She found it both interesting and potentially instructive, especially for new prowlers just getting started.
My tale begins in a familiar place for many reading this Blog, I had a less (much less) than satisfying sex life with a wonderful wife in every other respect. Like most of you, I have no intention of ever leaving her and my children, but I was literally going insane with the quantity and quality of sex and intimacy I was getting. To foretell the end of this story a bit, I was incredibly successful in finding what I wanted after stumbling out of the gate a bit.
I am 51 years old; married for over 25 years with three kids all grown up. About 3 years ago my sex drive shot through the roof and it was causing serious issues with my marriage. I went to school on how to make things better and did what I had to do over the next few years. I alpha’d up, got in incredible physical shape, dressed better, made more money, romanced my wife…all to no avail, she’s just not that interested in sex anymore. Once a week she is into it but no more than that, which meant I felt like crap most of the week. So I decided to see what other alternatives were out there.
In late April I was on a self-help website and I stumbled across both AM and Kat’s Blog, they were listed as the mortal enemies of marriage, complete with URLs…how helpful! Of course, I had to check them out. I gave the AM website a quick read and looked through Kats rules for various types of affairs and jumped right in. I put up a profile on AM on a Monday, bought some credits and started messaging ladies. For those of you new to the site, messages you send out on Monday usually bear fruit late in the week, be patient. After several replies at the end of the first week I decided to meet a few ladies and rapidly discovered that my profile needed some tweaking.
The first lady I met wanted to recruit me for her S&M club. Now I am not into that and if you are, great, but I think we can all agree that the new prowler ought to start out with something a little less involved/intense. In addition, she was easily 50 pounds heavier than her profile and the grainy head shot photo she was willing to send should have been ample warning. So lesson #1: lying about your physical attributes on AM is going to blow up in your face. People will notice if you are shorter or heavier than you advertise…nobody wants perfection but you should accurately represent yourself. The lady in question had keyed off on a line in my profile that was intended to make me sound more edgy than I really am. By the way, and not bragging (maybe a little), but every single lady I have met was willing to screw me on the second meet up, if not right then (an offer I have tried twice).
The next lady I met was right on profile for height and weight, all good, but she was unbelievably paranoid. We were talking in a parking lot in a very public place and she kept ducking behind her car and then back into it. We chatted for a few minutes, she said she was interested in getting together for sex in a few days and then jumped in her car and darted off. Within 30 minutes of this meeting a flood of her nudes began arriving in my email in box along with some seriously fun dirty talk. We went from getting to know one another to her ready to show me the things she did to herself when her hubby wasn’t around. My crazy alarm went off and reminded me of a rule Kat gives us…#2: if it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t, run away, especially if the person is very paranoid.
Lady number 3 turns out to be single, in her profile she claimed to be married (lying) and was looking for a serious relationship. Not sure AM is the place to look for that sort of thing. She was ready to head to her house and the bedroom right then, she said as much. So here is another rule from Kat #3: only prowl with people that have as much to lose as you do…avoids unnecessary complications. I said no thank you.
Lady number 4 wanted a one night stand right then…I said what the hell. Had 30 minutes of fun then she bolted, I was left unsatisfied. I already had that feeling at home, that is not what I wanted. Rule #4: you have to offer more than the other person is getting already at home, otherwise why would they take the risk?
I took a tactical pause at this point and tried to figure out how one month worth of effort had produced so little. I went back to school on Kat’s web site and really read it again, particularly some of the advice on profiles and how to behave like a decent human being. My profile was clearly not attracting attention in the right demographic and although I had been nice maybe I had been a bit too direct in some of my communications. One thing I had been doing right was being confident and aggressive in meeting people, I would continue that.
First I tackled the profile, I unchecked all those stupid little boxes and spelled out in clear English what I was looking for and what I wasn’t but I did it in a way that was softer…I did want some romance and intimacy and a relationship...not a gang bang or a quickie in a car. I then developed a standard first contact note that I would personalize with information from the recipient’s profile. It was mostly general information about me and what I liked and didn’t like…things like movies, favorite authors, education level, hobbies etc. Brings us to Rule #5: Don’t be a pig/jerk. Talking about how you like to get a blow job (who doesn’t) or asking her what kind of slut she is will not net very good responses, if any at all. Everyone knows that sex is the primary motivator, being crass about it will put you in a poor demographic.
My standard note also included my contact email off site and a request to move our correspondence there. This was to create more of a sense of intimacy (I told them that) and to eliminate the robo-profiles on AM, they would never agree to move to offsite emails.
Finally I had some good pictures posted to my private showcase and would share them with ladies who responded, or email them the pictures. These were close in head shots, the ladies really want to see your eyes, it’s really important. Also included a full body shot, clothed, so they could see I was what my profile said, in shape. Do not send a picture of your dick, they are ugly anyway, and a topless shot of a guy with a beer gut is not going to get the ladies wet either. Refer to #5 (don’t be a dick) above.
With my new profile and approach I started up again on a Monday and by Friday I had an overwhelming response. Lots of ladies corresponding and wanting to meet. Now I could be selective and I met with several ladies and settled on two. One is a fuck buddy straight through, very practical professional lady who wants to get together once every two weeks for an afternoon and get seriously fucked. We joke around by text between meetings but there is zero expectation with respect to how often and how much info to exchange. We know the bare minimum about each other and that is how we both like it. When we are together we talk and have loads of fun but it’s a quick kiss out the door and I will see you again soon.
The second lady is now my mistress and our relationship is much more involved. Again, we mutually agreed to this. We correspond/talk daily and she knows everything about me and vice versa. We are very intimate, just what I was missing at home, and our sex has been incredible. After years of my wife wanting me to hurry up and get it over with, it’s nice to know I can still go at it multiple times for hours. She knows about lady number one and about my wife and our sex life (we still have the weekly session) and is good with it. She is having decent sex with her husband, good for her. What we have is filling a big void in my life and I believe the same for her.
As result of all this effort I now find myself in a good spot. I have three ladies in my life who between them provide the quantity, quality and variety of sex I need to feel balanced. I use Kat’s advice for fuck buddies and mistresses and it is solid and spot on. I even re-read the posts to ensure I do not get complacent, so far my girls are happy and so am I.
Some info that doesn’t fit in the timeline above…I have interviewed all of the ladies I have met to find out what they are looking for on AM and what is scaring them away. This is from them:
- They want a man to tell them about himself, at least a little, before he starts asking what size their tits are and if they shave. I have had more than one lady compliment me on not asking sexual questions or talking about sex right out of the block; it’s implied.
- Do not send pictures of your dick or naked chest if you are not in shape. Make sure they can see your eyes in at least one photo…I think this is all about trust, is this a guy a serial killer or not?
- Confidence is the single sexiest thing. My fuck buddy thought my standard personal letter was a bit cocky and said she just had to meet me to see if I was really that confident or if I was an asshole. She voted with her body, confidence sells, fake it til you make it if you have to.
- Two physical attributes are key, one you control, one you don’t. Tall guys get more ladies, it’s not bad to be short but you will need more confidence to overcome it. Get in shape…you control that, BTW might be why your wife isn’t fucking you enough. Get to the gym, lose the gut, build some guns and the ladies will be all over you….the payoff is worth the effort.
- Do not get mad/testy etc. in your emails. Instant turnoff. The ladies want it light and fun, why the hell would they put up with shit from you, they get that at home.
- When you meet a new lady you need a balanced mix of confidence and respect. Definitely part with at least a small show of affection if it is clear she might be into you. (I have gotten everything from a hug, to my brains fucked out on meeting number one.) The ladies I have met also want you to be civil, keep talking about yourself and what you expect and not just about when the sex will start. Be funny, be charming.
- Don’t plead with or promise the lady you will be fantastic in bed, better than her husband etc. Under promise and over deliver when it comes to sex.
- Communicate between meetings, thank them, be polite, be romantic…a thousand different ways of saying, DON’T BE A DICK.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
10 Surefire Ways to Ruin Your Affair
You've done all the searching. You've found someone. You have an affair. It's fantastic! But then it all blows up in your face. What happened? We tend to focus our time and attention on finding a partner, but that's just the beginning. If you're not careful, it can end as quickly as it began.
Here are 10 surefire ways to ruin things.
Here are 10 surefire ways to ruin things.
- Be uncommunicative. You wooed her with your witty repartee and sensitive, insightful emails, but once you caught her, you became silent or very close to it. You told her you're busy, but it really doesn't matter why. If you stop communicating, she'll be gone. How long it takes her to walk away depends on many factors, including how much she likes you, how desperate she is, how good you are in bed, and probably one or two other things. Eventually, though, she'll go.
- Treat her like a booty call. In the beginning you romanced her and seduced her, but now you don't talk to her much at all, except when you want sex. So you call and act like everything is exactly as it should be and you try to set up a date. She'll go along with it for awhile, but eventually you'll be shocked when she's always too busy to see you, especially when she had no problem making the time before. Even a fuck buddy needs some friendly communication in between fuck sessions.
- Lie to her.....and get caught. Face it. We're all liars. We lie to our spouses and, yes, we even lie to ourselves at times. Still, we don't want to believe that a lover would ever lie to us. You tell her you're not looking on AM anymore, but she catches you. Now she says she can't trust you, which is odd because you really weren't too trustworthy before because you're cheating on your wife with her, but she didn't count that in the trustworthy equation (there's that lying to ourselves thing again).
- Start to fantasize (and talk) about being together full-time. The majority of prowlers never leave their spouses, and those that do very rarely end up with the lover they were with when they split. You have a deal. You're both married and you're planning to stay married. If you start making noises about changing the plan, your lover may disappear very quickly.
- Tell your friends. You think it's safe. You think your friends would never, ever tell anyone that you're having an affair. Until they do. Of course they're not trying to hurt you, but the intention doesn't matter when your spouse finds out.
- Start getting sloppy. After a while, you think you've got your spouse totally hoodwinked so you don't delete messages and email like you used to. You forget to clear your browser history. You wear perfume or scented after shave to a meeting with lover, leaving him/her smelling like s/he was inappropriately close to someone of the opposite sex. It's only natural to let your guard down a little after a while. Maintaining constant vigilance is difficult, but if you get sloppy, you'll slip up, and the affair will be over.
- Get selfish in bed. There's nothing wrong with being selfish in bed every now and then and just letting your lover please you, but remember that s/he has a spouse at home who probably does that all the time. If it becomes a regular thing, why would s/he want to be with you? S/he could be stay at home and be completely unsatisfied without risk of divorce.
- Be emotionally unavailable. Let me be very clear on this. An affair is about more than sex. It's about friendship, emotional connection, mutual support, and sex. If all you want is sex, you don't want an affair. You want a fuck buddy or a prostitute. If you go into the relationship saying you want an affair and then you shut down emotionally, she won't stay long, or if she does, she'll also be looking for someone else. If you can't be at least a little bit emotionally vulnerable, just call a hooker.
- Talk only about yourself. Don't forget the 'mutually supportive' part of having an affair. If you're talking all the time and you don't know much about what's going on in her life, you won't be able to be very supportive at all. Why should she stay? I've been in relationships (both long and short term) with men who could not tell you anything substantial about my life because the topic of conversation was always their lives, their needs, their struggles. I've even been told by someone that he didn't want to hear about anything related to my family. What the fuck?! Try this test. Let's imagine that someone were to ask you about your lover, "Hey, what's going on with (your lover) these days?" Would you know what to say? Would you be able to say anything more than, "Oh, uh, she's great!" If you can't, she's either on her way out the door or she's unhappy and thinking about it.
- Take her for granted. Things have been going so well for so long that you don't feel the need to be as diligent about the niceties. You may go for days without contact because you're really busy. Come on, how long does it take to send a two sentence email saying that you're busy but you care about her/love her and you miss her? You start forgetting to send her a thank you text or email after playtime. You just assume she'll show up for playtime, so you quit asking her. All the little acts of appreciation you showed in the beginning are long gone. Basically, you treat her like you treat your wife, or worse. Remember, she's already taken for granted and under appreciated at home. Why would she take that from you? And when she leaves, you'll probably be shocked because you didn't see it coming.
Now, take a look at this list again. Except for numbers 4, 5, and 6, these are also ways to ruin your marriage. If you recognize yourself in any of these, there may still be time to change.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Falling for Tall Guy
I met Tall Guy on AM in early January. At first there was nothing that really stood out about him except for the fact that he's tall and he's a decent writer, which is not common among men on AM. Trust me on this.
It's not that I'm a writing snob, but when your only way of getting to know someone initially and determining if you want to meet them in person is in writing, it really helps if he can put two sentences together. Okay, maybe I am a writing snob. Whatever....
Anyway, Tall Guy wrote well, often, and prolifically. It didn't take very long at all for us to learn more and more about each other and to learn that we actually have some things in common that surprised me. By the end of January, even though I was thoroughly enjoying playtime with T, I was ready to meet him. But he wasn't ready to meet me.
I used to make the assumption that by the time someone signs up on AM, they are ready to pursue whatever they may find there. I learned that is not the case. There are many folks there who are just checking it out, some out of curiosity and others to see if they really could find someone there. Let me speak for the real AM hunters and say that the lookie-loos are annoying. Seriously, it's not fun to invest weeks in getting to know someone only to find out that he doesn't know what he wants or that he was just window shopping but he doesn't want to prowl. But that's exactly how it was with Tall Guy.
Let me pause here and tell you why I've named him Tall Guy. It should be very obvious, but for some of you (Ryan, Max, and whoever else may need assistance with their masks before I put on my own) I'll explain a bit more. He's tall. Very tall. Really, really tall. 6'10" to be specific. His height is emphasized even more because I'm so short - 5'4", well, actually 5'3".......until this morning when the doctor told me I was really 5'2" now. Yes, I am the incredible shrinking woman and Tall Guy towers over me.
But I digress....again.....
Tall Guy wasn't sure that he wanted to cheat, and you know my advice to anyone who's not sure - don't do it. So, I assumed that Tall Guy would never become a notch on my bedpost, but we continued to correspond anyway. Why? Because I liked him. Very much.
The months flew by - February, March. In March he started thinking he might like to get together. April - nothing. May - he decided he wanted to meet. I'll admit that I was nervous, mainly because I had put him in the "not gonna happen" category and I was very surprised when he jumped into the "let's meet once and see how it goes" category.
It went very well. The first thing I noticed when I walked in the room was that, even though I knew he was tall, he was really, really tall. He walked over to give me a hug and a kiss and I had to look straight up and stand on my tippy toes and he had to bend way over to make it happen. I chuckled to myself at the unusual situation and then I realized that there could very well be some logistical issues to address as the afternoon unfolded.
He took my hand and stepped over to the bed and sat down. Then we were almost eye level. Almost. And he kissed me again. That's when the magic happened. Wow. Sparks, fireworks, whatever you want to call it. And I was shocked. Jumping from "not gonna happen" to "let's meet once and see how it goes" is one thing, but leaping all the way over to "this could be serious" is crazy and it caught me off guard.
As I said, it went very well. It was a wonderful afternoon in just about every way. I'm not going to tell the sex story in this post, but never fear, I will soon. This post has another point entirely.
I left that meeting happy, very satisfied, and convinced that we were moving in a new direction together. I expected to hear something from him soon afterwards. Nothing. After sending him a message, he shared with me that he was feeling guilty and needed some time to work it out.
Then I got the "let's be friends" email. Not only was that the content, but that was definitely the feel of it as well. It was much more distant than what he had written to me recently.
"Hi Kat, I fear I may have hurt your feelings and if I have, I am very, very sorry. You are an intelligent, warm, and welcoming person and I am glad to have met you. I've enjoyed our chats and the friendship we built. I really hope that can continue. Also, I did enjoy our time together very much and am sorry my own issues have dampened that for you.I don't know what else to say … I sincerely hope I haven't hurt you. If I have, I am sorry."
Fuck. You know when someone calls you intelligent soon after fucking you it can't be good. At first I was confused. The encounter we had wasn't a friendly fuck. There was much more passion to it. There was more of everything that you would want. But, hoping that I could still save face, I wrote a very polite, albeit brief, reply:
"Thanks for your note. I appreciate your thoughts. I was hurt because it seemed like you regretted our meeting and seeing me. It made something really nice seem dirty. I'd like to continue our friendship, too. I have no regrets. I think you're an extraordinary man."
The message was very docile, but I was angry. I was angry and him for not knowing what he wanted and I was angry at myself for allowing myself to be drawn in beyond the emotional safety zone before I was sure he was ready. I was angry at SNS Guy for pulling the rug out from under me and kicking me to the curb months before (a little delayed anger, I know). I was angry at T for his on again - off again efforts to keep me at a safe emotional distance. I was angry at JJ for disappearing from my life. I was angry at Hubby for...well, for a lot of things. I felt jerked around and used and every man I'd been mad at in the past 6 months popped into my head and I sat in my car and raged at them all at once.
By the time I was done, I had decided that I wasn't going to have anything to do with any of them ever again. I was done. Well, except for maybe SNS Guy because he was my best friend, and still is, in spite of what had happened. And except for T because, as you all know, he's like crack for me and I knew I'd need another fix soon. And Hubby, well, we had to finish raising our youngest son, so he could stay around until LittleTomKat turned 18, but that was it!
For the rest of May, email with Tall Guy was polite and friendly, but not as frequent as it had been before we met. In June, it became more frequent again, more personal. At some point during June, we both realized that we had moved out of that "let's be friends" category to the "this is serious" category. In early July, he decided that he was really ready to meet again. We did. It was amazing.
I'm not exactly sure when I started to love him, but I know I fought it. Every warning light in my brain started going off at once, telling me that being emotionally vulnerable - again - was a bad idea. But every time I talked or chatted with him I couldn't see those warning lights at all. I only saw him.
And that's how it is today.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
All I Need Is a Little Alpha
Hubby came home last night and we went to bed. I was all prepared, as I said I would be, but he seemed surprised about the whole thing.
Hubby: Oh, you wanna have sex?
Kat: You're the one who texted me that you took a pill. Doesn't that always mean that you want sex?
Hubby: Uh. Ok. We can do that.
There's nothing like a response like that to make a gal feel wanted (yes, that was sarcasm). I didn't let it deter me, though. I answered with a perky, "Great!" and jumped into bed.
Things started off like they always do. He grabbed some lube and started fingering me. If you would just warm me up a bit, the lube would be completely unnecessary, I thought, but I didn't say it. I've said it enough before.
If he wasn't going to help with the warm up, I'd handle it myself, so I reached down and started stroking his cock while I thought about my last visit with my Sweetie. Oh yeah. I came in no time.
He got up on his knees, his favorite position for getting a BJ. He was rock hard. Thank God for those little pills (yes, the pills that we pay for ourselves, that insurance doesn't cover....and I've never whined about that once).
I took him into my mouth and started sucking on him slowly, getting reacquainted with his cock. I will say this for Hubby; he has a lovely cock. Bigger than average, nice shape. After a few strokes I started to get into it. I reached around, squeezed his butt, and pulled him forward every time I went down.
That's when it happened. He started thrusting his his hips forward a bit, then he put his hand on the back of my head, gripped my hair, and pulled me onto him every time he thrusted forward.
Oh. my. god. That tiny bit of alpha behavior was all I needed to get that buzz of desire. I dove down and took that throbbing cock into my throat and kept swallowing until I almost passed out. Then I took a breath and sucked the cum right out of him. He actually yelled as he came. That hasn't happened for years.
We rested together after. I snuggled up next to him and instead of acting like he wanted me on the other side of the bed immediately, he started running his fingers through my hair as we talked.
I was ready go again, but I didn't think he'd be able to. Still, I lightly squeezed his balls and brushed his cock every now and then. Fifteen minutes later, he was getting hard again.
I started stroking him, and he said, "Uh, Kat, you know that's an illusion. I won't cum again."
"Such a negative attitude," I whined as I kept stroking.
When he was fully hard again, I rolled over to straddle him.
"What about your knees?!" he said quickly.
I slid his cock inside me and said, "Fuck my knees," just before I leaned over and kissed his neck.
Ok, I'll admit it, my knees were killing me, but I wasn't going to let the moment go. He was going to cum a second time. I suspected he'd need some help. So I started whispering in his ear as I rocked my hips, grinding my clit against him.
"Did you like it when your little slut, M, rode you? Did she do it like this or did you like her to sit up straight and tall so you could see her little tits and watch your cock as it slid in and out of her? "
He didn't say anything, but he gabbed my hips and started pulling me, guiding me exactly how he wanted.
"Mmmm, nice. I'll bet she was a good little slut and did exactly what you said, didn't she? Did she love your cock as much as I do? Did she suck on it? Was she good at that?"
He spoke, breathlessly. "No one does it like you do."
Wow. That made me smile, and it almost made me lose focus, but I held on.
"That's because you know I love you. But her cunt was always nice and tight for you, wasn't it?"
He started pumping, thrusting his hips upward. Then suddenly he stopped and said, "Get off. I want you from behind."
Yeehaw! I thought. Here we go.... but then I couldn't get off. My knees had frozen up. LOL. Yes. I was stuck. I whispered in his ear, "I'm sure M never got stuck on you, did she?" And we both burst into laughter.
Slowly, very slowly, he helped me and I managed to get off and change positions. I was afraid that the hot mood was dead, but he got behind me, entered me and said, "Actually, her cunt was always perfect - warm, wet, tight.... Now shut the fuck up!" And he brought his hand down hard on my ass.
SLAP!
Ouch! But.....holy shit! Where did that come from??? I felt a little shudder in my pussy. That's it. All I need is a little Alpha, Dear.
He grabbed both my hips and started fucking me hard and fast. I tried to move with him, but I couldn't, he was in control. All I could do was hold on.
Then he said something that made my heart stop.
"Is this the way JJ fucked you?"
Shit. I didn't know what to say. The whole truth? That would be, "yes, but harder and faster and with a thicker cock." I decided that partial truth would do, so I just said, "Yes."
He slapped my ass again. Hard! And he started pumping me harder.
Then I had JJ on the brain, and I came very quickly after that, but he didn't slow down, which made it much more intense.
A few minutes later, he came, and he groaned loudly as he did. He pulled me back onto him and held me tightly for a while. Then he released me and collapsed on the bed next to me. I rolled over. He reached over and took my hand. We were both quiet for awhile. I was the one who spoke first.
"Was that pill one from the doctor or one from that online pharmacy that I found?"
"Online," he said, still catching his breath.
We looked at each other and we both smiled, then laughed.
A few minutes later, he said, "Kat?"
"Yes?"
"I don't think I can take another pill for a few days."
We laughed again.
"That's ok," I told him. "Let's just stay in today, shall we? Today was ...uh.....pretty good, don't you think?"
No answer. Just as I turned to look at him, I heard the snore. Poor guy was tuckered out.
And I was amazed. Just when I think it won't ever get any better, he surprises me. All he needed was a little more help from me, and all I needed was a little bit of Alpha.
Hubby: Oh, you wanna have sex?
Kat: You're the one who texted me that you took a pill. Doesn't that always mean that you want sex?
Hubby: Uh. Ok. We can do that.
There's nothing like a response like that to make a gal feel wanted (yes, that was sarcasm). I didn't let it deter me, though. I answered with a perky, "Great!" and jumped into bed.
Things started off like they always do. He grabbed some lube and started fingering me. If you would just warm me up a bit, the lube would be completely unnecessary, I thought, but I didn't say it. I've said it enough before.
If he wasn't going to help with the warm up, I'd handle it myself, so I reached down and started stroking his cock while I thought about my last visit with my Sweetie. Oh yeah. I came in no time.
He got up on his knees, his favorite position for getting a BJ. He was rock hard. Thank God for those little pills (yes, the pills that we pay for ourselves, that insurance doesn't cover....and I've never whined about that once).
I took him into my mouth and started sucking on him slowly, getting reacquainted with his cock. I will say this for Hubby; he has a lovely cock. Bigger than average, nice shape. After a few strokes I started to get into it. I reached around, squeezed his butt, and pulled him forward every time I went down.
That's when it happened. He started thrusting his his hips forward a bit, then he put his hand on the back of my head, gripped my hair, and pulled me onto him every time he thrusted forward.
Oh. my. god. That tiny bit of alpha behavior was all I needed to get that buzz of desire. I dove down and took that throbbing cock into my throat and kept swallowing until I almost passed out. Then I took a breath and sucked the cum right out of him. He actually yelled as he came. That hasn't happened for years.
We rested together after. I snuggled up next to him and instead of acting like he wanted me on the other side of the bed immediately, he started running his fingers through my hair as we talked.
I was ready go again, but I didn't think he'd be able to. Still, I lightly squeezed his balls and brushed his cock every now and then. Fifteen minutes later, he was getting hard again.
I started stroking him, and he said, "Uh, Kat, you know that's an illusion. I won't cum again."
"Such a negative attitude," I whined as I kept stroking.
When he was fully hard again, I rolled over to straddle him.
"What about your knees?!" he said quickly.
I slid his cock inside me and said, "Fuck my knees," just before I leaned over and kissed his neck.
Ok, I'll admit it, my knees were killing me, but I wasn't going to let the moment go. He was going to cum a second time. I suspected he'd need some help. So I started whispering in his ear as I rocked my hips, grinding my clit against him.
"Did you like it when your little slut, M, rode you? Did she do it like this or did you like her to sit up straight and tall so you could see her little tits and watch your cock as it slid in and out of her? "
He didn't say anything, but he gabbed my hips and started pulling me, guiding me exactly how he wanted.
"Mmmm, nice. I'll bet she was a good little slut and did exactly what you said, didn't she? Did she love your cock as much as I do? Did she suck on it? Was she good at that?"
He spoke, breathlessly. "No one does it like you do."
Wow. That made me smile, and it almost made me lose focus, but I held on.
"That's because you know I love you. But her cunt was always nice and tight for you, wasn't it?"
He started pumping, thrusting his hips upward. Then suddenly he stopped and said, "Get off. I want you from behind."
Yeehaw! I thought. Here we go.... but then I couldn't get off. My knees had frozen up. LOL. Yes. I was stuck. I whispered in his ear, "I'm sure M never got stuck on you, did she?" And we both burst into laughter.
Slowly, very slowly, he helped me and I managed to get off and change positions. I was afraid that the hot mood was dead, but he got behind me, entered me and said, "Actually, her cunt was always perfect - warm, wet, tight.... Now shut the fuck up!" And he brought his hand down hard on my ass.
SLAP!
Ouch! But.....holy shit! Where did that come from??? I felt a little shudder in my pussy. That's it. All I need is a little Alpha, Dear.
He grabbed both my hips and started fucking me hard and fast. I tried to move with him, but I couldn't, he was in control. All I could do was hold on.
Then he said something that made my heart stop.
"Is this the way JJ fucked you?"
Shit. I didn't know what to say. The whole truth? That would be, "yes, but harder and faster and with a thicker cock." I decided that partial truth would do, so I just said, "Yes."
He slapped my ass again. Hard! And he started pumping me harder.
Then I had JJ on the brain, and I came very quickly after that, but he didn't slow down, which made it much more intense.
A few minutes later, he came, and he groaned loudly as he did. He pulled me back onto him and held me tightly for a while. Then he released me and collapsed on the bed next to me. I rolled over. He reached over and took my hand. We were both quiet for awhile. I was the one who spoke first.
"Was that pill one from the doctor or one from that online pharmacy that I found?"
"Online," he said, still catching his breath.
We looked at each other and we both smiled, then laughed.
A few minutes later, he said, "Kat?"
"Yes?"
"I don't think I can take another pill for a few days."
We laughed again.
"That's ok," I told him. "Let's just stay in today, shall we? Today was ...uh.....pretty good, don't you think?"
No answer. Just as I turned to look at him, I heard the snore. Poor guy was tuckered out.
And I was amazed. Just when I think it won't ever get any better, he surprises me. All he needed was a little more help from me, and all I needed was a little bit of Alpha.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Is Any Sex Better Than No Sex?
Hubby is out and about with friends tonight and I'm at home being Mom. Well, I'm always Mom, but you know what I mean. I'm caring for the kittens.
He texted me a few minutes ago.
"I forgot to tell you, I took a pill. :-D"
Of course it's obvious what pill he was talking about because he never gets all smiley over his blood pressure pill or his vitamins.
His text was Hubby-speak for "Let's have sex tonight."
What happened to the days of cuddling and talking and sex arising as a spontaneous result of desire? Most of the spontaneous thing left when kids came along. Now, it all comes down to a medical announcement.
Great. I guess the few hours of being with the kids between now and when he gets home is supposed to be the foreplay.
I hate to project negatively, but if tonight is anything like the last several times a pill was taken, it won't be anything to write home about. Know what I mean? It's not all his fault, either. It takes two for sex to be as boring and routine as ours. I've tried to initiate new things, but we always end up going back to the same old thing. I could do a better job of faking excitement, I suppose, but that's very hard to do with a man who won't kiss you.
I've talked about, and many of you have experienced, the pain of rejection when you tell your spouse you'd like to have sex and he (or she) rebuffs your advances. It sucks. But trying to build up some excitement during the act and to have that ignored is a kind of rejection, too. Who knew it would be possible to feel rejection during the act of sex? Well, it is.
In those situations, is that act of intercourse better than not having sex at all? I don't think so. Not having sex with the person you love can be frustrating and upsetting, but having soulless, completely unpassionate sex can be worse because you go into it thinking you have a chance for some intimacy when in reality it's just something physical. Two animals copulating. Wow. Who wants that? Many may choose to live with it, but who would want that kind of a sex life?
Not me.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I have experienced what real passion and intimacy are, so the comparison makes "pill nights" feel even more empty.
I'm sure I'll hear from people who have no spouse or partner telling me that I should be grateful. I am grateful, very grateful, for my husband. I love him very much. He means the world to me. He's the father of my children. But I'm not going to pretend I'm grateful for spirit killing sex. No way. That's like saying that you're grateful for financial problems because at least it means you have something to lose.
Above all, I am frustrated. How can two people who love each other as much as we do, who have been committed to each other for so long, who have been through hell and back together, who can talk to each other about just about anything be so incapable of making an intimate and satisfying sexual connection? I don't get it. There was a time when it was there. That's why we continue to chase it and try, I think.
I've thought about talking with him about it .....again.....but how do you tell someone you love that you feel so distant from them during sex that it's painful? That you feel closer to them and more connected when they're sick and puking their guts out than you do during sex. That you feel closer to them just about anytime than you do during sex. How do you do that? And how do you change it? We've tried the books and videos and all the professional advise over the years. It helped a little. The best post-children sex we ever had was the night he learned I had been cheating. That lasted for a few months. He was making an effort to compete, I think, and if he would keep doing that our sex life would be good. Not great, but good. But he fell back in the old routine and I let him....and here we are.
When the pill text came, I just looked at it for a moment and felt the flood of emotions wash through. Then I responded with a cute little texted kiss, exactly what was expected of me. I'll take a shower later on and pick up the bedroom, and pull out some lube and some toys (that won't be used). I'll go through the motions of getting ready. When he comes home, I'll decide. Do I try to spice things up with enthusiasm and sheer will and risk feeling that during-the-act-rejection? Or do I just go with the flow and see if something magically changes?
It's not that I don't like sex. To the contrary, I love it! But sex without enthusiasm and passion is not what I want. I can get that from someone from my AM phone list very quickly, without the emotional struggle of wishing it were better.
At this point in my life, I want more.
He texted me a few minutes ago.
"I forgot to tell you, I took a pill. :-D"
Of course it's obvious what pill he was talking about because he never gets all smiley over his blood pressure pill or his vitamins.
His text was Hubby-speak for "Let's have sex tonight."
What happened to the days of cuddling and talking and sex arising as a spontaneous result of desire? Most of the spontaneous thing left when kids came along. Now, it all comes down to a medical announcement.
Great. I guess the few hours of being with the kids between now and when he gets home is supposed to be the foreplay.
I hate to project negatively, but if tonight is anything like the last several times a pill was taken, it won't be anything to write home about. Know what I mean? It's not all his fault, either. It takes two for sex to be as boring and routine as ours. I've tried to initiate new things, but we always end up going back to the same old thing. I could do a better job of faking excitement, I suppose, but that's very hard to do with a man who won't kiss you.
I've talked about, and many of you have experienced, the pain of rejection when you tell your spouse you'd like to have sex and he (or she) rebuffs your advances. It sucks. But trying to build up some excitement during the act and to have that ignored is a kind of rejection, too. Who knew it would be possible to feel rejection during the act of sex? Well, it is.
In those situations, is that act of intercourse better than not having sex at all? I don't think so. Not having sex with the person you love can be frustrating and upsetting, but having soulless, completely unpassionate sex can be worse because you go into it thinking you have a chance for some intimacy when in reality it's just something physical. Two animals copulating. Wow. Who wants that? Many may choose to live with it, but who would want that kind of a sex life?
Not me.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I have experienced what real passion and intimacy are, so the comparison makes "pill nights" feel even more empty.
I'm sure I'll hear from people who have no spouse or partner telling me that I should be grateful. I am grateful, very grateful, for my husband. I love him very much. He means the world to me. He's the father of my children. But I'm not going to pretend I'm grateful for spirit killing sex. No way. That's like saying that you're grateful for financial problems because at least it means you have something to lose.
Above all, I am frustrated. How can two people who love each other as much as we do, who have been committed to each other for so long, who have been through hell and back together, who can talk to each other about just about anything be so incapable of making an intimate and satisfying sexual connection? I don't get it. There was a time when it was there. That's why we continue to chase it and try, I think.
I've thought about talking with him about it .....again.....but how do you tell someone you love that you feel so distant from them during sex that it's painful? That you feel closer to them and more connected when they're sick and puking their guts out than you do during sex. That you feel closer to them just about anytime than you do during sex. How do you do that? And how do you change it? We've tried the books and videos and all the professional advise over the years. It helped a little. The best post-children sex we ever had was the night he learned I had been cheating. That lasted for a few months. He was making an effort to compete, I think, and if he would keep doing that our sex life would be good. Not great, but good. But he fell back in the old routine and I let him....and here we are.
When the pill text came, I just looked at it for a moment and felt the flood of emotions wash through. Then I responded with a cute little texted kiss, exactly what was expected of me. I'll take a shower later on and pick up the bedroom, and pull out some lube and some toys (that won't be used). I'll go through the motions of getting ready. When he comes home, I'll decide. Do I try to spice things up with enthusiasm and sheer will and risk feeling that during-the-act-rejection? Or do I just go with the flow and see if something magically changes?
It's not that I don't like sex. To the contrary, I love it! But sex without enthusiasm and passion is not what I want. I can get that from someone from my AM phone list very quickly, without the emotional struggle of wishing it were better.
At this point in my life, I want more.
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