It also doesn't make sense to give them all the detail about why I'm breaking it off, if I'm the one walking away. A simple, but kind, "moving on" message is best.
I also try to maintain some of my own dignity. Begging them not to leave me would be rather unbecoming, wouldn't it? Not that I usually want to, but there have been a couple of times. I could make it hard for them, but I never do. No, I exhibit self-control and graciousness.
Don't I sound so mature?
The truth is that while I make sure to be gracious and sweet on the outside, there are all sorts of emotions and thoughts flying around on the inside. Those are the things I want to say, but I don't. Why don't I? Because I don't want the result that saying them would have. There's no point.
But this morning as I was having some of those those thoughts, it occurred to me - I have a blog! I really can say them.
I wonder if each of my ex-lovers would know which statements apply to him. Interesting thought. Some apply to more than one person and, in some cases, several statements apply to the same man.
So, here they are, in no particular order.
- You're feeling guilty now? Really? Don't you think you could have thought about that before you came in my mouth?
- I'm not stupid. Just tell me the truth. I would have preferred that to your avoiding me for days or weeks.
- I loved you. I still love you. I'm pretty sure I always will.
- You really weren't that good.
- Every single time I think of you I smile.
- I faked it. Every time.
- I didn't really leave you because I needed more time for my family. I left you because of your incessant talk about wanting a threesome.
- Yes, your dick is too small and you need to develop some other skills to make up for that.
- This might have worked if you could carry on a conversation.
- You really hurt me. I know you apologized, and I know you did what you felt you had to do at the time, but you could have done it differently. I deserved better.
- Your constant pressure to come out and play at night when you knew that was family time for me was just too annoying. It felt like harassment. And when you acted hurt because I said my kids were more important that fucking around I was just blown away (and not in a good way). Buh bye.
- Damn, I miss you.
- Your veiled threat to tell my husband was not a good idea. I can't believe you would even consider such a thing. Do you really want this to become ugly when it doesn't have to?
- You're judging me? Seriously? You went shopping for a woman on a site for married people, you found a married woman, and now you're making a moral judgement about me? What's wrong with you?
- Fuck you, Asshole!!!
- Quoting my own words from PWK to me constantly was really creepy.
- No, this affair isn't all about you. It's about me, too.
- My time with you was one of the best experiences of my life. I wish it could have continued.
- Why didn't you pursue me harder, make an attempt to show me you were really interested or, better yet, just tell me you wanted me? I can't read minds.
- You killed it for me when you asked if we could pray together for forgiveness after we had just screwed around.
Ahhh.....that feels better. Sometimes you just have to get that stuff out.