I just did something that I thought I would never do.
I just confessed my infidelities to my husband.
Well, some of them.
Here's what happened. He was digging through some records and he was about to discover one of the affairs. Seriously, he was probably only an hour or two away from knowing, so I had a choice - Keep lying and make up another excuse or just tell him the truth.
He has been suspicious for a while. Once he found the hotel payment records for a local hotel, he'd know. I could have tried to lie and make up an explanation, but my husband is not that stupid. I am only attracted to smart men, remember? It would have been just too demeaning and insulting to him to make up another lame excuse that he knew was a lie. And, frankly, I have grown pretty tired of lying to the man I have loved for almost 25 years.
So I told him.
At first, he didn't say anything. He just stared at me. He asked a question or two. I answered them honestly. He asked if I was still seeing him. I replied, "One of them."
Hubby: There's more than one???
Hubby: Does that one know you are telling me?
Kat: No, not yet.
Hubby: So he doesn't know you're breaking it off with him yet?
Kat: No, but I didn't say I was breaking it off with him. You and I haven't gotten that far yet.
Hubby: So, you're still planning to see him again.
Kat: That depends.
Hubby: On what?
And that's where the negotiations began. What do I want from our marriage? What does he want? Could our marriage survive an open marriage relationship?
Surprisingly, he didn't ask any of the questions I was expecting, like how did we meet, how long has it been going on, etc. I think he was in shock. I expect that some of those will come as he processes things a bit more.
The conversation between us is not over yet, but we did agree on a few things - We love each other, we love our family, and we will not be splitting up over this or anything else.
The question is.... Can I give up prowling? Will I?
What do you think?