Friday, October 28, 2011

How I Screwed Up My Prowling

I know how to cheat and not get caught. I didn't screw up because I didn't know how to keep it hidden.  I screwed up because I let my guard down and started breaking my own rules and guidelines.

I knew I was doing it, too.  I had become so cocky that I didn't think I could be caught because I was just too good at flying under the radar.

In short, I was an idiot.

After a long, long time of successful prowling, I started to let my guard down. I spend too much time online in the evenings.  I started staying late at work much more than was reasonable. I carried my phone with me at all times (even at home when there was no need for it to be on my person) and I scrambled whenever Hubby reached for it. I wasn't deleting naughty texts and emails anymore. I started getting sloppy about my excuses for where I would be when I went out for play time.

And the mistake that ultimately forced me to admit things to Hubby - I used a business credit card for a local hotel, and Hubby had access to the records. When he was just an hour or so away from discovering that charge, I told him. I am still convinced that it was better for him to hear it from me directly than to find out as he looked through bank records.

I am very fortunate that the fallout has not been negative - no divorce, no separation. In fact, my marriage is better now than it has been for over two decades, but it could easily have gone the other way - all because I was careless.

The Advice for Prowlers page includes link to many posts with excellent advice for Prowlers. Read it, but remember that you need to do more than read it. Knowing how to avoid being caught is worthless information unless you apply it.

Take it from an idiot who learned the hard way.


Anonymous said...

My question is this:

Does this mean you will stop prowling or just be much stricter on yourself?? x

H said...

I think that deep down you wanted to get caught... maybe

Ryan Beaumont said...

You have an opportunity for clarity and to re-assess. You are a good and caring person and smart. And because of that you will come out on the other end OK.

Just don't leave us! I think we are like the Wild Things, if you try to leave we may chase you and try to eat you! :)

Kat said...

Anon 5:20 - What do you think?

H - I think you're right. I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

Ryan - (perk) Eat me? Heheh. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.

Mikey Mike said...

I think anytime your spouse actually gets suspicious it becomes impossible to keep it hidden; no matter what we do we leave traces that can be uncovered. If they are committed to finding out, they will.

To me, the key is to try and keep them from ever getting suspicious. If they don't suspect, a lot of things will go unnoticed. So be vigilant from the start about not changing much with your everyday life so as to not raise suspicion.

Naughty Kitty said...

We have a ZERO tolerance in this house for husband has a ZERO tolerance. If I ever got caught, it WOULD be over for me.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your blog very much. I have always been impressed with your writing, your insight and your balance between devotion to family and sexual play time. This chapter on disclosing your affairs is fascinating to me. I went through a similar experience over twenty years ago, when I was in my midtwenties. I have been a very reluctant monogamist since then and am forced to live vicariously through blogs such as this in order to save my marriage and keep my family together. I don't exactly regret it, since my conscience is clean and the relief of not being secretive was considerable.. But sometimes my longing is intense.....Anyway, thanks for sharing your stories with us. I look forward to hearing how this unfolds.

Ethan Lambert said...

In two or so years I've only had three close calls (not really close calls even, just close enough for me); two of the three were totally my fault for breaking my own rules out of laziness (and the third was because I didn't realize when you save things through your browser it defaults to the last directory you used... which one day happened to be my secret hidden pic swap folder :-/).

The one thing I DO worry about are potentially jilted ex-lovers with way to much information about my real life.

PS said...

Do as I say, not as I... Is not necessarily bad advice. ;)