Fool Me Once, Shame on You....

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Once upon a time there was a woman who met a man on Ashley Madison. At first, she thought he was perfect for her. They had a few things in common, and they seemed to want the same things. Seeing him would require that she break one of her biggest rules (no single guys), but she liked him. They corresponded by email and text for a while, and then they set up a time to get together.

Everything seemed to go right.  He booked the room.  It was a nice place. She enjoyed her time with him and he enjoyed his time with her.  At least she thought so. They parted with a plan to meet the next morning.  He said he'd call, but he didn't, so she called him. He said he couldn't meet that morning and that he'd call her later.

She waited.  No call.  No text messages.  No email.  The woman was confused. She thought they had a great time. As the days went by, she began to doubt. It was pretty clear to her that she was being dumped, but she wanted to reach out to him anyway.  Why?  Because she actually liked this guy. So she sent him an email asking what happened.

The man replied.  He told her he was sorry.  He explained what happened.  He asked for another chance. She weighed her options. In addition to breaking the "no single guys" rule, giving him another chance would require that she break another rule and look a little desperate, and she was most definitely not desperate.

But she liked him.  She didn't really know why, but she did.

He was good about communicating for awhile. It seemed to be going well again.  They set up a time to meet, and the arrangement was that he would call when he was in town.

She waited.  No call.

The next day, he called an apologized again.  She was understanding.  Cautious, but understanding.

Within another couple of days, the communication stropped again.

The woman felt like a fool.  She reminded herself that she has rules for a reason. This time, she didn't reach out to him. This time, she walked away like she should have the first time - like she should have before she broke any of her rules.

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on you.

Breaking My Own Rules?

As you know, fellow Prowlers, I have my own set of rules for my extramarital activities. Basically, I like a semblance of order in my life, and these rules help me maintain some control in an area of my life that can quickly and easily fly out of control.

I got a DM on Twitter yesterday, followed by some email and a couple of photos, from a rather intriguing man. He said a couple of things that instantly grabbed my attention and separated him from the hundreds of other random DMs and emails I get, most of which use the worst pickup lines imaginable. No, I'm not going to tell you what he said that got me wet...uh...I mean...got my attention. You'll have to expend a little of your own creative effort.

Anyway, his DMs made me smile.  I replied.  His response made me chuckle.  Back and forth it went briefly a few times. Good clean fun.  Well, maybe not squeaky clean, but clean enough. Then the photos came.  Nice, very nice.

Then it materialized.  One word. One simple word that made me start to wonder if I would ever get to run my hands along those strong broad shoulders and feel those lips sucking on my clit until I screamed. One word that smacked me back into reality.

What single word is powerful enough to do that, you ask?

"Divorced."

Nooooooooooooo.

Rule number 1:  Married men only. Non-negotiable. Too much can go wrong with single men.  Non-negotiable. They don't have as much to lose in the relationship. Non-negotiable.  It throws off the whole power balance.  Non-negotiable.

But this one is so cute.  Maybe?  And smart and creative. Maybe. And I already want to straddle him and ride him hard even though I just barely learned about his existence.  How often does that happen?  Maybe.

No.  If I break the rules for this one, the flood gates will open and I'll end up making a mistake and getting caught, and then I lose my family.  No way.  Non-negotiable.

I'm sure he's reading this right now, and he's thinking I'm a crazy woman for vacillating so much on this issue.  I'm sure he understands how critical it is.  He was married once, right?  Sure he understands, but he's going to want a definitive answer from me so he doesn't waste his time.

So here it is....

They're my rules.  I can break them if I want.  ;-)

Maybe.

Kat's Top 10 Cheating Rules

I have a few rules that I follow as I prowl. Of course, they are my rules, so I can change them at any time, but I try to stick to them.  I have developed them over years of experience (and, yes, pain and heartache) so I don't take them lightly at all. If you're new to prowling, here are a few "rules" you may want to consider:

1. Married Men Only - Sorry, single guys, but this one is non-negotiable. The playing field is equal with married men.  They have as much to lose as I do, so they are much more likely to respect my boundaries.  I have bent this rule a bit to include an occasional single guy in a committed relationship, but even that makes me nervous. Yes, there is something very tempting about a young single guy who has the time to be with me whenever I have the time (working around the schedules of two married people can be a hassle), but the temptation isn't worth it. Too much can go wrong.
2. My Children Come First - An activity with my children takes precedence over any liaison, and if I'm with someone and something goes wrong and one of the kids needs me, I'm out of there.  I would expect the same from any man who has kids. It's ok to be a dog on the prowl, but some things matter much more than sex.
3. Follow Your Gut - Sometimes it just doesn't feel right.  I've learned to trust that feeling.  If anything feels wrong about meeting a guy, don't do it. I've known women who ended up hurt because they thought they were just being paranoid.
4. Safety First - As you may expect, this is a really big rule. Be realistic, though.  If it were all about safety, I wouldn't be doing this and neither would you. The thrill and the risk are part of the fun.  Still, it's important to take some basic safety precautions. Make sure you have a first and last name and do at least a little research on the person you're meeting. Meet in a public place first.  Ok, if you're a regular reader you know I don't always do this, but I should. Some folks recommend that you tell someone who you'll be with and where you'll be. I also carry pepper spray (and yes, I have been trained in how to use it). And don't forget about safe sex (that means condoms).
5. Put That Rope Away - Nobody ties me up unless and until I know him very, very well. This is a common sense safety issue.  Don't get me wrong.  I love a little bondage play, but trust is critical for it to be any fun, and you just can't have that level of trust with someone the first time you meet them. If you want to take that risk, please be aware that you are taking a very serious, potentially life threatening, risk.
6. Avoid the Players - I'm just not into the men out there who are screwing around with a whole bunch of women at the same time. I guess I'm just a two man gal (my husband +1) and I want the same in return.
7. Don't Be a Player - It's very tempting at times to play around with multiple men. There all so special! But it's just not nice and how can you really enjoy one if you're thinking about the others? I prefer to focus.  Of course, my goal is to find a long term affair.  You may have  different goals.
8. Be Kind and Respectful - No matter how it goes, I try to remember that the guy I'm with is a human being.  He's someone's husband, someone's dad. Often, these guys have issues that they need and want to talk about. If I want to be treated kindly, I need to be kind.  If I want to be treated with respect, I need to treat him with respect.
9. Don't Lose Your Head - It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all, but you have to check your priorities regularly. Family and work are high priorities.  Don't let them suffer because you're having a little fun.
10. Communicate - If something hurts, stop and communicate (unless, of course, that was the plan and you agreed on it already). If you're uncomfortable, talk about it. If you feel that either of you is getting too dependent on the other or on your affair, discuss it.

There you have it.  Those are my main cheating rules. There's one more for you to consider.  I don't drink so it's not an issue for me, but if I were a drinker, I would seriously consider not drinking (or, at least, not getting drunk) when meeting someone new. It may make you feel less nervous, but it also dulls your judgement.

Remember, the goal is to have fun, but be safe.

So, fellow Prowlers, do you have any other rules that you follow?  Which of the rules are the most important?  Please share with us in the comments.