For those of you who missed it, our "dilemma" is that we both apparently want sex with others, and our secret little unspoken "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement was blown up by one of his girlfriends who tried to blackmail him.
Instead, he wants us to get counseling. Yes, I can hear you all groaning now. I groaned, too. But I agreed. Why? Because I love him and I want him to be happy. It's as simple as that.
The plan is that we both get individual counseling and then we come together and get couples counseling, too, after we have both been working individually for a couple of months. Hubby started right away about 6 weeks ago. I dragged my feet until he finally made the appointment for me. It was yesterday.
I showed up for my appointment on time, and I made the conscious decision that I would tell the counselor the truth, maybe not all on one day, but the truth nonetheless.
I have to admit, it's kind of fun to tell counselors about my life and watch their jaws drop as they try to process it. I often think they need a counseling session after hearing mine. How often do you think they have someone come in who wants to save her marriage who has done more than her share of prowling, who writes a sex/infidelity blog, and who met her best friend on Ashley Madison? Right. I'll bet it's not often.
So I answer her basic questions. Married 20+ years. Kids. Work. Stress.
So far, so good.
Then she asks the questions that opens the flood gates: "How is your sex life?"
Kat: Great! But you probably are referring to my sex life with my husband, huh? That's ok. Better now than it has been for a long time.
Counselor: (eyebrows raised in non-judgemental curiosity) You have a sex life apart from your husband?
Kat: Of course I do.
Then I tell her about JJ, and I make referrenced to "others," but I say I want to save that detail for later (seriously, I don't want to drive her to drink after the first session).
Counselor: So, JJ meets your emotional needs.....
Kat: Well, not all of them, for goodness sake. DauntlessD meets my emotional needs. JJ is my really good friend...with benefits. That's about unbelievably great, scream-and-cum-until-you-can't-anymore, awesome sex.
Counselor: (seeming a bit flustered now) Oh. So, you enjoy sex with JJ.....
(I couldn't let her get away with such an understatement as "enjoy," so I must clarify...)
Kat: No. I don't just "enjoy" it. I look forward to it like a woman dying of thirst in a desert looks forward to water. My body responds to him like ....like....I can't describe it, really. But it's more than "enjoy." It's closer to fan-fucking-tastic. And he's my friend. And I trust him. And I really do "enjoy" his company.
Counselor: (with a bead of sweat appearing on her upper lip): I see. I stand corrected. So, JJ meets your sexual needs...is that fair to say?
(I just smile.)
Counselor: And Dauntless meets your emotional needs.
(I tell her more about Dauntless.)
Counselor: And your husband knows about Dauntless, but not about JJ?
Counselor: And you are here because you want to save your marriage, break it off with JJ, shift having your emotional needs met by Dauntless to Hubby, and have a better relationship with your husband, right?
Kat: Whoa! Hold the phone! No, no, no...... I definitely want to save my marriage, and I want a better relationship with my husband, and I really want Hubby to be happy, but I don't want to cut it off with JJ. Heck, would you???? And I'm perfectly happy with my relationship with Daunt. I'm allowed to have friends, aren't I?
Counselor: (totally confused at this point) So, you want to have a better marriage while still keeping these other men in your life.
(I knew she looked smarter than she was acting in the beginning.)
Long pause.....long, long, pause.......
Counselor: This is complicated, but I think we can work with this.
Kat: Great! Can we talk about confidentiality now? You wont share any of this with Hubby, right?
Counselor: At this point, no. You would have to give me written permission to share any of it with him.
Kat: Ok, thanks. Maybe this is a good time to tell you about Ashley Madison and my sex/infidelity blog ......
Counselor: Blog? Ashley who?
I knew it wasn't the right time. She was starting to look a bit pale.
I'll save the rest of it for next week. ;-)
Afterwards, Hubby called and asked me how it went. I told him, "Well, she definitely agrees we should have an open marriage, and she and I also agreed that all of our marital problems are your fault."
Hubby laughed and replied, "That's pretty much what I expected to hear. Thanks for going."
I'll go back as long as he wants me to, but I think our marriage is just fine. :-)